A Trail of Embers in the Snow
by Grindylowe
Summary: When Shifu becomes embroiled in an Imperial game in which lives are at stake, Tigress must confront her fiercest demons.
1. I'll mark time by you forever

_All rights to Dreamworks, of course. This fic takes place in the KFP universe as it was after the second film. It does not take the television series into account as canon. Thank you and enjoy._

 **A TRAIL OF EMBERS IN THE SNOW**

chapter one: I'll mark time by you forever

The Jade palace was ghostly and quiet, bathed in the soft blue of the oncoming morning. Master Shifu tossed aside his covers and the cold hit him like a kick to the chest. It was the penetrating cold of early January, which crept like a hungry ghost into the fissures and cracks in his middle-aged bones.

Nevertheless, rise he did, attempting as best he could to release his attachment to warmth. He looked out his east window and tried to cultivate appreciation for the magnificence of the landscape mother nature created during the night. Dramatic white peaks topped with banks of fog sloped down into the village, the roofs caked with smooth white mounds, the windows glowing with hearths. Wonderfully sweet, warm hearths. His own fire was only a few dying embers. The temptation to kindle it up was almost overwhelming.

He shook the temptation off without much success as he carefully arranged himself on the meditation mat in the middle of his room, directly facing a portrait of Master Oogway. He attempted to empty his mind, to reach out to his old Master, trying again, as he had for thirty five years of mornings, to see the perfect universal truth and peace his Master had seen, and lived, every day of his life.

As though conscious and waiting to strike the bitter cold made itself known, biting his skin like a snake. With grim determination Shifu remained perfectly still and tried to empty his mind, to ignore the cold and grow spiritually in not allowing it to dictate his actions. His jaw set in grim determination. He loosened it, as that, too, was attachment.

Some mornings his determination paid off. Some mornings he would expand past his own body into a peaceful void of nothingness, and a calm would descend upon him that lasted the whole day through. But in his deepest hidden heart of doubt - the small but persistent voice that never left him - he wondered if the calm was a result of the natural peace and balance of the universe he sought, or if deep trance simply filled his body with the same health and vigor one gained from deep sleep, and had nothing holy about it at all.

This particular doubt gained it's voice and persistence only after Tai Lung. Shifu had taught his son meditation, and had practiced alongside him each morning. He had seen Tai Lung come away from hours of trance refreshed, bright eyed, rested, having experienced what Shifu assumed was the grace of the aligned universe. After eighteen years of such peace, how could his beloved boy rampage through the village, killing innocents in a rage, scarring, rending, misaligning the perfect peace he'd witnessed alongside his father every morning since he was old enough to stand?

There had been a peace, a brief inner and personal peace, after Oogway's vision had come true, after Po had shown his worth as the Dragon Warrior, after Shifu realized with a merciful finality that he had not been wrong to obey his master all those years ago. Shifu found himself open once more with his students, becoming more positive and casual, and taking more pride in them than ever. It was true that Po had managed to unlock his heart and take down his walls, but along with that came the very real mourning and despair he felt as a father at losing his only son, at the brevity and brutality of Tai Lung's tragic life. The loss haunted him now more than ever. When Tai Lung was merely in prison there was still a slim chance he may be healed or rehabilitated. Now that he was dead Shifu could not stop trying to figure in his mind the reason for Tai-Lung, the reason for his life at all. What a deeply magnificent waste! The universe ought to abhor such pointlessness and pain!

 _My son, I gave to you the best I had within me, to see you spend the largest part of your life imprisoned, only to die so young. Had I only taught you temperance there may have been a life for you somewhere. My little cub, till this second I love you still._

The familiar and sudden hot slice of regret knocked Shifu's measured breathing out of pace, escaping his lips in a jet of bright condensation. His eyes opened and the cold raced violently in, snapping at his joints, filling his chest with a dry, cold wind. He gasped, pulling his arms inside his robe, and rose to his feet as though possessed to the pile of kindling in the corner. He grabbed two handfuls and threw them on the coals, shifting it with a poker until it caught. He knelt by the small fire as though he were trying to absorb it. As he warmed wave after wave of nausea left him.

He back was to the portrait of his Master Oogway. Shifu looked regretfully over his shoulder at it, feeling as though he had failed him, all at once knowing how foolish that feeling was. _You're not as young as you used to be, Shifu, only a fool does not heed his own limits,_ he imagined Oogway saying.

Shifu sighed, his breath a white jet in the cold. As a younger man the morning cold could not touch him. But now he was laid bare by the years, by creaking joints and regret, and the freezing air would have it's way with him.

"Bah," Shifu said into the fire.

There was a tap at the screen. "Master Shifu!" It was a quick, soft spoken, anxiety ridden whisper.

"Yes Zeng?"

"Master, a visitor from the Forbidden City has arrived, bearing an Imperial Letter."

"What in the - " Shifu rose, pulling his robe close and sliding open the screen. Zeng stood before him, wide eyed, holding a thick bamboo scroll sealed with the red wax imprint of the Imperial ring.

"For...for me?"

"Yes, Master Shifu."

Shifu slowly took the scroll from Zeng, stunned. "Dis the messenger say - do you know...?"

Zeng shook his head. "No idea, Master Shifu. The footman only told me to deliver the scroll to you."

"Footman?"

"Yes Master Shifu, a carriage has arrived. I don't know who's in it, the curtains are drawn."

"Where are my formal robes?"

"Gathering dust in the long closet, Master."

"Shake them out," Shifu commanded.

Zeng bowed. "Yes Master."

Shifu slid the door shut. The kindling had caught fully ablaze, and morning filled the room with light. Shifu slid his finger underneath the lip of the scroll to open it. The Emperor had not shown any interest in the Valley of Peace or the Jade Palace since before Shifu was a student, when he wanted Oogway to train his generals for war. In fact, that was the previous Emperor. His son and heir had ascended twenty five years ago, when Tai Lung was fourteen and began teaching the youngest students basic stances and throws.

 _Oh, cub, I'll mark time by you forever..._

Shifu had this thought so habitually that it didn't register in words, only in a thick, fluttering muck of barely acknowledged. He pushed it down and worked his finger gently under the red wax seal.

The scroll rolled open to reveal careful calligraphy, nearly as neat and perfect as Crane's.

"Honorable Master Shifu of the Jade Palace,

"The Empress sends in this carriage a rare and priceless gift bound North for the wife of the Mongol Ruler. This gift is of the utmost importance to the Empire, and will surely be set upon by thieves and bandits of the road. The delivery of this gift is of great concern to the Empress, and I request that you accompany it, to defend it and the ambassador of the Empress's court that bears it.

"It is said that the Venerable Master can deflect a herd of charging oxen with a mere thought, and I entrust this responsibility to you in the conviction that these stories are but a fraction of your actual abilities.

"I additionally request that the Jade Palace supply my envoys with adequate food and supplies for the ardorous journey North. `

"This I Command You, Master Shifu, By Writ of The Emperor.""

Shifu blinked at the scroll, stunned at the suddenness of it all, and at being addressed so directly by the Son of Heaven.

But there was work to be done. He slid his door open once more, calling down the hall, "Zeng! Wake Po!"

 **000**

The Jade Palace, while physically large, was at heart a small place, and word got around quickly that something was afoot. Tigress, Crane, Mantis, Viper, Po, and Monkey were awakened by Zeng's near panic in the long closet. They stuck their sleepy heads into the hall to see what the fuss was about just as Zeng pulled Po frantically by the hand into the kitchen and Shifu rushed past them in his gold and crimson formal robes.

"What's going on, Master?" Tigress asked.

Shifu spun to face his students, continuing backwards down the hall. "The Emperor has sent a carriage, into your formal robes at once, go, go!"

His students snapped to attention, sprinting towards the long closet. The palace keepers were already at work shaking the dust from the robes, tossing them to the five, who leapt with them into their rooms.

Zeng forced Po into the kitchen.

"Whoa, man, whoa! Not even - " Po stopped for a big, satisfying yawn - "Awake yet, Zeng, what's the deal?"

Zeng had worked himself into a hysterical froth, grabbing ingredients at random and throwing them at Po, who quickly filled his big arms with flying foodstuffs. "The Emperor is here and they want food. Cook things - thing for the road! Master Shifu and the carriage are going North, make easy things, edible things, things for weeks ahead! Hurry! Do it now!"

Po's eyes widened. "The _Emperor?_ "

 **000**

Shifu donned and tied his robes faster than his frozen fingers wanted. One goose or another gave him a quick once-over to make sure nothing was amiss before opening the front door so Shifu could fly down the long staircase where the carriage awaited.

The carriage was a deep imperial yellow and absolutely arresting in craftmanship and detail. The body of the carriage was carved from hardwood with achingly detailed dragons, fans, coins, and curls of smoke. The roof was the sloping, tiled one of a palace or temple, and decorated in gold leaf. Behind slats delicate as bird's bones a thick green curtain obscured the occupant from view. The carriage was, to be kind, ostentatious, a surprising choice for an important mission to a hostile land.

The footman, a red-clad monkey, who had watched with impatience as Shifu bounded down the steps from the Jade Palace, nodded his head curtly at the kung fu Master.

"Venerable One," the footman said, stepping down into the snow and bowing to Shifu. "My Lady wishes to speak with you at once." He stepped to the carriage door and gently pulled it aside, bowing to the Lady and to Shifu.

Shifu bowed at once, and deeply, to the open door. He could not see who was inside, only soft heaps of expensive blankets and a small flickering candle under glass.

"I am your humble servant, my Lady," Shifu said.

"Step into the carriage, esteemed one," said a soft yet raspy voice. "We find the cold taxing." The footman quickly procured a cushy red step from under the carriage, and ushered Shifu inside.

"Door," the blanketed, shadowy figure commanded. With a brief nod the footman shut the door, enclosing Shifu in the small candlelit cabin with the Lady. The feminine and entirely foreign scent of powder and crushed peonies hit him with an unexpected power. For an instant he was back before the Jade Palace, before kung fu. He was three years old in his mother's bed chamber as she powdered her face.

He bowed once more. "My Lady."

"Sit," the Lady commanded, a slim, dark, precise hand emerging from the pile of blankets to gesture towards a slim padded bench behind Shifu. He did as she asked.

The pile of blankets shifted and reached for the glass encased candle, which hung on a slim gold rod across the window. The hand slid the candle towards the middle of the cabin, illuminating the delicately embroidered, luxuriously stuffed blankets. The hand reached back to push a thick hood away, revealing a small imperial headdress with peonies at the temples, and finally Shifu saw the Lady's face.

She was a tan and white desert fennec. Shifu was taken aback. He had only seen pictures of that species in books. From what he knew they came from the huge expanse of far south desert, impossibly far from China. She regarded him with cooly diagnostic yellow eyes underneath heavy lids, which gave her a lazy sort of look. She watched him take her in.

"We, the Empress's sister, are honored by your readiness to join us on this journey," she said softly, sounding distinctly bored. Her delicate hand reached underneath the folds of the blankets and produced a small box.

"It is an honor, Princess," Shifu replied.

"Hm," She opened the box. The thick sweet scent of clove filled the cabin. With precise fingers she took a delicate hand rolled cigarette from the box, and lifted the glass from the candle to light it. She took a drag and exhaled a thick and perfect ring, studying him with her steady, analytical eyes.

"So you are the Venerable Master Shifu, Teacher of the Furious Five, and master of the Dragon Warrior?"" she said.

"Yes, Princess," he replied.

The corner of her mouth threatened to tick upwards into a wry smile. "The Venerable one is smaller than We imagined. He is not much larger than ourselves. How can we be assured such a diminutive one can protect Us from the threat of bandit gangs?" She lifted the clove cigarette to her lips and took another drag.

Shifu drew himself up to meet her gaze. "Does the Princess doubt the judgement of the Emperor?"

Her eyes widened in amusement. A laugh tried to escape her but was blocked by smoke, so what she produced was a cascade of cheerfully choking titters accompanied by fragrant white puffs. Her eyes watered and she cleared her throat. "Do I - do We - doubt the Emperor's judgement? Oh no, not ever, in a thousand lifetimes, no." A final titter and her smile faded, her face retaining it's previous impassive calm. "How dare you imply such a thing," she said, but looked past Shifu as she said it.

Shifu gave a slight bow. "I, who am beneath your pavilion, did not intend offense."

She gave a slow blink and a dismissive wave of her dainty hand.

"If it pleases the Princess, may I direct her gaze to the Jade Palace, which the people of the Valley of Peace built for my Master Oogway, in gratitude for his wisdom and knowledge of Kung Fu. I was his Student and am now Master of the Jade Palace. My Lady, I will not fail you."

She did not look out the window to the Jade Palace but instead studied him with a soft look he could not place, but inspired an odd twinge in his chest. "We know the Venerable Master shall do all he can to defend Us. Do you feel confident you can protect one Princess and her footman, riding through the freezing Mongol wastes in an Imperial carriage bearing untold treasure?"

"Absolutely."

"Without the usual complement of guards one would expect to accompany a journey of this nature?"

Shifu started to reply in the affirmative but stopped himself. The Princess was still as a flower, watching the wheels turn in his mind. In all the excitement he hadn't considered the very odd nature of the request the Emperor had made. Why in the world would he send a member of the royal family anywhere without a contingent of soldiers?

He looked questioningly at her. She stifled a smile and held a finger to her lips. "Does the Venerable Master doubt the judgement of the Emperor?"

"Never, my Lady."

"And he will do as the Emperor asks, as he does in all things?"

"Of course, my Lady."

"Then the matter is settled." She put her cigarette out. "We are to understand the Dragon Warrior himself is preparing our apportionment? We have heard his skill in cuisine is as legendary as his skill in battle."

"I could not put one above the other," Shifu replied.

"This is a good thing to hear. We shall look forward to it very much."

Shifu nodded. "My Lady."

She glanced out the window, moving aside of bit of curtain. "Ah, it seems your students have come to bid their Master goodbye." Tigress, Crane, Mantis, Monkey, Viper, and Po stood at attention at the foot of the giant staircase, along with a very jittery Zeng, who pushed a case of foodstuffs nearly larger than he was.

"The Panda, he is the Dragon Warrior?" she asked.

"Yes, my Lady."

"How odd."

"A shared sentiment, my Lady."

She gave him a soft smile and looked quizzically out the window. "Tell me, Master Shifu, is your Dragon Warrior wearing an oddly sewn curtain?"

Shifu looked out the window at Po, who did indeed appear to be wearing something cobbled together from one of the silk curtains on the Hall of Masters. It was likely the work of Zeng, produced in the neurosis- borne time warp he seemed capable of summoning, because there was not a ceremonial robe in the Jade Temple that could stretch to fit Po's girth. It was a decent approximation given the time limit but was still very obviously a curtain.

"Ah, yes, my Lady. It is ... it is the new style."

She looked at him with incredulity. "Oh! The new style! Please, Master Shifu, tell this Lady of the Empress's court of the new styles, We certainly aren't in a position to know them! Perhaps by the time We return the cutting edge fashions of the Valley of Peace shall have made their way to the Forbidden City. How fine the ladies of the court shall look in their oddly sewn curtains!" She smiled, the first real smile he had seen from her, which was good, because for a very long moment he feared he'd offended her.

"I - it's not - I meant - "

She reached for another cigarette. "By all means, Venerable Shifu, feel free to just say whatever it is that occurs to you first at all times. I am in terrible need of amusement and we have a long journey ahead of us." She lit the cigarette, tittering, and a fierce hot blush spread across Shifu's face. "You are dismissed now, to say farewell to your students."

He stood and bowed. The Princess tapped at the window and the footman opened the door. Shifu's students bowed sharply, only to see their Master emerge from the cabin flustered and pinkened like a child. The Five, bless them, did not register any interest or puzzlement at this on their well-trained faces. Po, however, raised an eyebrow, looking from the carriage to Shifu, trying to figure out what had happened. Shifu wished the Emperor was right about being able to stop a herd of oxen with a thought - would that he could force Po's face into an impassive, warriorlike blank.

Shifu returned the bow, then walked up to them. "Po, get that idiotic look off your face," Shifu hissed under his breath. "Dead calm, Po, reveal nothing in your eyes. All of you, listen to me."

The five gathered around him in a red silk semicircle.

"Master, what is happening?" Tigress asked softly.

"The Emperor has requested that I accompany the Princess, the Empress's sister, on a mission to the North."

"How far North?' Crane asked uneasily.

"To the Mongol lands."

"In that?" Mantis asked, eyeing the loud carriage. "Why?"

"I'm not at liberty to discuss it. But something very odd is happening and I am not sure why the royal family has involved me. I will be on my guard and I suggest you all are too. I want the Jade Palace on high alert while I'm gone, no one but students in or out."

"Is there a need for such precaution, Master?" Viper asked.

"Perhaps. Past Emperors have attacked the Jade Palace for fear of sedition. The Forbidden City has been known to fear us, as we are the only force that might depose them. Five hundred years ago it was discovered the Sri-Teng Kung Fu school trained the assassin of Emperor Li-Fu and the paranoia has never fully left the monarchy."

"Whoa," Po said.

"Quiet!" the Five hissed.

"I can't think of another reason the Emperor may try to separate us. I vowed my loyalty to the Son of Heaven when I gained the Master rank, as did all of you. You would almost think that means something." Shifu grumbled. "Just be on guard."

"What about you, Master?" Tigress asked.

"What about me, Tigress?"

"Master, you are..." Tigress looked wide eyed at the carriage, and back at Shifu, "You are so sparsely defended to go to the Mongol lands. Perhaps you should choose one of us to go with you?"

Shifu shook his head. "The Emperor was quite specific. Any deviation from the writ would arouse suspicion."

Tigress looked troubled. "When will you return?"

Shifu blinked. "I don't know. If..." Shifu hesitated. "If I'm not back in three weeks, Tigress..." He looked up at her, unsure.

"Yes, Master?"

He hesitated, and seemed to come to a choice. "No. No, Tigress, do not worry about me. None of you worry about me. The Jade Palace and all within will be your primary concern. I'll handle this."

"Yes Master."

"In case of-" His students suddenly snapped back to attention and bowed. Shifu turned. The Princess stepped out of the carriage. Her face was impassive as she wrapped her coverings around herself, correcting the portion that had fallen from her shoulder to reveal her sky blue hanfu. As she stepped down blue ribbons unfurled from behind her ears, softly rustling in the light breeze. Standing in front of the carriage trailing miles of silk she looked painfully glamorous, like an ancient poem come to life. She knew it, too. She drew herself up, chin tilted high, and though she was the smallest one present, looked down her nose at Shifu and his students.

Po's whistled softly, too softly for anyone but Tigress and Crane to hear.

Tigress growled deep in her chest.

"Venerable One, is there difficulty?" she asked sweetly.

"Not at all, my Lady. Allow me to introduce my students."

She nodded. "We have heard of your many great deeds for the good of the empire. You are to be commended." She zeroed in on Po. "You are the Dragon Warrior, are you not, Panda?"

Po nodded. "Yep, you bet. Right here. Uh..your Highness."

She studied him. Shifu could feel the waves of anxiety starting to roll off Po from her inscrutable gaze. "And we are to understand you make the best noodles and dumplings in the entire Valley of Peace?

"Oh, well. Yes. I mean kind of. They're my dad's recipe really, I just...you know..make them. The way he does. For other people. Your Highness."

She cocked her head. "We find you curious, Panda."

"We..? What, like, you and the driver, or..?" Po asked.

The air froze with tension.

"What?" Po asked, looking round.

She paused. "We the Forbidden City. The royal fam..." She stopped suddenly, as though a heavy thought had pressed the air from her words. Her harsh gaze softened. "We are Princess Meihui, the sister of the Empress MeiLan."

"Yeah but...you and who?"

The Princess's eyes widened in astonishment. Shifu leapt in front of Po. "Forgive the Dragon Warrior, my Lady, he knows not-"

She tilted her chin and gave a bemused laugh. "No no, Master Shifu, Master Po has a point, does he not?" She gestured to the empty cab and the footman. "Me and WHO, indeed? It IS looking a bit sparse, is it not? Your panda is quite sharp, Venerable Shifu. I can see why he is the Dragon Warrior." She gave a slight, delicate curtsy. "A pleasure, Master Po. I am assured I will enjoy your creations on this journey."

"Awesome. Thanks, your Majesty."

She nodded to Po.

"Master Shifu, if you won't be too much longer..?"

"Yes, my Lady, I must quickly gather my - " He was suddenly handed a bag of his belongings.

"Thank you Zeng."

By this point Zeng had worked himself into a nearly apoplectic state, a feathery vibrating mess. The morning had frazzled him so deeply he could barely reply. He held his arm out after Shifu had taken the bag, stuttering "Ma-ma-ma-mast-t-"

"Zeng? Zeng!" Shifu said, then sighed. Quick as lightning he delivered a nerve strike underneath each collarbone and Zeng suddenly relaxed, going limp on his feet. "Master," he said, his eyelids fluttering.

"Get some rest, Zeng." He slung the bag over his shoulder. "Students."

They bowed to Shifu, then bowed to the Princess, who took the footman's hand to step back into the cabin. The door closed behind her and the foot man clambered up to the perch. Shifu turned to the students once more, looking, for a split second, worried and helpless. His students expression's softened and something about this shored him up. He composed himself, bowed, and leapt up onto the perch with the driver. "Let's go."

The students watched the carriage roll off down the road, then exchanged concerned looks.

"Well, she seems all right," Po said. Tigress glared at him, folding her arms. Po shrugged, "Oh, come on. What? She's nice! I like her."

Tigress's face was grim. She started up the staircase back to the Palace. "I don't. I don't like her, or any of this. Crane, fly ahead and warn the geese we're shutting the Palace."

They followed her up the stairs, all except Zeng, who fell over snoring.

 **000**


	2. the bones of my kindgom

**_chapter two: the bones of my kingdom_**

They farther north they ventured the colder it was. Five days along and it was nearly unbearable. Shifu sat on the perch next to the driver wrapped in cloaks three deep, maintaining a state of meditation more to conserve heat than out of desire for quietude. The driver, a monkey named Ling who barely spoke, only stopped shivering when Shifu put coals from a campfire into a copper pot, wrapped it in a blanket, and told the driver to set it on his lap.

The Princess rarely ventured out of the cabin unless a camp fire was fully ablaze. The cold seemed injurous to her and she sought to avoid it whenever possible. She spent the majority of her time wrapped in a nest of silk blankets, reading poetry by candlelight and smoking her clove filled cigarettes. Sometimes, when Shifu peeked back at her through the slim window behind the perch, she sat with with four of five little wooden boxes open around her, carefully arranging trinkets and baubles in each according to some order Shifu had not managed to divine. She mostly slept during the morning and afternoon, wrapped softly in her own tail.

She was, to Shifu's surprise, a deeply sullen person. She had been oddly sardonic at the Jade Palace, had spoken and laughed, but it seemed that was the limit of the energy she could muster. Shifu could see now the wistful, somber soul beneath the facade. She ate sparsely and without tasting Po's dumplings and noodles in which she'd expressed such an interest.

When they stopped to camp for the night and Ling had prodded the fire to an acceptable level she would step out of the carriage trailing silks and furs, and sit by the fire until the warmth seemed to replenish her. She would eat, say a few polite words to Ling and Shifu, then retreat back to her carriage for the night.

In the rare times he saw her in the light of day he realized she was older than he'd first thought, in her mid thirties perhaps. Upon first seeing her in the candlelit cabin Shifu had placed her at around twenty two. But by the light of the sun the age, and sadness, in her face was clear. She seemed to have had the life pressed out of her by some weighty force in her heart. At night she would stare into the fire, her mind quite elsewhere, somewhere hopeless. Shifu found himself more concerned for her by the day, but did not engage the subject. His job was to protect the carriage from threat and this he did, keeping his attention on the horizon.

He did occasionally attempt to converse with her, when they had camped for the evening and she had replenished herself by the fire. She was usually polite but unresponsive, as distant as her imperial bearing called for. One evening, however, she stepped out of the carriage looking particularly dreadful, and puffy, as though she had been weeping. She produced from beneath her blankets a bottle of expensive sorghum wine and a tea cup made of wafer thin ceramic. She poured some for herself and threw it back hard and in one go, like a young man.

 _That bad?_ Shifu wanted to ask.

A burn that would have made Shifu's eyes water and throat shut only caused her a shudder. She sighed, and then seemed to remember herself, offering the bottle to Shifu.

"No, thank you," Shifu said. She offered it to Ling, who accepted gratefully.

"Good evening, My Lady," Shifu said.

"And to you," she replied. She watched the fire and the light in her eyes started to fade.

Suddenly Shifu couldn't take it. Another night of this awful malaise was too much for him. This voyage had been unbearably depressing. She'd had a drink, perhaps he could get her to speak, or laugh, or anything other than sink back into her emotional black hole.

"Princess, if I may be so bold..."

She looked at him, startled out of her reverie. "Yes?'

"I am curious. You are a Fennec, are you not?"

Her eyebrows raised slightly. "Yes. Not many in this part of the world know that name. I cannot tell you how many times I have been presented as Princess to visiting ambassadors, only to overhead whispers of 'Yes, but what IS she? I think she is some sort of rabbit!"

He chuckled.

"I was once mistaken for a deer. A deer!"

"It must have been the hooves, My Lady."

She snickered. "They do give it away, don't they? The horns as well."

Shifu smiled. "I cannot help but be curious, Princess-"

"How a Fennec became a Princess of the Forbidden City?"

"...yes."

She was quiet for a moment before she spoke. There was a languorous way about her that, had she had more energy, would have been quite graceful. When she was warmed enough to loosen her blankets the fire shone on a long, exquisite neck Shifu had to remind himself to look away from.

"I was born in a desert," she began. "Ah, how I miss the sun!" she cried achingly. "It spilled such life into the land by day that by night our underground homes were warm the whole night through. It was such a large sun that by dusk it lit the entire sky with fire, purple and red and yellow. It was a great ripe fruit, dripping upon us from the heavens." She tilted her delicate chin to the sky, closing her eyes with pleasure at the memory. Shifu felt a wave of heat flutter though his bones, watching her.

"I am a noble of the Fennec line. We are desert people, but what many do not know is that we Fennec are related, quite closely, with the Huli Jing line of foxes of the Forbidden City. We are the same blood. Over countless centuries our peoples have wandered up through Africa, through the Middle Kingdoms, and eventually east into China, where the Huli Jing foxes currently hold their empire.

"I was born a princess to the king of the Saharan Fennec. When I was five, or perhaps six, our dunes became overrun with Hyena. No one knew from where they had come, or why, only that masses of them traveled from the south into our lands.

"We had no warning, no time to prepare. They ravaged and destroyed all that they saw. Our beautiful kingdom was torn apart. Hyena spare nothing, leave no one. They left the bones of my kingdom to bleach in the sun." She paused here, her eyes flashing for a moment with the light of the fire.

"At the time we were overrun my father was hosting in his home three Huli Jing scholars, visiting from China. When the Hyena attacked he sent me away with them, to keep me safe. I believe I am the only one of my line left. Perhaps some of my people still live in homes beneath the dunes, some relatives of mine. I will never know.

"Because I was of noble blood the scholars found a home for me with noble family that had strong relations to the monarchy. My younger sister MeiLan, a true Huli Jing, was married to the Emperor. And this is how a desert Fennec became part of the Forbidden City."

She leaned towards the fire, gathering her blankets once more around her shoulders, pinching them at the neck. He glanced at Ling, who leaned against a stump, cleaning his fingernails with the tip of a dagger, entirely uninterested in the Princess's tale. Something about this disturbed Shifu on a very deep level, for a reason he could not name. Ling felt the weight of Shifu's gaze and raised his eyes to meet it. Something electric and sour passed between them. Ling quickly looked away. Shifu was left with the shadow of that sour feeling. It crawled beneath his skin.

The Princess rose from the fire. The telling of the story left her spent. "I am tired and I think I shall sleep now. Good night, Shifu."

"Sleep well, Princess."

Ling rose, sheathing his dagger, to help the Princess into the carriage. She thanked him and closed the door behind her as Ling bowed. He went back to his stump, drew his dagger again, and started to whittle away at a little piece of wood. He looked at Shifu in a way that made the master's blood run cold. He met Ling's eyes, projecting his chi at the monkey. Ling blinked, shivered suddenly, and put the dagger down. He clung to his coat as though a brittle breeze had washed over him, not knowing it was Shifu's chi he felt. The monkey bowed to Shifu and announced that he too was off to bed. He fed the horses, gathered his things, and crawled into the small one-man tent by the fire.

Shifu waited until he sensed Ling was asleep, and then waited longer. He meditated, tried in vain to reach through the heavens to Master Oogway. To Tai Lung. To the people he had loved most in the world who had left him. It was a clear night, so he meditated upon the stars.

Shapes played out in the warp and weft of the milky way. A strong sweet girl raising her arms to her great fruit of a sun... a frail woman who danced through the snow, her ribbons and robes flying behind her, caught in a wind, a gust, a tempest that pushed her, tumbling faster now, faster, tumbling over the edge of a bright snowy cliff-

Shifu snapped away from his vision, hair standing on end. "Master Oogway-?" he asked softly into the night.

There was no reply. The night was silent and bare as a bone left to bleach in the sun.

A tiny light flickered behind the delicate slats of the Princess's carriage window. She was still awake, likely reading. Shifu rose and tapped lightly on door. There was a shifting shuffle in the cabin. The curtain moved aside a tiny bit to let the Princess peek out, and then the door opened, just a crack. She was so wrapped in blankets that only her eyes and little nose were visible.

"Yes?" she asked.

Shifu bowed. "My Lady, a word?"

"Of course," she said, pushing the door wide enough for Shifu to enter. As he came in she pushed herself into a corner, as far away from the open door as possible, as though the cold had gnarled hands to throttle her. Shifu shut the door behind him and sat.

"Would you like a blanket?" she asked.

"What?"

"Another layer?" she held a quilt out to him.

"No Princess, I am fine."

She nodded and settled back into her mound of cushions. "I don't know how you bear it."

He chuckled. "We shining cats are fat and thick blooded, lots of fur. You aren't made for this weather. I can only imagine how the cold must come in through your ears."

A hint of a smile. "It comes in everywhere it can."

He smiled back.

"So," she said, "You wanted a word?"

 _You could tell me why we're out here,_ he wanted to say. _What this treasure is that the Empress sends to the Mongols. Why you're dragging yourself through frozen wastes that could kill you, and why I am along for the ride._

Instead, he asked, "Do you have any games?"

She blinked. "Games?"

"Yes, a game. Any game would do."

She hesitated, and something remarkable happened. The vulnerability and sorrow left her face, and she was suddenly the cool, analytical Princess he had met five days ago. She said nothing, but the small cabin filled with the ice of her suspicion.

"I ask only for a bit of your company, Princess. I, who am beneath your station, was too bold. Forgive me." He stood, bowed. "I shall remove myself from your presence." He made a move to leave the cabin.

"No! I - " she reached out to him. "I have mah-jong. Just...please...don't open the door."

 **000**

They played mah-jong in silence until she relaxed. The more she relaxed the less the cold seemed to bother her. She gradually shed layer after layer of covering, until she only had one thin blanket around her slight shoulders and powder blue silk hanfu.

"Your move, Princess."

"You may call me Meihui," she said, studying the board.

He smiled at this unexpected trust. "Your move, Meihui."

Shifu studied her. She was such a little thing, so dainty and alien. With such great ears! A single heavy jade dragon curled it's way through six wide piercings. It was the largest earring he had ever seen. He could not remember ever meeting someone smaller than he was who also had bigger ears!

He enjoyed watching her think about the game. Her eyes were clever, darting, analytical, and her moves were skilled. She smoked her sweet, slow burning clove cigarettes, the smoke curling above her like a ghostly hand.

Behind her there was a glass encased nook which contained four huge leather tomes, several smaller books of poetry, and a well used calligraphy set. Her erhu hung horizontally near the ceiling. The small wooden boxes in which she had been arranging trinkets were stacked on the table, shoved in a corner. Shifu longed to ask after those in particular but he did not.

He relaxed quite nicely into the rhythm of the evening. Meihui, when occupied, seemed to release some of her oppressive sadness. It left behind a lovely warmth which calmed Shifu in turn, letting him forget momentarily his puzzlement at their situation. He settled into the game, putting aside his concerns, enjoying the lovely powdery scent and warmth of the cabin. The Kung Fu Master plays Mah-Jong with the Princess, he thought. It should be the title of a poem.

When morning began to glimmer over the horizon she stretched her arms with their delicate wrists, straightened her back and long neck, lifting her sweet face to the sun. She gave a little yawn. "I'm afraid I grow tried now, Master Shifu. Morning has come. I should rest."

"Of course, My Lady." Shifu stood and bowed. "I thank you for your company, and the game."

She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes, which had begun to take on their usual misty, despondent quality. With a sinking feeling Shifu realized she was going back into that dark, hopeless place. _Don't,_ he wanted to cry out. _Don't let it claim you like that. Fight!_

She looked up at him, and then away, her eyes nearly unbearable for their sadness. "It...it is a shame." she said softly at the floor.

"What is, Meihui?"

She sighed helplessly, pulling the thicker coverings on top of her, over her head. "Nothing important. Goodnight, Venerable One."

Shifu frowned, staying a moment to let her burrow down into her blankets before he opened the door.

 **000**

Shifu sighed thinking of her and stirred the coals on the campfire with a stick. It had perhaps been a mistake to stay awake the whole night. He'd started noticing the toll all-nighters took on him when he crept into his forties. He'd have thought he would have learned his lesson by now.

The campsite was quiet and Ling was gone, likely in the woods relieving himself. Shifu decided to get started tacking up the horses. The daylight hours were so few and there was no time to waste. He stretched, gathering the tackle from the sliding compartment beneath the carriage, and carried it over to the tree the where the horses were hitched.

The horses were gone.

Perhaps Ling had led them to water? Shifu dropped the pile of tackle and saw something that nearly knocked the breath from his chest. The rope that hitched the horses was still around the tree, only cut. The horses hadn't been led away, they had been cut loose. And Ling was nowhere in sight.

Shifu cursed.

He eyed the horizon on all sides before sprinting back to the carriage. He sprang up, flipped, and landed on top of the carriage, his best vantage point. Surrounded by woods on three sides, they were atop a long hill that sloped into a snowy plain on the other. A thick, grey bank of clouds was coming in over the plain. A blizzard, and soon.

Sharp whistles came from the woods.

Arrows.

Shifu faced them head on, deflecting them quite easily. Another barrage came, and behind them, six men on horseback. Bandits. He squinted his eyes. Monkeys. Monkeys? Whoever heard of a gang of Monkey bandits?

The Princess had opened the door. "Master Shifu - ? What's going-" An arrow hit the door and she shrieked.

"Stay inside!" Shifu bellowed, kicking the door closed as he deflected an arrow headed straight for her face. He leapt back on the roof. Okay, he thought, six bastards on horseback with arrows. Not too hard. He readied himself to charge, to jump, when he heard whistles from the opposite side.

More arrows. Seven guys on horseback.

Okay. Thirteen guys on horseback. A little harder.

Shifu said a brief prayer to Oogway, steeled his heart, and prepared to kick some ass.

 **000**

His placed himself in front of the carriage door, determined to hold that position. They wouldn't get to her if he had anything to say about it. Seven arrows deflected, eight more. He flew towards the nearest bandit, planting his heel directly the teeth, swung around the neck of the bandit's horse using the bridle, gained some force by pushing his foot against the horse's shoulder, and projected himself into the chests and jaws of three more men.

He leapt back and landed in front of the carriage door, but the carriage started rolling away. The bastards coming from the other side were dragging it. Not a sound came from inside the cabin but he didn't have a moment to be concerned. He leapt back on top of the carriage, and then high in the air. Below him a bandit had hitched two horses to the carriage and was pulling it away. Shifu landed upon him, planting his heel in the neck with enough force to kill instantly.

The horses spooked and began to gallop, dragging the carriage along. It tumbled onto it's side but the horses kept pulling it through the snow in a panic. Shifu was thrown off, tumbling. He leapt to his feet. More arrows. He deflected the ones coming directly at him, but one came in from the side too quickly for him to block. It grazed his arm, ripping out a deep slice of his bicep with a fine mist of blood. Shifu gasped and cried out.

He grit his teeth. _Just a flesh wound. Keep going._ The carriage rolled farther and farther away, and the bandits were descending upon it.

He began to charge but felt himself being lifted off the ground and swung into the air. A bandit on horseback had lassoed him. Shifu grabbed the rope and pulled the bandit off his saddle, and twisted the rope around the bandit's neck as it fell. He leapt off the ground and pulled until he felt the snap, then fell back down to the bandit's body to sack it for weapons.

Monkey bandits? Who were these men? The brown cloak the monkey wore had fallen aside to reveal a red shift. He patted down the dead bandit's side and found a sword in a red sheath. He had taken it and charged down into the valley before it occurred to him he was holding a Goose Quill Saber.

What the? - Shifu thought as he jumped into the air, pointing the saber down to thrust it through the helmet of a bandit who had crawled up the side of the carriage to get to the door. He swung the body upwards by the head, letting it fling cleanly off the blade into two other bandits.

Not bandits, Shifu though grimly. Soldiers. Only Imperial Military used the Goose Quill Saber.

These were the Emperor's men.

A surge of pure crimson rage swept through him, hot enough to melt lead. _What in the HELL was going on here?_

Shifu stood on the carriage door, chopping and kicking his way through men. They came at him from every direction, overpowering him, forcing him down. Shifu shoved his slim cold fingers into eyes, his feet and knees into groins, grunting. He went limp, reduced his consciousness into a small glowing blue ball of electric chi, and with a bellow released it into the pile of men atop him.

They flew through the air on a sapphire bubble. The horses spooked, spreading to the four winds. Shifu gasped, flipped onto his stomach and forced the carriage door open. "Meihui!"

She was twisted in a knot of coverings. A chunk of her ear was missing. Blood flowed down onto her face, which was scratched and bruised from tumbling around the cabin. The shiny, sharp trinkets from her boxes had exploded everywhere, and the pot of ink from the calligraphy set had spilled across her chest. Her hanfu was torn, exposing her thigh and hip. She looked dazed.

"Shi -Shifu-?" she said dizzily and coughed, reaching up to him with her delicate little hand.

"Little one!" he cried, "We have to get out of-"

Suddenly the weight of a thousand stars struck the side of his face, and the world went black.

 **000**

He awakened face down in snow and blood, his head throbbing, his arm numb from the wound down.

 _Just flesh. Go._

Shifu leapt to his feet, tiny shooting stars flying in his vision. The snow blinded him He did a flip over the carriage, stomach churning. The door was open and blankets hung out like a dead tongue, indicating Meihui had been dragged out. There was a thick trail in the snow and footprints leading down into the valley, but incoming blizzard was starting to obscure them.

Shifu swore loudly, and began to run so fast the snow melted under his feet.

Those god damned Imperial son of a bitch bastards! It was a trap all along. They probably had the Jade Palace surrounded and he was kilometers away in the middle of nowhere. Tigress leapt to his mind, how he had last seen her, so worried for him at the base of the palace steps. _Tigress, my masterpiece,_ he thought. _I know you'll protect the Palace. You'll fight till the steps are a waterfall of blood. May the Gods watch over you, my good strong girl._

The snow blew in sideways, hitting his face in great wet clots. The trail was now obscured but he ran anyway, and kept running until he saw a grey form moving in the distance. With a growl he leapt into the air. The snow cleared before him. It was another monkey, dragging the a limp Meihui by the neck through the snow. Shifu angled himself to impact the base of the skull with a fatal heel strike.

At the last minute the monkey threw Meihui down and turned to face him, grabbing his ankle, using Shifu's own force to send him slamming into the ground.

 _Oh, Buddha's burning balls,_ Shifu thought as the impact reopened his sliced bicep.

That monkey was Ling.

And Ling knew Kung-Fu.

 **000**

Shifu leapt to his feet, flipped, and propelled himself directly into Ling's chest. It was a reckless move borne from acid-spitting rage. What the hell kind set up was this? _No wonder the Sri-Teng school sent an assassin to kill Emperor Li-Fu five hundred years ago,_ he thought. _If I live through this my fist will be the last thing that bastard sees before he wakes up in Hell._

They spun end over end. Shifu redirected the energy of the spin to throw Ling into a tree trunk. The monkey flipped so he hit it feet first, and propelled himself up over Shifu's head to land behind him, soft as a peach blossom.

Shifu and Ling circled each other in the snow, staring each other down. Ling regarded Shifu cooly but didn't make a move.

"Well!" Shifu barked. "Come at me, son! I haven't got all day."

"If you insist,"Ling hissed, and leapt high into the air - so high he was obscured by the blizzarding snow. Shifu followed suit, grabbing Ling's shin, flipping himself upwards to kick Ling in the face. Right before Shifu's heel hit Ling's jaw the monkey grabbed it and threw Shifu back down to the ground.

Stop coming at him with your feet, Shifu thought, turning end over end so he hit the ground running. Ling suddenly came blasting out of the fog fists first. Shifu jumped to avoid the hit, landing nicely in a tree branch. Ling swung up to meet him, and Shifu used his superior agility to jump from higher to higher branches. As he hit them sharp icicles fell from the underside, only just missing impaling Ling. It was then Shifu had an idea.

He leapt from branch to branch, shaking off the icicles, and kicking them as they fell so they landed in the snow sharp-side up, as fast as he could. Ling, being a monkey, was good at swinging from branches, but Shifu had him outpaced, circling round and round the tree until he reached the very top branch.

Lightning lit up the night as Ling swung up to meet Shifu, using a broken tree branch as a club. Shifu leapt, coming down on the branch itself, then onLing's head. Shifu flipped end over end, landing a solid kick to Ling's face. Ling took the blow well, using the energy to flip himself down onto a lower branch.

Shifu remained at the top, glaring down at Ling, who glared back.

 _Come on,_ Shifu thought, making a beckoning gesture. _Come on up and get me._

"Ha! You think I don't know you have an advantage up there? I'll wait you out, Master. You're not who I'm after anyway. Another five minutes and the cold will have done my work for me," Ling shouted up.

Shifu's heart skipped a beat. Meihui.

Ling smiled smugly. "I hear you are the greatest Kung Fu warrior in China."

Shifu didn't respond.

"I have often wondered what the secret is of such greatness."

"Come up here and I'll tell you."

"Ha! You think I am foolish? You are getting old, Master. Perhaps after you have frozen to death I will come to the Jade Palace in the dead of night and vanquish your students one by one. Then I will be the greatest warrior in China! I trained under the Imperial Master. I will bring that honor back to the Forbidden City, where it belongs."

Shifu said nothing. Ling grinned.

"My Master and I would take apart the Jade Palace and use the stones for a proper Kung Fu academy, one strictly in the honor of the Son of Heaven. The knowledge of ultimate power should not be made available to any peasant," he spat, "who strolls into a school. We will build a far greater Kung Fu school than you ever could." Ling closed his eyes, imagining it. "And then we will-"

And suddenly Ling fell.

The second Ling had shut his eyes Shifu leapt upon him, forcing him down. They exchanged blows in midair. Shifu let his consciousness charge with chi and released a blast into the stunned monkey's body, slamming him down onto the end-up icicles below, impaling him through the chest. At the last minute Shifu did a delicate flip, landing next to him.

Shifu leaned down to whisper in Ling's ear. Ling, eyes wide from shock, turned towards Shifu.

"The secret of greatness is..." Shifu began, but did not finish. He merely paused then took off into the valley, leaving Ling to the afterlife.

 **000**

He charged out into the snow. "Princess!" he called, the wind blocking his voice. He tried not to let morbid thoughts get in the way of his mission, though he knew it was unlikely that she was alive at this point, and even if she was, he had very little chance of finding her buried beneath snow drifts.

He kept running in the direction he was relatively sure he came. She couldn't have gotten far, if she'd gotten anywhere at all.

"Princess!" he called into the wind. "Meihui!"

He heard her before he saw her. Some kind of odd...singing? Singing in a strange language that faded in and out with the wind. He sped up and she came into view. She was walking - stumbling- blindly into the snow, and singing at the top of her lungs, her voice vibrating with the cold. How she was still upright and moving was beyond him. The cold must driven her insane.

He caught up to her, grabbing her shoulder. "Meihui!"

She shook him off. "L-l-l-leave m-e!"

"Princess, we must find shelter!" he grabbed her by both shoulders.

"Release me!" she cried, clawing him across the face, her nails like ice needles. "L-leave me be!" She took another swipe at him and he blocked it, locking her arms under his. She pushed against him, weakly. "Y-y-you are a ...silly old -m-man. D-don't you see, I w-was sent out here to d-d-d-die. I j-just have to fnish the j-j-job."

"Who? Who sent you out here to die? The Emperor?"

She laughed grimly and her body spasmed in pain. Shifu undid his coat and threw it over her.

"N-no," she said, "The Em-emperor sent you t-t-to prot-t-tect me."

"Then who wants you dead!"

Meihui's head fell back and she stared blindly up into the sky, gasping "The - the Empress."

"What! What about the gift for the Mongol Queen?"

"There is no g-g-gift. Emp-press and the Emp-p-p-peror are p-p-playing a game with my life. The Emperor h-has won," she said, "So I...I have lost."

"What!"

"He wants me t-to live," she said, "but I would rather d-d-d- die. So l-let me," she hissed, sinking her nails into his sides, fighting against him.

"You are frozen and delirious, Meihui! Stop fighting me!"

"Ny name," she growled from somewhere deep within her, "is Habika. L-let me d-die with my given n-name!"

"Whoever you are, you must stop -" she clawed wildly at his face again - "stop - stop it! - oh, hell!" Shifu grasped her neck at the base of the skull and squeezed. She gasped and went limp. Muttering, he heaved her onto his back, and ran towards where he thought the carriage had last been. With luck it wasn't full of snow.

There were tall dark figures ahead of him as he ran. Were they trees? Must be trees. Wait...no. What else is tall and dark but trees? They don't look like trees. But they hd to be. Shifu gasped and tried to skid to a stop. They weren't trees, they were rocks. And they were a lot closer than he'd thought.

Shifu put his arm out to block the impact.

Only there was no impact.

Just when he thought he was going to slam into solid stone he and the Princess merely tumbled softly through a membrane of snow, and hit a hard cold floor. She rolled off his back and moaned softly.

They were in a cave, the entrance to which had been blocked by snow. Shifu looked around, astonished at his luck. It was dark and freezing cold, but it was at least dry. It would do until the storm passed.

"Thank you," Shifu whispered into the ether.

The Princess - Meihui?- Habika? did not look well. Shifu gathered her up in his arms and took her further back into the cave. She needed warmth, and now. He wrapped her back up in the coat, trying as best as he could to stuff her inside it entirely. Her hanfu was soaked and she was still shivering and gasping for breath. He realized quite quickly what he had to do but he hesitated to do it out of propriety.

Well, Shifu thought, it may be improper, but there's nothing more improper than a dead woman.

He rolled her over so her back was to him and pulled the coat off her, pulling her to him so her back was against his chest. He took her feet between his and curled his tail up around them. He then pulled the coat over them both like a blanket and curled as tightly against her as he could.

She shuddered against him, gasping. It was only then that Shifu realized how cold he'd actually been. His fingertips, toes, and ears burned as the nerves thawed. The wound in his arm was quietly hinting of the pain he'd be in later. He was exhausted and suddenly wanted to sleep more than anything in the world.

He pressed himself to her, and she made a little moan of grateful pleasure. He circled his arms around her waist and buried his face in the back of her neck, breathing his chi into her spine. Her freezing shudders gradually subsided and she melted into him. An intense thrill rippled through him at this but he was too tired to even scold himself. He tightened his arms around her and fell asleep.

 **000**


	3. I'll burn alive from hatred of the world

**chapter three: I'll burn alive from hatred of the world**

Morning came. Blue light diffused through the membrane of snow at the mouth of the cave, giving everything an unearthly glow. Shifu opened his eyes a little bit and closed them again. In his bleary, half asleep confusion he wasn't particularly concerned with where he was, only that it was so very cold, but he was pressed against someone who was warm and sweet smelling. The oncoming day could wait.

But the cold came in, biting his neck and shoulders, and he snapped awake, remembering where he was and why.

"Princess?" he whispered. She was still quite soundly asleep. He propped himself up on one elbow to inspect her more closely. The tear in her ear looked gruesome - he could see now that one of her heavy dragon earrings had been torn out - but showed no sign of frostbite. Her breathing was clear and regular, and her heartbeat strong. He had saved her life by keeping her warm in the night. But now the storm had passed and they needed to get moving. With luck he could get the carriage in working order by mid day, and they could be ready to move out by afternoon.

He pulled away from her. She made a soft groan of protest.

"Sorry," he whispered, patting her on the shoulder. He started to slide out from underneath the coat, tucking it under her as he went. She groaned again and her arm shot back, grasping him around his torso and pulling him towards her.

Shifu chuckled, gently taking her hand away, reaching around her to put it back against her chest. His face was pressed where her neck met her shoulder. Gods she smelled good. She was so warm and soft. He watched the the way her breath rose and fell for a moment before snapping himself out of it. _Stop that nonsense. There's work to do._

She curled into a tiny ball when he left her. He hesitated at the mouth of the cave, concerned, but if she had survived last night's onslaught she would survive a short time under a coat in a dry cave.

"You should not be here, desert thing," he said softly, and pushed through the membrane of snow.

A frigid wind blew. The landscape had been utterly transformed. Huge mounds of snow ebbed and swelled like the line of a woman's sleeping body. A light dusting still fell but in the distance more blizzard threatened, and very soon. There was no way they would have time to salvage the carriage and find the horses to pull it, provided they hadn't frozen to death. They would have to remain in the cave, and Shifu would grab what supplies they needed while there was still time.

The carriage was not far, he could see the red side of it just barely peeking out from under a snow drift. Last he had seen it, it was on its side, the door wide open where the Princess had been dragged out. He hoped against hope it hadn't been filled with snow in the night as he made his way to it.

In a show of spectacular good luck it seemed the door had been blown closed during the storm. When he opened it he saw that aside from a terrible mess most of the contents were salvageable. He landed on top of the mess with little grace, using his arm to absorb the blow. The arm sang with pain in protest; he had forgotten about the previous night's injury.

He pushed up his sleeve to have a look. Not too bad, not as deep as he'd feared. Big and ugly, though. He dug around for the sorghum wine he'd seen the Princess drink. He found a bottle, opened it, and tore a rag from a blanket, which he soaked in the wine. He grit his teeth, counted to three, and pressed the wine-soaked rag hard into the wound.

"Son - of - a - _bitch_ ," he growled, waiting for the hottest part of the sting to subside before he tied the rag around his upper arm, and then another rag over that. It hurt like hell but it was better than losing a limb.

After he caught his breath he got to work. He took the huge case of Po's food first, along with a heap of blankets for the Princess, and his own sack of belongings. He dragged these back to the cave as quickly as he could, shaking the blankets out and placing them softly over the Princess's sleeping, shivering form. He went back for more blankets and cushions, and the store of firewood Ling had kept in a back compartment.

The storm was fast approaching but he decided to take one last trip to the carriage. He dug around in the mess for anything of use. Three bottles of sorghum wine, a few books, the candle, matches. It appeared that the trinkets inside the little wooden boxes were jewelry, which he left. He found the box which had contained her clove cigarettes but it had spilled open, and none were left. The erhu and bow were undamaged so he took that as well. Some music might be cheering.

He was about to leave when he saw the four great leather-bound tomes still in their place behind the cracked class cabinet. They were heavy but he was filled with the sense that they were important. He retrieved one and cautiously opened it. On the first page was written "Habika" and a pair of dates.

Inside were drawings, notes, songs written in Chinese and some other script, a long, odd, horizontal script that looked like waves. Pictures of flowers and fruits. Things written very meekly and small, and other things written with great bombastic excitement, or heavy with anger. He shut the book, understanding what he was seeing were the Princess's private thoughts. There were four of these great tomes, perhaps this was her entire history. He would not leave it here to moulder.

He gathered them up, grateful to find a leather strap with a buckle with which he could carry them. He shut the carriage door and made his way back to the cave just as the snow began to blow in earnest.

 **000**

When he got back to the cave she was sitting up, wrapped in a mound of blankets.

He set down the load. "Ah, I see you're awake, Habika."

She gasped, eyes wide. She hesitated before replying.

"What..." she said slowly, "what did you call me?"

"Habika. That is your given name, isn't it?" He went about making a place for a small fire in a concave bit of the floor. Habika crept close.

"Is is my African name. But how do you know it?"

"You told me. Yesterday."

"I did?"

"Yes. You don't remember?"

"No." She looked confused. "I...the last thing I remember is the carriage rolling over, I hit my head, and..." she felt slowly up to the side of her face, to her ear, yelping when she touched the mangled edge of it. "Oh!" she exclaimed, in pain but needing to feel the extent of the damage. "Oh no!"

"It's quite bad," Shifu said. "Please allow me." He took a bottle of the sorghum wine and ripped off a clean piece of blanket.

"Half my ear is gone," Habika gasped, horrified.

Shifu chuckled, inspecting her ear. "Not quite. You should perhaps wear lighter jewelry in the future."

She gave a grim sort of snicker. "I was the only woman in the Forbidden City who could pull that piece off."

Shifu touched the wine-soaked cloth to her ear and she cried out in pain.

"Ah, and see where it got you," Shifu said softly. "This will hurt but it will save the rest of your ear. Hold still." She did as he asked while he cleaned and bandaged the mangled flesh. By the time he had finished tears were streaming down her face but she had stayed admirably silent.

"I'll be disfigured for the rest of my life," she said.

"Welcome to the club," he replied. "But why be so bothered about it? You were intent on dying not twelve hours ago."

She stared up at him in total shock, as though he had thrust his arm right through her. He watched the wet panic and anger fight in her eyes for a moment before realizing that was probably not the best thing to say. She didn't remember telling him of her death wish in the snow. To hear it parroted back to her this way probably felt like a hot spike in an open wound.

Then again, being led into an ambush the middle of freezing nowhere on a lie wasn't a walk in the park either.

The warmth and friendliness left her face, replaced with the imperial cool she used with peasants and those below her rank, and that chilling vulture's stare. "How dare you speak to me like that," she whispered. "I did not give you permission to speak so casually to me. I did not give you permission to touch me."

"I suppose you'd rather I let your ear rot off and die then, Habika?"

"You will refer to me as My Lady," she replied icily.

"Oh please. Let us drop the pretense, shall we? Don't be angry at me because of the things you said when you were out of your mind, my dear. Now I would appreciate it if you -"

"You dare speak to me as though I owe you anything?"

"Your very _life_ , little one, unless you would rather march through that blizzarding hell back to the Forbidden City on your own. Now settle down," he said in a tone that had shut down years of uppity students, "stop this nonsense, and do me the favor of an explanation."

"What is there to explain?" she said with fake sweetness. "You seem to know all!"

"Why are we here!?" he bellowed. "Why do you wish so fervently for death? What is this game the Emperor and Empress play with your life?" Shifu watched the ice melt out of her. "With OUR lives?"

She suddenly turned desperate and quivering. "Oh. Oh. What...what did I say to you? What on earth did I..." She covered her face with her hands.

"You said there was no gift for the Mongol Queen, and that the Empress sent you out here to die, but the Emperor sent me to protect you." She slid her hands over the top of her head, her face hidden behind her forearms as she released a gasping sob. Shifu's voice softened. He knelt next to her, placing his hand on her shoulder. "You told me your real name. And you begged me to let you die."

"I am...I am...I am sorry," she gasped. "I...I'm so...ashamed. No one...no one knows that I... felt ... that way ..."

"Hush, little one," Shifu said softly. "Try and collect yourself. Take as much time as you need." He sat silently next to her, his hand on her shoulder, as her agony passed. He had witnessed this process many times with his students when they tried to finally let go of something - a memory, a coping mechanism, a crutch - that held them back. Viper's urge to race back to her crippled father nearly ended her training several times. She had collapsed into a weeping wreck when Shifu had finally covinced her to release her father to the universe, and learn to trust that universe in the process.

Habika's breathing gradually slowed and she rose from behind her forearms, her shoulders limp, looking deflated. Her face was a portrait of exhaustion and undisguised pain. Years of it, perhaps. She reached absently for a blanket but did not seem strong enough to cover herself with it. Shifu took it from her and dropped it around her shoulders. She remained silent and still, kneeling by the fire.

Shifu rose and opened the case of food, taking out a wok. There was aspic frozen in jars, and dumplings frozen hard as rock, that would make a decent soup when heated. He began to set them up, watching Habika out of the corner of his eye. She gazed into the fire as she had so many nights before, but it wasn't with the same look of hopelessness. There were wheels turning now, something brewing behind her eyes, something coming together.

Shifu put the wok on the fire and waited. She didn't speak so he set about melting the aspic and boiling the dumplings. He stopped watching her out of the corner of his eye, removing his energy from her altogether, giving her as much privacy as was possible.

When the soup was prepared her gave her a bowl, which she accepted without a word. They ate in silence, listening to the storm outside. Shifu noted that she finished the entire thing, which was an improvement on her usual scant eating. He built up the fire a bit and settled himself down, crossing his legs, straightening his back, and shutting his eyes to meditate. He felt her watching him.

"What are you doing?" she whispered.

"I'm meditating," he replied. He patted the floor next to him. "Come, you will too. Sit here."

She crept over to him. "I don't think I'll be very good at it."

"No one is at first. Now then, sit like me. Like this. Straighten your back, hands like this. Yes, there you go. Now, close your eyes. Take a deep breath, like this," he breathed, 'in through the nose, out through the mouth."

She coughed.

"Again. As you do this, empty your mind."

She was silent for a moment. "My whole mind? Are you sure?"

"No, I'm making this up. Yes I'm sure. Your whole mind, Habika. Just let it go quiet."

She lasted about eighteen seconds. "But there's so much in my mind," she said.

"Hm, well, that IS a problem. There's nothing in mine but air," he snickered. "Come now, try again. No one is good at this at the start. I've been doing this forty five years and even I'm not spectacular at it." He straightened his back and took another deep breath. Habika followed suit.

They were silent for a moment.

"What is this supposed to do?" Habika asked.

"Well," Shifu began, "it gives your active mind a rest, so that things may become clearer to you. It also helps to calm the soul, and to let it hear and feel the movement of the greater universe around it. When you distance yourself from your senses, it helps to reconnect the spirit with all that is, and all that will be."

Habika threw up her hands. "Oh, you mystics! Why must you always demonstrate the invalidity of the senses using a sixth sense?"

Shifu opened his eyes, incredulous. "Oh. Well...I...wow." He smiled at her. "I quite like that."

"it's a valid question," Habika replied, crossing her arms.

"It is, and one I've never been asked. Nor one I ever asked myself." He thought for a moment. "I wonder what Oogway would have said to that."

"Oogway," she said. "I know that name. Who is he?"

"Oogway was my Master. He is held in the highest regard throughout China for giving us the gift of Kung-Fu."

"I see. And how would he have replied to my question?"

Shifu gave an exaggerated shrug of his shoulders and said, "I don't know!"

"Well don't you think you should?"

"No no, that's how he would have replied. Big shrug, like this, and 'I don't know!'"

Habika laughed. "So that's all it takes to be a Kung Fu Master, is it?"

"Careful there, it takes more than many people have to admit ignorance. One must admit they DON'T know before they CAN know. That is what made Oogway a Master."

"Well, sign me up," Habika said drily. "I don't know anything and I have no problem admitting it."

"Ah but you do. You know just enough to know you don't want to know anything more." He felt the remark knock the mockery out of her like a frigid wind. He settled himself back into meditation position, closing his eyes. "Deep breath now, Habika. Sit up. Meditate on it."

To his surprise she did as he asked, even though her whole body shuddered. She began to weep softly.

"Habika, why are you crying?" Shifu asked without turning towards her or opening his eyes.

"I don't know," she said, jaw clenched.

"I think you might."

"It's an accident."

"There are no accidents."

"There are NO accidents?" He felt her spring to her feet. He opened his eyes and she was standing above him, glaring down, her eyes aflame with righteous indignation. "There are ONLY accidents!" she cried, stalking back and forth like a wildcat. "It was an accident that the Hyena came. It was an accident I was sent away with those scholars, that they dragged me to the Forbidden City, to that... _family_ , those _people,_ " she spat, "that MeiLan should marry the Emperor, and they together should find such sick pleasure in torture, in taking everything I had, everything I _was,_ until I couldn't even bear to hope or care what became of me!" she bellowed. " _Accidents_ , all of it. All of it! Don't you dare tell me it wasn't. Don't say it or I'll burn alive from hatred of the world." Her voice broke on this last, rage tempered by pure sorrow.

Shifu could not speak. She had taken his breath away.

He was as surprised by her outburst as he was by his reaction to it, a young man's reaction. All that life she had been holding back, how the passion and heat flowed through her body with a dancer's grace -that this warrior should suddenly burst forth from a woman sick with self pity and grief!- left him blinded by a brilliant desire that would not be pushed away. It was a foreign sensation for him, one he found alarming, as it seemed completely outside his control.

"I - I cannot tell you if it was an accident," he replied carefully, "unless you first tell me what happened to you."

She huffed and paced, shaking with rage.

"You must calm yourself," he said, both to himself and to her. He forced himself to look away from her, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. He did everything he could to stamp out the images and scenarios raging in his mind, as though he had been sucker punched back into adolescence.

"Habika, please...sit down," he said, trying to eliminate the begging edge of his voice. She glowered at him. "Sit!" he snapped. "You must learn to control yourself!"

"All I do is control myself!"

"Then this should not be difficult for you!" He pointed sharply at the floor. "Sit. DOWN!"

She held her ground for a second before realizing there was nothing to be gained by refusing. Her shoulders went limp and she let herself crumple to the floor, exhausted. She sighed and said something in a language he didn't know, some soft curse, smooth as flowing silk. Was it that watery language he had spied in her book?

She rubbed her face and looked at him, her eyes normal, sad and sweet. She shivered, patted around for a blanket, and found one. Everywhere she was, a covering was nearby. She wrapped herself back up, warrior woman turned little dumpling.

"So you want the whole sorry tale, I take it," she said with resignation.

"That would be a start."

She sighed.

"I don't suppose you rescued any of my cigarettes when you went for supplies?" she said.

"I'm afraid not."

"You did rescue the wine, I see. Would you mind - ?"

"You needn't ask my permission."

"I don't want to be rude," she said, reaching for the bottle. She gave a grim laugh. "Too little too late I suppose." She took a swig directly from the bottle, barely wincing, and wiped her mouth. "I'm not usually...I don't...I'm sorry for my behavior. Appalling of me."

"Don't be," Shifu said breathlessly. "That passion can be redirected into tremendous power. If you have that much fire still left within you, I cannot believe you genuinely wish to end your life."

"You'd be surprised," she said drily. She brushed her hand along the cave floor, gathering a pile of tiny pebbles. As Shifu watched she flattened the pile and began to sort them into some sort of order. She took another swig off the bottle and sighed. "Well, do you want the short version or the long version?"

"Let's start with the short version."

"The short version is, the Emperor and the Empress have made a wager. They send me to the Mongol lands on a fake ambassadorial duty. If I die on the way, the Empress wins, and she never has to look upon me or think of me ever again. If I live, the Emperor wins, and I shall return to the Forbidden City, where he can continue to do with me...whatever he wishes." She shuddered. "The Emperor decided to be generous to the Empress and grant her use of her private guard, so long as he could choose one unarmed man for my protection."

"So he chose me."

She nodded. "Yes. Wisely. I did not think so at first. I did not see how it was possible, but he chose well."

Shifu frowned. "So this is just some game the monarchy plays, and we are pieces?"

"Ah, you begin to see," Habika said, taking another swig of the sorghum wine.

"And you knew this, yet you went along anyway?"

"You speak as though I had a choice. There is no autonomy for a woman in the Forbidden City. There is only what little you can manipulate, and what secrets you can weave into your grasp. I am lucky to have the ... pity ... of those in the palace that work against the Empress. They risked their lives to tell me of the wager. I was supposed to believe I was being sent hundreds of miles to deliver this," she reached for her neck, yanking something free, "to the Mongols."

She tossed it to Shifu. It was a jewel encrusted amulet, still warm from her body. It glittered invitingly in the firelight.

"It's stunning."

"It's glass. Fit for a young girl to play dress-up perhaps, but downright insulting for use in foreign relations." She had arranged the pebbles into three piles according to size. "Keep it, if you like, or throw it in the fire."

"Why did you not tell me of the wager as soon as possible? We could have taken another route, or devised a plan."

She was quiet for a moment. She had divided the three piles of pebbles into six, ascending according to size. "I wanted the wager to fall in the Empress's favor. Were I a more savage woman I would have drugged your tea with opium, but I saw no reason to take you down with me."

"Your mercy is the envy of Quan Yin," Shifu said sourly.

"Please don't think bitterly of me," she said softly. "I will never return to the Forbidden City, Shifu. One way or another I will die before that happens. That death will be sweet, and I shall greet it happily, like an old friend." She rose the wine bottle as though toasting death. "The Empress shall win her wager, be it by fate or my own hand." She took a swig.

"Not on my watch," Shifu said sternly.

She stared at him, her face revealing nothing and everything.

"Will you swear to me you will not try to take your life so long as you are in my care?"

She cocked her head. "Am I in your care, Shifu?"

"I was sent to protect your life, and I will do so, even if it is you I must protect it from."

She looked at him intently, as though seeing him for the first time, as though he had suddenly become very interesting to her. Warmth crept into her eyes when he did not look away. A regard.

Shifu reached for her. "Give me your hand and swear it."

She slipped her hand into his. They folded together perfectly. Shifu's breath caught in his throat. He put his other hand on top of hers, so her hand was held between both of his.

"I swear," she said, putting her hand atop his.

They remained like that for a long moment, looking into each other's eyes, hands clasped before the fire. She was so young, had so much ahead of her. What could have happened that was so awful she wished for death?

"Princess," Shifu asked softly, "what have they done to you?"

She looked away, pulling her hands free from his. "That's the long version of the story, and I have wept enough for one night. Perhaps we can speak of that later."

Shifu nodded.

"If it's worth anything, I am sorry that they involved you in this foolishness. I'm sure you are a very busy man, and have many duties running the school at the Jade Palace. But this is the way of the Son of Heaven and his wife. The rest of us are wisps to them. Your time, or your life, is only worth what they decide it is worth."

"The Jade Palace will run fine without me, but thank you for your concern. My daughter will see to it that things continue on smoothly."

"You have a daughter?"

He nodded. "Yes. And a ... a son."

"You are married?"

He chuckled. "No, no. The duties of kung-fu make marriage impractical. I adopted them both, to become students of kung fu, and powerful warriors."

"You raised two children without a wife!"

"They were raised at the Jade Palace. It's well staffed. And there was always Nanny Goat."

"Nanny Goat?"

"Yes. She was hired shortly after I found Tai Lung - my son. I had no idea how to properly care for an infant and had many duties that precluded such things. Excellent nanny, very caring. Very helpful to Tigress - my daughter - as well. There are certain, ah... areas in which I couldn't be helpful to her. Nanny Goat made her into as much of a lady as could be expected." He chuckled.

"Where are your children now?"

He hesitated. "Tigress lives at the Jade Palace, and defends the Vally of Peace along with the Five. She's done very well. I'm quite proud of her."

"And your son?"

"My son is..." Shifu hesitated. "...has...passed on."

She looked stricken. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

Don't be, Shifu wanted to say. It's my fault.

"Was he also your student?" she asked.

"Yes. He was...extraordinary. Such a natural gift. I've never seen anyone that gifted before or since. I probably never will."

"He died in battle?"

Shifu closed his eyes and sighed. "You...you could say that. But that is, as you said, the long version of the story. And I have wept enough for one lifetime."

She nodded. They sat watching the fire, hand in hand, lost in their memories. She squeezed his hand and edged closer to him, so their shoulders touched. "I know what it is to lose a child," she said softly, regretfully.

He looked up at her. Her eyes began to well with tears and she looked away. "She is part of my long story," she said, clearing her throat. "No more of this tonight. I see you brought my erhu. Shall I play a song? Something cheering?" She rose with an eerie enthusiasm which Shifu realized was entirely practiced. How long had she been putting on that false face, getting up, and moving on?

Perhaps as long as you have, Shifu thought, a thought which came in Oogway's voice.

She picked up the erhu and spied the four great tomes Shifu had brought in from the cold.

"My books!" she exclaimed. "You brought them! What made you do that?"

"They seemed like they might be important to you."

"They're everything to me," she replied, picking one up. "The greatest treasures I have. This one is entirely music. Songs I've collected from all my travels, written for all kinds of instruments ...ah, here's a nice one for erhu," she said, stopping somewhere in the middle of the book. She set the erhu on her lap and began to tune it.

Shifu took another piece of wood from the pile and set it on the fire. As he did so Habika began to play, producing a beautiful cascade of sweet notes that sounded like a thousand butterflies alighting from a meadow at dawn.

"Oh dear, I botched that," she said. "Sorry. I'll try again." She played the melody again, looking down at the book. The music echoed off the cave walls, making the notes travel on for an eternity. Enchanted, Shifu sat by the fire and watched her play. Her fingers were so precise and nimble, and she drew the bow across the strings with conviction. Shifu felt, for a moment, humbled. Music that had previously been heard only by the Emperor's court, that had never been heard outside the walls of the Forbidden City, was being played here, just for him, by a woman who was nearly too beautiful to look at. Shifu felt himself sinking into some kind of sweet, downy, pleasant haze, letting the notes take him where they would.

She finished her song and glanced at him, tilting her head to meet his gaze. "Are you all right?"

"That was...lovely," Shifu replied. "You play beautifully."

She smiled. "There's not much to do at court. I've had a lot of time to practice." She thought for a moment. "Didn't I see you with a flute?"

"Oh! Yes. You did."

"Would you like to play with me?"

Ah, heh," he said, "I'm nowhere near your skill level. I don't think I could keep up."

"I'll go easy on you," she said, grinning.

Shifu smiled back helplessly. "I'll hold you to that."

He retrieved his flute from his bag. She started with a simpler melody, giving Shifu a lot of room to improvise. "Ah, see?" she said. "You're fine."

They continued on, playing together through the night, filling the cave with music.

 **000**


	4. the worst zen master that ever lived

**chapter four: the worst zen master that ever lived**

They had gone to sleep shortly after Habika had pronounced herself tired from playing, though Shifu suspected the sorghum wine was the culprit. She drifted off listening to him play the flute, turning back into the tiny thing Shifu had seen from the window behind the carriage perch, nestled in her own tail. She had begun to shiver in her sleep so he coaxed the fire and covered her with an extra quilt, resisting the urge to simply watch her sleep.

 _You must stop this foolishness_ , Shifu berated himself. _You musn't think like that. Your vows to kung fu come before all other bonds. No person can take precedence, you know that. Oogway never took a mate and neither will you. You've lived without regret for forty five years, no use starting now._

He diffused some energy by doing drills up and down the length of the cave for about an hour, then meditating. He dug a small tunnel through the membrane of snow at the entrance. The blizzard was still raging and showed no sign of stopping soon. It would be at least another day until they could leave.

He grew momentarily concerned with the Jade Palace, his students. He had perhaps worried them too much when he suggested the palace go into a defensive lockdown. From what the Princess had said the palace wasn't in danger. Then again, the Forbidden City could be cunning. He didn't doubt Habika's story, but that might have only been part of the picture. If the monarchy planned to attack the Jade palace there was no reason she would know of it.

Ah well, he trusted his student's judgement. They had a keen instinct for danger, and would know whether or not it was afoot. Sometimes he himself had to take heed of the hard lesson he had taught Viper all those years ago.

He finally lay down to sleep by the fire, near Habika. He tried to dismiss the memories of the previous night, how lovely it had been to wake up curled around her, of how sweet and soft her body felt against his. Stop it, Shifu, damn it. He finally had to distract himself by closing his eyes and reciting the Upajjhatthana, chanting over and over again under his breath, until he finally drifted off.

He dreamt that he was in a beautifully tended, idyllic garden, sitting at a stone table with a scroll and a paintbrush, writing something small and detailed and of the utmost importance. He was trying to do this task while an eight year old Tigress did happy cartwheels in circles around him. She did not push with her arms and legs but she kept rolling, her limbs outstretched like the spokes of a wheel. As she did this she babbled on and on in one continuous sentence.

"Shifu do you remember the time went to the market and there was a lady there who was really ugly and you said that she had a carrot for a face and I was talking to Nanny Goat and she said that was her sister but you made me promise not to tell but you were - "

"Quiet, you silly thing!" Shifu said, dipping his brush in the ink. "I'm writing the shopping list." And he was. The list read:

 _Fruit_

 _Gods`_

 _Knives_

 _Slippers_

"- there was this one time I was flying with Crane and I saw a monkey on the back of a rhino and you thought I said that I had a parasol on my head and what do you know I did - "

Shifu carefully took the brush and pressed it to the paper, trying to write "noodles" but it came out "prayers", and then turned into "night." He looked closer and the word had turned to "thief." Upon looking at the word Shifu felt a wave of guilt - he'd been found out! He had to escape!

Suddenly Tigress did a flip onto the table, knocking the inkwell over on the scroll.

"Tigress!" Shifu scolded, looking up at her.

She shook her finger at him and scolded back, "There was the time you said you were the king of all princes and so I said if you are the king of the princes than one day you will have to have a queen of all princesses and then you said-"

Upon the word "princesses" the world started to disintegrate. The trees and rocks and land were melting and he melted along with them, raging into an uncontrollable river, until he finally spilled over the edge of a cliff with the rest of the world, but instead of terror he felt breathless and free and filled with light. He had become light as a feather, floating softly on a breeze.

But then he looked down and the idyllic garden had gone molten and angry and red, and he was drifting slowly towards it. The entire landscape had turned to writhing, coupling bodies of lava. He realized there was no safe place for him to land and he was drifting ever downward, faster and faster. He would be burned alive in that mess of liquid fire!

Shifu awoke sitting bolt upright and gasping for air, clutching at his chest.

"Are you all right?" came a voice from behind him.

He startled, looking at Habika. "Oh, it's you!"

"Just me. Did you have a bad dream?"

"I...um. Yes. I suppose it was. Something about...I'm not sure. Fire, perhaps? Everything on fire. Ah, it's escaping me now." The dream faded quickly, leaving only a light film of panic. He shook it off. "Well. In any case, good morning, Habika."

"You dreamt of fire everywhere? Everything burning?" She was stirring something in a pot over the coals, looking thoughtful.

"Yes. I think so, anyway."

"This is very serious," she said. "My people would consider that a prophetic dream. A message."

"Would they?"

She nodded. "Yes. To dream of everything afire means some great shift is upon you. Foundations you knew were solid burning away. Making room, however, for something new. So not entirely bad, perhaps." She sprinkled a spice into the pot. "I'm making congee, would you like some?"

"Certainly."

"It will be finished shortly," Habika replied, stirring the pot. "You know, your panda was very thorough with our provisions. There's enough food in here to last a month, and quite ingeniously packed. I don't know how he fit so much into one case. Oh, I found this ... perhaps it was intended for you?" She held out a slip of paper to Shifu. It read : _you are free to eat_.

Shifu chuckled. "Ah, Po."

"What does it mean?"

"Just an old joke," he said, folding the paper neatly.

She tilted her head as though she expected him to continue.

"It's in reference to his training. When he was first named as the Dragon Warrior I had no idea what to do with him, he was a fat slobbish boor who hadn't so much as punched a bag before he was dropped in my lap. I eventually figured out that the only way to motivate him was through food, and...oh, but you don't want to hear about all this."

"No no, please! Go on!" she said, handing him a warm bowl of congee and a cup of water. "I want to hear it. All of it. I want to know everything about you." She said it quickly, without thinking.

Shifu found himself suddenly speechless.

Habika flushed. "I mean ... I mean in context of ... those things that you might. Um. Wish to share with me." She hurriedly prepared herself a bowl of congee. "How is your breakfast, by the way? Would you like more salt? Some egg, perhaps?"

"This is just fine, thank you, Habika."

"Ah. All right." She hesitated. "I didn't mean to put you on the spot."

Shifu waved it off. "You haven't offended me. However the subject you requested is a rather large one, and may be better approached on a full stomach."

"Oh! of course. By all means." They ate in silence for a few moments, listening to the wind moan and howl outside.

"This storm is not showing a single sign of ending soon," Habika said.

"Indeed not."

"Half of China must be under six feet of snow. Ugh, how dreadful. The first time I saw snow I thought it was the greatest thing imaginable, but I learned to loathe it soon enough."

"The first time you saw snow?"

"Yes. I was perhaps nine."

Shifu's brow furrowed. "I've never known winter without snow. I apologize, that is such a strange concept for me. But then I have not traveled as widely as you. You have probably seen many things I would find strange."

Habika smiled, remembering. "Your estimation is too modest. I have seen things that you would find absolutely bizarre. From the ages of six till twelve I traveled with the Huli Jing scholars along the silk road, which took us from Northern Africa to Arabia, through India, and then finally into China. We ran out of money very quickly. We traveled, ate, lived by strange means for years."

"You ran out of money? I can't imagine the Emperor would send his scholars anywhere without enough funds."

"They were sent with adequate cash but they were rubbish with it. Always having to stop to buy some rare artifact, or a rare book. They didn't anticipate having me along, either. They only took me out of pity and gratitude to my father, who had shown them such hospitality in the desert. They could have sold me into slavery in order to get the funds they needed for passage back to the Forbidden City. I was a young woman of a rare species, they could have gotten a good price for me. Or so they would joke." She smiled wanly.

"So why didn't they?"

"They came to love me. And I them. I was six years old when they took me from my home. I was small and frightened, but what wonderful stories they told! And what amazing things they taught me! They taught me to speak in six languages, and the mathematical shapes which encompass creation. I read great literature from Greece and Rome. I learned about medicine, art, poetry. They taught me to play music - I can play most any stringed thing. They enjoyed having me there to pass along their knowledge. Before they had only each other, though they were very close. I suppose I became their child, in a way."

"Where are they now?"

"Traveling together still, I suspect. They never stay in China for long. They gained a ... a reputation, so to say, at court. Many rumors circulated about their relationship, the closeness of it, that perhaps they were more than merely friends."

Shifu raised his eyebrows. "Were they?"

"Oh, goodness yes. Much more. They loved one another quite deeply, deeply as any man and woman. I grew up thinking it was no strange thing for two men to share a bed. It wasn't until I was older that I truly understood the need for secrecy. To this day I still cannot understand why anyone would look down upon them, if they knew them. Any man or woman would be lucky to love as they did."

Shifu was silent, taking it all in. "I don't think I've ever known someone who was that way."

"I'm sure you have. You wouldn't know unless they had a reason to tell you. And they likely would only have told you if you were very close to them, and had a reason to believe your intentions towards them were more than merely friendly."

Shifu nearly spat out his water. "Ahem! No, I cannot say I have ever been in that situation."

"You don't strike me as the type," Habika said.

Shifu cleared his throat. "I suppose raising a daughter came easily for them, then?"

Habika laughed. "Not at all! Just because a man loves another man does not mean he understands women, Shifu. No no no. They were quite determined to turn me into a lady worthy of a noble family by the time we got to the Forbidden City, but they had no clue whatever on how to do it. So," Habika smiled to herself, looking mischievous, "they hired someone."

"...hired someone?"

She nodded. "In our travels we met a beautiful monkey. She claimed to have been the lady in waiting for an Indian princess who had passed away from a terrible illness. Out of despair, the king had sent her from the castle along with all the Princess's ladies, to fend for themselves in the common world. She guaranteed that she could make a noblewoman out of a bookish little urchin in exchange for a steep fee. The scholars wanted to give me the best chance possible at being accepted in my new home so they took her on as my mentor. Her name was Lata, and she was ... oh, there aren't words for Lata."

She smiled impishly, her eyes glittering. Suddenly Shifu could see a troublesome rascal of a little girl shining through the graceful woman. A little girl who jumped on beds and played tricks, who laughed high and loud.

"What exactly do you mean?"

Habika chuckled. "Oh goodness, I was sworn to secrecy about this. I've never told anyone about Lata. Oh, my poor scholars! How humiliated they would be if this got back to the court. They failed to civilize me in many ways, but this one takes the prize." She chuckled. "You see, Lata was never employed by any king. She was, however, a very intelligent, very skilled, very clever, very expensive prostitute, looking to move up in the world."

"Oh no," Shifu said. "You're joking."

"I'm not." She took Shifu's bowl and ladled in more congee. "Lata didn't know the first thing about being a lady. At least, not the royal sort of lady. She taught me many things, but not a single sonnet or dance."

"Dare I ask what she did teach you?"

Habika grinned. "She taught me to smoke, and drink. She taught me to play the fiddle on the street for money. But she focused mostly on pickpocketing. I was ten and she had me robbing people blind. I could walk down a crowded street and by the time I got to the corner I had fifty rupees. Half of the money I would give to her, and the other half I put in the scholar's coffer. They never quite kept track of how much was in there at any given time. I must have funded half our journey by theft alone."

"I take it you didn't inform your scholars that Lata was not who she claimed?"

"I was a naughty girl," she said. "Besides, when you're ten, being taken under the wing of a criminal is great fun. I idolized Lata. She was everything I wanted to be! Beautiful, free to make her own way in the world, fierce, powerful. She saw what she wanted and took it. I didn't consider the morality of what she did, only her spirit."

"Did you know she was a ... a professional?"

"No. No, I didn't figure that out until years later. She never introduced me to that world, though I suspect had I been older she would have. She would often speak about my looks and what could be gained from them, but not in such a direct context. However she did...um..." Habika drifted off, blushing. "She did ... she was the one who ... told me what happens between a woman and a man. The scholars never mentioned it, you see. That was perhaps why they hired her, they were so proper. I cannot imagine one of them sitting me down to tell that particular tale."

"Well, she would know, wouldn't she?"

"Indeed. She told me far more than any ten year old girl needed to know. Oh, gods, the things she told me." She blushed hotly. "Oh, and filthy songs. And filthy jokes. You can imagine it didn't take the scholars long to catch on to her scam. I never could keep my mouth shut." She sighed. "Lata was only with us five months."

"She was fired?"

"No," Habika said. "She went out one evening and never came back. I don't know what happened to her."

Shifu thought for a moment. "You don't suppose the scholars - "

"Heavens no, those men didn't have a violent bone in their bodies. No, I suspect someone else got to her. She had her hands in so many pockets, and she was quite bold in her crimes. I'm sure someone somewhere wanted her dead. Many people, probably. She probably crossed the wrong path one day, and that was the end of Lata.

"Things changed after that. The scholars were much stricter with me, trying to undo the damage Lata did. They tried the best they could to make me like the ladies they knew from court. They stopped teaching me men's knowledge. They kept me close at hand, busy with calligraphy and memorizing sonnets. They insisted I be quiet and retiring, scolded me for talking too much. I hated it, but I so wanted to please them. So I tried my best to be delicate and polite and coy.

"It wasn't enough. When we finally arrived in China and I was given over to my new family, they placed me in a finishing school for two years trying to properly civilize me. They said that if I didn't emerge from the school a perfect lady they would disown me from the family and keep me as a servant. They could not take the risk of being humiliated at court by a desert savage."

She saddened, stirring her bowl of congee. "The school was terrible. It was like being put into a series of boxes, each smaller than the last, until you can barely move or breathe, and then you are a lady. It was there that my name was changed from Habika to Meihui. My new family made good on their threat to keep me as a servant despite doing well at the school. I was never a servant in name, but you cannot argue when the only people who will feed and clothe you ask you to do things below your station.

"Meilan was five when I finally came to live with them. I spent most of my time playing with her and cleaning up after her, her nursemaid in all but name. When she became older I taught her what I had learned at the finishing school. By the time she was sixteen and married the Emperor she was more of a lady than I'll ever be." She sighed. "And I say that as though it is a good thing."

She looked up at Shifu suddenly. "Oh, but I have been going on! I do apologize, I don't want to bore you."

"You haven't bored me a bit, little one. I must say, the finishing school did quite a thing with you. I never would have suspected you grew up a pickpocketing street urchin."

She smiled. "I clean up nicely."

 **000**

After breakfast Shifu excused himself to meditate. He asked Habika to join him but she politely refused, opting instead look through her great tomes. As Shifu lapsed into trance he heard her shuffling about, moving things. Usually that kind of noise would disturb him, but it did not seem to today. He was growing accustomed to her, her presence, her scent. He liked that she was near. It was of comfort to him.

He straightened his back and tried to clear his mind. He was only partially successful. The dream he'd had the night before kept creeping up on him, even though he could not fully remember it. There was liquid fire, and he had been writing something...and Tigress! Tigress had been there, but she was different. Younger, maybe? Young Tigress.

He thought of Tigress as a young girl. He still ached from Tai Lung at that time, both emotionally and bodily. His heart had iced over while his hip burned. It had taken months until he could walk after his hip had been crushed, months of agony and boredom. The doctors had given him opium for the pain, and by the time his hip had healed he found he'd acquired a taste for it. He begun using the opium not just for the pain, but to erase his mind and his regret.

Getting past that had been one of the harder battles of his life. Shifu burned with shame even now, thinking of it. He had been ashamed to be called "Master" with such a habit, could barely look Oogway in the eye. He had defeated the affliction through tai chi and meditation, but it had left him marked. To this day his body still yearned for that sweet oblivion. Something, a smell or sound, would trigger the memory, and the craving would slice through him. It had grown less severe with time, but that desire he could not forget, that heady kiss of forgetfulness. The awful pleasure of it.

When the letter came from the orphanage Shifu had at first refused to go. Not another orphaned child, not again. It was only upon Oogway's order that Shifu finally relented. "You need something to occupy you, my friend," Oogway had said in his lighthearted way, as though merely offering a friendly suggestion and not a command from master to student. Shifu did as he was told and paid the child a visit, though he did it with a steel heart.

He found Tigress a clever, strong child that he enjoyed working with. Through her lessons he re-taught himself those things that he sought to teach her; patience, control, awareness, discipline. He knew quite early on that he would return with her to the Jade Palace at some point. He could not deny her talent, she clearly belonged there. Nevertheless he could not make himself do it. For months he left her each evening, unable to take that final step of bringing her back with him, of picking that swaddled baby up off the ground and taking it through the Palace gates, and into his heart. Not again.

The day he returned to the orphanage and every other child was gone was the day his duty to Kung Fu won out over his fear. But he had never fully warmed to Tigress. She did not, could not, occupy the same place in his heart his son had. That place was burnt out and withered, it did not have the capacity to hold anything anymore. So he kept his distance. It was better this way, he decided. Perhaps if he kept her at arms' length and offered her no great dreams he could spare her the mistakes he made with Tai Lung.

She learned quite quickly not to attempt to crawl into his lap or hang on his every word. He could see how the distance hurt her. He could look into her eyes and see her zealous hunger for affection he could not give. He was relieved when she finally began to turn to Nanny Goat for that sort of thing, for hugs and stories and comfort. Her desire for him was still evident in her eyes for years, but that too gradually faded as she became a woman. And she had done well. Shifu concluded that he had done much better by the girl by keeping his distance.

The ironic thing was, she had grown up so strong, skilled, intelligent and proud, that he would be honored to have now the sort of fatherly relationship now that he had denied her. But no, that would be too little too late, wouldn't it? There was a deep unspoken bond between them, of course, but some things should remain unspoken, and would be tarnished by a name. What they had carved for themselves had worked well for many years. There was no reason to redefine it now. What would be the point?

Aw, hell. He'd forgotten to merely observe his thoughts and had instead become invested in them. There was a difference, Oogway used to say, between meditation and rumination. He'd just spent the better part of an hour ruminating, which did little for the soul. Shifu sighed with displeasure and opened his eyes.

Habika was near the fire, lying on her side, propped up by an elbow while she read a book. She was near enough to the fire to not need any blankets. Shifu could not help but look at the lovely line of her, the curve of her hips and the dip of her waist, stretched before him like some fertility goddess from an ancient text.

He shook himself out of it. Habika's ear twitched towards him and she smiled. "Done meditating?" she asked, lazily turning a page.

 _Damn it Shifu_ , he thought to himself. _You were a terrible father, you were addicted to opium, and now you're lusting like a teenager. You are the worst zen master that ever lived._

"Yes," he replied. "All done."

 **000**

"I wouldn't do that," Shifu said.

Habika had been fiddling with the bandages on her ear. She put her hands in her lap like a little girl who'd been scolded. "I know. I can't imagine how awful it's going to look. Not a lot can be done for it, either. All that mangled flesh. I should just have it trimmed back, I suppose." She laughed. "I'll look like a grizzled old soldier, with a big notch in my ear. I should say I lost it in battle."

"You did. Technically."

"You were in the battle. I was in a carriage accident."

"True. And I apologize for that."

Habika looked at him questioningly.

Shifu sighed. "I shouldn't have let the carriage get away from me, even for a second. You could have been injured far worse than that, or killed."

She looked incredulous. "You saved me from all those men, and you're apologizing? Don't be ridiculous! That's not even ridiculous, that's ... I don't think there's a word for what that is. Please, don't give it another thought, Shifu. It's just an ear, I still have my life."

He gave a small smile. "Very well."

"I was wondering ... how many men were there?"

Shifu set about building the fire back up. "Thirteen, on horseback, with swords. And your footman Ling knew a bit of kung fu. He was from the Imperial school, or so he said. I think he was sent as insurance in case the soldiers couldn't get past me." Shifu snickered. "If Ling was the best they could do that school is in a sorry state indeed. His Master should be shamed for training him so badly."

Habika stared at Shifu, wide-eyed.

"...Yes?" Shifu asked.

"I cannot help but notice you're referring to Ling in the past tense. Is he ... did you ...?"

He gave her a meaningful look.

"Wow," Habika said, hushed. "Are the other soldiers...?"

"Some of them are dead, yes. The others, I don't know. I doubt the cold was kind to them."

Habika put her delicate hand to her chest. "You defeated all of them by yourself? Fourteen armed men? Just ... just you?"

"Of course."

"How?"

"I'm a Master in the five animal styles of Hung Ga, is how."

"I don't know what that means."

"Allow me to demonstrate. Stand up." He gave her his hand and helped her to her feet.

"Don't ... don't hit me," she said.

"I'm not going to hit you, you silly thing. Now then. Come at me."

"Come at you?"

"Yes. Attack me."

Habika laughed. "What?"

"Just come at me as though you were going to hit me."

"No! I'm not going to hit you!"

"Don't hit me, just come at me." He motioned her forward. "Come on, little one."

Habika raised her fist hesitantly but broke down laughing. "I can't."

"Hm. Let us try this another way, she we?" Shifu said. He opened his sack of personal belongings and took out a small leather money bag, which he tied to his belt. "You were quite the pickpocket, you say? Try to take this from me. Here, I'll even give you an advantage. I'll start walking away with my eyes closed, like a tourist. Hm?"

He started to stroll away, eyes shut, as promised. He heard Habika hesitate and creep up behind him. In half a second she was on the floor, landing on a pile of cushions.

"What - what just happened?" she asked.

Shifu raised an eyebrow at her.

"I want to try again."

"Very well." He began to walk, closed his eyes, and flipped her end over end back into the cushions.

"Again?"

He closed his eyes and walked away once more. She let him get a good bit down the cave. He heard her slither around his left side. In one sweeping motion he picked her up and tossed her ten feet into the cushions. The shocked face she made as she flew through the air was adorable.

Habika sat up dizzily and burst out laughing.

"I wouldn't be laughing if I were you, seeing as you're dead."

She tried to get to her feet.

"Ah ah, I didn't say you could get up," Shifu said, tripping her.

Another joyous peal of laughter. She tried to get up again, Shifu tripped her again. Every time she tried to get up he pushed her back down until she was hysterical with laughter, gasping for breath.

Shifu chuckled. "Oh, this isn't even hard. Pathetic, Habika, really. Didn't they teach you anything at that finishing school? Useless girl. Nope, can't get up yet. Were you going somewhere? No, I didn't think so.'

She finally collapsed on her back, gasping for breath, tears streaming down her face. "I .. I give up. Mercy, mercy! Oh, ow," she panted, holding her stomach, sore from laughing.

He sat down next to her. "You see?"

She wiped her face. "Yes, I think so. That's the least you can do, I understand. Heh. Quite good."

Their eyes met, giddy Habika lying on her back, her arms thrown lazily above her head as she smiled up at Shifu, who smiled down. An unspoken intimacy passed between them. In that moment it would have been easy, almost natural, to lean down and kiss her. Maybe she was even waiting for him to do it.

He took a sharp breath and looked away, breaking the little spell. _Oh stop it, you old fool,_ he scolded himself. _She doesn't want you. She's half your age. Even if she did, she is not for you, not in this life. You could not be fair to her._

Habika sat up. "Thank you for the demonstration, Master," she said. "I haven't laughed that hard in years." She patted him on the shoulder, her touch like lightning.

He turned towards her. "Just doing my job," he replied. Another secret moment. His lips were mere inches from hers. She smiled. He looked away, hurriedly got to his feet, and began picking up blankets.

"You know, the cave is in a bit of disarray," he said. "Perhaps we should organize things a bit, hm? Make it more homelike?"

"Sounds like a good idea," Habika replied. "Ugh, what I wouldn't give for a clean hanfu. I've been wearing this ink-covered rag for days. The rest of my clothes are still in the carriage."

"I have an extra robe. You may wear it if you wish to clean your dress."

"Could I? Oh, that would be wonderful."

"Certainly." He reached into his sack and pulled out a neatly folded burlap robe identical to the one he wore.

"Thank you," she said.

"Not a problem."

She stared at him a moment, and then cleared her throat.

"Yes?" Shifu asked.

"Could you ... um ... turn around? So I can ... ?"

"Oh! Yes of course. Excuse me." Shifu flushed bright red and turned on his heel.

 **000**

Habika had been fussing over her hanfu all day. She tried scrubbing at the stain with some sorghum wine and then soaking it in melted snow. When that didn't work she boiled it, then boiled it in soapy water, which filled the cave with eye-watering fumes.

"I think this may be a lost cause," she said, holding up the wrinkled, soaked disaster of a dress.

"I think you may be right," Shifu replied as he practiced forms.

She sighed. "It was my favorite hanfu. It's incredibly difficult to get silk that particular shade of blue. Well, I suppose we can rip it to shreds and have exquisite bandages for our many wounds." She folded the dress and put it into the corner that had been deemed "storage" for the time being. They had rearranged the cave to be quite comfortable now that they'd found homes for things. There was a distinct "kitchen" where they kept the food and cooking utensils, a "closet" for unused things, books, musical instruments, and "bedrooms" where they made makeshift beds out of quilts and cushions, on either side of the fire. Habika had gone to the trouble of hanging a sheer orange sari over the entrance of the cave, which gave the entire scene a homey, warm light. They had managed to turn the cave into a lovely, secret little den, a delightful shelter from the raging blizzard outside.

Habika retrieved her erhu and her music tome from the "closet" and began to flip through it. "Some music to accompany your dancing?"

Shifu chuckled. "I'm not dancing, little one. These are the basic forms of kung fu."

"Ah." She watched him for a moment. Feeling her eyes on him, Shifu made the motions slightly more grandiose. "Would you like to join me? You're already wearing a master's robe, after all."

"I'd rather watch. Your movements are so elegant."

"Thank you."

"How long have you been practicing kung fu?"

"Since I was fourteen. Forty eight years." He stopped for a moment. "Wow. How did that happen?"

"You're sixty two?"

"Yes." He chuckled. "I don't know how that happened, either."

"It is odd, isn't it? It seems like time speeds up the further along I go. I'm thirty three but I don't feel a day over eighteen."

"You don't look a day over eighteen."

She laughed. "Ah, Shifu, you flatterer. I like you more all the time."

"Likewise."

"It's a good thing, too, I can't imagine what torture this would be if we didn't enjoy one another's company. To be perfectly honest I don't think I've had this much fun since India. This storm can go on forever as far as I'm concerned."

"Be careful what you wish for," Shifu warned.

She glanced towards the entrance. "It really hasn't let up, has it?"

"Not a whit, and when it does the carriage will be under a lot of snow, provided we can dig it out at all. But that won't even matter unless we can find a horse to draw it. We may have to walk, but that will be very difficult considering how quickly the cold incapacitates you."

"If there's a town nearby we can buy a horse."

"Perhaps. I have a general idea where we are. It's been three days since civilization coming from the south, but that does not mean there aren't small towns to the east or west. The next clear night we have I'll get to the top of a tree and look for firelight in any direction. If I find it we'll head that way."

"What if it's a bandit camp?"

Shifu kicked the air. "Then may the gods have mercy on their souls."

Habika giggled like a little girl.

Shifu raised an amused eyebrow at her. "You like that, do you?"

She blushed hot and pink. "It's ... it's impressive."

He grinned, puffing with pride. He bowed to her. "I am but your humble servant, My Lady."

She gave him a coy look, batting her eyelashes. "The Venerable Master has already saved Our life, what more can We ask? Perhaps We should do something for the Venerable Master? Perhaps the Venerable Master would like dinner?"

"That sounds delightful. What are we having?"

"Why, dumplings and noodles, with noodles!"

"Don't forget the side of dumplings."

"And extra noodles. There is some tofu in there but it didn't thaw very nicely. We'll save that for when we're starving to death. It'll taste great then."

"Things always do taste better when you're starving to death. When I began my training, Oogway made me fast for three days. I've done much longer fasts since, but that was my first. Nothing but water for three days. At sundown on the last day the first thing I could get my hands on was a single, uncooked white mushroom. It tasted so good I wept. Wept!" He laughed to himself. "Ah, I ate like Po that night. Made myself sick."

"Training kung fu is quite rigorous, I take it."

"Oh yes. You pull every muscle, bleed buckets, break bones you didn't even know you had. But it sculpts you into a warrior."

She set some aspic to melt in a wok. "What's the most pain you've ever been in?"

"Physically or emotionally?"

"Physically."

Shifu thought for a moment. "I once ate a whole Naga pepper."

Habika's eyes went wide. "Surely you're joking."

He sighed. "I was young, and trying to prove I had better control of myself than any of the other kung fu students at the Jade Palace. I was full of piss and vinegar back then, always had something to prove. So I said I could eat a whole Naga pepper and not move an inch from the lotus position."

"Oh no."

"I've had a crushed hip, dislocated shoulders, broken ribs ... none of it even comes close. It was as though someone had funneled molten lead down my throat. My skin began to burn as well, which was the strangest bit, and it burned doubly more wherever skin met itself. Imagine every crease in your palm, the folds of your eyelids, the backs of your knees, all white hot while the rest of you is already on fire. My throat began to swell and go numb, so I couldn't breath properly, and my mouth filled with saliva until I nearly drowned."

"Did you stay in the lotus position?"

"To my credit, I did. For about thirty seconds before I fell over choking. Oh, gods, I forgot the worst bit. I rubbed my eyes at some point, but the spice from the chili was still on my hands. I tried to scream but I was choking. Around that point my robes felt like they were made of fire so I tore them off. The walls and floor started to move in waves, I was hallucinating. It was around that point that I realized I was going to die. There was no question about it. I have never been so certain of anything in my life. I was absolutely going to die, right there in the kitchen, with all my friends laughing at me.

"Finally someone took pity on me and gave me a bowl of milk. I downed it all in one go and immediately vomited. That's what happens when you try to look cool. You end up naked and covered in puke."

"You poor thing!"

"Heh, don't poor thing me, it was my own damn fault. I was prideful." He chuckled. "You know, I've never told anyone that story. Not my students, not my friends, no one. But for some reason I tell you."

"Well, who am I?"

Shifu looked questioningly at her.

"I'm no one. I mean, no one you have to look good for."

"How do you mean?"

"It seems to me that to most people in your life, you're looked up to as a Master, there to set an example, to be taken very seriously. And who am I? I'm just a woman who wants to hear a good story. So, go on, tell another." She leaned back against the cushions and waited.

"You're putting me on the spot again."

"Mmm-hmm."

"Fine. But there is a price."

"Oh?"

"You must tell me one when I'm through. A story for a story."

She nodded. "I agree to these terms."

"Very well then." Shifu made himself comfortable, and began to tell his tale.

 **000**


	5. the world's most beautiful sword

**chapter five: the world's most beautiful sword**

He sighed. "What were we saying the other day, about the long and short versions of our stories? I suppose if you want to hear my story, you have to hear his story. The story of Tai Lung, my son.

"Hindsight is always accurate, and that's what I hate about it. It's funny now, looking back, how clear it is, how one thing led so effortlessly into another. What was hidden from me then is so obvious to me now. Maybe I was willfully ignorant. How is it that now I can see the roots of a problem that started before Tai Lung was born, when at the time everything seemed fine? It as though I woke up one morning and the sky was green, and it always had been, and everyone knew this but me."

Habika nodded. "I know the feeling."

Shifu gazed at her for a long moment. "You do, don't you?

She smiled sadly. "Yes." She pulled a covering around her and threw another piece of wood on the fire, moving it with a stick until it caught.

"Tai Lung's story starts when I was just a boy. I was the runt of eight siblings, the youngest, the smallest, and my mother's favorite. I had five older brothers and three older sisters, and they used me like a kickball. I was constantly infuriated as a child. Everyone around me was bigger, faster, stronger, and more devious. It was torture!" He laughed ruefully. "My two oldest sisters tried to watch out for me, but they were off and married by the time I was seven. So it was me against this bloodthirsty horde of little savages.

He sighed. "Ah, I'm too harsh. To their credit they were the only ones allowed to terrorize me. They'd defend me stalwartly against any other child in the village, but once they got me home they'd hang me upside down from a tree branch or leave me stranded on the roof. They'd all go up there to play and bring me along, and then just leave me. I was too small to get down on my own. I'd just sit there and cry until I heard my mother calling for me."

Habika made a comforting murmur. "Poor baby."

Shifu laughed nervously. "Oh. Ha! No. Well, yes. I was four, so yes. Poor baby I was. My mother would fetch me and whisk me away to safety. She loved me the most, which of course worked against me in the eyes of my siblings. Ah, she didn't even try to keep it a secret! She would sit with me in her rooms, tell me stories. She taught me to read early, and to write, which pleased my father. He was a scribe, and she adored him. He was away from home quite a bit in the employ of businessmen or nobility, and she missed him terribly. She said I reminded her of him more than any of the other children. He was a very intellectual man, lived in his mind. Big blue eyes, gigantic spectacles." Shifu put made glasses with his thumbs and forefingers, putting them over his eyes.

"Nevertheless, my mother could not protect me all the time. I had to learn to defend myself against the constant onslaught of my siblings. I could not do it by force so I had to be creative. I would play tricks, which often backfired, and got me in worse trouble than before. The older I got the cleverer and nastier my tricks became. My youngest sister, for instance..." He put his head in his hands. "Poor girl."

"She had it coming," Habika smirked.

Shifu laughed. "You don't even know what she did."

"I don't have to."

"Now now, little one," Shifu said mischievously. "One day my mother was melting down used candles so she could pour new ones. She had a big pot of melted wax sitting over the fire for ages. She left me to watch it while she went to the market. Now as soon as she left I knew someone would come into the kitchen to give me trouble. I took the pot of melted wax off the fire, then climbed onto the counter nearest the door and placed it on top of the door, leaning against the wall, so whoever came in would get a pot full of melted candle wax over the head.

"Now this was aimed, really, at whoever was coming through that door. It just happened to be my sister. She was particularly envious of my mother's affections and was very nasty to me, often the ringleader of the nastiness, so it worked out well, I suppose."

"I knew she had it coming."

"Hush, you," Shifu replied. "In any case, through the door she came and a pot full of melted wax she got. It burned her, but the burns weren't severe. The wax, however, hardened quite quickly, and no matter what anyone did, it would not come out of her fur." He sighed. "So ... poor Tei, I'm so sorry ... my mother had to shave the poor girl bald as a marble."

Habika laughed, clapping.

"It's not funny!" Shifu protested. "My mother shaved her entire head, shoulders, and neck, everywhere the wax hit. And her skin was pink and burned and painful, and always needed salve. So she was bald and slimy for months. Oh, gods, I have never seen hatred burn so bright in anyone's eyes as the hatred my sister had for me. You could have cut it with a knife, it was so thick."

"I imagine."

"So of course this is a dark cloud over me for months, this shiny girl in a headscarf glaring at me over the dinner table. And mind you this came after I put tacks in my older brother's shoes, and ran thin wire in front of another brother's door so he tripped and badly sprained his ankle. Like I said, the tricks were getting worse. I was starting to actually harm my siblings, and I was ... proud of it. I felt justified in it. I was about twelve at this time, and my mother and I got into an awful row. She asked me if I felt sorry for what I had done to Tei, and I told her the truth. I didn't. I didn't feel bad in the slightest."

He glanced up at Habika, his eyes betraying a hint of shame. "She was very disturbed by my lack of remorse. Looking back, I am too. At the time I was aflame with righteous anger. As far as I was concerned I was defending myself. But who knows how far that may have gone? I might have seriously injured or killed one of my siblings if that behavior went unchecked. Something had to be done.

"My mother took me to the village elders and explained the situation. They decided to put me to work at the nearest temple, figuring some time with the monks would cure me. The monks worked me until I was too exhausted to think! I woke every morning at four to help prepare the morning meal, and spent the rest of the day waxing floors and shining statues. After evening meal they would force me to meditate for an hour before bed. I had about as much patience for it as you do, so I asked to clear the dishes instead.

"After about four months of this I was ready to go home. I was so tired of cleaning from morning till night. Secretly I still did not regret my crimes, so I feigned remorse. Badly. The monks weren't having any of it.

"One evening they dragged me away from the dish sink and into the main hall. I was told to sit quietly and listen to the special guest who had come to visit the temple. Many people from the town were there, including my father, but I was seated at the front with the monks. Eventually the head monk of the sangha stood and introduced the guest. And what came to the front but the oldest thing I had ever seen.

"That's what I remember most about seeing Oogway for the first time. He was absolutely ancient. I was stunned. And terrified. I didn't know it was possible to be that old and still moving. This great old tortoise - "

" - a tortoise!"

Shifu nodded. "Yes."

"Another foreigner."

"Yes, from an island, very far away. Off the coast of some larger continent. He once tried to show me on a map, but there were no maps that showed this place. He drew it for me. There is a larger land across the ocean from Africa, and he was from an island off that coast."

Habika stared at Shifu. "Another land across from Africa?"

"Yes, and as large as that and all of Europe, and all of Asia. An entire new world!"

Habika gasped in delight. "How glorious!" She drew back, suddenly skeptical. "Unless your tortoise told tall tales?"

Shifu put his hand to his chest. "On my honor, my Lady."

"Incredible! I should like to visit there one day."

"And perhaps you shall, if you can live to be as old as Oogway. He was nearly a thousand years old, and had already traveled the world before he came to China and decided to call it home."

Habika sighed. "Nearly a thousand! I should like to meet him."

Shaifu shook his head. "You cannot, he has passed to the next life. However should you ask with a pure heart, he may appear to you in a dream. Watch for him."

Habika nodded. "I will."

Shifu smiled. "Ah, so ... where was I? Oh yes! Oogway stood in front of the shrine just gazing at everyone, for what seemed like ages. You could have heard a pin drop in that room. Suddenly there was a firefly, a lone firefly that had flown in from outside. It buzzed around the shrine, and then around Oogway's head. The whole room was watching it. And suddenly Oogway moved, faster than I had ever seen anyone move, much faster than I expected an ancient creaky old thing like him to able to move. He did a flip and snatched the firefly out of the air! He held it cupped between his hands, then he slowly walked to the nearest open window and released it. At that moment I knew that whatever this old tortoise had to say, I wanted to hear it.

"He had come to my village to find students for his kung fu school in the Valley of Peace. He told us that kung fu was a martial arts system he had developed to protect the weak from the strong and keep peace in the world. I wanted to go right away. What could be better for me! I had spent my childhood trying to defend myself, and this old man would teach me how to be effective at it, finally. At the time I thought perhaps that was why he was so peaceful and calm, because he knew no one could ever hurt him.

"After Oogway finished his talk and went to confer with the monks, I found my father in the crowd. He knew what I was after before I had the chance to speak. My mother was unhappy about it but father had the final say. He could tell this path was right for me. Were it up to my mother I would have stayed home and kept her company forever."

"She loved you," Habika said.

"Yes, dearly. But some women don't understand what it takes to make a boy into a man, and can think only of their own lonesomeness. She needed women friends, not a homebound son." Frustration entered Shifu's voice, as though his mother was there to hear him. "With me gone, she and Tai became closer, and this was better for them both."

"A woman's lonesomeness can be bottomless," Habika said, her eyes distant, the hope and life fading from them.

Shifu put his hand softly over hers. "Come back, Habika," he whispered.

Jerked from her sadness, she looked up at him a smiled, squeezing his hand. "Yes. Thank you, Shifu." She cleared her throat. "Go on with your story."

He looked at her for a second more to ascertain if she was really all right, then continued.

"I spoke with the monks, who then spoke with Oogway, who then spoke with me. He was quick to accept me, sort of looked me up and down and decided on the spot. So off we went. I had never left my village before, and here I was on a month long journey to the Valley of Peace with a perfect stranger.

"Along the way we stopped at several more villages, picking up a few students. Oogway was far more selective than I thought. It was very rare that he allowed someone to join our party, and he never approved them with the speed and surety he'd approved me. So I got it into my head that was I somehow special, that he had seen something remarkable and unique in me that he hadn't in the others." Shifu sighed, silent a moment. "That was the beginning, really. The beginning of all of it."

Habika rose suddenly. "I'm going to put some water on for tea, would you like some?"

"Certainly." He was quiet, unsure if she had interrupted him out of boredom.

She glanced up at him and said, "I may start dinner as well. Getting late." She rifled through the kitchen to find what she needed. "So you went to the Jade Palace with Oogway? What happened then?"

Shifu smiled, relieved. "Yes, and suffice to say I wasn't much better behaved there than I had been at home. To be perfectly honest, I was a little shit. I was so determined to be the best that I did outright foolish things, like the pepper incident. I had a- oh, goodness, I haven't thought of this in years - I had a one-sided rivalry with the former top student of Oogway's. I was always trying to show him up. I'd sneak up on him outside the training hall and try to spar, all times of the day. He eventually left for another school. He said it was because he wanted a change, but I know it was because of me."

"And Oogway didn't put a stop to your behavior?"

"That wasn't quite his style. Oogway wasn't attached to specific outcomes in any situation, nor was he forceful. He would tell me how an honorable warrior ought to behave, and I had so much respect for him that I would try my best to live up to his example. But I was a very young man with an arrogant streak, and I doubt anything Oogway could have done would have changed that. It was something I had to grow out of." He laughed grimly. "Took long enough."

"How long?"

"Thirty years, give or take a few."

Habika looked at him questioningly.

"I wasn't a horrible little shit for all of it. By the time I was twenty you'd never have known I was the same person. But my arrogance and ambition weren't gone. I hadn't grown out of them the way I foolishly assumed. I had just suppressed them, only to ..."

"To ...?"

Shifu shook his head. "In the first month of my education at the Jade Palace, Oogway pulled the new students aside and took us to the Hall of Warriors. He told us the legend of the Dragon Warrior, and I knew instantly it had to be me. It had to be! Oogway had seen it right away when he came to my village. Why else would he have chosen me so quickly? Why else did I excel faster than anyone else in the school? Within six months I was the top student. I was more dedicated, more accurate, and faster than anyone else. I was seventeen the first time I managed to strike Oogway while sparring. I had only been there three years. No other student had ever managed to strike Oogway within their first seven years of training. All the evidence pointed to me being the Dragon Warrior. I let that illusion feed my ambition, and my ego, for years.

"One day when I was eighteen my patience wore thin, and I outright asked Oogway if I was the warrior he spoke of in his prophecy. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was studying one of the Thousand Scrolls of Kung Fu by the moon pool in the Hall of Warriors, and Oogway had stopped by. I don't know what possessed me to ask him other than plain impatience. I'm obviously the Dragon Warrior, lay your praise upon me, I am Shifu The Amazing!" He rolled his eyes at his younger self. "Ugh, what a horrid little prat I was."

Habika handed him a cup of tea. "So hard on yourself," she said soothingly.

"You would have thought I was a horrid little prat too, had you met me then."

She chuckled. "Maybe. So, what did Oogway say?"

"He said 'nope'."

"Just ... 'nope'?"

"Just 'nope', as plain as the nose on your face. No lead-up, no long speech, just 'nope'. And then he left without another word! I was left sitting there in the Hall of Masters with my sense of self and purpose crumbling into dust. I felt like I had been stranded again on a roof I was too small to climb down from."

"Goodness. What did you do?"

"At first I was infuriated with Oogway. I felt that he had led me on, led me to think I was something I wasn't. So I rebelled. I went down into the village at night, got drunk, got into fights. Took up with a girl."

"Having a girlfriend is considered rebellious in the kung-fu world?"

He gave it a moment's consideration. "Yes and no. It's certainly looked down upon, especially for someone who has not yet attained Master rank, and not much better for someone who has. The intensity of such a relationship can distract from one's duties, and the duties of kung-fu must come before all other bonds, family and friend alike. On the physical side of things, too much love making can cause an energy imbalance favoring yin. Too much yin energy in the system can weaken a warrior, slow him or her down."

Habika snickered. "So what does no love making do to your energy balance?"

"Amorous energy is just energy, and can be diverted through meditation and kung-fu. It is much easier to balance your own energy than to rebalance the energies that become distorted from too much congress of that nature."

She sipped her tea, smiling coyly. "Ah, but that doesn't sound nearly as fun."

Shifu chuckled. "Indeed not. In all fairness many Masters have married and had families, but it has always required them to make a huge sacrifice in their duties, in some cases to the point where they have had to step down from their positions to allow someone with less attachment to take over. They sometimes suffer spiritually as well. It is said that one's soul cannot ascend from the wheel of death and rebirth with the karmic weight of a lover pulling them down."

Habika gazed into her tea, eyes cloudy. "I suppose that's why so few people manage it."

Shifu nodded. "It is extremely rare, yes. But it does happen."

"Mysticism in not in my nature. I'll just have to take your word for it." She paused for a moment, thoughtful. "Such a huge sacrifice to make. How lonesome."

"It can be," Shifu said softly. They gazed warmly at each other for a long moment. He cleared his throat and went on.

"In any case I quickly realized that Oogway had done nothing of the sort - leading me on, I mean. I had led myself on, had let dreams and ambition get the better of me. I vowed to listen to Oogway, and to follow his teachings to the letter, so I would never find myself in that egotisical trap again. And I didn't. Instead, I ..." he trailed off again, looking at the floor.

Habika waited. "You ...?"

Shifu sighed. "It ... it is the greatest shame of my life."

"We needn't keep speaking of this. We can do something else." She patted his knee and reached for her erhu.

"No no, I'm fine, Habika. This is good for me, I think." He steeled himself and continued. "I thought I had grown out of my ego and ambition by the time I was twenty three and found Tai Lung. I know now that I had merely suppressed them. You know what they say about suppressing what's within you. It will find an out. And it did. Straight into my son."

Habika's eyes widened in understanding. "I see. And this was eventually ..." she tried to find the right words. "His undoing?"

Shifu closed his eyes. "Yes."

He told her the tale of Tai Lung. His childhood, his potential, his ruin and imprisonment. The thankless way he attacked and nearly killed him twenty years later in his quest for the Dragon Scroll. And how despite it all he loved his son still. By the time he finished the fire was dying, and Habika sat close by in the dim light, wrapped in a blanket, listening with deep sad eyes.

"You always will love him, Shifu," Habika said softly. "The love for a child never dies, never lessens, never get easier. If my daughter is alive it is almost certain I will never see her again, and if I do, she will not know me. She may have been told terrible things about me. Even if she hated me, I could not love her any less. I am not capable of loving her with anything but my whole heart. And this is how it is for you and Tai Lung."

"I failed him so spectacularly," Shifu said.

"You did the best you could with what you knew at the time. I have no doubt that you gave him everything you could, all the love you had. The best of you."

"But I didn't," Shifu protested. "I thought I had learned the lesson the first time around. Once my hope of being the Dragon Warrior had been burst, how could I do the same thing to Tai Lung? What kind of ignorance is that? What blindness? Didn't I learn?"

Habika considered this for a moment. "When you are teaching a student kung-fu, does it not take many, many tries before they master the lesson?"

"Yes."

"And what are you teaching them? A strike, or a block? A kick? And in order to master this they must do it over and over, to get it right?"

"Yes ..."

"How often does a student master a new skill after one try?"

"Not often."

"If it takes that many attempts to master a punch or kick, how could you expect to master your demons after only one lesson?"

Shifu looked at her blankly.

"A very wise person once told me that sometimes in life, we walk down a road, and we fall into a hole and cannot get out. The next time we walk down that road, we fall into a hole but it is all right, because even though we are cold and broken, the hole is familiar. We walk again, we see the hole, and we fall in anyway. We walk down the road and dread falling down the hole, we're certain we won't fall in again, but down we go! Finally we go down the road, fall in the hole, and slowly climb out. Next time we fall but cling to side and pull ourselves out. And the time after that, we walk down the road and step over the hole. We do not fall in. And after all of this, eventually, one day, we walk down a different road." She paused. "Do you see?"

Shifu stared at her, wide eyed, saying nothing. He opened his mouth as though about to speak but nothing came out. She smiled, patted his knee and went about fixing dinner. He watched her build up the fire, still attempting to form a reply, but nothing seemed adequate. He felt as though she had disemboweled him with the world's most beautiful sword.

He stood suddenly, before he knew he was going to.

"Are you all right, Shifu?" Habika asked, looking up from the wok.

"Yes," he said, dizzily. "I am going to meditate, now. For a while. I think."

She nodded. He sat himself down with his back to the fire, facing away from her. He had to. He could not look at her. He had never experienced such understanding, such forgiveness, given so simply and freely. It was all he could do not to fall at her feet and declare himself dead, finished, over, done with.

Hers.

 **000**


	6. zen master soup

**chapter six: zen master soup**

Shifu had meditated for hours, unproductively, missing dinner. Habika was respectfully quiet, though he could sense her puzzlement. When she finally went to sleep he came out of his meditation and helped himself to some soup. He still forced himself not to look at her. He had been so overcome that he had to shut down completely into meditation or something drastic might have happened.

 _Nonsense, nonsense, nonsense,_ Shifu thought to himself. _Stop this at once. You are not a young man anymore, and you have pledged your life to kung fu, in a direction antithetical to ... to this. Assert some of that famous self control you blag on about, zen master. Get with the program._

He was bone tired but still felt charged, so he did drills up and down the length of the cave until his body was as exhausted as his mind. That felt better. Perhaps his overactive emotions were just a symptom of being cooped up. He was used to getting several hours of exercise every day, after all. The last time he had been so inactive was when his hip was broken, and that had driven him as near to insane as he had ever been.

With a sigh of relief he finally fell asleep, his back to the fire, and to Habika.

Morning came. Habika awoke hours before him. She tried to be as quiet as possible but still managed to wake him a few times. He fell back to sleep as many times as he could before sleep finally evaded him, and then feigned sleep for as long as he could manage. When he finally rose Habika was very busy with ... something.

Near the back of the cave she had hung a few heavy quilts from the pockmarked, rocky ceiling, ripping the hems in order to do so. She circled it in an evaluating fashion, then pushed them aside to reveal the cooking wok and some bowls. She made a frustrated sound and came back out from behind the makeshift curtains, crossing her arms as though she was scolding a child.

Shifu watched this for a moment, trying to figure what she was up to. "Habika," he finally asked, "what are you doing?"

"I can't take it anymore," she said.

"Take what?"

"I need a bath."

Shifu burst out laughing. "Where do you think you are, Princess, the Taj Mahal?"

"You may be a great warrior used to sleeping in ditches, but I can't go this long without a bath. I feel like ants are crawling beneath my skin." She shuddered. "I'm sweaty and dusty and I stink and I can't stand one more minute of it."

Shifu chuckled. "All right, all right. As you wish, my Lady. We'll figure something out. What, uh ... what's happening here? What have you devised?"

"I hung the curtains for privacy," she said.

"And the wok?"

She crossed her arms. "If you know of a better way to heat water I'd like to hear it."

"You're not bathing in the wok. We cook in the wok."

"I'm not going to bathe in the wok, Shifu. I won't fit in the wok."

"And we eat out of the bowls."

She threw up her hands in frustration. "There's nothing else around here that holds water. What am I supposed to do?"

Shifu thought for a moment, putting his hands in the sleeves of his robe in a masterly fashion. "We have a saying in kung-fu: when one is from an endless desert, she has no business complaining about a little dust."

"Oh, very droll, thank you. If all you can give me is a hard time I'll he glad to figure this out for myself, much appreciated. I'll have you know, I was planning on heating the water in the wok, pouring that water into the bowls, and pouring the bowls over myself. I had no plans to contaminate our dinnerware. The only problem is that water will run all over the floor."

Shifu thought for a moment. "There was a large copper bowl in the carriage, as I recall. Perhaps you could use that?"

"There was! And I could!" She sighed. "Ah, but don't go out there, it's still blizzarding and - Shifu?"

He was already gone.

 **000**

He was halfway to where he thought the carriage was when the thought struck him that, seeing as it was freezing with no visibility, this may have been an ill-considered idea. Ill-considered was generous, really. That would imply thought had gone into it. Habika wanting something he could provide was about as far as his mental process went.

The world was a wall of snow. He finally made it to the carriage, found the door, and jumped inside. As long as he was there he decided to do a little extra salvage. A few books of poetry, extra candles, some stoppered bottles of who - knew- what, and a nondescript metal lockbox. He put them in the copper pot, covered it with a sheet, and darted back to the cave in the blinding snow.

Habika had been waiting nervously by the cave entrance, holding a blanket. "You're insane! And thank you!"

Shifu put the bowl down and gave a quick bow. Habika put the blanket over his shoulders, wrapping it around him. "It's nothing, I - oh, thank you."

"You didn't have to do that," she said quietly.

"If the Princess wants a bath, she shall have a bath."

She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him on the cheek, firmly and warmly, pressing herself against him. A hot flush cascaded through him, all the way to his toes. "You're my angel. Now come warm up by the fire." She took the dumbstruck Shifu by the hand and led him to the fire, smiling back at him from underneath her long, thick eyelashes. Those were ten steps Shifu didn't feel. As best he could tell, he was floating a foot above the ground.

 **000**

Habika was thrilled with the items Shifu salvaged, as though he had brought her riches beyond imagining. She filled the copper bowl with snow and set it behind the curtain to melt over some coals, and went through the items with infectious joy.

She picked up the bottles. "My lavender oil! Oh, and my poetry, how glorious! Thank you, thank you!"

"No problem," he said flatly. Her kiss was running over and over again in his mind, quite against his will. Her arms around him, her sweet face so close to his, her soft lips pressed to -

"Are you all right?" Habika asked.

"Hm! Yes I'm fine. Just ... warming up."

"Oh. I see." She flipped through one of the poetry books. She suddenly stopped on a page and gasped. "Oh, yes! Yes, yes, yes! Ha ha!" She leapt to her feet in triumph, holding an intact, albeit flat, clove cigarette high above her head. She jumped up and down like a little girl, dancing in a circle. "I'm going to have a bath AND a cigarette! What in the world could be more wonderful? Perhaps the gods exist after all!"

She spun to face Shifu, clutching the book of poetry to her chest, gazing at him with utter adoration. "Oh, I'm so happy I may weep, Shifu. I just ... I ... I will return this favor, I promise."

"Just enjoy your bath, that will be enough," he replied.

"Oh I will!" She took picked up one of the stopper bottles, the cigarette, and a candle which she lit over the fire, and stepped behind the curtain. He heard her unstopper the bottle, and suddenly the cave filled with musky lavender. He heard her take off her robe and step into the bath with a gasp of unabashed pleasure. The sound made Shifu's mind race to a wild, salacious place.

She lit the cigarette. He didn't realize how deeply he now associated that scent with Habika until this moment. It was the sweet smell of the carriage, of her blankets, of her skin. Did she taste of clove too? The scent was aphrodisiacal to him. Shifu's heart raced.

Oh gods. This was becoming unbearable. He had to put a stop to it.

He rose to his feet and toddled unsteadily to the mouth of the cave. He threw off the blanket Habika had wrapped around him, took a bracing breath, and walked straight into the snowbank.

It was an unpleasant remedy, but very effective.

 **000**

Habika came from her bath content and sleepy. She gave Shifu a happy smile, curled in front of the fire, and fell asleep. The cave was warm, humid, and smelled of flowers. He was drunk with it.

He was unsure what to do with himself. He could meditate or do drills, but he didn't particularly feel like it. Playing the flute would wake Habika. He flipped through the books of poetry but wasn't particularly engaged by them. He didn't feel like a nap and the cave was as organized as it was going to be.

 _Well,_ he decided, _I may as well take a bath, too._

He re-filled the copper bowl with snow and put it over coals behind the blankets, let it warm, took off his robe and stepped in. He breathed a sight of relief. He felt his muscles slowly begin to unravel from their tense, knotted state. He yawned and sank down until the water rose just above his nose, like he had when he was a child. He blew a few bubbles.

You're playing in the bath, Shifu, he realized. Of all the absurdity. Here he was was, in the middle of nowhere, in a cave done up like a Bedouin tent, stewing in a copper pot like he was the main ingredient in zen master soup. The most beautiful woman in the world was asleep not fifteen feet away, and the storm outside had not let up for days. What an odd purgatory it was.

Ah well. There were worse fates. And the warm water really was wonderfully soothing. He relaxed and let his mind float away.

"Shifu?"

He jumped. Some water splashed from the bath and hissed on the coals. "Y - yes?"

She spoke through the blanket. "Are you sleeping in the bath?"

He blinked. "Not on purpose."

She chuckled. "I was thinking of preparing a lunch, would you like something?"

"Certainly."

He heard Habika get the materials ready to start cooking. She absently sang a song in an unfamiliar language as she worked. Shifu closed his eyes, listening.

"Lunch is ready," Habika said. "Are you coming out or do you want me to bring it to you in there?"

Shifu laughed. "All right, all right, I'm coming. I don't ever want to get out."

"Then don't! I'll bring it to you!"

"That's absurd, Habika. Eating in the bath! Is that what they do in the Forbidden City, take their meals in the bath?" He got out of the water and began to dry himself off.

"In the Forbidden City we take our meals wherever we please."

"I imagine. You must have some interesting stories from your time at court. I can only fathom what sort of ridiculous luxury you suffered."

"There was ridiculous luxury indeed, but I assure you court and everything in it is mind-numbingly boring unless you are prone to gossip and scheming. There is a lot of backstabbing and betrayal, whether it be for the Emperor's seat or merely his attention. None of it interests me. I would much rather be left to my books and my erhu." She sighed. "If I could only get the Emperor and Empress to leave me out of their manipulations, I should find court nearly bearable."

Shifu came out from behind the curtain. Habika was stirring something in the wok. She gestured for him to sit down and handed him a bowl of soup.

"Thank you," he said. "I would like to know more about your life at court."

She seemed to retreat into herself, looking at the floor.

"Or not," Shifu said.

"No no, a story for a story, we agreed," she said. "It's just ... I've never told anyone about what happened. I thought I would die before I ever needed to. Putting it all into words may be ... difficult for me."

"Take as long as you wish, little one." Shifu said gently. "I will listen as long as you want to speak."

She smiled sadly. When she looked that way, sad and resigned and vulnerable, Shifu was struck with the overwhelming desire to wrap his arms around her, to protect her from anything in the world that might hurt her. She pulled a blanket tight around her shoulders. He desperately wanted to tell her everything would be all right, that he would protect her forever, and mean it.

She looked into the fire, sighed, and began her tale.

 **000**


	7. a concubine's red robe

**chapter seven: a concubine's red robe**

"I have been many places in my journeys, seen many things. But I have never seen anything as huge, as awesome, as intimidating, and as isolated and lonesome as The Forbidden City. MeiLan, myself, and the other girls she selected to be her ladies in waiting were brought there in the dead of winter. For all its luxury and majesty the place is cold as marble. Every surface is stone and sharp. There is not a tree nor patch of soil in the entirety of the place, save for the Emperor's private gardens. There came times when my heart ached for want of seeing a green, living thing, before my heart had larger things to ache for.

"We were ushered into the Forbidden City hurriedly, like robbers in the dead of night, and MeiLan was married to Gan quickly and without much ceremony."

Shifu startled. "Gan?"

"Gan the Emperor, Gan the Son of Heaven, however you know him. I know him as Gan, my brother-in-law. I shall refer to him as such. He is merely a man, Shifu. I sometimes wonder if he deserves even that. Perhaps 'man' is too kind. Whatever he is, he is _merely_ that - I refuse to believe in a Heaven that could produce such a bastard of a son.

"My little MeiLan looked so lovely on her wedding day. She was dressed in the brightest crimson you can fathom, with the biggest headdress and the boldest jade. She was so nervous and frightened! I could not stop weeping. My little step sister who I had all but raised from the age of five. My sweet little songbird, my spoiled little brat. I pinched her powdered cheek and kissed her painted lips for luck. She laughed; her eyes were dark and shining." Habika laughed sadly, and sighed. "Her wedding day was the last time I ever saw her."

"You have not seen the Empress since her wedding day? But you are one of her ladies?"

"I have seen plenty of the Empress. It is MeiLan I never saw again."

Shifu looked questioningly at her.

"Gan's cruelties began quickly," Habika said. "They were gone for a week after the wedding, on a honeymoon of sorts. When I saw her again she was different. No longer my sister. I didn't realize it at the time, but looking back I can remember the beginnings of the desperate, hungry ghost she became.

"I had done my sisterly duty and prepared MeiLan for the marriage bed. I told her everything she needed to know, what to expect. She came back to me with a story that sounded too good to be true. Too much luck for one girl, I said. Not had she become Empress, but the Emperor was an incredible lover. She described pleasures beyond anything she had thought possible, as though he could play her body like a mandolin until she'd nearly lost her mind. The servants' whispers confirmed this. Word got around that her cries of passion were unwholesome and without shame. Unseemly behavior for an Empress indeed! And to think, I was happy for her." Habika gave a rueful chuckle, and paused. "Are you all right, Shifu?"

"I'm fine. Please continue, please," he stuttered.

A knowing look came over her and she averted her eyes, flushing pink as a newborn mouse. "We were sisters, we discussed such things in detail. I apologize. I feel so comfortable in your presence, it slips my mind that you ... that we ... that I haven't known you forever, and taken you into similar confidences before. I apologize."

Shifu cleared his throat and chuckled nervously. "Yes, well. Heh. Right. Moving on."

"Yes, moving on. MeiLan, of course, fell deeply in love with Gan, to the point where she was enslaved by her passion for him. She was addicted to him like a drug. He could visit any turmoil or abuse upon her and she would helplessly return for more. Gan used this power to play horribly cruel games with her. He would injure or humiliate her for his own amusement, holding the promise of ecstasy over her head. I watched my beloved sister turn from a healthy, happy young woman into an obsessed wraith. Gan had enslaved her entirely, body and mind.

"Nothing I said seemed to effect her. No matter how I wept and begged and pleaded, my words had no power. It was not my place to speak with Gan about it, I had no purchase with the Emperor. There was nothing I could do but worry over her and bandage her wounds, and watch the life drain from her eyes.

"Gan tired of those games soon enough. Once he saw how far MeiLan would debase herself for his affections I suppose the amusement wore off. He had to find a new, more effective method of torturing MeiLan. A more efficient cruelty."

Here Habika stopped speaking. She looked at the floor and blinked back tears, taking a deep breath. "One ... one evening, two eunuchs of Gan's came to our parlor, where MeiLan, myself, and her ladies were enjoying a quiet evening of music. They had with them a concubine's red robe.

"This red robe is given to the harem concubine of the Emperor's choosing. The euncuhs fetch her from the harem, undress and bathe her, and bring her to the Emperor clad in the red robe. And here they were, knocking on the door to the Empress's parlor with it! It was an insult!

"I thought perhaps this was Gan's newest way of torturing MeiLan. Perhaps he wanted to to treat her as a concubine because it amused him to demote her. In any case I quite sternly told them they had the wrong wing of the palace and directed them to the harem."

She took a deep breath. "They replied that they had not come for a concubine, or for MeiLan. They had come for me."

"What ... what do you mean?" Shifu asked, not wanting to know.

"The Emperor Gan had requested my presence in his bed." She closed her eyes as silent tears poured down her face. "Meilan began to scream with rage. I ... I told them that surely they were mistaken. They said no, there was no mistake. The Emperor had asked for me."

She wiped her face, shuddering.

"What happened next?" Shifu asked, horrified.

She seemed to struggle to meet his eyes. "It .. it is my greatest shame."

He leaned in and took her hand between his. "I have trusted you with my greatest shame. You can trust me with yours."

She took a deep, sobbing breath, squeezing Shifu's hand. "I should have refused. I should have fought, even if it meant my life. But there was nothing I could do. I could not fight. In the Forbidden City the Emperor's word is law. By presenting me with the red robe of a concubine he had declared his whore in front of all the court ladies, but most importantly in front of MeiLan. I looked to her for help. She was the only one who could stand up to Gan. Only she could defend me against this outrage. But she did not."

Habika began to sob in earnest. "She ... she was so poisoned by him that ... that she ... she did not see me, my outrage and terror. She only saw that Gan suddenly preferred me to her!" She heaved. "She looked at me with such hatred and rage! As she had never looked at me before!

"I was in shock. The eunuchs took me from the ladies' court to Gan's wing of the palace. MeiLan followed, shouting and cursing. All her ladies followed her and the noise woke everyone. The entire court saw me in the concubine's robe, being dragged to the Emperor's private sanctum. I was beyond humiliated. I wished to be stricken dead.

"I was taken to Gan's bedchamber, told to sit upon his bed, and wait for him. And I ... I did." She began to cough, convulsively, as though she was trying to hack the memory out of her chest. "Ah! God, I want a cigarette!"

Shifu reached for her poetry books and began to flip through them.

"What are you doing?" Habika asked.

"Perhaps another one is stuck between the pages," he said.

Habika laughed through the tears. "You are the sweetest man alive. How do you - "

"Found one." Shifu produced a slim brown cigarette from between the pages and handed it to her.

"You are, as ever, my hero," she said. She lit it and took a deep, long drag, exhaling a cloud of fragrant smoke. "Ah. That's better. Thank you." She gathered up a blanket and wrapped it around herself. She sighed. "It was awful. You must understand, I ... I am the size of a Huli Jing child. Gan is much larger than I am, so his attentions were ... very painful. He did not care. He did not attempt to enslave me with pleasures unknown as he had with MeiLan. There was no effort, or even pleasure, in what he did with me. What he used me for. I was a means to an end. He simply wanted to enrage MeiLan, to kindle her jealousy. I was a piece on a board.

"When I was escorted back the next morning MeiLan refused to speak to me or see me. I was similarly shunned by the rest of her ladies, and gradually the rest of the court. I had a black mark upon my name none but the Emperor or Empress could remove. I spent my days isolated in my rooms until Gan called for me at night."

"He called for you more than once?" Shifu asked, horrified.

She nodded. "Oh yes. Nothing angered MeiLan quite like knowing I was in her husband's bed, and it was her anger that aroused Gan. As best I can tell he made a new game out of enraging her, and then forcing her to submit to him. He ... he even spoke of forcing her to watch us. I continue to be thankful that never came about.

"He did not always take me to his bed. Some nights we played mah-jong. Other nights he would barely acknowledge I was there and simply sit at his desk writing. He never spoke with me at length or attempted to befriend me. It was as if I were a vase, or a doll. Something to be taken down from the shelf when needed.

"In those times the only company I had were the servants that worked directly under me. My sister would have them brought to her rooms each night and interrogate them. Had I said anything about the Emperor? Had I said anything about her? On more than one occasion she had them whipped for what she thought were lies. Eventually I instructed them to spend as little time with me as possible. I would go sit on the patio while they cleaned my rooms. MeiLan had guards watching me every hour of the day. I wanted to make sure they could see that I had no contact with my servants, so I could save them from her wrath.

"I was entirely alone. Gan was my only source of human contact. It was around that time that I ... " She paused her, trying to find the words. "I tried to convince myself that I loved him."

Shifu gave her a questioning look.

"I tried to find the good in him so I would not lose my mind as I submitted to him each night. I tried to memorize his face and hands and body, tried to force myself to want him. I wrote adoring poems for him, little love songs on the erhu. With all my might I tried to coerce myself into loving him."

"I can't imagine that worked very well," Shifu said softly.

"It didn't. But it gave me something to focus on. A reason to continue to survive." She sighed, looking at the fire. The far-away, desolate look in her eyes finally had a context. Shifu felt overwhelmed with anguish for her. He squeezed her hand.

"It gets worse," she said. "It was not long before I discovered I was with child."

Shifu's heart dropped into his stomach.

"I didn't know what to do. My only hope was that the news might change things for the better. Perhaps Gan would treat me like a living being when he knew I carried his child. But MeiLan had been unable to produce an heir thus far, and she would be enraged beyond all reason when she found I had managed to conceive when she had not. There would be no end to it.

"I soon realized that anything I gained by the pregnancy would be short lived. The child would likely be very large, large enough to cause me to miscarry or die in childbirth. Should I live I would almost certainly not be allowed to raise it. I could not be certain the child would survive either. I knew of no living Huli Jung fox and Fennec fox child. However I could be certain that, if it did live, it would not live for long. MeiLan would plot against the child's life from the moment it was born. It's existence would always hang in the balance of the Emperor's whim and the Empress's rage. It would never know real love or true safety. Even were I to survive the birth and was allowed to raise it as my own, it would be slowly poisoned by the Forbidden City, which turns everyone within its walls to monsters. I could not bear it." She wept. "I could not bear it, Shifu. You must understand. I .. I did the only thing I knew to do. The only thing that made sense to me."

Shifu nodded.

"I had my servant prepare a warm bath. I ... I took the blade from a razor and opened my wrists. This is no small feat. The pain was tremendous. But I managed, somehow. I laid back in the bath and waited for death to come."

"It did not. In my sorrow I had forgotten that the servant who ran the bath would be back within the hour to drain it." She gave a grim laugh. "Pretty bad planning on my part, wouldn't you say? I never felt stupider in my life."

"You're joking about it."

"Joking is far better than anything else I can do about it. You have to admit a failed suicide attempt is intrinsically funny. A person who is miserable enough to die but too miserable to figure out how? Ah, I shall write a song about it one day. Something to be sung in bars."

"That might be too grim even for a bar," he replied.

"It would have a very uplifting melody. I'd list all the ways it would have been better to kill myself than the way I tried. You could help me. I'm sure you know of possibilities I'd never consider."

"I know a great deal about killing other people, not oneself. I could perhaps help you if you wished to commit suicide by way of another person."

"How would I commit suicide by crocodile bandit?"

"Jump into his jaws."

"Ah, see? We're already on our way."

"I hate to think where."

She thought for a moment. "So do I. Especially since the years that followed were the happiest of my life.

"When the servant found me she ran screaming for the palace physician. He repaired me somehow, I don't remember much. I had not cut deeply enough to bleed to death. As I said it was very painful, and I stopped too soon.

"I of course told Dr. Chang that I was with child, and he of course went directly to Gan with the news. The next day my belongings were packed and I was sent away from the Forbidden City with a clutch of servants and Dr. Chang himself. We went south, to Gan's summer palace. I was to spend my pregnancy there.

"To this day I am not entirely sure why Gan sent me from the Forbidden City. At the time I thought that he had shown me mercy, that perhaps there was a small spark of goodness within him somewhere. He must have known MeiLan would do everything she could to end the pregnancy. She could have put harmful herbs in my food that would make the baby come too early, or she could have killed me outright. Perhaps Gan cared enough to protect his child, even if he cared nothing for me.

"In the years since however, I think I have seen his likely motive. He did not wish anyone in the Forbidden City to know that his first child would be half Fennec, not a true Huli Jing. He wished to deny his parentage entirely, especially if the child turned out to be a son and first line for the throne.

"In the first Huli Jing dynasty, hundreds of years ago, a law was written to discourage any future Emperor from contaminating the bloodline. It says that should a child who is not of pure blood take the throne, any nobleman of pure blood can contest him and seek rulership for himself. If the mixed blood Emperor did not tire of the endless litigation and hand over the empire willingly he would surely be killed, at which point an outright battle would arise, which could lead eventually to civil war if a victor did not emerge quickly. My child could have cost Gan's future children the empire.

"Because of this I prayed and prayed for a daughter. I knew Gan would not let a son live for long. A daughter, while still technically in line for the throne should a son never emerge, was much less threatening.

"The pregnancy was extremely difficult. The child was very large and by the fifth month I could barely walk. I was bedridden and became depressed. I had to force myself to eat. I was constantly hungry but everything tasted awful. I was thankful, however, for the company of the servants and Dr. Chang. We became very close, like a family, and it was a relief to be away from the Forbidden City. It was a peaceful time, if tedious and frightening.

"By the seventh month it was obvious that I would not be able to deliver the child naturally. It would have to be cut from my womb, and while Dr. Chang was a brilliant physician, it was unlikely I would survive. I tried to seek peace, to ready myself for death. I did not feel I had much to look forward to at the time. It seemed almost a relief.

"I went into labor too early. The child was barely eight months along when my water broke. The pain was ... indescribable. My small body was trying to push with all its might to deliver a child it could not. Dr. Chang gave me so much opium it nearly stopped my heart. When I finally slept he cut the child from me. It was a girl, and though she was born early, she was strong as an ox. The servants said her first yowls were so loud they shook the house." Habika chuckled sadly. "I wish I had been awake to hear them."

"I'm sure you heard plenty of them later," Shifu said.

She laughed. "Oh yes. She was gifted with a magnificent pair of lungs."

"Tai Lung was like that. If he was upset or hungry or needed a change, you can bet the entire Jade Palace knew about it. At two in the morning. And at five. Every damn night." He chuckled.

She smiled. "He sounds like he was a fine baby."

"He was," Shifu said sadly. "He was."

"So Dr. Change, worker of miracles, did manage to put me back together, shoved all my guts back in and tied me up with a bow. However, I have not bled since that time. Dr. Chang told me that the pregnancy had been more than my womb could handle, and I could never carry another child." She sighed. "I took a long time to recover, and could not be much of a mother to Mahdi at first."

"Mahdi? Is that an African name?"

"Yes. To China her name is Jun, but she will always be my Mahdi. Oh, she was such a good, strong girl! I loved her so! More than I thought it possible to love!"

Shifu filled with nostalgia for Tai Lung.

"Once it was clear I had recovered and that Mahdi was healthy, Dr. Chang returned to the Forbidden City. He wrote to me. As I suspected Mahdi's existence was of utmost secrecy. The rest of the palace assumed Gan had tired of MeiLan's jealousy and had sent me away.

"As I thought, a girl baby did not demand any action on Gan's part. He did not send anyone from the Forbidden City. He left us at the summer palace in peace, for five whole years. And what a grand five years! To be away from the Forbbiden City, left in peace to raise my daughter! I have never been happier.

"Mahdi grew quickly. By the time she was four she was tall as me, and a good deal thicker! I was happy she was so strong and healthy but a toddler who is your size can be quite a challenge to deal with. Not many people understand that."

Shifu suddenly erupted in a great peal of laughter. "Oh, I know! I know that exactly! There's nothing quite as terrifying as an adult - sized toddler!" He gasped, "In those days ... I was very thankful ... to know kung fu!"

Habika cracked up. "How fortunate for you! Mahdi used to pick me up off the ground and carry me around like a doll! 'Be careful with Mommy! Be careful with Mommy!'"

"By the time Tai Lung was seven he could pick me up and throw me if it suited him!"

"And you let him?"

"On those days I really regretted teaching him kung fu!"

"Didn't think that one through, did you?"

"It really came back to bite me in the ass, didn't it?"

They howled and snorted till they were gasping and exhausted with glee.

"Oh dear. Oh my," Habika panted. "So nice someone else knows my pain!"

"Indeed!" Shifu caught his breath, wiping away a tear. "Ah! Heh. Now then, on with your story."

She nodded, collecting herself. "Well, I had a lovely five years being carried around by my daughter. Such a happy time. We all loved her. The servants became as family to us, she called them aunties and uncles. Oh, she was such a bad girl! Always getting into everything. She used to hide things everywhere. Once she hid all of the chopsticks in the palace and refused to tell anyone where she put them. The nearest town was a day's walk away and we had to eat everything with our hands like farmers. She had her father's sadistic streak, I think. A little bit. But a wonderful girl overall, very very smart. And beautiful."

"Well of course," Shifu said. "Her mother is smart and beautiful."

Habika blushed, averting her eyes. "Thank you."

Shifu's heart melted with adoration. _No,_ he thought. _Stop that._

"So," he said. "You were saying?"

"Hm? Oh, yes. Five happy, uneventful years. I thought perhaps Gan had forgotten about us, and we would be able to live our lives undisturbed at the summer palace." She sighed. "But it was not to be. A few months after Mahdi's fifth birthday a palace envoy with two carriages came in the middle of the night. Gan had sent for us. We were to pack our things and go with them immediately. We met them outside the palace with our bags, and ... and ... " Habika began to weep, her breath trapped in her chest, the silent, deep weeping of true grief.

She gasped. "They ... they took ... they took Mahdi from me, took her to the second carriage. I asked why, they said she was not my ... my concern anymore. I screamed and fought but I am ... so small ... and they were armed. She was crying and howling for me and I could do nothing! I have never felt so helpless, so useless! They threw her into the carriage and headed south. I demanded to know where they were taking her but they just said again, it was no longer my concern. They overpowered me, pushed me into the carriage, locked the door. We headed north down the road. As ... as we left I heard screams. I ... I looked out the rear window and ... and ..." She paused and looked upward, as though entreating heaven to help her. "The guards were killing the servants. Running them through with swords." She gave a great heaving sobs. "I screamed and screamed and screamed, I could do nothing, nothing!"

Horrified, her pain overpowering propriety, Shifu reached for her. She wrapped her arms around him and wailed like a child. He held her shuddering body close, resting his cheek against the top of her head, slowly rocking her. _Damn the Emperor to hell,_ he thought. _If I ever see that son of a bitch I'll kill him._

After she recovered somewhat she leaned against him, exhausted. "I never found out where they took Mahdi, or what happened to her. I do not know if she is dead or alive. No one would answer me. I tried to get an audience with Gan but he would not see me, nor did he call for me at night. He had no interest in me. I suppose he found better ways of enraging MeiLan while I was gone.

"MeiLan's hatred of me was as strong and fresh as ever. The servants took me to her court to announce my return. I bowed low to her. She rose from her throne and walked towards me. I hoped that she had found some love in her heart for me in the intervening years. She stood over me, commanded me to rise. I did. I looked right into her eyes, hoping for something, anything. She ... she spat on me, and said 'get this whore out of my sight.'"

"Oh, Habika," Shifu said.

"The time between then and now is a bit of a blur. I was alone again. I requested no company and none requested mine. I stopped giving a damn about the world. I stopped caring how I looked, what I ate. Most days I didn't bother to take off my nightgown. Nothing mattered.

"I learned that Gan's noblemen were unhappy with his rulership and were planning a coup. They asked to hold their secret meetings in my rooms, as no one ever visited me or paid me a thought. MeiLan no longer had spies watching over me. Some other poor woman had Gan's eye and was her current concern.

"The conspirators were kind to me. Their kindness was from pity, I knew. They treated me as you might a sick old woman. I had no pride at that point, I didn't care. I enjoyed the company, and the subterfuge. I listened raptly to the plans I wished I could be a part of them, wished I could be the one to slit Gan's throat as he slept. I helped the conspirators in any way I could. They were the ones who warned me of the wager MeiLan and Gan made with my life.

"I do not know how it came about exactly. MeiLan was displeased about my return and had been relentlessly demanding Gan send me away again. I suppose he tired of hearing about it. Instead of capitulating entirely he made it into a game. He does like his games. The games are why I hoped MeiLan would win, and I would die on this journey. I am ever so weary of Gan's games ripping my life apart. I will not survive another one. I would rather do my sister the favor of dying here than die at Gan's hand. How ironic, that my death has become the only thing in this life I can control. At not even that well."

She sighed. "So that is my story. Now here we are."

Shifu held her close. "By the gods, little one. By the gods. I don't know what to say. How have you lived through such nightmares? You have the strength of a warrior."

"I do not feel like a warrior," she said. "I do not feel strong."

"You are more of a warrior than you know. You have the spirit. If you'll allow me, I'll be honored to teach you kung-fu."

She sat up suddenly, looking him in the eye. "Oh no. No, no, you mustn't. You mustn't ever."

He was surprised by her fierce objection. "Why not?"

"Don't teach me how to hurt people, Shifu. Don't give me the ability to kill. I will use it. If I had your talents, I would sneak into the Forbidden City in the dead of night and tear out Gan's heart. I would watch the life drain from his eyes and laugh, so he could bring my laughter down with him into hell. You must never give me that knowledge. I will use it."

"You're deadly serious, aren't you?"

She nodded.

"Thank you for your honesty, Habika. I will honor your request. However, if you do not wish to learn how to harm people, I can perhaps teach you how to keep people from harming you."

She tilted her head, interested.

"I can teach you blocks, dodges, deflections. You are light and lithe, and can move fast. I could teach you be difficult to strike and nearly impossible to capture. Would you like that?"

She considered it for a moment. "Yes. Yes, I think I would."

"Good!" Shifu took her hand and rose, leading her up with him. "Let's begin."

"What? Wait, now?"

He nodded. "Of course."

"Shifu, I ... I'm exhausted. Could we start in the morning?"

He blinked. "Oh. Yes, of course. Forgive me."

"It's fine, I appreciate your enthusiasm. I'm sorry I cannot match it at the moment." She smiled wearily and began to straighten her makeshift bed. Suddenly her exhaustion seemed to show on her face. She rubbed her eyes and burrowed underneath the covers, then sat up. "Shifu?"

"Yes?" He knelt next to her.

She rose on her knees and put her arms around his neck. "Thank you for listening to me," she said, resting her forehead against his. "I am happy being here with you. You have such a kind spirit. You're a good man, the best I've ever known. I ... I am so glad to have met you."

"And I you, Princess," he softly replied.

She pressed her lips to his, briefly and firmly. "We'll start my lessons in the morning?"

Struck speechless, he merely nodded. It took all the restraint he had not to keep kissing her, to slide his arms around her and lower her down to the bed. His heart raced.

She stroked his cheek and smiled. "I look forward to it. Good night, Shifu." She released him and lay down, looking content, smiling up at him.

"Sleep well, little one."

She burrowed down into the covers and shut her eyes. "You too."

Shifu rose and walked absently to the mouth of the cave. The storm still blazed. Oh gods. The poor girl. Every nerve in him screamed to do something about this, anything to help her. He could not bear to return her to the torture of the monarchy. There had to be another way.

She'd kissed him! Oh, what a sweet kiss. He burned. He was in pain with need for her. How much longer would this torture go on? How long could he remain here with her without succumbing to his emotions. Every day that passed he fell more in -

 _No,_ Shifu thought. The word came down like an anvil. _You are not, you cannot. You made an oath to kung fu before all things. You have a palace to run and a valley full of people that depend on you to be clear headed and without distraction. You swore to make that sacrifice and you will uphold it, like an honorable man._

Another part of him was pleading, begging, aching against that anvil of a voice. But her hands, her voice, her sweet sad soul! Her eyes, her sorrow! _I must protect her! I must care for her! With all the blood in my body I must!_

 **No!** boomed the great anvil. _Tai Lung is dead because you let love get the better of you. You cannot allow that to happen again. You will not. This feeling will pass. Your oath will never will._

Tears pricked his eyes. He had a thought he immediately buried. He shut his eyes and tried to un-think it, to slice it apart, to pretend it never happened. It was awful and ungrateful and he was ashamed to have fathomed it.

If I had known this would come, he'd thought, I'd never have taken that oath.

 **000**


	8. a dragon of living crystal

**chapter eight: a dragon of living crystal**

He slept fitfully. He'd meditated and done drills in an attempt to tire himself out, but he was merely going through the motions. There was a stone of frustration and sadness lodged in his chest he could not dissolve. Nothing he had learned in forty five years of kung fu mastery could make it budge. Not even meditating on detachment from earthly things made a dent; he could no more detach from his own liver or lungs. Did he now require her for survival, too?

He eventually sat down in his nest of blankets and watched her sleep, helplessly. She was so little and sweet, a blissful circumference of sandy fur. She would shudder a bit. Her foot twitched. Her little hand moved. She was so tiny but so strong. What pain she'd endured! With every bone in his body he needed to protect her. The urge was instinctual, barbaric. This was his cave, and she was his woman; it was the most natural thing in the world, and the one thing that could never be true.

He found himself wishing for the Adversary, or something equally satisfying to beat the living hell out of. For want of it he lay on his back, angry, and counted to pockmarks in the cave ceiling, angry, until he fell into an uncomfortable and disturbed sleep.

 **000**

He had a dream in which he'd been walking down a road, quite determined to get somewhere. All around him were meadows of long grass. Suddenly he'd entered a very dark forest, and night seemed to fall within it. The farther along he went the darker it became, until the only illumination was from the moon. He looked up so it could light his way and was captivated. How had he gone so long without realizing how beautiful the moon was? It wasn't just a flat pale disk. It was glowing, changing, faceted like a cut jewel and deep as the ocean. He began to sing an old song he knew about the moon, a beloved song he hadn't sang since childhood. The words glowed, floating up to the beautiful moon like fireflies.

Suddenly, and too late, he realized that he was being followed by an enemy. Out of the forest a heavy lead anvil came flying, striking him in the throat. It melted around his neck, strangling his song in his chest. He looked up to see his assailant. It was the Adversary, the sand doll from the training hall! Only it wore a Master's robe and a ceremonial headdress! It had a metal anvil- hand around his throat but it looked so silly Shifu wanted to laugh.

Suddenly Po was alongside him. "That's pretty funny," he said, rolling his eyes and gesturing to the sand doll.

"Help me, you idiot!" Shifu cried, and then snapped awake, gasping.

"All right, all right!," Habika cried. "I don't know what you want me to do, they're your nightmares!" She was looking down at him, displeased. "And I'll thank you to watch who you're calling an idiot."

"Oh!" Shifu said, catching his breath. He put his hand on her forearm. "Not you, little one, I'm sorry. It was Po. He's the idiot."

"Why?"

"A sandbag with an anvil for a hand had me by the throat, and he was just sitting there laughing."

"Some friend he is!"

"My feelings exactly!"

"Well, not to worry, there are no anvil-handed sandbags to get you here. Just breakfast." She smiled and patted his hand. "Time to get up! We have much kung-fu'ing to do today!"

He chuckled. She immediately put him in a good mood, just with her smile. "I appreciate your enthusiasm. What's for breakfast?"

"This morning we have scallion hotcakes, deep fried devils with powdered sugar, sweet soybean milk, perfectly ripe oranges and fresh lychee nuts," she said, handing him a bowl of congee.

"Sounds lovely. Perhaps afterwards we could buy a water chestnut cake? No, a thousand layer sweetcake. With egg topping."

"You have a sweet tooth, Shifu?"

"Aha, now you know my dreadful secret," he replied stirring the sad, bland congee.

"Secret? Why?"

"'Secret' is a bit of an exaggeration ... perhaps it is better to describe it as 'rarely indulged.' Myself and my students keep to a steady diet of vegetables, tofu, and brown rice. It keeps us in top condition, but can get monotonous. Some days I'd sell my soul for a piece of thousand layer cake."

She smiled slyly. "Hmm. I know what I'm buying as soon as we get to a town."

"Aha! I knew you would use that against me, you temptress."

"Me? Temptress? Come now, We all need to indulge ourselves now and again."

"See?" he pointed his spoon at her. "Temptress."

"When I'm tempting you, you'll know it," she said. Their eyes met and they both looked quickly away, blushing, the possible double meaning of the phrase striking them simultaneously.

"Heh. Right," Shifu said. "So, after we're done with breakfast, I think we should start our day with some meditation. I know it's not your favorite thing but you must learn to do it," he said in response to her disappointed look. "It is very important. And it becomes easier with time. So finish up and we'll get started. Yes?"

"Okay," she replied. "Can't wait."

He was about to correct her, to tell her the proper response was "Yes, Master" and teach her the salute and bow, but he did not. Once she called him Master and saluted him, any other type of relationship was automatically ruled out by the ethics required of him as a teacher. Not that any other relationship was going to occur ... but it was a can of worms he was not eager to open, at least not this morning.

They finished breakfast, and Shifu folded some blankets into a thick mat for them to sit on. "This is better for now. One of these days you'll be so focused in your meditation that you'll be perfectly able to sit on a freezing cold, pebbly, uneven cave floor for hours without a problem."

"Until my bottom goes numb?"

He chuckled. "The bottom going numb is the high point of the experience."

"You're not really selling me on this, Shifu."

"Sit down, you silly thing." He patted the spot in front of him and she complied, sitting facing him, their knees almost touching. "Do you remember anything from the last time? Sit up straight, straighten your spine ... more ... no, more than that. More." He hesitated. "I'm going to touch you, is that all right?"

She nodded. He gently pushed her collarbone while pressing upwards on the nape of her neck, so her spine aligned and straightened. She closed her eyes. Was she savoring his touch?

Don't flatter yourself, old man.

"So you meant STRAIGHT, straight," she said. "I'm not sure how long I can keep this up."

"If you can manage to get through the initial discomfort, you'll find it is much easier to remain like that than it is to sit hunched. However this is your first real attempt at meditation, and if you shift or move to remain comfortable that is acceptable. Your mental state is the important thing."

"Can I lie down?"

He chuckled. "An experienced student could, perhaps, but you? You'll fall asleep."

She seemed about to argue the point, but conceded. "Yes. Yes I would."

He nodded. "Now then, arms like this, palms up. The palms are up, open to receive energy from the universe through the left and return it through the right. Like that, yes. Now, many teachers may take you through a guided meditation, have you imagine you're in front of a peaceful lake or in a meadow or some other such nonsense. All that does is engage you in a useless fantasy for fifteen minutes, so I'm going to try to show you the real way to go about it.

"Do you remember last time you tried this? When I told you to empty your mind, you said 'but there's so much in my mind!'"

"Yes ... ?"

"Your mind is not going to be empty. Ever. Not until you have been meditating for years and years, and likely not even then. So, the goal today is not to empty your mind, it is merely to observe your mind."

"Observe ...?"

"Yes. Let whatever thoughts come, come, but step back from them. Detach from them, do not let yourself become emotionally engaged by them. Just observe what thoughts your mind sends up, watch it work, as though you were watching a play or a dance."

She raised her hand, like a child at a school desk. "May I ask a question?"

He nodded. "Of course."

"I think I may be better at this if I know the eventual goal of it. Why am I observing my mind?"

Shifu smiled. So few students ever asked the 'why' of anything, and merely did as they were told. Her mind was so curious, so agile. A wave of thick, warm adoration washed over him.

"That's a good question. You see, the end goal of meditation is to obtain mastery of the the mind. Most people spend their entire lives as slaves to their minds. You're tossed about by sudden thoughts, emotional whims, dreams and nightmares. The goal of watching your mind is to get to know it, as you might a wild horse, so that one day you might catch it with a bridle and make it work for you, instead of you working for it. The mind should be a tool for your soul, and for most, it is the other way around."

Her eyes were wide, fascinated. "What an interesting idea! Have you reached that level of mastery over your mind?"

He laughed. "Ha! No no, little one. No, not even close. Oogway did, perhaps. But I continue to try. Now then! Breath in through the nose, out through the mouth, like this, and we'll be silent for fifteen minutes. All right?"

She nodded, closed her eyes, and they breathed together. After a few moments he felt her relax, the energy of the cavern changing, becoming quieter, and somehow warmer.

Once she relaxed, he finally could. He felt himself slipping into a successfully blissful meditation, surprisingly quickly. It came upon him like a replenishing wave of breath and light. He heard her sigh, and then so did he. He felt himself float away, as though he had tapped directly into the heavens and was ready to leave his body entirely. It was a stage of meditation he sometimes reached after hours of effort, a wonderful annihilation. For it to happen so soon was strange but fortunate, and he did not fight it. He breathed into it and let himself go free.

He felt, oddly, that Habika was with him in this blissfulness. He could feel her around him, everywhere, her strong soul and broken heart. Was she lifting him into this state, or was he lifting her? Or were they lifting each other? They were weightless and buoyant in endless peace, oceans of light.

By the time he came back to himself he was unsure how much time had passed, but it mattered little. Her little fingers had intertwined with his, and they had both leaned forward, towards each other, till their foreheads nearly touched. Their eyes fluttered open at the same moment.

"What was that?" she whispered.

"I ... I don't know," he replied.

Their eyes met and he felt himself falling. She brushed her lips across his. He leaned forward and found them again. He wrapped his arms around her, clutching her, pulling her towards him. She threw her arms around his neck, pressing herself against his body. She gasped and the kisses turned savage, frenzied, clutching. He kissed her jaw, her beautiful neck, feeling her warm heartbeat on his lips. With a little trill of pleasure she titled her head back and he kissed the hollow of her throat.

"Shifu," she whispered.

His name fell on him like a cold rain, who he was, what he was doing, his life, his duties, his oath. In vain he tried to silence them but he could not, as much pleasure as her body offered he knew he could not. With a distressed cry he put his hands on her shoulders and gently pushed her away, the sudden loss of contact freezing his skin.

His head dropped and he closed his eyes, panting. "Habika I can't," he said, "I want to but I can't. I made an oath, I ... I pledged my life ... I can't, little one, I'm so sorry ..."

She had frozen in his arms, her body still and unyielding. After a moment came a strangled, "Oh ..." He released his grip on her and she fell back from him, onto her knees.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so, so sorry ..." he breathed. He couldn't look up at her, he couldn't face her.

"I ... I understand," she finally whispered. She sounded morose, deflated.

"I should have told you," he said, looking at his own lap, his hands limp at his sides.

"You did," she replied. "Not in so many words, but ... you did. I was hoping ... maybe ... you weren't talking about yourself ..."

He looked up at her, finally. A spark he hadn't realized was in her eyes till that moment was now gone, it's absence loud as a scream. It wrenched at his heart, as though he was watching something die and could do nothing.

"I'm so sorry," was all he could say.

She looked away. "I wish you'd been more specific," she replied. Her voice had gained an edge.

"I should have been."

"I thought ... I mean, I ..."

"I know. I'm sorry," he said, feeling more defeated and useless by the minute.

"It seemed that maybe, it could be ..." She looked at him, then away towards the fire, and some sort of resolve came to her. "But no. Not to be." She hesitated a moment and rose to her feet. She walked to the fire, her arms crossed, her back to him.

He got to his feet, almost nauseated. He had never felt so weak and futile. "The last thing I ever wanted was to cause you pain, Habika. I'm ... I'm sorry."

"You said that," she replied sharply. She glanced over her shoulder him. She looked defiant, almost proud, like the princess she was. "So, shall we continue our kung-fu lessons, or will that be all?"

He winced at her biting tone, knowing he deserved it. "Ah, no. No, we'll...we'll take a break here."

"Very well." She went over to her bed and retrieved some poetry books. She sat down and began wrapping herself in a cocoon of blankets, so many as to be nearly comical, constructing a thick cloth shell between her and Shifu.

She opened the book and made a surprised sound. She had found yet another cigarette pressed between the pages. She turned to the fire and lit it, without looking at him, then turned away, pretending to read her poetry.

The cave filled with the musky, aphrodisiacal scent of cloves, and Shifu suddenly knew he had to get out of there. Between Habika's disappointment and the scent of her cigarette he would start to lose his mind.

But where to go? Outside the stupid fucking blizzard still raged. What was he going to do, hide in the back of the cave like a bat? Looking at the scene, it seemed to be the best option he had. He took a small piece of firewood and set it alight, like a torch, and walked to the back of the cave.

"I'm just ... going to see what's back here," he said. Oh gods, it sounded weak.

She didn't reply.

He wasn't expecting to find anything of interest, but perhaps if he was lucky he would disturb a hungry hibernating animal with sharp teeth that would be kind enough to tear him limb from limb.

He waved the torch around. Yep, just the rounded back of a cave. Mission accomplished. He turned, trying to figure how next to pretend to distract himself, when something caught his eye. There was a hollow space near the floor of the cave, small enough to crouch in. He lowered himself down and thrust the torch through to have a look. To his surprise the hollow went back quite a way. He wriggled in further. Quite a way! Actually it .. it didn't have a back at all! This little crawlspace was a tunnel which seemed to lead to another, larger cavern.

"Well how about that," he said, thrilled to have found something which could occupy him.

"What?" Habika called.

"It seems like this is an entry way into another cavern," he said. "I think I may go have a look. Will you be all right here on your own for a bit?"

She looked entirely unconcerned, ashing her cigarette. "Should be."

"I'll be back within the hour."

She nodded curtly and returned to her book. She was trying so hard not to look sad and angry that he was nearly tempted to apologize again, but he didn't. You've done enough damage, he thought, as he lowered himself to the ground and crawled through the entrance into the next cavern.

 **000**

He emerged into a space that was narrow, but tall enough for him to stand in. This went on for about twenty feet, and then opened onto a much lager space. He gasped. He was on a thick ledge that overlooked a green, luminescent river flowing through a space the size of a cathedral. It was majestic, heavy with stalactites, and quite well lit due to holes in the ceiling where light and snow came through.

"Wow," he whispered into the emptiness.

He heard a sound that put him on edge. A shuffling, a snort. His ear twitched towards the sound. Near the river, almost father than he could see, a dark shape moved. He froze, not wanting to alarm it, and squinted. Whatever it was it was big, and oddly shaped, and had ... by the gods, it had six legs!

His mind raced. What the hell kind of animal that size lives in a cave and has six legs?

Suddenly there was another snort, and a high pitched whinny. The creature moved into the light, leaving two of its legs behind. It was, to Shifu's relief, a horse. Two horses, in fact, drinking from the river. They wore red bridles but the leads hung useless at their sides. They must have belonged to the soldiers that had attacked them, and had found their way in here through another cave entrance. They were a most fortunate find. After the storm let up he could capture them and hitch them to the carriage.

Oh, what a fun journey that was going to be.

Shifu groaned aloud. Gods, was their time together going to be painfully awkward from this point on? He couldn't bear the thought of sitting in the cave in uncomfortable silence for days on end.

What an idiot he'd been! He should have said something, made it clear from the first that he could not take a mate, no matter how brutally he ached for her. It was even worse now that he'd truly kissed her and touched her as a lover might. The encounter was burned into his mind and skin, he'd never stop wanting her now. Oh, gods, she was so light and soft, her heartbeat under his lips, the delicate hollow of her throat! It would kill him, sure as a sword!

And what of that strange trance! That had never happened to him before, and certainly never in the company of another person. It may have been odd for him, but it was surely bizarre for Habika. To reach a height like that on the first attempt was unheard of. Had she been afraid? She did not seem so. Perhaps it was a symptom of their togetherness, some sort of side effect of the energy they created, that they were able to ascend so greatly when meditating together. Had it been any other situation he'd have taken it as a some sort of sign. Why else were they driven to kiss with such passion?

"A moments peace," he said, his voice echoing through the cavern, "a moment's peace is all I ask in return for a lifetime of service to kung fu, but you cannot see fit to grant me even that," he said, unsure to whom he was speaking.

A wave of futility passed through him and he suddenly felt exhausted. He sat down on the ledge overlooking the beautiful green river and put his head in his hands.

"Master Oogway," he said. "Master, I need your help. Wherever you are, if you can hear me, I beg of you. I don't know what to do. As your student, as your old friend, please. Help me."

He sat, he waited. There was no answer.

 _Of course there's no answer,_ he thought. _What were you expecting, you idiot? Grousing on about a woman like you were seventeen! For crying out loud, they call you a Master? Master of what, lovelorn angst? Terrible parenting? Drug addiction? Fat assed pandas? You ought to hand the Jade Palace over to Tigress and go home to your mother. You're no good at this._

 _Beating up on yourself won't get you anywhere either,_ he thought ruefully. _Nothing you do will get you anywhere, there is nowhere to be gotten. It is what it is. You have to accept it and move on. That's just life. Suck it up, walk it off. No rest for the weary._

 _No answer._

He sat and watched the river, the glowing green phosphorescence flowing steadily down, winding past rocks on its way to who- knew- where. How many thousands of years had it run through here? Long enough to carve its way through the middle of this cavern? How many hundreds of lifetimes had this river seen?

He watched the water and felt steadily calmer. He realized he was exhausted from the day, the emotional turmoil, from everything. He wanted to drift off to sleep, but he knew he shouldn't. He didn't want to lose track of time sleeping and worry Habika. So he watched the green flowing river, a green that reminded him of the Hall of Warriors, and of Oogway. He watch it flow until he seemed to flow along with it, swirling faster and faster, to who - knew - where.

 **000**

He had an overwhelming impulse to meditate. He and sank nearly instantly into the same deliciously peaceful trance he'd earlier shared with Habika. He let himself be swept about by waves of gorgeous golden light, and when he opened his eyes the entire cavern seemed filled with it. The river flowed, waving and bending like a dragon of living crystal. It was breathtaking. He felt entirely subdued and at peace just watching it.

"It is very beautiful, isn't it, my old friend?" Oogway said.

"It is, Master," Shifu replied.

Oogway sat on the ledge next to him. Shifu knew he should have been surprised but somehow he wasn't. It felt very right and natural that Oogway was there, as though he had been there all along, but it was only now Shifu could see him.

"You're looking well, Master," Shifu said, smiling. "How is the next life?"

"It's interesting," Oogway replied. "Lots to do."

"Like what?"

Oogway chuckled. "If I tell you it'll ruin the surprise. Besides, that is not why I am here."

Shifu nodded. "You're here about Habika."

"Yes."

Shifu sighed. "I'm in love with her."

"Yes."

"But I cannot be."

"Why not?"

"I vowed to place the duties of kung fu before all other bonds. You were there the day I took that oath, Oogway."

Oogway nodded. "Yes, and I admire you for your loyalty. You have fulfilled that duty of kung fu admirably, my old friend. But I am here to tell you that now it is time for you to stop."

Shifu blinked. "Stop?"

Oogway laughed. "Oh Shifu, always following the letter of the thing before the spirit of the thing! You must become more open to the possibilities of the universe, my friend."

Shifu looked at Oogway with questioning eyes.

Oogway's eyes filled with light, and he smiled. "When you received the message from the Emperor saying that the carriage outside carried a rare and priceless gift, it did indeed. But it wasn't for the mongols, my old friend. It was for you. She is a gift, Shifu, a most beneficial gift. And what is beneficial for you, the most revered teacher in China, will be beneficial for kung-fu. See now ..."

Shifu was suddenly shown an image in his mind's eye. It took him a moment to realize that he watched himself, only older, much older. He sat at a desk writing angrily. Suddenly there was someone else. It was Habika, though she seemed wizened, and wore spectacles. She set a cup of tea down next to him, scratched his ear and kissed his forehead. He looked up at her and smiled, as though merely seeing her had cured his bad mood. He said something to her and she laughed, then leaned in to see what he was writing. The scene filled Shifu's heart with gladness, and familiarity. A rightness.

"She ... she won't tire of me?" Shifu asked Oogway. "I am nearly twice her age, surely she will lose interest one day."

Oogway shook his head, smiling. "No."

"Really ...?" Shifu wrung his hands. "I .. I haven't been with a woman in thirty years. What if- "

Oogway waved his hand. "You'll be fine, Shifu. No one ever forgets what to do."

Shifu flushed bright pink. "You can read my mind now, can't you?"

He chuckled. "Yep."

Shifu put his head in hands.

"Don't worry, I don't do it often!" Oogway said.

"Could you not to it at all?"

Oogway gave an echoing hoot of a laugh. "Oh Shifu, I have missed you."

Shifu startled. Something had occurred to him. "Wait. Wait a second. You wouldn't come to me this way if this were merely about this. Is something wrong?"

"Why must something be wrong for me to want to see my old friend?"

"So nothing's wrong?"

"I didn't say that." Oogway thought for a moment. "This is indeed bigger than the both of you. Your actions, like everyone's, ripple outward through the universe. As I said, what is beneficial to you is beneficial to kung-fu. What is beneficial to kung-fu is beneficial to the Valley of Peace. What is beneficial to the Valley of Peace is beneficial to China, to the Forbidden City, and so on throughout the Universe. So yes, Shifu, something is wrong, but it is not wrong yet, and it is nothing that will not be solved by you and Habika loving one another."

"Wow," Shifu replied.

"Totally far -out, isn't it?"

"Totally." Shifu hesitated a moment. "Master, does this ... does this mean I will not exit the cycle of death a re-birth at the end of my life?"

Oogway shook his head. "No, Shifu. Not on the merits of this life. Perhaps the next."

"Oh," Shifu said. "I ... I thought, perhaps ..."

"Oh, my old friend," Oogway said, putting his heavy hand on Shifu's back. "You are not here to move beyond samsara this time. You are here to teach, and to be taught. And you are here to love, and be loved. So go back to Habika. Love her, and let her love you. This is your path now."

Shifu felt a weight drop from his heart, a weight he did not even know was there. He was filled with buoyant, tearful relief. "I see. That is good to know, Oogway. That is good to know."

"But remember, nothing is written in stone, Shifu. The future I showed you is not certain. There are challenges ahead, and you and she both must be vigilant."

Shifu nodded.

"Now I must go, but I want you to give Habika a message from me. Tell her I said her Turkish violin is just where she left it."

"What does that mean?"

"She will know what it means."

"I will tell her. Thank you, Oogway. For everything. For .. for my life," Shifu said, bowing.

Oogway smiled. "You have done well, my student. I am so very proud of you." Oogway bowed. "Now go!"

And suddenly he snapped back to himself with a gasp, as though tossed back into his body from a great height, his limbs jerking. It was unpleasant, like awakening from a falling dream. How much time had passed? His makeshift torch was nearly done. A little more than an hour. It was time to get back before Habika worried.

Shifu's heart leapt.

Habika!

 **000**


	9. the yin and the yang

**chapter nine: the yin and the yang**

Shifu darted through the narrow passage so quickly he nearly lost his footing. Oogway had freed him from his oath! He was free to love Habika however he wished! He ducked down and did a quick somersault through the low tunnel and rolled into the warm, now familiar home cave, orange with firelight and still smelling of clove.

Habika gasped and jumped, startled. "Shifu!" she exclaimed. "I ... uh - " she turned away, sniffling and quickly wiping her eyes as though she had been crying but did not want him to know. She cleared her throat. "How was your exploring?"

He began to say something. He had no idea what, as it vaporized before he could utter a word. All he could see was Habika, sitting in front of the blazing fire, wrapped in blankets and looking over her little shoulder at him, waiting for his reply.

And it would not come.

The absurdity of the situation had stopped his brain from connecting with his voice. Not an hour ago he was absolutely certain that she was, for all intents and purposes, unattainable. But he'd just had a vision - how was he going to explain _that?_ \- which put her within reach, and he was frozen in place like a shy child at the mere sight of her!

He stood there, mouth bobbing like a fish out of water.

"Are ... you all right?" she asked.

He gestured lamely to the tunnel entrance and tried to speak, his hands, brain, and voice betraying him. He finally managed to choke, "Horses."

"... Horses?"

"Yes, I - " he cleared his throat, "I. Er. I found them. Horses, I mean. In the cave."

"You found ... horses ... in the cave?"

"Uh, yes. There's a much larger cavern through the passage. Huge. Like a palace. The horses are in there. I can probably capture them, hook them up to the carriage. Later, I mean. When we're ... when we're ready to leave."

She nodded slowly. "That's good news. Why are you just standing back there? It's cold, come warm up by the fire."

He did as she asked. He couldn't take his eyes off her. Before, it was as though he was holding something back, not letting himself feel her full effect on him because he could not afford to. He had thought he was on the threshold of what he could bear before, but that was nothing! He made his way over to the fire and sat down, unable to take his eyes off of her, as though she'd given him brain damage just by existing.

It was a stroke of luck that she wasn't looking directly at him, lest she be alarmed. Her eyes were downcast, away, and sad. "There's soup. I thought you might be hungry. Oh, and some tea, if you like."

He nodded. She poured a cup and placed it in front of him, sighing. "Shifu, I ... there's something I need to say to you."

He nodded. It was automatic. She could have recited imperial tax records, if it came out of her mouth it was poetry.

She wrung her hands in her lap. "I'm sorry for being short with you earlier. It was rude of me to snap at you like that, after all you've done for me. After you saved my life. Thank you for that, by the way. I'm not sure I thanked you. Hell, I don't know how to thank you.

"But listen, what I want to say is ... is that I have come to care for you. I've come to care about you a great deal, and admire and respect you. And I'm attracted to you, and I would have loved to .. to be more intimate with you, but I realize you took those vows, and that you've dedicated your life to a cause you believe in. That's more than I've ever done, so who am I to hold that against you? You're amazing, you're an amazing man, and I can love you for that, and not ... not try to be closer to you ... than I can."

She cleared her throat. "So, I want to make a pact with you, right now. We won't be anything more than friends. Good friends, close friends, but just friends. I want you to know you can trust me, because I honor you, vows and all." She held out her hand. "Deal?"

He took her hand, and he suddenly knew what he would do, and knew there was no stopping it. With a tug he pulled her into his arms and kissed her. Though startled she offered no resistance, melting into his embrace.

He pulled away. She looked up at him questioningly.

"I can explain," he said.

"Explain later," she gasped, kissing him back. The kisses quickly became fierce and grasping, as though the world would end if they didn't press themselves together as urgently as possible. Any trepidation Shifu may have felt dissolved into a feeling of happy rightness. He took her hand and kissed it. "You're coming back with me, to the Jade Palace," he said.

"The Emperor will come for me."

He put his arms around her, pulling her close to him, and said, "If he wants to take you, he's welcome to try."

She slid her arms around his neck. "Oh, my warrior," she sighed, and smiled as he lowered her down to the bed.

 **000**


	10. the rome to which every road lead

**chapter ten: the Rome to which every road lead**

They lounged lazily in front of the fire, curled together. Neither seemed to feel the need to speak, communicating instead through touches and kisses, sighs. He was surprised at how comfortable he was with this silence, as though they had been lovers like this for years. It was wonderfully restful and reassuring. He found himself a little disappointed that he'd never experienced it before.

The last lover he'd had, over thirty years ago, was a young rabbit girl who worked at the fen jiu house he used to frequent, back when he was nursing his wounded ego after Oogway told him he was not the Dragon Warrior. She was cute. Nights with her were fun due to her bouncy enthusiasm for him, and her amusing girlish silliness. She took his mind off his problems and he liked her, but he'd never just lain with her like this. Other than lust for each other they had no connection, nothing to talk about. He never longed to hold her, he was never drunk on her scent, he never felt his heart would burst with affection for her. The experience was fun, but he'd written that aspect of life off since then, feeling it was overblown.

It was nothing like this. This was an entirely different universe than anything he had ever felt before. Habika lay with her head on his shoulder, her arm thrown over his chest. Her sweet breath tickled his chin and her body was soft and warm at his side, and he could have died, right then, from overexposure to pure happiness.

He was amazed at how _clean_ he felt, like a thousand years of smog had been lifted from him. He would have expected to feel somewhat degraded had he been told he was going to have a savage tryst in a cave. He had been pent up, had needed this. Habika clearly had. She'd become amusingly floppy and happy, as though all her joints had turned to jelly. She sighed contentedly, scratching his chest.

"Shifu?" she asked.

"Hm?"

"What changed?"

Shifu hesitated for a moment. "It will seem strange to you," he said.

"All right."

"When I was in the larger cavern I asked Oogway for his help concerning the ... the problem of you and I. I feel so strongly about you, and I wanted this so badly, but I couldn't break my oath or find a way around it. So I asked the only person I felt might have an answer one way or another.

"I went into a very deep state of meditation, and it was there that Oogway appeared to me. He told me that I have held up that portion of my oath admirably, but that it is time for me to become more open to the possibilities of the universe. He said that you and I were destined to meet, and walk this path together. There is a larger good that will be served, some problem in the future that will be solved by you and I sharing our lives now. Wonderful news, is it not?"

He titled her chin up to kiss her. She looked pensive.

"What's wrong?"

"That's very nice, Shifu, but ... what if you only saw Oogway because you wanted to see Oogway?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, what if you vision wasn't real? What if you merely saw what you wanted to see to justify breaking your oath?"

"Are you suggesting it was a delusion?"

"I'm asking if there is a possibility it was."

"Nothing is impossible. But I doubt it."

"Like I said, mysticism is not in my nature. I find it hard to believe things without concrete proof. Maybe I'm just jaded, or bitter that I haven't felt any sort of divine force in my life, I don't know. But I would hate to think that you are sacrificing your integrity just for me."

Shifu nodded. "I see. It's very sweet of you to look out for me, little one, but I don't think you should worry. Oogway was my Master for forty five years, I know it was him. In fact, he had a message he wanted me to give to you."

Habika grinned, amused. "Did he now?"

"Yes. He told me to tell you that your Turkish violin is just where you left it."

She froze, her eyes wide as plates.

"What is it?"

"How did you know about that?" she whispered.

"I didn't. Oogway did. What was is it in reference to?"

She stared at him speechless, her fur standing on end.

"Are you all right, little one?"

"No," she said, her voice barely a whisper. "No, I'm frightened. When ... when the scholars and I were passing through the middle east, they bought me a beautiful Turkish violin to play. I was young and I .. I lost it ... it was the most beautiful thing I owned and I lost it. I haven't thought of it in years, literally years, Shifu. But yesterday, while you were away, I ... I suddenly thought of it, and wondered where it might be."

"According to Oogway it's just where you left it."

Habika had gone white as a sheet, holding her hand over her pounding heart. "Shifu, I .. I don't believe things like this! I don't believe in magic or gods or that the dead can speak!"

Shifu chuckled. "Showed you, didn't he?"

"I ... I don't know how to take it."

"Perhaps you should take it as evidence that my vision was not a delusion?""

"I guess I have to." She still looked terrified, casting glances towards the dark back of the cave as though a horde of ghosts would fly out of it.

"You're really scared, aren't you?"

"Yes!"

He pulled her close, stroking her ears. "Oogway was a wonderful, benevolent man, and he is a wonderful, benevolent spirit. If he is watching over you and I we have nothing to fear." He kissed her cheek, her temple. "Don't be afraid, little one. But perhaps you, too, should become more open to the possibilities of the universe."

She nodded, clutching him, like a child afraid of the dark. He curled protectively around her. She was so little she made him feel like a giant, powerful and masculine. This was a new feeling for him. Even if he was the most powerful person in the room, he was usually the smallest. Having a sweet little woman to cradle and protect made him feel like some sort of storybook hero - even more so that the woman in question was an actual princess.

He suddenly overflowed with adoration and kissed her. The night dissolved into passion.

In the morning Habika prepared another bath and he joined her. They stayed in it for hours, luxuriating, talking, napping. Shifu kept intending to get out to meditate and do forms or drills, but the nearly narcotic state of perpetual arousal had blunted his usually disciplined will. Perhaps that what the masters of old spoke of, why they didn't advise indulgence in this sort of thing. It was a complete and total distraction. Kung _what_? he thought to himself. _What_ fu? When the choice was between doing kick drills in the cold or indulging in Habika, the latter won out every time. It made him feel mischievous as a child.

They spent days this way, the fire built high, rarely bothering with clothes. When they weren't making love they were curled together by the fire talking. He told Habika about Po, about his training, and about the Dragon Scroll.

"It was blank?"

"Yes."

"Well ... shit."

"That was the general consensus at the time. But that was the message itself. The blankness. Nothing."

"How infuriatingly zen."

He laughed. "No, not at all! You see, only Po was in a place to understand what the blankness meant. And once he did, he gained the faith to fight Tai Lung. Of course, Oogway had been right all along - I had said a peach couldn't defeat Tai Lung. But I was foolish. You see, ONLY a peach could defeat Tai Lung. That's what I could not see at the time. The blank scroll was like a message Oogway had written a thousand years ago, to the future dragon warrior, a message to have faith and believe."

Habika thought for a moment. "Like his message to me, about the violin."

Shifu nodded. "Are you still frightened by that?"

"It still unnerves me. But I'm not frightened. I can't be frightened when I have you with me."

He smiled, drawing her into his lap. "Rightly so. I am your assigned protector, after all. I would kill for you."

Habika's eyes sparkled. "You _have_ killed for me."

He gave a little growl and kissed her neck, rumbling, "And I would do it again."

Habika's body rose in response to his kisses. "Hmmmmm," she said. "Is it awful of me to find that ... _appealing?_ " she asked, almost nervous. "Because I do. Oh, my grizzled old warrior! I want to see you fight. I want to see how amazing you are. Show me how _strong_ you are."

Shifu gladly obliged.

Later on, Habika asked, "Weren't you going to teach me some kung-fu?"

"We were talking about that, weren't we?"

"When do you suppose we should actually do it?"

Shifu shrugged. "Now is as good a time as any." He reached over and gave her a little smack on the behind. "Get up, little one. And put on some clothes."

"No naked kung-fu?"

"Only for advanced students."

Usually he would have started with meditation, but he thought better of it. Last time they had attempted to meditate together they'd ended up ... where everything seemed to end up these days, the Rome to which every road lead. Things had ended similarly last time they tried to straighten the cave. Habika had opened the metal lockbox he'd rescued from the carriage hoping to find more cigarettes. She'd emptied it out, and an odd book caught his eye. He opened it and was surprised to see page after page of illustrations of couples making love, in all different ways.

"Habika, what - what - " he flipped through the pages, each illustration dirtier than the last. "Habika, what … IS this?"

She had fallen over on her side laughing, covering her mouth, her face bright pink with hilarity and embarrassment. "It's an Indian book," she managed to squeak, "something of Lata's I took when she never came back. It's like … an instruction manual. "

His eyes were wide as dinner plates. "An instruction manual? What, for contortionists? I don't bend that way. "

"Ack, no, neither do I. But you might," she said, flipping to a specific page, "be able to bend this way."

"….I think could manage that."

She flipped to another page. "And this?"

Shifu flushed. "Certainly."

"And how about - "

She was interrupted when he suddenly grabbed her and kissed her, unwrapping her from the blanket.

"I like that last one."

"Oh, yes SIR, " Habika said, pulling him down on top of her.

"And I like that book."

They barely came up for air that day.

He was insatiable for her, and she for him. Over the ensuing days they delighted in each other, as though they'd been starving and were invited to the finest of banquets. They told long stories, drank wine, fed each other dumplings, simply kissed for hours.

It was heaven on earth.

Getting back into practicing kung-fu was awkward at first, but easier once Habika joined him. He taught her the basic forms of kung fu, and how to deflect blows. He did not teach her any strikes, though he wanted to, but he had accepted her terms of only learning defensive moves. So he was in the odd place of having to attack his lover, and teaching her how to dodge him.

"Don't actually hit me," she said.

"At some point I'll have to, Habika."

"You can't. I'll never trust you again."

"You're going to have to get over that. Unless you know what a hit feels like, you won't be prepared when it happens. An attacker is not going to stop his fist half an inch short of your face. Now when I say I'll have to strike you at some point, Habika, I don't mean anytime soon. Perhaps in a few months."

"I don't want you to hit me," she said, sternly. "I may know that it is only for practice in my mind, but my heart will not react well. Do you understand?"

Shifu nodded slowly. "I see. Well, by the time we're ready for actual strikes we'll be back at the Jade Palace, and if it would make you more comfortable I can have my students practice them with you."

"Not the big tiger girl, please. Or the panda."

"Your attacker is not always going to be your size! I am trying to prepare you for a real combat situation, Habika, you cannot pick and choose like this. You will eventually practice with all of them. Besides, I would not be as concerned with size as with skill. Mantis is tiny, but he could take you down before you know what hit you. You must be prepared for every type of attack. If you were hurt because I failed to give you proper instruction I would never forgive myself."

"Oh! Shifu, no, don't feel like that! That's not your fault! Besides, I can always run."

"You are extremely fast, it is true. But what if you're trapped, or wounded?"

"I have to learn to fight when wounded?"

"Of course! That is another disadvantage to your aversion to learn offensive tactics. Once you are wounded you have to move into offense, or you're dead." He sighed. "I really do wish you would allow me to teach you what I know."

She was silent for a long time. "Maybe ... maybe one day, Shifu. A long time from now, when I'm not so bitter, so angry that I may misuse it. But for now, please ... just this."

He grumbled, but nodded, and she moved to put her arms around him. He suddenly swung his right arm around, stopping an inch from where he would have chopped her neck. Habika gasped and froze.

"You have to be _prepared_ , little one!"

"That wasn't fair! Why would I be trying to hug my attacker?"

"You never know what will happen! That's the point!"

"You're being ridiculous!"

"You're not listening to what I'm saying!"

"I am listening! What you're saying is ridiculous! What situation am I ever going to be in where I'm about to hug someone and they take a swing at me?"

"You never know what will happen! You need to be ready for absolutely anything, and that cannot happen if you do not let me teach you!"

"I am letting you teach me!"

"You're impatient, argumentative, and you're not focusing. I can't teach you a thing unless you're quiet and do as I say."

"Like one of your students?"

"Yes!"

"But I'm NOT one of your students, Shifu! Perhaps it should stay that way."

"What?"

Habika sighed. "I don't want to fight with you."

"You wouldn't be fighting with me if you just listened to me!"

She took a deep breath. "Shifu, don't teach me kung fu."

He blinked. "What?"

"Don't. Someone else can teach me, one of your students. But I don't think this is good for us. I don't wish to fight you. We're not meant to be teacher and student, we're meant to be making love next to the fire. And we're meant to be doing it now." She went to the heap of blankets and cushions and sat down in it. "Get in here and ravish me."

He tried to hold back a smile. "'Get in here and ravish me' is not a combat tactic."

"It's going to be in a minute."

"I suppose it could be," Shifu said thoughtfully. "We'd have to design a whole new style of fighting."

"Really? Can we start now?" She started to take off her robe.

He laughed. "Have it your way, Princess. I'll have Viper teach you what kung fu you ned to know. I think the two of you will get along."

"Lovely. Now take off your robe and we'll get started on the basic forms. Let's open our textbook to page one hundred and five," she said, opening the Indian book.

"I see this style of flighting has already been invented!"

"Yet one more thing you're a Master of," Habika purred, slipping off his robe.

 **000**


	11. a simple life of charity and devotion

**chapter eleven: a simple life of charity and devotion**

The third day the skies were clear they had to stop pretending there was still a blizzard. The snow that blocked the entrance to the cave was melting, and the sun shined through. Despite the glorious weather it was a gloomy day for Shifu and Habika. Neither of them wanted to leave their love nest. It had turned from a shelter into a home filled with happy memories. A freezing cold ride in a carriage was a less than welcome thought. But the real world called, and food was running low, and all good things had to come to an end.

Shifu had a harder time capturing the horses than he'd anticipated. They were fast, afraid, and hungry. He finally managed to get them by the bridle by luring them with feed bags full of oats he'd recovered from the carriage. Once they were happily munching away he had to figure out how to get them outside, which took hours. By the time he finally managed it night had fallen again and it was too late to leave. That would have been reason to celebrate another delicious night with Habika, but as the night fell so did the cold, and they decided it would be most humane to allow to horses into the cave with them. So they spent a completely surreal evening idly chatting to each other, aching to make love but but unable to do so with the peculiar little audience.

They finally left the next morning. Shifu dug the carriage out of the snow and managed to turn it right side up by hitching the horses to it and having them pull. Habika had packed up the cave the day before and they put everything back in its place. She made the cabin into a delightful little nest for them to sleep in. It was cozy but without the blazing fire it would never be as warm as the cave.

They gave their home a sad once over before they finally left. It was difficult to say goodbye. This would always be a sacred place for them. The very walls were impregnated with the first flowering of their love, with the sadness and pleasure and passion they shared. He put his arms around her, gave her a kiss, and they went on their way.

Habika insisted on riding on the perch with him even though she was cold. He brought up extra blankets for her, and put a pot of hot coals in her lap the way he had for Ling, in an effort to make her comfortable. Once they were underway in this fashion the ride became quite cheerful. A gentle snow fell and Habika put her arm through his. They talked and sang songs to pass the time.

Just as evening fell on the first night of traveling they came upon a village. Habika bought coats for herself and Shifu, and feed for the horses. They ate a small feast of tofu and fresh vegetables at a local restaurant, and slept in the carriage for fear of bandits making off with their only means of transport. As they curled together underneath the layers of blankets Habika gave Shifu a package. He unwrapped it to find a thousand layer cake, which they ate together happily. He slept with his face nuzzled in her neck, content as a kitten.

The next two days passed similarly uneventfully. On the third morning of travel they both roused early, before dawn. They chatted sleepily, basked in afterglow. Both their ears twitched simultaneously. There was a strange rustling outside the cabin. Shifu's ears flattened and he turned all at once into a predator, holding a finger to Habika's lips for her to remain quiet.

Their ears followed the rustling sound around the carriage. Shifu, not wanting to make too much noise himself, quietly threw on his robe, leaving it slightly askew. Habika held the blankets up to her chest, her shoulders bare. She started backing into the furthest corner possible.

The rustling came around the left side of the cabin and stopped in front of the door. In a motion quicker than sound Shifu lowered into a defensive posture and kicked the door open, ready to face whatever foe disturbed them.

"Master!" the invader exclaimed.

"Tigress! What are you doing here! I told you to remain at the Jade Palace!"

She was dressed warmly, a sack of her belongings tied to her back. She looked like she had been on the road for days. "I know, Master, I - " She hesitated, noting Shifu's half-dressed state. She looked beyond Shifu into the cabin and saw Habika, her shoulders bare. Her eyes danced from Habika to Shifu and back again, and comprehension fell over her. She gave a quick gasp, straightened, and turned away.

"I apologize, Master," she said.

Shifu grumbled. "I'll be with you in a moment."

He closed the door, adjusting his robes on properly.

"Is everything all right?" Habika asked softly.

He nodded. "Yes. Just stay here, little one." He gave her a little kiss on the forehead and went outside, closing the carriage door behind him. Tigress had walked a good twenty paces from the carriage, her back still turned. Her hands were in fists at her side.

"I told you to remain at the Jade Palace and yet you are here. Explain yourself."

"The Jade Palace is fine. No one came from the Imperial City, Master," she said icily. "It has been four weeks since you left, and that blizzard was the worst in decades. I was worried that perhaps you were trapped, or injured."

"So you took it upon yourself to disobey my direct order and come after me? I'm very disappointed in you. Your place is at the Jade Palace, not out here chasing me down. I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself."

"I can see that, Master," she said bitingly. Shifu was startled at her tone - she couldn't have possibly meant that the way it sounded. He decided to let it slide.

"When I give you a command it is your place to follow it. My orders to you are not to be cast aside at your discretion. If I had required your help I would have let you know before I left."

"Master, you said that if you weren't back in three weeks - "

"I know what I said. I also know what I said directly after that, which was for you to stay put."

"We were concerned for your safety, Master."

"It is not your place to be concerned about my safety!"

"Master, what was I supposed to do? We'd received no word, had no idea when you would arrive back. People out on the roads were freeing to death. This mission the Emperor sent you on was extremely odd and sounded like a trap. I was concerned, we all were!"

"What were you supposed to do? You were supposed to follow my orders and remain at the Jade Palace, whether I returned next week or never! That order was not up for debate!"

She peered down at him, her eyes narrowed. "I see now my concern was obviously misplaced, Master. I'm glad to see you have been enjoying yourself, and are in no need of rescue," she said, gesturing to the carriage.

Shifu peered oddly at her. She couldn't possibly be that insolent.

He sighed. "Tigress, how many times must we go over this? The central issue of your training rears it's ugly head once more: you _must_ learn to control yourself!"

"Perhaps _I_ am not the one who needs to control herself, Master," she said, glaring at him.

She may as well have slapped him in the face. He was so stunned by her impertinence it took him a moment to respond, but when he did it was in low dangerous tones, the way he spoke when he was truly outraged.

"Tigress, you will return this instant to the Jade Palace. You are not needed here."

"Oh, I can see that," she replied coldy.

"I can see that, _Master_ ," he said, pointing down the road with a shaking finger. "Go. Now. Before you anger me."

She saluted him sharply and bowed in an over - the - top manner, looking straight into his eyes, doing nothing to hide the bitter sarcasm of her motions. Shifu stared in disbelief as she took off down the road.

Shocked, he climbed back into the carriage and sat down next to Habika, silent.

"Are you all right?" she asked. "What was that all about?"

He sighed, and shook his head. "What in the world has gotten into that girl? You should have heard the way she spoke to me just now!"

"Can I do anything to help you feel better?" Habika leaned in and gave him a kiss, then started to put her arms around him. He stopped her. "I'm sorry, little one, I'm ... I'm not in the mood."

 **000**

Shifu was brooding and silent most of the day. Habika joined him on the perch but he was in no mood for conversation and songs. Eventually she took her leave of him, going back into the warm cabin to read and take a nap.

His mind spun. Tigress had seemed infuriated. It was the last thing he would have expected from her. It would have been reasonable to assume that she might have been surprised that he had taken a lover, or a bit puzzled, but that hissing tone she took with him was totally uncalled for. Was she disappointed in him? Was that it? If so, that wasn't her place either.

I don't answer to you, he thought at Tigress. If you have an issue with my choices, you are welcome to keep it to yourself until you are ready to grow up. Of all the ingratitude! How dare you speak to me so?

But something nagged at him. He hadn't given much thought to how his students might react to this new development. Would they lose respect for him? The thought that after years of studying under him they would judge him negatively for something so personal was both infuriating and frightening. But they might. He was supposed to serve as an example to them, after all, and the last thing he wanted was to distract them with his personal life.

It was perhaps best to try to proceed with life at the Jade Palace as normally as possible. Their training would remain exactly as the same. If anything he may have to push them even harder to prove that his will hadn't suffered, that he had not gone soft because there was a woman in his life.

And as for Habika herself, it was best their relationship should appear formal in front the the students. She had lived at court, she would understand the need for discretion, the need for him to maintain a certain face to those under him. He sighed. They were at most a day and a half from the Jade Palace. Now was as good a time as ever to discuss it with her.

 **000**

He took the carriage off the road into a secluded copse of trees, and drew it to a halt. He gave the horses their feed bags, then opened the carriage door and crept inside. Habika was asleep, curled in a soft circle, her nose and most her of face obscured by her tail. Her ears were at attention and flicked towards him as he entered.

He knelt down next to her, gently stroking her head. "Little one?" he whispered.

She lifted her sleepy head, blinking at Shifu, and yawned. She rolled on her back, smiling at him, extending her arms towards him like a child who wanted a hug.

He chuckled. "If I'm here, it must be to cuddle you, is that it?"

"It isn't?"

"Well ... no, but I will anyway."

"Oh good," she said, taking him into her arms and drawing him down next to her. She kissed his forehead and stroked his ears. "Are you feeling a little better? You were in such a terrible mood this morning."

He sighed. "Yes and no. I need to speak with you about some things. Important things."

She nodded. "Yes?"

"We're not far from the Jade Palace now, and I think I need to give you fair warning about the kind of place it is. It is first and foremost a school, and it is very tightly run. My students and I adhere to a strict schedule. We begin training from sunup to two o' clock, when we break for an hour and half for a midday meal. From two till six we train. The evenings are free, but they are usually spent studying the scrolls of kung-fu or in meditation.

"I need you to know that I cannot deviate from this. I cannot take a day to spend with you, as much as I might like to. I will likely be able to spend evenings with you, but there will at times be duties I must attend to before I can be with you. On some nights I may be too busy to see you at all."

She nodded slowly. "I understand."

"I tell you this because I don't want you to feel neglected. Please know that whatever I may be doing, I would rather be in bed with you."

She chuckled. "That's good to know."

"Now, here's the difficult part - well, you may not find it difficult, having lived at court, I'm not sure. You must understand that I must be an example to my students. They know as well as I do that I took a vow to put my duties to kung -fu above all else, and ... well, I have no idea how they may react to your presence, and to the nature of our relationship."

"Tigress didn't take it well, did she?"

He sighed. "No. No she didn't. Far worse than I would have imagined, and I have no idea why. However that made it clear to me that you and I must have a certain ... protocol, when we are in front of my students."

"Such as?"

"I would prefer we were not overly demonstrative, physically or otherwise, before them. No kisses or silly talk around them. We should keep our relationship as formal as possible. I shall refer to you only as My Lady or Princess, and you shall call me Master Shifu."

"Is that really nessecery?"

"I think it is, yes. I must keep a certain face for my students."

Habika looked uncomfortable. "To be honest with you, I would prefer it if you didn't refer to me with honorifics. It draws far too much attention to my being an outsider. I would prefer to be as common as possible. Besides, won't your students wonder why a princess remains there?"

He nodded. "I have been thinking of that. In the same vein I have been thinking of what to tell the Emperor, what reason I should give for your remaining at the Jade Palace."

"Why do we have to tell Gan anything?"

"He sent me on a mission to protect you, and he will want to now what became of you. I must tell him something."

"Why not tell him I died?"

"Tell the Emperor I failed in my mission to protect his sister-in-law? Sure, that'll go over well." He shook his head. "No. I will send him a letter informing him that you are to stay at the Jade Palace with me, because he gave me the duty of protecting you, and I am privy to knowledge that leads me to believe the only way I can protect you to the fullest is for you to stay under my supervision."

"He'll want to know what you know."

"I will tell him the information is unsafe to send by letter, and should he seek it he must come to the Jade Palace himself, as due to my knowledge I am unable to leave."

Habika raised her eyebrows. "That is some serious bullshitting, Shifu."

"You said Gan likes games, so I am setting one up for him."

She nodded. "All it's missing is a reason for him to let me stay." She thought for a moment. "We must give him a good one. We must appeal to his vanity somehow. Gan has always wished to appear benevolent and kind to the outside world, I know that."

The sat in silence for a while, thinking.

Suddenly Habika snapped. "I've got it!"

"Yes?"

"Perhaps you SHOULD refer to me as My Lady, and Princess. And not just you. The whole Valley of Peace shall know that a Princess of the Forbidden City resides at the Jade Palace. Yes. It must be the story of the year. Everyone must be abuzz about it."

Shifu blinked. "Isn't that the exact opposite of what you wanted a moment ago?"

"Yes, it is. But not anymore. You see, we must make a big event of my being there, because we shall say I am residing there to learn the ways of Zen. We shall say the Princess is at the Jade Palace because she wishes to cast off her regality in exchange for a simple life of charity and devotion. And the entire Valley of Peace must know about it."

"How does that help us?"

"Gan is quite image conscious. It will not look good if he wishes to pry a fanatically devoted Princess from her chosen place praying by the altar, will it? If he truly desires me back at the Forbidden City, he will have to weigh that desire against public opinion."

Shifu thought it over. "You realize this means you must actually learn the ways of Zen, don't you?"

She nodded. "There's worse things for me."

"And if we wish to make it known that you are studying Zen, that is even more reason for our relationship to remain secret. Ah, but Tigress already knows!"

"Will she tell the other students?"

"I do not know, but if she did it may still be salvageable. If there is anyone in the Palace we could trust with the actual nature of our relationship, it is my students - even if my standing among them suffers." He sighed. "We shall decide what to do about that when we get home, I suppose. It is best if as many as possible see you as a Zen devotee, especially the palace staff. They're terrible gossips and will get the word around the Valley quickly. This also means you and I cannot behave as lovers in front of anyone. Your idea to have your presence at the Jade Palace a matter of public knowledge could turn against you if you're suspected of ... tawdry behavior. So we must be careful."

"I see. So no loud lovemaking?"

"I'm afraid not."

"Well," she said, putting her arms around him, "we'd best get it out of our systems now."

He slid his arms around her waist. "Insatiable woman!"

"I shall never have enough of you, my warrior." She ran her hands over his shoulders and down. "Ah, how I love these these big strong arms!"

He grinned. "Hmm. Well, if it's loud you want, loud you'll _get_ ," Shifu said, and got to work.

 **000**


	12. the little sangha

**chapter twelve: the little sangha**

Another day and night passed until they finally rode into the Valley Of Peace. He pointed out the landmarks. The Wu Dan mountain range, and the Thread of Hope, tiny and silver far above them. She gazed up at it for a long moment, trying to see. He found himself just looking at her, her beautiful neck and graceful face, turned up to the heavens amidst the gentle snow.

She smiled at him. "What?"

"Nothing. You're beautiful."

She flushed,. He chuckled. He had seen her in every possible state of debauched indignity and she still blushed like a maiden when he complimented her.

She put her arm through his and rested her head on his shoulder, and he drove the horses on.

 **ooo**

There was a commotion as they rode through the village.

"Master Shifu has returned!" someone cried out, and the people on the street turned to wave. He said hello and waved back. The villagers seems genuinely happy to see him, asking questions and following the carriage. Perhaps his absence for weeks in such harsh weather was more alarming than he'd given Tigress credit for.

He drew Habika's attention to a shop. "That is Mr. Ping's restaurant. Po's father."

As he said this Mr. Ping himself placed a bowl of noodles before a customer and rushed out to greet them. "Welcome back, Master Shifu!" he cried.

He stopped the carriage for a moment. "Good afternoon Mr. Ping."

"And who is this lovely lady?"

"This is Princess Meihui, from the Forbidden City," Shifu said. The crowd around them gasped and bowed.

"Oh!" Mr. Ping said, bowing. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize."

"Please rise," Habika said to the crowd, sounding regal. "You needn't bow to me."

She looked to Shifu. He realized that she was putting the plan they had hatched the previous day into action. He looked into her eyes one last time as if to ask if this was what she really wanted. She gave him a single nod, and he stood.

"The Princess wishes to remain here with us in the Valley of Peace," he announced. "She has heard of Oogway's great wisdom and will study his teachings, and become a zen acolyte. She will be casting off her royal life for one of simplicity in service of the Jade Palace."

The crowd looked at each other, murmuring with impressed approval. Shifu glanced down at Habika as if to say "it's done." She nodded, straightening her back, shifting ever so slightly away from him. From the position she was in before, it would have been far too easy to lean against him or put her arm through his. She smiled beatifically down at the astonished villagers who had never before seen a princess, putting up a wall of false formality between herself and him. From this point on they would have to act as though they did not burn for one another, that they had not experienced one another in every possible way.

A v-formation of palace geese headed by Zeng were fighting breathlessly through the crowd.

"Master Shifu!" Zeng cried out. He lifted off into the air and landed on the carriage roof, bowing. "Master Tigress informed us that you would return soon, but she did not tell us that the princess would be accompanying you."

"She didn't?" Shifu asked, relieved. That meant Tigress had remained mercifully silent about what she had seen.

"We are unprepared for a guest. One thousand apologies, Master. We will prepare the Imperial quarters right away."

"No need for that, Zeng. The princess will be living in the sangha."

"The - the sangha? It's been disused for years, Master."

"Then you have your work cut out for you. I expect it to be perfectly liveable by tonight, with all the zen scrolls from the library available for the princess's perusal."

"Yes Master Shifu!" Zeng made a gesture to the rest of the geese and they took off in unison, flying up to the palace. Shifu urged the horses onward and the crowd parted for them.

"The sangha?" Habika asked quietly.

"Yes. There is a small monastic bunkhouse behind the Hall of Warriors. You see, Oogway originally intended the Jade Palace to host a zen community as well as a kung fu school. Over the years Oogway changed his focus more and more to kung fu, and the sangha's been empty for years. We use it for storage. I'm not even sure when anyone was in there last. However, as a zen student, that is where you will live."

"I see," Habika said, sounding nonplussed.

"Don't worry, Zeng will clean it out and make it comfortable for you. He'd sooner hang himself than disappoint a member of the Imperial family. There's four bedrooms, a kitchen and a bath, and a small outdoor shrine in Oogway's honor you'll be expected to maintain. Your actual studies will have to be self-directed, as I will mostly be training my students. That shouldn't be too difficult for you. You like to read and all the zen scrolls will be at your disposal to study as you wish."

Habika nodded slowly.

"You'll be given an acolyte's blue robes to wear, if we still have any. They'll be simple but comfortable. I'll have to find the scrolls Oogway wrote about how he trained his zen students. I believe that they were indeed in service of the Jade Palace, so you will have duties of a type. How would you feel about maintaining the artifacts in the Hall of Warriors, something along those lines?"

Habika looked at him blankly.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I .. I didn't realize this would be so involved," she said.

He chuckled at her. "This is what it will take, my dear. The life of a zen acolyte is austere. You'll get used to it. Just remember this is for the larger goal of keeping you out of the Forbidden City. When the Emperor has come and gone I will take you from the sangha and make you my wife, and you're free to do as you wish after that."

He hadn't even known it until he'd said it. Shifu looked as shocked as Habika. They had arrived at the bottom of the palace steps where geese awaited Shifu's order, but all he could do was stare speechlessly at her, and she at him.

"Did you mean that?" she whispered.

"Yes," he whispered back.

She nodded. "I will be your wife, Shifu."

He nearly burst with joy. He wanted more than anything to throw his arms around her and kiss her, but people were watching, so now he had to pretend that she was just here to study zen, that he had not just asked her to marry him, and that she had not just accepted.

 **ooo**

Po, Mantis, Crane, Monkey, Viper, and Tigress greeted them in the courtyard in front of the training hall, bowing low. Everyone was strangely silent. Shifu realized that they were waiting for Tigress to fulfill her duty as de-facto leader and greet them, but she did not, instead looking straight ahead, perfectly silent.

"Welcome back, Master," Viper said, glancing at Tigress. "And My Lady. It is an honor to have you with us at the Jade Palace."

"The honor is mine," Habika said softly.

"Hab - Princess Meihui will be staying in the sangha," Shifu said. "She wishes to learn Oogway's teachings on the subject of zen, and I have agreed to instruct her. I trust you will all do your best to see that she is comfortable and welcome."

"Yes, Master," they said. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Tigress look disdainfully off to the side. He felt a bright twitch of anger in his chest.

Shifu waved a goose over. "Jing, take the princess to the guest baths while Zeng is preparing the sangha. Princess, please, follow Jing. I will be with you later this evening."

"Thank you, Master Shifu," she said quietly, and he bowed to her, along with everyone else, as Jing led her away. She gave him one last look, a secret little smile over her shoulder as she left. _There goes my wife_ , he thought, and his cheeks twitched in what wanted to be a big, dopey, lovestruck smile. He wanted more than anything to turn to his students and tell them everything, how he had found the most beautiful woman in the world and how she'd just said she'd marry him, but he forced himself into his usual stalwart composure.

"It is good to see you again, my students," he said. "Please go back to your training. I'm going to stop by the bunkhouse, but after that I will come see how you have progressed." He saluted them. They did likewise and returned to the training hall.

He crossed the courtyard and made his way to the bunkhouse. It took all the effort he could muster not to dance.

 **ooo**

He went to his rooms, took a brief bath and changed his robe. He did a double take in the mirror. It were as if he were a younger man! He couldn't pinpoint what, exactly, had changed, but whatever it was it looked good on him. He floated over to the training hall, quietly pushing the door open.

His students all looked well. It seemed Crane had finally mastered the landing on his spin kick. Tigress and Po were sparring, and he blocked her quite effectively. Tigress had learned to keep her tail up and in when sparring with Po, who had discovered the benefits of a good tail-stomp. Monkey dodged the tongues of fire, better than he had last seen but still nowhere as skilled as Viper.

He filled with pride. They were such good kids.

"All right!" he said, and they stopped what they were doing to line up in front of him, bowing.

"Good evening Master," they said.

"Students. It's good to be back. You've done well in my absence."

They were silent, staring blankly at him.

"What?" Shifu asked.

"We've done well - if we were trying to disappoint you?" said Monkey, tentative.

"No! You've done well! You have all progressed quite a bit in the past month." He smiled. "You've shown a lot of initiative, very good work. I look forward to seeing what else you've accomplished tomorrow."

"Thank you Master," they said, unbelieving.

"As you were," he said.

Viper slithered forward. "Master, I am curious about the princess. How long will she be staying with us?"

Shifu brightened, thinking of her. "For the forseeable future," he replied. "She has expressed an interest in Oogway's teachings, and has shown herself to be a woman of great intellect. I suspect she will be able to teach us a thing or two before she leaves the sangha."

Viper cocked her head and smiled, delighted. Shifu glanced up over her head to Tigress who stood listening, her arms crossed. The look in her eyes made his heart skip a beat. _You're lying_ , that look said. _We both know it._

Shifu looked away, back at Viper, who said, "I would love to meet her. I've always wanted to know more about the Forbidden City!"

"She's eager to meet you all. I've told her all about you," Shifu said.

"Well I would hope, you two have certainly spent a lot of time together! What did you _do_ for weeks on end in the middle of that blizzard?"

Shifu glanced up at Tigress, who shook her head disdainfully and turned away.

He turned his attention back to Viper. "It's a long story, Viper, and I am weary from traveling. I will see you all in the morning, and we can talk then. You've done good work, keep it up."

"Master," she said, bowing, and went back to the training floor.

"Tigress," Shifu said.

She turned. "Yes?"

He made a beckoning gesture. "Come with me, please."

He led her to the courtyard outside the training hall. The sun was going down, a happy smear of oranges and violets over the whitened landscape.

"Close the door," he said. She pushed the training hall door shut and waited for him to speak.

"Is there a problem?" he asked pointedly.

She studied him for a moment, her eyes cold. "I don't know, Master. Is there?"

They stared each other down.

"That depends," he replied. "Are you going to make one?"

"If there is a problem it is not of _my_ making, Master," she said icily. "But far be it for me to add to the problems someone else may have created."

It was an impertinent response, but a correct one, and he let her insolence slide.

"Your discretion is appreciated," he said.

"Oh I know," Tigress sad coldly. "Is that all, Master?"

"Yes. As you were."

She saluted him, but looked at him with barely hidden scorn as she did so. She turned haughtily and went back into the training hall, leaving a thick set of claw marks on the door as she passed.

 **ooo**

When Tigress re-entered the training hall it was clear to the rest of them that she was distracted and angry. They kept half an eye on her as she threw punches, flipped, landed clumsily. She cursed under her breath.

"You all right, Tigress?" Po asked.

She shook her head. "I'm fine, I'm just ... I'm just done for today, I think. See you guys at dinner."

They watched her go, exchanged looks. She had been acting strangely since she'd returned from her search for Shifu. He had rebuked her for failing to follow orders, as everyone had warned her he would. They figured he must have said something stinging that put her in a snit. A harsh word from Shifu could wound any of them, but Tigress most of all. His disapproval drew her blood.

"She's not any better, is she?" Viper said to Po.

"Doesn't look like it."

Mantis hopped between the spiked rings. He jumped, did a few flips, and landed cleanly in front of Po and Viper. "Man, how long has it been since Shifu's been in that good of a mood, huh? I think he likes miss princess."

"She's pretty cute," Po admitted.

"Cute? Are you kidding me? She's straight up Shifu bait."

Viper sighed. "Yes Mantis. We know."

Mantis had been harping on this point ever since they'd seen the princess and Shifu off four weeks ago. He was abuzz about it from the moment they started back up the palace steps.

"Oh man," he'd said, "did you see that? That's *gotta* be a trap. You may as well have put a huge thousand layer cake under a box with a stick holding it up."

"What are you talking about?' Monkey asked.

"The Princess! His size, big ol' ears, well spoken _royalty?_ If someone from the Forbidden City wants to seduce Shifu away from the Jade Palace they're doing it right." He chuckled. "Forget the Valley of Peace! Shifu's gonna follow that sweetie back to Beijing and teach at the Imperial School!"

Tigress huffed. "Shifu would never abandon the Jade Palace that way. Stop speaking of him like that." She stomped up the stairs, her hands in fists. After that she had seemed to grow more dismal and preoccupied by the day, her restlessness growing each week Shifu was gone. She finally broke and went after him, and returned in a worse mood than before.

I'm telling ya'," Mantis said. "They spent _how_ long together in that blizzard? All alone? And he's back here all glowing with praise for us? That, my friends, is a man who is getting laid."

"Mantis ... just ... ugh," Crane said, wincing.

"It's none of your business," Viper said. "Seriously, you haven't shut up about it since he left. It's getting creepy."

" _Getting_ creepy?" Po said. "It was creepy three weeks ago."

"What? I can't be happy for him? You guys are prudes." Mantis chuckled. "I hope he _is_ banging her. He needs it."

"I'm gonna plug my ears and start humming again, who's with me?" Po said.

 **ooo**

Shifu knocked on the sangha's front door. A female goose opened the door, bowing. "Master Shifu, please let me show you in. The Princess will be with you presently."

"Jing, what are you doing here?" Shifu asked.

"Zeng sent me, as the Princess was without her ladies. We cannot let a member of the monarchy go without servants, it's not proper. He's assigned three of us to the Princess for the duration of her stay, if ... if you see fit, Master Shifu."

"Did the Princess request servants?"

"I don't know, Master, I am merely following Zeng's orders. As far as I know he is fulfilling the mandates of protocol."

Shifu nodded. "I understand."

"Please follow me."

Shifu gasped as he stepped into the sangha. Zeng and his crew had not only cleaned and dusted the place out, they had appointed it beautifully. Jing led Shifu to one of the bedrooms which had been repurposed as a parlor, with comfortable chairs and a small table for tea. Thick red curtains had been put up, along with some nice pictures painted on bamboo scrolls. A small vase of orchids graced the windowsill, and the place smelled sweetly of jasmine.

"Is there anything I can get for you, Master?" Jing asked. "Some tea perhaps?"

"No, thank you Jing. You did a wonderful job on this place."

Jing smiled. "Thank you Master, I will pass that along." Jing bowed and backed out of the room.

Shifu glanced out the window. The sangha had a beautiful view of the mountain range, located as it was on the descending slope of the hill behind the Hall of Warriors. This location also afforded it a lot of privacy, as there were no other buildings on that side of the hill. It seemed suddenly odd that this little building had been back here for years but he had never stood inside it. It felt wonderfully removed from the rest of the compound, which was a blessing. It would be nice to have this escape.

Jing opened the door and bowed. "Princess Meihui," she announced.

Habika entered the room, smiling shyly. She wore a dusty rose hanfu, and some sort of delicate, floral perfume, which played lightly off the now familiar, arousing scent of cloves. He heard the soft rustle of her skirts and underthings as she walked. Her eyes sparkled in a candlelight, which made her look irresistibly soft and warm. He wanted to take her directly to bed.

He bowed to her. "My Lady," he said.

"Master."

"I ...I trust the accommodations are to your liking?"

"Oh yes. Everything is lovely. May I offer you some tea, Master Shifu?"

"Certainly."

Jing appeared with a tray, which she placed on the small table between the two chairs.

"Thank you Jing. Master please, have a seat," Habika said, gesturing to the chairs.

"Thank you, My Lady."

As Jing poured the tea they passed a bemused look. The sudden formality between them was odd, as though they were children playing at royalty. So long as the servants were around they would have to carry on this way.

"I hope your stay with us is informative," Shifu said. "Have the zen scrolls been delivered yet? If they are not here now they will be here by morning."

"Yes, Zeng and Jiu are in the other room organizing them as we speak. They're setting up a little library in there, I believe. I must say, I am impressed with the quality of your help. Would that we had such attentive servants in the Forbidden City!"

"Zeng will be over the moon to hear that, my Lady."

He sipped his tea, undressing her with his eyes. He hadn't gone this long without touching her since he'd first taken her to bed three weeks ago. If those blasted geese weren't here he'd be having her on the floor by now.

She gave him a crooked little smile, blinked slowly. Ah, what delicious thing was she thinking?

"Zeng has appointed you three servants?" he asked.

"Yes." She paused. "If you feel that is proper."

"I would not seek to deny you what is yours by right of your station," he said, "but students of zen learn by embracing a life of austerity. Therefore I would suggest that you make use of your servants during the day, when they can help to familiarize you with the palace grounds and assist you in other ways. However, you should leave the evenings and mornings to your lessons and solitary contemplation, my Lady."

Habika smirked. "I see. I shall take this under advisement, Master Shifu. In fact, when I have begun the evening's solitary contemplation I shall light a candle in Oogway's shrine, to ask him to be a light for me in the darkness."

Shifu nodded. "An excellent idea." He stood. "I am gladdened to see that you are comfortable here, and settling in. I must take my leave of you now, but should you need anything do not hesitate to send for me, and I shall see to it myself." He bowed. "My Lady."

She nodded. "Master Shifu. Jing will show you out."

Jing and Shifu backed out the room, bowing. Shifu went up the hill to the Hall of Masters, buzzing with arousal. He lit some candles by the moon pool with the intention of at least appearing to meditate, though at the moment it would be nearly impossible to empty his mind of the soft, sweet, clove-scented thoughts swirling through it. Every fifteen minutes or so he rose and went around the back of the Hall of Masters to peek down at the little sangha, waiting on tenterhooks for the candle in Oogway's shrine to finally be lit.

 **ooo**


	13. all your people bear that mark

**chapter thirteen: all your people bear that mark**

Habika and the servants seemed busy setting things up in the little sangha, so the candle in Oogway's shrine remained unlit. It was probably better than way. Shifu returned to the bunkhouse as though he were retiring for the night. Later, after all the candles in the bunkhouse had been blown out, he crept quietly as possible from his rooms and out the back door. He kept a very low profile until he reached the back side of the hill, looking down at the sangha. He began to approach it but stopped to pick some flowers.

He strode down the hill and tapped at the sangha door. Habika opened it to see him standing before her with a small bouquet.

"Oh!" she said as she took them, blushing like a little girl.

"My mother taught me to never arrive at a lady's house empty handed."

"Old fashioned, are you?"

"Terribly." He closed the door behind them and put his arms around her, swung her around. "Little wife! Little wife!"

She laughed and stroked his face. "Wonderful husband. Ah, Shifu, I love you so."

She kissed him, and Without another word he picked her up and carried her to the bed. He tore off the pink hanfu, buried his node in her fur to smell her soft clove scent, made love to her in view of a small library of zen scrolls, underneath sacred calligraphy. The complete lack of reverence was unexpectedly arousing, as though they were a priest and nun giving in to carnal desires in the church balcony. Afterwards she stroked his beard, curling his long mustache around her finger, which made his face twitch, and he sneezed.

"You have a sneeze button," she said, tugging on his mustache.

"Hm."

She reached up to stroke his eyebrow. "These are nice too."

She turned to kiss her. "Everything on you is nice."

"Nice big ears," she said, stroking them.

"You're one to talk." He reached up to tug on her ears, stretching them out. "Look at these things! If I had a boat and tied you to the mast we could probably sail to Japan."

She gasped in faux outrage, swatting him. "That's not nice!"

"Let me have my fun."

She climbed atop him, straddling him, crossing her arms over his chest. "Maybe I'll just have fun with you, then."

"I like where you're going with it so far."

She touched the tip of his nose. "You have a nose like ... like a weird ... berry."

"I'm devastated."

"That'll teach you." She sighed. "That was always the problem," she said after a moment.

"What problem?"

"Had I been a fox, or an antelope, I would have stood a chance at escaping the Forbidden City. I thought about it many times. I'm small and quick, it would have been easy enough for me to find a way out. But I'm also uniquely recognizable in this part of the world, so I wouldn't have made it far. People see these big old flaps for miles."

He stroked her, shaking his head. 'You're safe now, little one."

"I hope so."

"Besides, should we need to escape, sailing to Japan is always an option."

Habika smacked his cheek playfully. He went into attack mode, flipping her over, ticking her stomach. She tried to push him away and they wrestled for a few moments until he subdued her with tickling, only releasing her when she could barely breathe for laughing.

"You're mean!" Habika gasped.

"When I'm mean you'll know it, little one," he snickered.

"You have a point. I've never seen you be truly mean. I've only known you a month and I've agreed to marry you." She cocked her head thoughtfully. "I must be crazy. But I don't even care. I can't imagine the rest of my life without you in it."

Shifu smiled. "I can't sleep without a big ear in my face, so I pretty much have to marry you now."

She crossed her arms with fake indignation, nose raised, still straddling him. "That's it. I'm not speaking to you any more."

"You silly little thing," he chuckled. "Here, I'll do something to make it up to you. Close your eyes." He found a nerve point at the base of her skull and lightly squeezed. She relaxed almost instantly.

"Mmm. How did you do that?"

"I know all about the energy points and meridian lines of the nervous system. It's something one learns when one studies the highest forms of kung - fu. One can use that knowledge to incapacitate an enemy with a single blow." He pressed a point below her sternum and she sighed.

"Or you can use it to soothe annoyed wives?" she asked.

"Expressly for that purpose, yes."

"Hm."

He continued to slowly touch certain points on her body, becoming steadily more aroused and curious. He was an expert at redirecting chi, but mostly for use in nerve strikes. With a beautiful woman before him, it suddenly occurred to him that there might be alternative uses for that knowledge.

Hm. A challenge.

He leaned in to kiss her, and said, "Lie still."

"What are you doing?"

"Something you'll like."

She made a happy little noise and threw her arms above her head, completely trusting. Shifu's heart melted. He kissed either side of her face, her lips, her neck and chest, then moved down to her feet and began.

 **ooo**

The morning bell sounded, and the Furious Five stood at attention at their doors.

"Good morning Mas-"

They stopped short. Master Shifu was not there.

His students stood there, shocked. For as long as any of them had resided at the Jade Palace, Shifu had never failed to greet them in the morning. He had even done so on the few occasions he was ill, if only to inform them that he was going back to bed.

Tigress snarled and slammed her door closed. Everyone jumped.

"Let's get down to the training hall," she spat. "We'll wait for him there."

"Tigress, maybe he's just - " Po began.

"I don't care what he is. Let's go." She stalked down the hall, leaving everyone else to exchange questioning looks.

 **ooo**

Across the palace compound, in the sangha's master bedroom, Shifu woke up the moment the morning bell rang. He leapt out of bed in a panic.

"Dammit! dammit, dammit," he said, hurriedly pulling on his clothes.

"What is it?" Habika said, rousing sleepily. "Are you in trouble?"

"I'm not in trouble, I don't answer to them. I am their Master, not the other way around." He sighed, tightening his belt. "And yes. Yes I am."

"Oh dear," Habika said, smiling wryly at his display.

"Sorry to rush out," he said, leaning in to kiss her. A kiss she returned with more enthusiasm than he expected. His eyes fluttered closed. For a split second he forgot all about his dilemma and simply fell into the kiss.

He finally pulled away, and tapped Habika on the nose. "Temptress," he said. "You know I'd stay if I could."

"Mmm, I wish you would. I want more of what you did last night, you _sorcerer,_ " she purred.

"Likewise, little one," he said, giving her one last little kiss, and went to the window.

"You don't have to escape that way, I told Jing not to disturb me before noon," Habika said.

Shifu balked. "Noon! Are you going to sleep all day, you lazy woman?"

Habika yawned and nodded. "My people are nocturnal, didn't you know? I can push it back if I need to but you won't see me before noon most days." She stretched. "Have a nice morning, my handsome husband." She blew a kiss, curled up and closed her eyes.

"My silly little wife," he chuckled, and took his leave.

 **ooo**

Shifu realized quite quickly he had no real way to explain himself, so he decided not to. He would apologize for his tardiness but they'd get no more out of him. If half the palace didn't see him coming over the hill from the sangha it might almost work. Thinking fast, he went into the Hall of Warriors from the back entrance. Perhaps he could play it off as having been lost in an early morning meditation by the moon pool. Or that's what he would tell anyone who saw him on the way to the training hall.

 _Clear your head, clear your head_ , he scolded himself. He could not help but keep thinking of the previous night, what heights to which he'd been able to drive Habika just by redirecting her chi. He had her so wound up she writhed and ground her teeth, twisting the blankets, shuddering and crying out for him like she had lost her mind. It was by leagues the hottest thing he had ever seen, and he could not stop thinking about it.

 _I should teach her to do it to me!_ he thought.

He stopped before the training hall door, took a deep breath, composed himself. You don't owe them an explanation, he insisted to himself. It's none of their business.

He opened the heavy door and his students snapped to attention, "Good morning Master!"

All, save Tigress, who continued stretching as though she had not seen Shifu enter. She looked over to him and continued what she was doing. Highly disrespectful.

 _Dammit, Tigress_ , Shifu thought. _I thought we had an agreement_.

"Tigress!" Shifu barked.

She turned to face Shifu. "Good morning Master," she said, giving the Adversary a solid punch, sending it careening into the wall.

"As you were, students," he said to everyone else. "Tigress! Come here!"

She obeyed but took her time about it, Shifu growing more infuriated by the moment by her insolence.

"Is. There. A. P _roblem?_ " he asked, his tone low and angry.

She looked straight into his eyes, brazenly. "No, Master."

"No? Then I suggest you drop this attitude of yours, fast. I'm not amused. And while you're at it, your form on that punch was sloppy. Work on it."

She saluted him. "Yes, Master." She turned her back on him and walked away.

"I did NOT excuse you," Shifu said.

She turned on her heel. "What now?"

"What now MASTER!" Shifu bellowed. The rest of the students looked up from their training. Shifu and Tigress were staring one another down.

"I expect a Master to behave in a manner befitting one, and show up on time for his students!"

He took a deep breath. "You are right. I apologize for that. It will not happen again."

"Where _were_ you, that kept you so occupied?" she hissed.

Shifu was aghast.

"I do not answer to you, Tigress, and I am tired of your insolence." He pointed to the door. "Run up and down the stairs until we break for lunch. Maybe that will help your foul disposition. You're excused."

She saluted him, bowed, and stalked out of the training hall without looking back. Shifu turned to see the rest of his students staring at him.

"What the hell are you looking at? Get back to work!" he barked. "Crane, more height on that spin kick. Let's get to work."

 **ooo**

Tigress did not join them for lunch, nor did Shifu. That left Po, Mantis, Monkey, Viper, and Crane in the kitchen, talking in hushed tones over tofu and rice.

"What was all that about this morning?" Crane asked.

Mantis chuckled and muttered something under his breath.

"Oh, would you stop with that already?" Viper said.

Mantis chuckled. "Where do _you_ think he was this morning? Cooking breakfast?"

"I don't know and it's none of my business," Viper replied. "Besides, even if he was, why would Tigress be jealous of _that?_ It's not like she'd rather it were her."

"How can you be certain?" Mantis said, raising an eyebrow.

"Mantis, you're disgusting," Viper said.

"Dude, you are thirty different kinds of perverted, you know that?" Po said, clearly aghast. "That's just ... that's a whole new category of wrong."

"Two words: daddy issues," Mantis said.

"Oh gods, mental image, mental image, make it stop," Crane wailed, holding his wings over his face.

"Look what you've done to Crane!" Viper exclaimed. "I swear, one of these days I'm going to distend my jaw and swallow you whole."

Mantis smiled. "Hot."

"It never ends!" Crane cried.

Tigress rounded the corner, exhausted, walking into the kitchen like no one was there. She blindly grabbed a plate and some food from the counter and sat down at the table to eat, her mind clearly elsewhere.

"Hello Tigress," Crane said.

She grunted in reply, exhausted from running up and down the palace steps.

"Um ... hello?" came a tiny voice from around the corner. Habika peeked her head around. "Oh!" she said. "You're all here."

They all rose and bowed, except for Tigress. "Princess!" they said.

"Oh no, no, please don't," she said nervously.

"What do you need?" Tigress asked sharply. "This is the student's bunkhouse, you are not supposed to be here."

Everyone looked at Tigress, horrified. She did not seem to care, locking eyes with Habika, who seemed to shrivel before her gaze. "Oh. I ... I apologize, I was just looking for -"

"Shifu is not here," Tigress barked.

" - the library," Habika finished. "I was looking for the library."

I can take you to it, Princess" Viper said, overly chipper.

"I was just taking a stroll around the grounds and I thought I should familiarize myself," Habika said.

"I agree, My Lady. Please, this way," Viper said, slithering to Habika's side.

"Next time you need something, ask one of your geese," Tigress snapped.

The princess was clearly taken aback by Tigress's hostility, but she seemed to rise into herself with Viper by her side.

"Very well," she said flatly to Tigress, then turned to Viper. "Shall we?"

Viper nodded. Habika gave a little bow to everyone as she and Viper left.

Everyone stared at Tigress, who continued to eat as though nothing had happened.

"Tigress ... " Po began, "What the hell?"

"Someone around here has to follow the rules," Tigress said, putting her chopsticks and plate in the sink. "See you at three thirty." She walked out, going down the hall and slamming the bunkhouse door behind her.

"See? What did I tell you?" Mantis said. "Daddy issues."

 **ooo**

"Princess, I am so sorry, I don't know what came over Tigress," Viper said as they strolled back to the guesthouse. "She's not usually that awful."

Habika shook her head. "No, it's my fault. I didn't realize I am not allowed in the bunkhouse."

Viper rolled her eyes. "You're allowed anywhere you please, you're nobility and a guest of Master Shifu."

"Perhaps she felt I was invading her space. It is understandable."

Viper shook her head. "It was inexcusably rude, and you have every right to be offended."

Habika sighed. "Let's ... let's put it behind us, shall we?"

"Of course," Viper said. "We're coming up the library now."

"Isn't this the Hall of Masters?" Habika asked.

"Well, yes," Viper said as the geese opened the door for them, "but it is also where we keep our library of scrolls. You see, there, behind the fountain."

"Oh!" Habika said. "I thought those were the Thousand Scrolls of Kung Fu?"

"Yes, my Lady, mostly. But there are scrolls on every topic in there, a copy of everything any Master ever cared to put into writing! It's a tremendous resource. I know they seem like they're all just tossed in there, and that's because they are." She chuckled. "Li and Ang know where everything is. If you need anything in particular they'll be t _hrilled_ to help you."

"Thank you so much, Master Viper," Habika said.

"Of course, my Lady. If there is anything you need I am always happy to help. In fact, I - " Viper stopped mid-sentence, suddenly unsure.

"Yes..?" Habika asked.

"Well, I ... I am afraid of seeming too forward, my Lady, but I should very much like to get to know you, i the hopes that you might eventually consider me a friend. I would like to invite you to share midday meal with me tomorrow, if that pleases you?"

Habika smiled. "I would like nothing better, Master Viper. I look forward to it. Thank you."

Viper beamed. "My pleasure, Princess," she said, bowing.

 **ooo**

"Tigress, where are you going?" Viper called after her.

"For a _walk!_ " Tigress called back as she descended the palace steps that night after evening meal, wrapped in an old coat with a faded dragon embroidered on the back.

"Then I'll come with you, I - "

Tigress turned, silencing Viper with a single look.

"Oh," Viper said. "I understand. Just ... feel better, okay?"

Tigress gave her a thankful smile that didn't touch her eyes, and continued down.

 **ooo**

She was looking, she realized, for a drink. She had drank maybe two alcoholic beverages in her life, and could barely recall the effects of them, but something was driving her towards the fen jiu joint, which glowed invitingly in the snow.

She stopped well back from it and turned away. No no, that was not an option. There wasn't a single public house from here to the Thread of Hope where her face was unknown. She would not make a disgrace of herself in public no matter how she burned.

She kept walking, heading nowhere, listening to her steps crunch in the snow. After a while she came upon the central square, busy with merchants by the day but now empty, dark. The fires of the village were distant enough to make it feel dangerous and remote. Tigress dug her hands in her pockets and sighed, watching the snow fall. It did nothing for the sparking ball of anxiety inhabiting her chest. Ah, if she could only have gotten that drink ...

She heard a creak and shuffle. An old carriage rolled into the square, dragged by a tired looking pony. A huddled figure sat on the perch. It stretched it's arms and hopped down, opening the carriage door. The inside of the carriage was dimly lit, the walls red and covered in scrolls bearing strange symbols. The huddled figure sat in the open doorway of the carriage and rolled a cigarette.

Tigress decided to quietly take her leave, as not to threaten this odd traveler. She took a few steps into the darkness, and an old woman's voice rang out over the square.

"I see you, dearie. No need to hide."

Tigress turned. The huddled figure had taken down her hood. She was a monkey woman, old, with a slight accent.

"Who are you?" Tigress asked.

The old woman chuckled. "Just an old fortune teller who's lost her way. And who are you?"

She paused. "Just a young woman out for a walk."

"Ah. And where are you heading?"

"I don't know," Tigress admitted.

"Hm," the old woman said. She reached into her wrappings and pulled out a flask. "Perhaps you were heading to me. Care to share a drink and a word with a lonely old traveler?"

Tigress hesitated. There was no outward sign of danger, but one could never be too sure.

The old woman chuckled again. "Come now, I've nothing to gain in harming you. By the look of that coat you've got nothing I'm after anyway. Come come, have a chat." She waved Tigress over, then removed the cap from the flask to pour herself a shot of whatever was in it. She threw it back hard, then poured a shot for Tigress, who accepted it.

"Bottoms up, dearie," the old lady said.

"Bottoms up," Tigress agreed, and threw the shot back. The alcohol was stinging and bitter, tasting of a billion year old wooden cask. She tried not to choke, tried to open her throat to it with only a little success. By the time she finally got the liquor down her eyes watered and she fought back nausea. But after a few breaths she felt it warming her on the way down.

"Thank you," Tigress said, handing the cap back to the old woman.

"Now be a dear and put this out, will you?" the old woman said, pulling a coal pot from underneath her carriage. "Too heavy for an old thing like me."

Tigress did as she asked, pulling the coal pot out. The woman handed her some matches and she bent over to light it, putting a metal grill over the top. Tigress and the old woman warmed their hands over it.

"All your people bear that mark, do they?" she said.

"What mark?"

The old woman pointed to Tigress's coat, to the embroidered dragon flowing up her back and across her shoulders. "That mark. The dragon."

Tigress was about to shake her head no, but suddenly realized that, in a manner of speaking, all her people *did* bear the mark of the dragon. Shifu, Tai Lung, Po, herself and the rest of the Five, their lives all afflicted with the mark of the Dragon Warrior.

"In a way," Tigress said slowly.

She sat with the old woman for about an hour, telling her about the Valley of Peace, where one might find good food and honest accommodation. To Tigress's embarrassment she wanted to know where the brothels were, as those women were some of her best customers. Tigress told her haltingly of the locations. She had defended them from raiders in the past. She may not have agreed with what they did but they ran a business like any other, and as citizens of the Valley of Peace, they deserved to be protected. But Tigress could not help but wonder if anyone she knew had ever set foot in those musky rooms. Had Mantis? Or Crane? Po?

Had Shifu?

She became uneasy at the thought, and suddenly wanted to return home.

"Thank you for your company, and the drink," Tigress said. "I must take my leave now. How long will you be in the village?"

"A few days, a few weeks, depends on how business goes," she said. "You seem troubled, girl. I think, though ... I think that why you are angry, it is a good reason."

Tigress didn't respond.

"Come back to see me one of these nights and I'll read the coins for you. On the house."

Tigress smiled. "Perhaps I will. Thank you."

"Of course. Goodnight, dearie. Oh, I nearly forgot. What is your name?"

Tigress hesitated. "My name is ... Xiu. What is yours?"

She smiled, her face lined with the marks of years of laughter . "Pleased to meet you Xiu. My name is Lata," she said. "They call me Mama Lata."

 **ooo**


	14. fables for a young lady

**chapter fourteen: fables for a young lady**

Shifu pored over the scroll. He'd already thrown out three versions and his nerves were starting to get the better of him.

 _Emperor Gan_ -

No ...

 _Son of Heaven_ -

too ... supplicant.

I _am keeping your Princess, you pathetic bastard. Bring your army, and I will bring my students. We will make you regret the nights you forced her into your filthy bed -_

He lost his grip, making an ugly splotch on the ugly words.

Shifu sighed, pushing the scroll away. This was useless. Tomorrow he would speak privately with Zeng, who knew the protocol far better than he. Perhaps he would feel less childish and emotional after a good night's sleep. He put the pen and ink aside, quelled two of the candles, and crawled back into bed with her.

She was curled in her usual circle. As he slipped in next to her he ran his hand along the curve of her back, through her incredibly soft tan fur. She rustled, stretched, and cuddled up against him, throwing her arm over his chest and thigh across his legs. She murmured something unintelligible, rested her head on his shoulder and slept.

He kissed her head, moved her ear out of his face and stared at the ceiling. Shadows danced by the light of one last candle. What if the Emperor _did_ want her back? What if he _did_ come to the Valley of Peace with his armies, intent on retrieving her? What would Shifu do? The fantasy he'd scrawled on that scroll was just that. He would never ask his students to risk their lives for what was essentially his fight, and though he was a formidable master he could not face an entire army alone.

Their only choice would be to flee.

He looked down at his softly sleeping fiancee. He would leave the Jade Palace, his students, the Valley of Peace, everything he had worked for to keep her from Gan. He didn't even need to think about it. They could bolt in the dead of night, disguise themselves, book passage on a ship bound for Japan. From there they could sail to the Philippines, and from there Malaysia. Surely Gan would give up chase long before that. They could settle anywhere. Cambodia maybe, on the sandy beaches. He'd find the heat insufferable but she'd adore it. Perhaps he could start a new Kung Fu school there - though he would have to call it something else to hide their whereabouts, should amazing masters start emerging out of Cambodia.

He would give it up, his life for forty five years, all of it for her.

 _Wow_ , Shifu thought. _I've really got it bad_.

 **ooo**

The next morning he kissed the palms of her sweet hands and slid out of bed just as the sun rose. Ha! No being late today! He put on his robe and strode confidently out of the sangha, where he nearly ran straight into Zeng, who held a small stack of firewood.

They stared at each other for a long moment.

"What are you doing here?" Shifu demanded.

"I - I'm bringing the Princess extra wood for her morning fire, Master Shifu." He gestured towards the sangha's courtyard. "Her supply runs low."

Shifu turned. The little pile by the komainu statue had dwindled to one lone log.

"Well ... good. That's good," Shifu said lamely.

"If I may ... ?" Zeng said, gesturing to get by.

"By all means," Shifu muttered, but grabbed him by the shoulder as he passed. "Zeng - "

"Not a word, Master," Zeng said. "On Oogway's honor, not a word."

"On _Oogway'_ 's honor?" Shifu said, impressed. " Thank you, Zeng."

"Of course, Master." He gave a small smile and nodded, continuing on.

Shifu turned suddenly.

"I love her," he said.

Zeng looked over his shoulder at Shifu, astonished at his frankness, then turned carefully and smiled. "That's wonderful," he said.

"I ... yes. It is," Shifu said, puzzled by his own actions. He formed his hands into a temple and bowed slightly. Zeng returned the gesture insomuch as he could, and they parted ways.

 _Why the hell did I say that?_ Shifu wondered as he trudged up the hill in the snow. After a moment's search he came upon the answer: he didn't want Zeng to think they were up to something unseemly. He didn't want the goose he'd known and trusted for twenty years to get the impression that he was merely ... merely _fucking_ her. He didn't want to be seen as ... well, as a dirty old man.

Shifu chuckled. _I am though!_ he thought. _I'm engaged to a woman half my age, I really am!_

He was sure his secret was safe with Zeng. It was only a matter of time, after all. Zeng knew the dirt on everyone, and had for years. He kept all the secrets in the Jade Palace, what was one more?

 **ooo**

"Good morning Master!" his students said, standing at their doors. All except Tigress.

He stared. They all did. The only thing more unprecedented than Shifu's tardiness was Tigress's.

"Tigress!" Shifu barked. "Tigress!"

No response. He stalked down the hall and threw open her door. "Wake up!"

She was half out of bed, head in her hands. Her fur was mussed and there were bags under her eyes. "Master ... ugh," she muttered.

"Are you unwell?"

"Yes. Yes Master, I am." She did not look at him as she said it.

"Then get some rest. Join us in the training hall when you've recovered." He reached in and shut the door behind him. He gestured to the other students to follow and they did. He glanced back at Tigress's closed door. Had he ... he was almost certain he had ... smelled _alcohol_ on her breath?

 **ooo**

Tigress lay back down and pulled the covers over her head. She felt nauseated, her mouth cottony. How had she become ill so fast? Most sickness had some sort of build up, a warning, but this just hit all at once.

Oh. Wait.

The memories of the previous night rushed back to her. The strange old fortune teller and her flask. Tigress moaned. If she had known the state she'd be in the next morning she'd have refused those drinks. That said, the walk back to the Jade Palace was positively sweet and relaxed. She hadn't felt that peaceful in ages.

Peaceful enough that she might go back and visit the old woman again.

She knew it probably wasn't a great idea.

She also knew she would go.

Tigress took a long drink of water from the glass at her side, then pulled the covers up over herself. What a nice thing it was, to sleep late. She was determined to enjoy it.

 **ooo**

She awoke in the early afternoon, but remained in bed anyway drifting in and out of sleep. After a while she went to the kitchen to grab a snack. The bunkhouse was so empty and quiet she felt like a ghost. She couldn't remember the last time she had been so alone. She took a piece of fruit and another glass of water from the kitchen. She tip-toed back to her room and ate quietly, trying to preserve the soft blanket of silence as long as she could.

Shifu had ordered her to join the others in the training hall as soon as she recovered, and she did feel better. But in all truth she did not want to join them. She enjoyed this rare solitude, wanted to stave off her return to the "real" world as long as possible.

She got back in bed, smiling mischievously to herself. A day off!

She reached down the side of her bed and found what she knew was there, her sweet girlhood comfort. It was a little book of fables Shifu had given her when she was six or seven. The pages, yellow from years and years of love, comforted her instantly. Over the years of repeated readings the characters in the fables had become familiar and dependable as family. The book was without a doubt her most treasured possession. The night Shifu returned from the village with it, he actually sat and _read to her._ She had never been happier than that hour, where they sat together as father and daughter.

It never happened again.

To this day Tigress didn't know what made him read to her that night. It was a long time ago and her memories were hazy, but she seemed to recall that he had been in a spectacularly good mood that day, almost celebratory. Over what she had no idea, nor had she cared. Master Shifu sitting with her, reading to her ... it was as if a beautiful eagle flew out of the woods and landed on her shoulder. If she breathed too much or moved a muscle she might scare it off.

She flipped through the pages of the little book. For years she had treasured it as a token of Shifu's fatherly love - the only tangible hint that it existed. It was obvious that he respected her greatly, that she was his favorite student, and that he would always protect her in the case she couldn't protect herself. But the ... closeness ... she craved. The comfort of knowing that, as a child, she could have sat in his lap and been held. The pain of knowing the impossibility of that wish.

For years she had pored over the book. Did it mean anything? Was there a secret code embedded in it, a map to gaining his affection? Why this book and not some other? She searched it cover to cover for a pattern, a lesson, as though it were a kung fu scroll. In the end she concluded that the book contained no special knowledge he wished her to have, and that he had likely purchased it for the title: "Fables For A Young Lady."

As though she were just any young lady.

She'd packed her emotions away for the remainder of her childhood, sought solace in Nanny Goat, whom Tigress loved with a ferocity. She had sobbed like melting snow when Nanny Goat passed. She was eleven and inconsolable. Shifu had excused her from training for a few days and left her to mourn alone, when all Tigress wanted was for him to hold her and tell her he would never, ever die.

She returned to training after five days of mourning and life resumed normally. Ages eleven, twelve, thirteen, all passed without event. She tried every day to be the student Shifu wanted. Elegant, powerful, reserved, stolid. When her body began to change in the strange ways Nanny Goat had hinted at she betrayed no sense of her inner turmoil, the twinges, the aching breathless urges from nowhere. Until one day, during training, she and Shifu were sparring, and ... and ...

Tigress winced and slammed the book closed. Her heart raced.

Maybe it was time to get out of bed after all.

 **ooo**

"Please, have a seat," Habika said to Viper. They met at the sangha for the lunch they had agreed on the day before.

"Thank you, my Lady."

Habika waved her hand dismissively. "Please, call me Habika."

Viper looked at her questioningly. "Habika?"

"Yes. Habika is my real name, my African name. Meihui is a name I was given when I was adopted by my Chinese family. I much prefer my real name. Before I met Shifu I had nearly forgotten the sound of it."

"May I ask how he came to know it?"

Habika considered it a moment. "I don't recall the exact conversation," was all she said. "I asked Jing to prepare your usual lunch. I didn't want you to break your kung-fu diet on my account." She gestured to the table, where there was rice, vegetables, and tofu. "However if you are interested in breaking your kung-fu diet, there is some thousand layer cake in the kitchen," Habika said with a chuckle. "I won't tell."

"I think I can make an exception just this once," Viper said, smiling. "Thousand layer cake is Shifu's favorite, did you know that?"

Habika smiled, blushing a little. "Yes, he introduced me to it."

Viper smiled. "He must like you very much to make such a rare indulgence. I think the last time there was Thousand Layer Cake at the palace was about two years ago."

"What was the occasion?"

Viper chuckled. "Shifu's sixtieth birthday."

Habika smiled and shook her head.

"What is it?" Viper asked.

"I keep forgetting he's in his sixties! He's so ... youthful. I'm half his age and I have half his energy." She chuckled. "So, what did you do for Shifu's birthday?"

"Oh, not a lot. He's not one for a fuss. He was happy with his cake. He rarely strays from the kung-fu diet, it's a big indulgence for him."

"How do you warriors live with such restrictions? Up with the sun, training to exhaustion every day, nothing but rice and vegetables! It makes me feel positively slothful. Ah, I need a glass of wine just to deal with it!" Habika said, pouring herself a glass.

Viper laughed. "It's not for everyone, that's for sure." A mischievous look came over Viper, and she nudged her glass forward with her tail. "Hit me."

Habika raised her eyebrow. "Are you sure?"

"I'll chalk it up to you being a bad influence. "

"I seem to have that effect on you people," Habika said, pouring Viper a glass.

"Oh?"

"You know, Thousand Layer Cake, and all that."

"And all that," Viper said. "Cake is delicious, after all."

"Oh yes."

Habika rose her glass. "Cheers!"

"Cheers!"

They clinked.

"You simply must tell me all about the Forbidden City!" Viper said after they'd finished lunch. "I've dreamt all my life of visiting. Is it as fabulous as legend says?"

Habika sighed. "It is every bit as beautiful and opulent as you may have heard. But it is also a heartless, cold place full of relentless ambition and jealousies, and I hope with all my heart that I will never return there."

Viper seemed taken aback.

"Court life is poison," Habika said, rambling a bit due to the wine. "There is no love or nurture there, even for the smallest of children. Everyone pecks at everyone else for the slightest scrap of power, or the Emperor's ear. Truly, it is a terrible place. I much prefer the Jade Palace to the Imperial one."

"Wow," Viper said softly. "I'm sorry to hear that. I had always thought of the Forbidden City as ... well, magical, I suppose. Filled with ladies in beautiful dresses and jewels, and ... and all that."

"If it's dresses and jewels you're after, come with me. I have plenty."

"Oh no, I couldn't!"

Habika walked to the hall, gesturing for Viper to follow her. "Come now, my dear, it's been ages since I've been in the company of a good female friend, and I've missed it terribly."

Viper giggled. "Girl time it is!"

 **ooo**

An hour later the bedroom was a mess, strewn about with Habika's entire wardrobe of beautiful silk hanfus, and jewelry. Habika wore her very best Hanfu, and Viper wore a few bejewled chokers. She had taken a keen interest in a pair of old dancing fans.

"I have been meaning to learn fan dancing for ages," she said, swinging the fan gently by the end of her tail. "Ribbon dancing is easier for a snake, but the fans are so elegant. Oh, and these match your dress!"

Habika sat on the bed. "I find it funny how interested you are in dresses when there's not a spot of clothes on you."

Viper shrugged. "They're still nice to look at. Maybe it's the allure of something I can never have. The closest snakes get to clothing are tattoos, like the one on my back."

"That's awfully permanent."

"No no! I get a new one every time I shed my skin. I'm already starting to plan my next one. It has to be done while the new skin is still soft, so it hurts like hell, but the colors come through much nicer that way."

"Beauty is pain," Habika said, absently running her hand up to her mutilated ear. The wound had healed but it had left the ear ugly, gnarled and malformed.

"I mean to ask you about that," Viper said.

"Carriage accident," she said. "I was wearing a big heavy earring - that one, in fact - "she pointed to the heavy jade dragon, " and it caught on something, tore right out."

"Oh no!"

"It's all right. Shifu bandaged it up nicely. I told him I'd rather lose an ear than my life. He actually apologized to me about it, can you imagine?

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. They both jumped.

"Yes?" Habika called.

"Master Shifu is here to see you, my Lady."

"Speak of the devil," Habika said. "Send him in."

There was another knock on the door. Habika opened it to find Shifu.

"Master," Habika said.

"My Lady. Viper." He looked around the room and laughed. "What is this? I thought you were having lunch, and here you are playing dress up!"

"My apologizes, Master," Viper said with a giggle, bowing.

"We're just getting to know each other," Habika said. "What can I do for you, Shifu?"

"I just came to retrieve Viper, she's half an hour late," he replied.

"Oh no, am I? Oh I apologize Master, I didn't realize - "

"I understand, Viper, I know well how diverting the Princess can be when she wishes." He smiled at her, then looked at Viper. "Meet me back at the training hall in ten minutes, please, Viper." He took one last look at the room and chuckled. "Silly women," he said, and left them.

Habika and Viper exchanged glances and laughed.

"Wow," Viper said. "Shifu must adore you."

"What makes you say that?"

"Every other time I've ever been late for anything there was hell to pay. I've never seen him just wave it off like that. Are you some kind of witch?"

Habika laughed. "Maybe so!"

Viper smiled. "I've got to take my leave. Thank you for lunch, and showing me all your beautiful things!" She spotted a pendant on the bed. "Oh I don't think I saw this one! How beautiful!"

Viper picked up off the bed the glass amulet which had been the supposed Mongolian gift, admiring it in the candle light.

"Oh, that?" Habika said. "That's not real, my dear. It's glass."

"It's lovely."

Habika smiled. "You take it."

"W- what?"

"Take it, it's yours."

"You can't be serious."

"Now now," Habika said, taking it from Viper and putting it around her neck. "I want you to have it. It's a gift, from me to you. Ah, there. It looks beautiful on you."

"I - I don't know what to say!"

"Don't say anything, just wear it in good health, my friend," Habika said, kissing viper on both cheeks like a sister might.

 **ooo**

That evening the students were in in the kitchen finishing dinner and chatting. They were relaxed except for Tigress, who was pushing a bit of tofu around a largely untouched plate.

"Are you feeling any better, Tigress?" Crane asked.

"Yes."

"What was wrong?"

"Something I ate, I think."

When Viper slithered into the kitchen all conversation stopped.

"Spill it," Crane said.

All eyes were on her. Viper shrugged, insomuch as she could. "Spill what?"

"You had lunch with the Princess. What's her deal?"

"Why does there have to be a deal?"

"Where did you get that necklace?" Tigress asked.

"She gave it to me. Isn't it amazing?"

Tigress looked at it but didn't respond.

"Spill, spill spill!" Po said.

"Drill all you want guys, there's not much to spill. She's nice, very polite, I like her a lot. We talked about the Forbidden City, had some wine - "

"Is he or is he not banging her?" Mantis interjected.

"Mantis!" Viper exclaimed.

Everyone stared at him.

"What? Oh, come on! He rescued her from seventy billion guys, and they spent four weeks cooped up in a cave together. Just the two of them. Alone. Shifu may be a Venerable Master, but he's still a _guy._ After four weeks he'd better be banging her. I'll be disappointed if he isn't." Crane shook his head. "Don't look at me like that, you all want to know too."

"I want to know," Monkey said.

"Yes! See? I'm not the only pervert here! And I don't see any of you getting up and leaving, so -"

Suddenly Tigress stood, glaring at them all. "Good _night_ ," she said, throwing her dish into the sink and stalking off.

"What's her problem?" Mantis asked.

Po sighed. "I don't know, she's been like that ever since she got back. I think she's having a thing."

"She can have it somewhere else. Back to the subject at hand. Viper! What's your impression?"

"There's … something." Viper said. "It's pretty obvious they're fond of each other, at the very least. Something's going on. I don't know if it's ... physical. Not that it's any of my business."

"You know what they say," Mantis said. "Save the princess, claim your prize."

"What? Who made that rule?" Viper said.

"Pretty much every story ever!"

"He does have a point. That pretty much is every story ever," Po said.

"This is real life, not a story," said Viper.

"Oh really? Hey Monkey!" Mantis said.

"Yeah?"

"Ok, so, the Emperor writes you a letter saying 'Yo Monkey, protect my sexy princess from bandits.' So you do, you take out a bunch of guys, and then you end up stuck with her in a cave for weeks on end with only each other for warmth and entertainment. Did you or did you not claim your prize?"

"Like it was my job," Monkey said without hesitation.

"Po, did you claim your prize?"

"Yeah, I'm gonna have to say yeah. I was going to say no, but ... yeah."

"Crane? Yes or no?"

"Does _she_ want to … um, reward me?"

"Of course she wants to! The question is not 'Is Crane a rapist?" it's "Did Crane claim his prize?' Pretend she's a swan, or something."

"Like a swan would give me the time of day," Crane muttered.

"Crane, you're killing me here."

"I told you, I would if she wanted to. But if she's a swan she probably doesn't. Other species don't even exist to those girls."

"I'm sensing issues," Po said.

"Viper!" Mantis said. "Did you or did you not claim your prize?"

Viper considered it for a moment, and finally said, "Is she cute?"

Mantis, Monkey, Crane, and Po fell suddenly silent, staring at her.

" _Really?_ " Crane asked.

"Wow, learned something new about Viper today," Po said.

"Oh no. You guys, it was a joke!"

"No no, please, Viper, continue. Tell us of your crazy naked lady adventures," Mantis said. "Who's your type? Is Tigress your type? I mean I know you guys are close, but damn."

"Oh gods, what have I done?" Viper asked.

"Women!" Crane said.

"You too?" Viper asked Crane.

"If you want, but you might be more interested in my sister," Crane said.

"Oh, buuuuuurn," Mantis said.

"For crying out loud, you guys. I'm going to bed."

"Yes, but with who?" Mantis asked, and the the boys burst into laughter.

"I get it, you're amused! Whoop-de-doo!" Viper yelled back, shaking her head. She went to her room. On the way she slithered past Tigress's room, but the door was closed, and her candle was out.

 **ooo**

Shifu waited till the rest of the palace was fast asleep, and crept out of the bunkhouse. He rushed silent as a shadow over the hill to the little sangha, where Oogway's candle was lit and his love waited. They undressed each other hurriedly, without a word. Afterwards he put his arm around her and dragged her close, curling around her, nuzzling her cheek and kissing her.

"I like your palace. And this funny little house. And Viper seems very nice, I think we'll be great friends."

"Oh good," he replied, kissing her neck. "You two and your silly dress-up games."

"Girls, you know," she said. She put her arms around him, kissed him. "Thank you for taking me home with you. I'm happy here. I love you."

She smiled at her. "And I love you, little one. Always will."

Shifu's ear twitched towards the window.

"What?" Habika asked.

He was silent for a second longer. "Thought I heard something. Gone now." He took her hand and lifted it to his lips. She smiled.

"So, tell me about your day, darling," Habika said, stroking his little beard.

 **ooo**


	15. as good as my father

**chapter fifteen: as good as my father**

Mantis sat at the table in the kitchen the next morning, pensively stirring his tea as he stared out the window. The sun just barely peeked over the horizon.

Po yawned and waddled in, scratching his belly. He grabbed a bowl and spooned in some congee, then plopped down next to Mantis.

"You're up early," Po said.

Mantis, lost in thought, didn't respond.

"Hey. What's with you, buddy?" Po asked.

"What?" Mantis asked. "Me? No. Nothing."

Po snickered. "Real convincing. What's your deal?"

Mantis hesitated for a moment, then sighed. "You have to promise not to tell anyone," he whispered.

"You got it," Po whispered back.

"Well ... ok. Last night I ... did something ... well, something that might make me kind of a bad person."

Po was taken aback. "It couldn't have been _that_ bad. What'd you do?"

"I came in here to get a midnight snack. I was sitting on the window sill eating when I saw Shifu leave the bunkhouse and head towards ... well, I wanted to know where he was going. So I ... I followed him."

"And?"

"He went straight to the sangha."

Po's eyebrows raised. "Well. That answers that question."

"That's what you'd think I'd have thought, right? But nooooo, I had to _know_. So I - Po, you can't tell _anyone_ \- I sat outside the Princess's bedroom window and I ... I listened."

"Dude!" Po exclaimed. "What'd you hear?"

Mantis sighed. "She was ... he was ... they were ... you know."

"Doing it?"

"Oh yeah. Yeah. He was giving it to her good. Those were the sounds of a very happy lady. But I stuck around longer than I should have, because I - I heard _him_ \- and now - I can't - I don't even know how I'm gonna look the guy in the eye today! All I'm gonna be able to think about is what he sounds like when he pops off." He shuddered. "I'm completely weirded out, and it's my own damn fault."

Po was laughing silently. "Oh man, Mantis. Oh man."

Mantis put his face in his thingies. "What is _wrong_ with me?"

"I'm just sad Viper isn't here to hear this."

"Po, If you tell Viper, I'll -"

"I'm not gonna tell her, relax!" Po said, chuckling. "Even if I did it's okay, we all know you're a pervert. And we love you for it."

Mantis grumbled into his tea.

"Good for Shifu, though!" Po said after a moment. "Nice one, old man."

"Yeah," Mantis said. "It is good, I'm really happy for him." He was quiet a moment, then gave a long, heavy sigh. "You know what the worst part of this is?"

"What?"

"It just got me thinking ... it made me realize ... man, I'm really _lonely_ , you know?"

Po smiled. "D'aawwww, Mantis. I'm sure we can find you a woman under a rock or in a flower somewhere."

"Yeah yeah yeah ..." Mantis replied.

Tigress walked into the kitchen, her eyes fixed on the ground, her hands in fists. Without acknowledging Po or Mantis she picked out a bowl and slapped some congee into it. The waves of tension and anger coming off her were thick as butter.

"Good ... morning ... Tigress?" Po asked cautiously.

"Good morning Po. Mantis," she said softly.

"You all right?"

"I'm fine. I'm going to eat in my room," she said and left.

"Oh .. okay," Po replied. He and Mantis looked at one another and shrugged. What they did not know what that Tigress had been just outside the kitchen listening to the whole conversation. When Mantis confirmed what she knew was true her breath had caught in her chest, and it was an act of pure will to get her breakfast without screaming.

 **ooo**

When Tigress returned to her room she put the congee aside. Her stomach turned in knots. She knelt by her bed, doubled over her knees, and then slid into child's pose. This calmed her a bit, as it always did. But not enough.

 _Why am I shaking? Why is my heart beating like a hammer?_

She thought of them together and she burned. How could he? Princess Meihui was half his age! When Tigress came across them on the road he'd been ... he'd been _fucking_ her in a carriage like some sort of _vagrant!_

Her heart began to pound faster.

 _And now he's fucking her in the sangha_ , she thought. _He takes her to bed, he takes off his clothes and he fucks her_.

The thoughts came, slippery as fish.

 _What do they do?_

"Stop," she whispered into the floor.

 _What does he like?_

"Stop ..."

 _Mantis heard him with her. How did he sound?_

"Stop, stop, stop!" she cried, sitting up on her knees.

There was a knock at her door. She jumped.

"Tigress, are you all right?" Viper asked.

Tigress glared at the door. _Go away, traitor. You eat with her. You wear the jewelry she gives you._

"Just a bad dream," she said. "I'm fine."

 **ooo**

Shifu woke up when it was still dark. He stretched, shifted, and reached across the bed for Habika, but didn't find her. He sat up and yawned, put on his robe. There was a flickering light in the hall. He found her sitting on the floor in the little library of zen scrolls the geese had provided for her. Open scrolls were scattered around her, and she was deeply absorbed in the one she read. Her back was to the doorway, so she was silhouetted in the candlelight.

Shifu smiled, walked in and put his arms around her, kissing her neck. "Oh!" she exclaimed. "Good morning my warrior." She kissed his cheek, patting his face with her hand.

"What are you doing up so early?"

"I couldn't sleep. Thought I would read. Very interesting stuff! I've been reading about the concept of using an enemy's strength against him."

Shifu nodded. "The entire kung fu system is based around that concept."

She nodded slowly, looking at the scroll. "I'm surprised a fighting art would be based around such a feminine philosophy."

"A feminine philosophy?"

"Yes. To use one's strength against them you must have a very yin sensibility. You must be receptive and flexible, like a woman. You must know when to step back as well as forward. You cannot always charge forth like a man would."

Shifu considered this for a moment. "That's very perceptive of you, little one. Are you sure you don't wish to learn kung fu?"

She smiled. "I just wish to read for now." She crawled in his lap and put her arms around his neck, kissing him. "Did you sleep well? No bad dreams?"

"Bad dreams? No."

"Good. You had such awful dreams in the cave."

"I did, didn't I?" He kissed her hand and thought for a moment. "I was under a lot of stress."

"Were you?"

"Yes," he said, putting his arms around her waist and drawing her close, kissing her neck. "I wanted you, I couldn't have you, and I didn't know what to do about it."

"Couldn't have me?" Habika chuckled. "Shifu, I was yours from the beginning."

"Were you?"

"Oh yes!" she said. "I always thought you handsome, from the first moment I saw you."

"I'm old," he said ruefully. "I never thought a beautiful young thing like you would be interested."

"You're grizzled and handsome and I love you," she said. "And I'm not young. Not in spirit, anyway. Your wisdom is attractive to me. Most people I meet seem kind of ... insubstantial. Do you know what I mean?"

"Perhaps you are judging them too quickly, little one. One does not have to live through pain like yours to have a depth of spirit." He chuckled. "It helps, though."

"Ah, see, very wise," she said, and pecked him on he lips.

He put her face back in her neck. "Mff. Come back to bed."

He took her face in his hands, kissed her, and picked her, cradling her.

She lay her wrist across her forehead in faux womanly distress. "Oh dear, I'm being ravished by a fiendish old pirate!"

"Arrr," Shifu said, carrying her to the bedroom.

 **ooo**

Later that day in the training hall, he watched Crane struggle with the landing on his spin-kick. His eyes were on Crane but his mind kept wandering back to Habika. _What is she doing right now_? he wondered. _Probably sleeping, at this time of day._ She was such a sweet little sleeper, curled up in her tail or pressed against him. The adorable little wheezing snores she sometimes made. The sweet, heady smell of her, powder and cloves.

"Master Shifu?" Crane said. He was perched on the edge of the jade turtle, peering down at him.

"Oh! Um. Yes. Very good Crane," Shifu said

"Master, I tripped!"

"Oh," Shifu said, feeling his face start to burn. "Yes. Well. Try again, let's see it."

Crane had an odd expression of his face. He was trying not to smile, Shifu realized.

Oh lord. They knew.

 _Of course they know_ , Shifu scolded himself. _They're not stupid. Mantis hasn't so much as looked me in the eye today! And Tigress - gah, focus, Shifu!_

He made himself focus on Crane. "I see what you're doing there. Stiffen your ankle, Crane, you're overcompensating for the force of the landing."

"Ohhhh," Crane said.

 _Tigress probably told them all, anyway._

He glanced over to Tigress, who sparred with Viper.

 _Maybe she didn't. They seemed surprised when we arrived together. But surely she's told them by now? Especially considering the way she's been behaving towards me lately ..._

Crane nearly landed the kick, but stumbled at the last second.

"Again," Shifu commanded.

 _Why is Tigress so upset?_ Shifu wondered. _You'd think she, of all people, would be happy for me. She wasn't nearly this resentful when I spent most of my time training Po! I don't understand. What is so upsetting to her?_

Crane landed the kick.

"Good! Good! Keep it up, again, Crane."

 _Maybe it's just one of those things_ , Shifu thought. _There's always been aspects of Tigress I can't know. She's a young woman, there's just some things about her I will never be able to understand. Maybe her problem with Habika is some feminine issue she feels she can't share with me. Whatever it is, I wish she'd resolve it. She needs to be willing to talk this through with me or control herself. Either would do at this point. Tigress, this is the happiest I've ever been, why can't you be at peace?_

He watched her spar with Viper as he thought this. She suddenly met his eyes. Habitual warmth, then in a split second anger that hit him like an arrow. She looked away, but not soon enough. Viper landed a strike to her face, and she spent the rest of the match trying to regain the upper hand.

Shifu didn't scold or correct her. He figured it was best to let it lie.

 **ooo**

After a short break they moved to the courtyard. He sat by the tree and played the flute, waiting for them to attack him. This was his favorite exercise by far. He was often surprised by what his students came up with. Some days they managed to get the better of him, and other days they failed so miserably he would chide them like children. "I'll spin in circles and make myself dizzy, will that make it easier for you? I'm already playing the flute!"

The flute was a favor to them. It dulled his extraordinary hearing. Without it they didn't stand a chance.

They came at him. Viper was flying like a whip, he dodged and threw her. He caught Monkey by the tail and sent him careening into Tigress - too slow, Tigress, not good. Crane and Mantis flanked him, which was good. Crane attempted his spin kick. Shifu ran underneath him, caught him by the leg and dragged him into the ground, while at the same time distracting Mantis so he could kick him enough force to send him flying into Po's forehead, knocking the great lug right over.

"That was terrible! Awful, all of you. Unilaterally awful. Could we wake up this morning, please?" he chided, snapping his fingers.

"Princess!" Viper suddenly exclaimed, and the students bowed.

He turned to see Habika standing in front of the training hall, wearing her blue zen acolyte's robe. _Couldn't sleep, little one?_ he very nearly asked her aloud.

"Princess, an honor," he said, bowing. "What brings you here?"

"I was having a walk and I wondered what the commotion was. I've never seen a Master fight, much less seven of them. I'm not disturbing anything, I hope?"

"Not at all," he said. "Stay and watch, if you like."

She nodded, and took a seat on the steps.

"Again," he said to his students.

Shifu picked up his flute, closed his eyes and played, waiting for the attack. Crane came first, striking at him with his wing instead of his leg. Shifu tossed him like a disc, sending Crane careening into the side of the training hall. Monkey came at him feet first, but flipped end over end at the last minute, trying to pile drive him. Shifu dodged but Monkey pursued. Viper came at him from the front. Shifu simply leapt out of the way and let her take Monkey out for him. He heard Mantis, felt him grab his foot and throw him. Shifu let himself be thrown but took control of his trajectory, landing on Po's chest hard enough to take him out. He flipped himself upright, trying to anticipate the next attack.

And suddenly Tigress was upon him like a wall of fire.

She charged him, furious, like she meant it. He was shocked but recovered quickly, blocking her punches and kicks, but damn if she didn't keep coming at him. "Good, Tigress, good!" he said, hoping to placate her, but it only seemed to make her angrier. She swiped at him, claws extended, growling. He blocked and she swiped at him with her other hand, claws also extended, the force of rage behind her strikes.

Shifu began to get angry. _So you want to play rough, little girl?_ he thought. _One more claw swipe and I'll wipe the floor with you, brat._

She swiped again, baring her teeth.

 _You asked for it._

He hopped on her forearm, then flipped over her head, grabbing her collar on the way. He picked her up and threw her head over foot into the ground, face first. Before she had time to recover her twisted her arm behind her back and planted his heel in the nape of her neck, holding her immobilized to the ground.

After a moment she tapped out.

He released her. "Good ferocity, Tigress, excellent!" he said.

She rose to her knees and saluted him without meeting his eyes.

"You'd all do well to take an example from Tigress's relentlessness," he said.

"Yes Master," they said, saluting him.

He was about to continue when he looked at Habika. Her delicate hand fluttered over her heart, her eyes sparkling, her face flushed, looking at him from underneath her lashes with enough desire to melt an iceberg.

 _Ohhh, you like that,_ he thought lustily. _Watch this. I'll have you sliding down those steps, little one._

"Let's go again," he said. "Monkey, bring the weapons rack."

By the end of that she was nearly swooning. He watched her over his student's heads as he gave them pointers, scolding and praising them where due.

"Let's take a break here," he said. "Early lunch. Back here at three thirty."

They exchanged a look, then saluted him and broke formation. Habika stood unsteadily, like a baby giraffe. "Master," she said. "You and your students are very skilled. Thank you for the demonstration. I'm going to retire to the sangha, to study. Good day."

"Princess," he said, bowing and giving her a meaningful look. Her mouth twitched and she scampered off, stumbling a little.

He turned, saluted his students, and went off in the opposite direction, as though that would fool them. He barely cared. There was a Princess in that sangha that wanted him so badly she could barely walk, and he was going to fuck her into next month if it was the last thing he did.

"Wow," Po said once Shifu was gone. "Does he even realize he just gave us a five hour lunch break?"

"I wouldn't, if I were him," Mantis snickered.

Viper slithered up, looking in the direction Habika had vanished. "Wow. They really are going at it like rabbits in spring, aren't they?" she said.

"Ya think?" Mantis snarked.

"Mantis can actually confirm it first hand," Po said.

"Po, you son of a bitch!"

"Mantis, did you do something perverted?" Viper asked.

"Of course he did," Monkey said.

"See? I told you we love you anyway," Po said to Mantis.

"Panda, I will end you!"

"Hey, where's Tigress?" Viper asked.

They looked around. She had vanished.

 **ooo**

She'd headed back to the bunkhouse as soon as Shifu dismissed them. He'd hurt her when he flipped her face first into the ground. Her left cheek and eye were red and pounding. She splashed cool water over her face and looked at herself in the mirror.

 _You deserved it_ , she scolded herself. _You are being a child and you have to stop_.

Her body reacted. She felt panicked, short of breath, the way she had when the Princess sat down to watch them spar and Shifu started showing off. She wanted to kill her. She wanted to pick her up and fling her into Mongolia by her huge ugly ears. But she could not attack the Princess, so she went after Shifu, the other victim of her uncontrollable rage. And he made her pay for it, rightly so.

 _Why?_ she demanded of herself. _Why do I feel this way?_

The answered bubbled at the edge of her conscious mind, till utter panic drove it back down. That twisting feeling came again, leaving her short of breath and on the edge of tears.

 _This has to stop,_ she commanded herself. _Stop. Stop it. Stop it now, you foolish girl!_

She took a few deep breaths, and very gradually stood. She looked at herself in the mirror, steeling her face until not a trace of distress was visible. She breathed into the center of her being, calm, calm, calm. Once she was herself she left the bath and went to the kitchen, where her friends had gathered around the table, laughing and joking.

"Hey Tigress," Po said, pulling out a seat for her. "So we've pretty much come to consensus that Shifu and the Princess are practicing horizontal kung fu, what do you think?"

Her jaw twitched. She didn't let it go any further than that. "Likely," she said, sitting down with a feigned dismissive uncaring.

"Ha!" Monkey exclaimed with triumph. He held up his cup. "To Shifu!"

The laughed and toasted to their Master's good fortune. Tigress forced herself to smile, like an elephant forcing itself into an anthill.

 **ooo**

Shifu and Habika lay in a sweaty, impossibly configured pile of spent limbs.

"I think my heart actually stopped at one point," Shifu gasped.

Habika's arm rose, her finger pointing, as though she was going to stay something. "I ... I ... I don't. Speak. Anymore." Her arm flopped back down to the bed like a noodle.

Shifu laughed. "You don't speak anymore?"

She shook her head and closed her eyes, sighing in utter contentment.

"Heh," Shifu snickered. He took her floppy hand and kissed it. "You're welcome."

 **ooo**

They met at 3:30 to resume training, after a five hour lunch break Shifu was too sheepish to end early. He went back to them feeling ridiculous. They were already in the training hall when he got there, looking knowingly at him. But was it really knowingly? Maybe he just imagined they looked knowingly. Or maybe he was imagining that he imagined they looked knowingly, so they actually knew after all.

They peered oddly at him and he peered oddly back. No one had said a thing, no salutes exchanged, just a teacher and his students looking inscrutably at one another. Time ticked by. It started to get weird.

Shifu finally sighed, his shoulders slumping. He shrugged. "Well ... hello students. I hope you enjoyed your long break this afternoon."

"We hope _you_ enjoyed _your_ long break this afternoon, Master Shifu," Po said, with an over-the-top innocent sweetness.

His face turned red. He couldn't meet their eyes. He shuffled, a sudden shyness coming over him. He tried to speak but all he produced was a stutter followed by an uneasy laugh. "Well, I .. yes?"

He looked up. They smiled.

"Oh, hell," he said, flustered.

"It's okay, Shifu," Po finally said. "We're happy for you."

"It ... it couldn't be helped!" he said, the words tumbling out of him. "I can't help it! I just ... I love her. I can't help it, I love the woman, there, it's out, I'm crazy about her. There. Now you know." He gave a great, relieved breath.

Viper squealed and bounced, Monkey hooted, and suddenly they were all talking at once. Po grinned and patted Shifu on the shoulder. Only Tigress seemed to be hanging back.

"Master, why did you feel you needed to keep this from us?" Viper asked.

"I ... well. I wasn't sure if it was appropriate to tell you. And I didn't want you to think less of me as your Master."

" _Less_ of you?" Manti excliaimed. "Screw that, you're my _hero_! Hell, I hope I can bag a Princess half my age when I'm in my sixties. Nice work!"

Shifu chuckled uneasily. "It wasn't like that. There was no, erm, bagging, it just ... happened."

Tigress stepped forward, and everyone grew silent.

"I'm happy for you, Master," she said.

"Aww, Tigress," Po said softly.

Shifu beamed. "Thank you, Tigress. You can't imagine how happy it makes me to hear you say that."

She gave a little smile and nodded.

"For what it's worth I think she's wonderful. I don't think I could have chosen anyone more perfect for you," Viper gushed. "And it'll be nice to have another girl around, hey Tigress?"

"We still outnumber you," Mantis said.

"Doesn't matter, Tigress and I can still take all four of you."

"Don't count on it!" Po said.

"Oh, not this again," Shifu said, rolling his eyes. "One of these days I'll going to pit you against one another so we can finally end this silly debate. All right, enough talking. Let's get back to work." He clapped his hands twice. "Outside for kick drills. Let's go."

As they left he took Tigress's hand and squeezed it. She looked down at her Master and he looked up at her, his eyes filled with gratitude.

"I'm sorry about my behavior, Master," she said. "I don't know what came over me."

"It's all right," he replied. "Thank you."

 **ooo**

Tigress couldn't sleep. She had been on edge all day, but when she apologized to Shifu a weird numbness had fallen over her. The rest of the day's training was just going through the motions. Her dinner had no taste. She'd tried to sleep but the numbness kept her awake. The soft, heavy breaths of her sleeping friends was starting to drive her mad. She sighed and sat up in bed, then put on her dragon coat and walked softly outside.

The moon was big and bright and full, making the snowy grounds glow. She headed up towards the Hall of Warriors. Some meditation by the moon pool might help her sleep. It usually did. She crept quietly over the grounds and up the Hall steps, and was about to push the heavy door open when she heard something inside. A musical instrument of some kind. An erhu.

She peeked through the tiny crack between the doors. Princess Meihui and Shifu were sitting by the moon pool. The Princess was playing and Shifu watched her with a look of stupefied affection in his eyes. Tigress was taken aback. She'd never seen such a look on his face, had never seen that side of him. That twisting feeling in her stomach began anew. She wanted to look away but she couldn't.

The Princess finished her song and put the erhu down. "It sounds so beautiful in here," she said. "Wonderful acoustics."

"It's always beautiful when you play," he replied. "Perhaps you should play for them."

"I have to say, I'm surprised you told them about us," she said.

"They suspected," he said. "They know me very well, it's difficult to keep something like this from them. They honestly seemed delighted. I was surprised."

"They love you, they want you to be happy," she said softly, stroking his cheek. "Maybe one of these nights we should all have dinner at the sangha, get to know each other a bit. I'd really love to have a chance to talk more with them. They're amazing warriors, you've done a spectacular job."

Shifu shook his head. "It's not me, it's them. They all have strong hearts and determination. All I can do is try my best to bring that out in them."

"You brought it out in me," she said.

"It wasn't difficult, little one," he said. He put his arms around her waist and pulled her into his lap, then lifted her chin and kissed her.

Tigress suddenly felt as though she'd been punched in the gut. Something about the kiss, about the Princess sitting in Shifu's lap, made her breathless and shaky with anxiety. She stepped away from the door, her breath ragged, her eyes wide. Panic, sadness, rage. She raced down the Hall steps and out of the palace compound entirely, down the long staircase into the village.

 **ooo**

She charged straight for the central square, breathing a sigh of relief when she saw the old wagon still parked there. The curtains were drawn but candlelight flickered inside. Tigress pulled her coat around her, walked up to the carriage and knocked on the door.

The old woman moved the curtain aside, then opened the door. There was a warm waft of sweet incense.

"Xiu!" she said. "Good to see you again, my dear! Come inside, come come, it's such a frigid night."

Tigress climbed into the cabin, shutting the door behind her. "Thank you, Lata," she said as she sat down. Lata's flask was on the table next to a little shot glass, and Tigress eyed it hungrily.

"A drink?" Lata offered.

"Yes, please."

The old money poured Tigress a shot and pushed it across the table to her, then poured one for herself. "There you are, dearie. Now what brings you to Mama Lata so late at night, hmm?"

Tigress downed the shot, sighed, and slumped back in her seat. "Thank you. I ... I don't know, Lata. I wish I did. I wish I understood why, but I don't."

Lata raised an eyebrow. "Shall I consult the coins?

"I have nothing to pay you."

Lata gave a dismissive wave. "No charge for my friend Xui. There now. Hold these," she said, handing the fortune coins to Tigress. "And when you are ready, throw them."

Tigress nodded and tossed the coins on the table. Lata leaned over them, peering. She gave a slow thoughtful nod.

"There's a man, yes?"

"…. yes."

"A man who is very important to you, I see. But he is cold to you? Ah, no, there is another woman, isn't there? This man, he has a wife, yes?"

Tigress blinked. "No, no wife."

"This shows that they are married," Lata said.

"Not unless they eloped and didn't tell us," Tigress replied.

"If he is not married now he will be soon. So, this is your difficulty, yes, you are in love with a man you cannot have?"

Tigress heart dropped like a brick into her stomach. "I - I'm not in love, no. It's definitely not that kind of relationship."

Lata eyed her skeptically.

"It's not," Tigress insisted.

Lata glanced at the coins once more. "You can tell Mama Lata. You have feelings for this man, very strong feelings." She pointed to a certain coin. "For a long time, too."

"No. You're mistaken."

"Then why are you so upset, my dear?" Lata asked softly.

"I don't know!"

Lata threw another coin on the table, and shook her head. "This too says you feel romantically for this man."

A hot knife twisted in Tigress's chest. She grit her teeth, but her lip began to quiver.

"I don't."

"I believe you do."

"I DON'T!" Tigress burst. " I can't, it's … it's wrong. I can't … feel that way … about him. He's as good as my _father!_ There'd be something wrong with … with someone ... someone who felt like about her father."

"Your _father?_ "

Tigress began to panic. All of a sudden the little cabin was too small, too hot, too cramped. She opened the carriage door and stumbled out into the cold. An overwhelming wave of nausea hit her. She bent at the waist and put her hands on her knees, heaving.

Lata slid out of the cabin and stood quietly next to Tigress, putting her hands on her back in a soothing and motherly way. Tigress gave a ragged gasp and began to sob. They were the great, heaving sobs of a little girl. She fell to her knees in the snow with Lata's warm hands on her shoulders and gave in to the sobbing.

She was thirteen. They were sparring, as was usual for training, but something about this match was heated and intense, dreamlike. Her mind shut off and she was able to anticipate his every move. She knew which way he would strike, where to block next. They knew each other so completely that the sparring match took on the overtones of a dance, a deeply intimate dance. Some new feeling came over her, one she didn't understand, and in that instant she wanted to press herself against him, to feel his hands on her. She was so startled she'd lost her footing and tripped over her own feet, much to Shifu's disdain. He'd chided her clumsiness and she burned with shame for having thought something so shameful.

But it didn't go away. _It wouldn't go away._

A sudden flurry of images, things she'd successfully denied for years, feelings she had muffled and choked and buried deep in her soul. Those fluttering half-thoughts, wondering how it might feel if he kissed her. How would his gaze look if it was heavy with desire? If he invited her to his bed would she really be able to deny him? She wanted his love, craved his affection so much. Craved his touch. Of course Shifu didn't love her, how could he love someone as disgusting as her? She felt filthy. And the filthiness ran deep.

"No, no, no ... " Tigress sobbed, her face in her hands.

Lata slowly rubbed her back, slow and soothing.

"He's my adoptive father," Tigress said suddenly, "Not ... not my real father. I ... I don't understand ... why I feel ... what I feel - "

"Are you close? Has he been a good father to you?"

"He's given me everything I have," she said.

Lata shook her head. "Are you close? Does he love you as his own daughter?"

Tigress heaved. "N ... no. I don't know. I wish he ... I wish he loved me ... how he loved his son before me. But he doesn't. He is ... he is cold to me, has always been so cold. I thought perhaps he didn't know how to love again. But I have always wished he loved me, but as my father, but not like ... not like _this_ , not this awful, shameful ... oh, Lata, you must think I'm terrible."

"Not at all, my dear, not at all." She was silent for a moment. "Xiu ... sometimes when our affections are not allowed to be expressed freely, they can twist and warp into things they are not."

Tigress sniffled. "What ... what do you mean?"

"I will tell you. Please, come back into the carriage, it is so very cold out here, yes?"

Tigress rose and nodded, following Lata back into the carriage. They sat down at the table and Lata handed Tigress a blankets, which she put over her shoulders. Lata poured two more shots from her flask and pushed one towards Tigress. They threw the shots back.

"There now, that'll warm us up right up," Lata said. "So, Xiu. I see you are in a difficult place. But all will be well."

"It will?"

"Yes. You see, you do not truly desire your adoptive father the way you think. You simply want his love, his affection, his caring, and you would like to care for him in return, yes?"

Tigress nodded. Suddenly it occurred to her why she had panicked when Shifu drew Princess Meihui into his lap. When Tigress was small, the only thing in the world she wanted was to sit in Shifu's lap, but he would never allow it. Seeing this strange woman in his lap felt like a hot knife twisting in her heart.

"You see," Lata continues, "you have wanted his love so much but could not have it, nor give it back, and it began to fester and grow in strange ways, into places it did not belong. Sometimes when we long for a person in a certain way and cannot have what we want, well ... we settle for what we think we might be able to get."

"But I can't get that from him any more than I can have his fatherly love," Tigress said. "Both are impossible, but one is plainly wrong."

Lata shook her head. "Not all men are fathers, but all men are _men_ , my dear, and subject to the same desires. You could not appeal to the fatherly love you were unsure was inside him, so you began to count on what you knew had to be."

Tigress's mind spun. "So you're saying I - "

"I'm saying you do not truly desire your father in the way you think. You simply long to be his loving daughter. I think that should you two become closer as father and daughter, the strange feelings will fade with time. So do not worry, my dear, there is nothing wrong with you."

"But how can we become closer as father and daughter after all this time?"

"I suggest you start with accepting this new woman who will be his wife," Lata replied. "Perhaps if you become close with her, you can reach your father through her, and start anew." She glanced down at the coins. "She is a good woman. Loves your father very much. Befriend her, my dear, and start from there."

"I ... I don't know if I can," Tigress whispered.

"Then we will find other ways," Lata said, and then yawned. "I can read more coins for you tomorrow, but I tire now. I must rest."

Tigress nodded, wiping her eyes. "Thank you, Lata. For everything."

"Of course my dear, of course. Please come back and see me soon."

Tigress nodded and hopped out of the carriage into the cold. The big bright moon stung her eyes like the sun.

 **ooo**


	16. where the wind comes from

**chapter 16: where the wind comes from**

A week later Shifu and Habika stood in the sangha's little courtyard and watched Zeng launch into the sunset with a scroll in his feet, bound for the Forbidden City. Habika put her arm through Shifu's and clutched his hand. Thy watched, unable to look away, until Zeng was a tiny dot of black indistinguishable against the golden sunset sky. The goose bore their fate in that scroll. There was the possibility that their days together were now numbered, depending on Gan's reaction to the game piece Shifu had moved so boldly forward.

He turned to Habika. Touched by the worry in her eyes he lifted her chin and gave her a sweet, firm kiss.

"Everything will be fine, little one. One way or another," he said.

He took her by the hand and led her back inside the sangha, where dinner was hot and waiting at the table. Jing showed them to their seats, bowed, and took her leave. Shifu and Habika had shared thier evening meal together every day that week. Though he made a point of returning to his rooms in the bunkhouse every evening, the fact of their relationship was out of the bag. The news spread around the Palace compound like wildfire.

At first Shifu was alarmed, worried public knowledge of the affair would damage Habika's image as a devout student of zen, and her chances of persuading Gan to allow her to remain at the Jade Palace. How could they gain the villagers' sympathy if the palace servants suspected her of getting up to nonsense with the Valley's spiritual leader?

To their surprise the news seemed to have the opposite effect. Far from accusations of harlotry, the Palace servants and villagers seemed entirely charmed. Everywhere he went a goose or pig smiled knowingly. Should he and Habika happen to take a stroll together he felt giddy eyes on them from every direction. He'd caught the three bunny girls who worked in the scullery swooning as made his way to the peach tree with Habika on his arm. When a beautiful bouquet of lover's flowers - lilies, tulips, osmanthus - appeared on the sangha's kitchen table every evening with dinner, Shifu wasn't sure if he was startled or touched.

Even Tigress seemed to have fallen in line with the idea. Or, at the very least, she'd somehow put a stop to her bile. She'd been perfectly civil to both he and Habika. She had returned to the respectful student she had always been, though with a strange inability to meet his eyes. Shame, perhaps, from the way she'd been acting? Whatever it was, it was a huge improvement over her previous acidity. Shifu was relieved that he would not have to confront her about the issue. That was not a conversation he'd been looking forward to.

After dinner they climbed into the bed, but neither were in the mood for making love. They curled together pensively, their thoughts with Zeng who flew across China bearing their fate. Shifu sighed, wrapped his arms around her and nuzzled his face in her neck, pressing his lips to her heartbeat. She softly chuckled and scratched his ears, then kissed him, but her eyes were far away.

Shifu cupped her face in hand. "Don't worry, little one."

"I know, I know. I'm trying to put it out of my mind."

She rested her head on his shoulder and put her leg across his thighs, their fingers intertwined on his chest. They lay silently, holding each other, watching the flickering shadows the candles tossed on the walls. After a while Shifu's eyes fluttered closed, so calmed was he by Habika's soft warmth and scent. He kissed her forehead and gave her a little squeeze.

"Shifu?"

"Hm?"

"Do you ever imagine the spectacular children we'd have?"

"If we were the same species, you mean?"

"I suppose. Or if it were magically possible for us to breed, and I could magically carry them in my wreck of a womb."

"Hm." He was silent a moment, considering it. "Can you imagine the ears on those kids?"

She chuckled. "Oh! Perhaps there's reason behind nature's grand design after all! A union between you and I might result in nothing but ears with feet."

"That's all we are anyhow. Did I tell you what I overheard Po telling the children in Introduction to Kung Fu?"

"No?"

"I'm not sure how they got on the subject, but one of the children asked Po where the wind comes from. He said that very early in the morning I go sit under the peach tree and flap my ears back and forth, and that gets the wind started each day!"

"Ha! Did you correct him?"

Shifu shook his head. "I was too far away. I don't think Po knows just how good my hearing is."

"I see. Po chose to honor us with such a grave responsibility. Getting the wind started is a big job."

Shifu grinned. "Just like you to see the silver lining in a joke made at my expense." He seized her and kissed her, and she kissed him back, and they went on like this for a few moments before Shifu spoke.

"Habika, what made you think of children? Do ... do you want more children?" He felt a sudden jab of anxiety. What if she said yes? She was still young, after all, she very well might! Why hand't he asked her before proposing? He suddenly saw in his mind's eye the entire relationship falling apart over their conflicting desires on this issue, a nightmare of heartbreak played out in three seconds.

"No," she said softly. "I didn't even want the first one."

Shifu was taken aback. He looked at her questioningly.

"It's not like that. I love Mahdi, and always will. Mahdi is my heart. But I wish I'd gotten her from a man I wanted. I love my girl but I do not love the way she came to me. I'd raise her with a father who loved us both, if I ... if I could have her back. If she is still alive. But no, Shifu, for all my imaginings I don't want more children. I don't think you do either. No, I just want my Mahdi, that is all."

He nodded and held her close, trying not to let his relief show.

"But if I did want more," she said softly, "I'd want them from you."

"Ears with feet," he whispered back, which made her smile. She kissed him. His hands roamed. She sighed and wrapped herself around him and they made love, slowly and softly. Afterwards as they settled down to sleep Shifu realized that he'd neglected to return to the bunkhouse to feign sleeping in his own rooms. Ah well, he figured. He wasn't as though he'd been fooling anyone anyway.

 **ooo**

Tigress jogged across the compound to the barracks for lunch. When she came in she heard Po and Viper upstairs.

"You guys ready to go?" Po asked through the thin screen of Viper's closed door.

"Just one minute!" Viper replied, and giggled.

Tigress came around the corner, stretching, heading for the kitchen. "Where are we going?" she asked jauntily.

"Oh - hi Tigress - " Po began.

"Ok, you're all set," Habika said, sliding the bedroom door open. She had been helping Viper tie tiny silk ribbons into her lotuses.

"This looks cuper cute! I- " Viper looked up, met Tigress's eyes, and went silent.

"What's _she_ doing here?" Tigress snapped. Habika glanced at the floor. "Um - I mean - where are you three off to?" she asked quickly and in a kinder tone.

"We're going down to the village to my dad's for lunch," Po said.

The past week had been stiff and awkward for Tigress. Though she had been making an effort not to be outright hateful towards Habika, her feelings were still very clear. Habika was more than aware that Tigress disliked her, and though she was perfectly polite when they encountered one another, she tried as best she could to avoid her. The women gave each other as wide a berth as possible.

"Hello Tigress," Habika said oddly.

Tigress loomed over her, mouth twitching. The princess was so infuriatingly prim and proper, so small-voiced. A dainty little dolly in distress. How could Shifu love a woman who'd never stepped outside palace halls, had never so much as broken a nail on a punching bag?

"Hello Princess," Tigress replied.

Po and Viper exchanged a look.

"Yes, we're headed down to the village," Habika said.

"Wanna come along?" Viper askjd hopefully.

There was a moment of stony, awkward silence.

"No," Tigress said finally. "Thank you, but no. I'm just going to have a quick lunch and go back to training."

Viper's face fell. "Oh. Okay. Maybe next time."

"Yes. Perhaps." Tigress said. She gave a little bow, and continued down the hall.

 **ooo**

 _Next time?_ Tigress thought. Try _never!_

Tigress went to the kitchen to prepare a small meal for herself, grabbing a pair of wooden chopsticks. Lata's admonishment played in her mind. *Befriend* Habika? How in the world could she befriend her? She couldn't stand her!

She resented Shifu falling for such feminine nonsense. He'd spent his life crafting warriors! He should love a brave woman, a strong woman, not some pampered little chihauhau! Habika probably dabbed rose oil behind her ears and perfumed the sheets, and danced with fans, wore beautiful lingerie, and went limp at his touch, and Shifu probably loved it! He probably loved every minute of it!

She growled softly to herself.

"Why grumbles?" Mantis said. He hopped into the kitchen and onto the counter to fill up a dish.

"Nothing."

"Lies." He hopped to the table with his bowl of tofu and rice. "What's eating you?"

Tigress sighed. "Mantis … you know about … well, men. Maybe you can help me understand something."

"I'm not gonna promise but I can give it a shot."

"That's okay," Tigress said. "Shifu and the princess…"

"Oh..." Mantis said. "What about them?"

"I don't understand. He's a kung fu master. He's been teaching kung-fu for decades. It's his life. So what does he see in a woman who doesn't know the first thing about it? You'd think he'd choose a warrior for his mate, not some … princess."

Mantis shook his head. "Nah. Tigress, you don't get it. Look, Shifu wants a girlfriend, not a kung-fu friend. He already has kung-fu friends. She's there to fulfill other needs, heh, not for kick drills and sparring. He already does that all day."

"But what could they possibly have in common?" Tigress cried. "What do they talk about?"

"I don't know," Mantis said. "Why don't you ask him?"

Tigress huffed.

"Look," Mantis said, "It's like this … most guys - not ALL guys, mind you, but most - want to be needed."

"Needed?"

"Yes. Needed, wanted, useful. Shifu saved Meihui's life. He's her hero! He makes her happy! All men really want is to make a woman happy, so at the end of the day she's smiling and glad to see you and wants to feed you and take you to bed."

"What about a woman who is strong and capable and can make herself happy?" Tigress balked.

"That's great. Some guys are really into that. But most guys, especially a traditional sort like Shifu? It's kind of like … you meet a woman like that, and you think, 'Wow, she's amazing!' And you really admire her. But as far as love? If a woman is super strong and super capable and can make herself happy … well, what does she need me for?"

"So if a woman knows kung-fu she'll never have a husband, is that it?"

"It's not about knowing kung fu or not knowing kung fu. When did this turn into a discussion about kung fu? It's about having room in your heart for another person, about having some need that the other person can fulfill. If you don't have that, or if you give off the *impression* of not having that - " he said, eyeing Tigress critically - "it's going to be difficult for a guy to imagine himself in your life. Understand?"

"No," she said, "not really. It sounds like a load of nonsense to me. When I go down to the village or travel, there's no lack of men admiring men."

"Oh, totally. You're beautiful. But when's the last time one asked you out?"

"I - " Tigress began. Her eyes widened and she found herself unable to answer.

"Check and mate," Mantis said.

 **ooo**

Po, Viper, and Habika took the staircase in a silence Habika finally broke.

"Why does she hate me?" she said, putting her gloved hands in her coat pockets.

"She doesn't hate you," Viper said automatically, soothingly.

"I'm pretty sure Tigress hates her," Po said flatly.

"Po!" Viper cried out. "Don't listen to him."

"No, please be honest," Habika said, looking up at Po. "Have I done something to offend her? Whatever it is I'll fix it."

"Yeah, you've offended her, all right."

"What? What did I do?"

"You committed the unforgivable crime of having Shifu's attention, and there's no way you can fix it unless you go away and never come back."

Habika's eyes widened.

Viper sighed. "He's right," she said, resigned. "Tigress is very protective and, well ... jealous about Master Shifu. It's bad enough when a new warrior comes to the Jade Palace and Shifu focuses all his attention on them, but this? This is totally new. I think she's actually handling it _well,_ considering. I would have expected it to be a lot worse."

Habika looked puzzled. "But why? What is she jealous of? Doesn't she know how Shifu treasures her? She's his prize, he just lights up when he speaks about Tigress."

"It's nice that he tells you," Viper said ruefully. "He should tell her."

"He hasn't told her?" she said softly.

Viper and Po shook their heads.

"At least not in a way she can hear," Viper said.

Habika was silent for a moment, absorbing this

"Wow," she said softly, "Shifu is a wonderful man but ... but he's a _terrible_ father, isn't he?"

"He's a Kung Fu Master before everything," Po said. "That has a lot to do with it. Except, apparently, when it comes to you. I mean, he's sort of technically breaking his vows by being with you. That's a pretty big deal for him."

"We were really surprised," Viper said. "Seriously. You have no idea. Happy, but surprised. If he was going to break his vows I'm glad it was for someone cool and not some … some hussy, or something."

Habika chuckled. "I can't quite see Shifu with a hussy. Can you imagine? Some little bunny girl with her tail in the air?"

Viper shushed her, giggling, and whispered, "The Valley of Peace is almost half rabbits, you can't say stuff like that out loud! They don't take kindly to that little stereotype."

"Oh!" Habika covered her mouth. "I didn't mean anything by it, I -"

"No one does," Viper said, "but seriously, they hate it."

"Come on ladies," Po said. "My dad's is just around the corner and I'm hungry."

The shop was almost full from the lunchtime crowd. They were met with gasps when people realized the princess was with them. Some hopped out of their seats and bowed, and others just stared. Habika looked a little nervous as Mr. Ping led them to a table in the corner, slightly removed from the crowd.

"Oh! And you've brought Princes Meihui! Princess, so good to have you!" Mr. Ping gushed, bowing. "Wow! I've never served royalty before! What an honor!"

"Oh, I - " Habika began. Over Mr. Ping's shoulder the rest of the restaurant was turned in their seats, staring. "I, um … thank you, Mr. Ping, the honor is mine. I'm sure it will be delicious."

"Oh, thank you, Princess," Mr. Ping said.

"How do you find the Valley of Peace, Princess?" someone asked.

"Very well, thank you," she replied, startled. "It is a beautiful place."

"More beautiful with you in it!" someone called.

Habika's face turned bright red.

"All right, all right," Po said. "Nothing to see here people, c'mon now. Just having lunch."

The crowd rippled with soft laughter but turned back to their meals as asked, with the exception of a few curious children.

"Sorry about that," Po said.

"No no," Habika said, composing herself. "I'm thankful they like me at all."

"They love you!" Viper said. "There's already stories."

"Stories?" Habika said, unsure.

"Mm-hm. The villagers make up tall tales about everyone in the Jade Palace. 'Master Tigress who defeated thirty bandits with only a chopstick' or "Master Crane who challenged the wind to a race and won,' stuff like that."

"Oh," Habika said. "And there's one about me?"

"Yep. Princess Meihui, daughter of Guanyin, who was so beautiful and kind that even Grand Master Shifu was helpless before her."

Habika was speechless.

"I know, it's sweet, right?" Viper said. "People are just delighted that Shifu's in love. There are women in the village who've been after him for thirty years and he never gave them a second look. People thought he was just too kung-fu for stuff like that." She chuckled. "Guess not."

"You know what I'm too kung-fu for? This conversation! Naw, I'm kidding, but I'm gonna go help my dad out, he's in the weeds back there," Po said. "Try not to get estrogen on everything while I'm gone."

"Will do," Viper said, waving Po off.

I'm touched," Habika said softly. "Shifu was worried that people would get the wrong idea."

"I doubt that. Shifu is very respected. He's not known for being foolish or fickle. People trust him. They know that if Shifu loves you, you must be quite something."

"Oh, you're giving me a big head!" Habika cried. "To be honest, I think I loved Shifu before he loved me. He had me charmed very quickly. He didn't mean to, either. He didn't pursue me. I just fell in love with him. I couldn't help it." Habika smiled, pressing her hand to her heart. "He's so wise and strong, such beautiful eyes! But he's also so fierce and … and _growly_ , a _warrior!_ I could't help myself, he's … he's just … amazing."

Viper grinned and twisted into a tight spiral. "Aww!"

"Even once we figured out our feelings for each other, nothing would have happened if - " Habika stopped short suddenly.

"If-?"

"Well, if … if his Master, Oogway, hadn't … well, given him the okay, I suppose."

"Oogway?" Viper asked. "You do realize Oogway is dead, right?"

"Yes, I know. But Shifu said that Oogway appeared to him one night and told him that we are supposed to be together."

Viper was taken aback. "Really? I … wow. Really?"

Habika nodded. "I was skeptical. I thought it was a rationalization, but Oogway proved it to me, too." She told Viper about the violin dream.

"Wow," Viper said softly.

"Maybe I shouldn't have told you that. That's Shifu's tale to tell, not mine," Habika said. "Please, Viper, will you keep that between us?"

"Of course, of course," Viper said. "I'm happy you feel you can confide in me. Everyone needs someone to talk to. I wouldn't want you to feel alone here."

Habika smiled. "You're a wonderful friend, Viper. Thank you."

Suddenly Po appeared, bearing three huge bowls of delicious-smelling soup. "Here we go," he said, placing the bowls before them and taking a seat himself.

"Is dad out of the weeds?" Viper asked.

"Yeah, I caught him up. Lunch time!" Po replied, and dug in.

"Thank you Po, it looks lovely," Habika said, and they settled down to eat. The soup was, as always, delicious, and the three of them were quiet for a while as they ate. Habika gradually turned thoughtful.

"I'm sorry to hear of Tigress," Habika said softly, almost to herself. "I really am."

 **ooo**

Tigress gnawed on Mantis's words, grinding and chewing in an attempt to soften the meat of them. As she ruminated time seemed to slow. Her mind turned over and over and over again, slowly unravelling a puzzle. She trained, but as she leapt and kicked and struck and flipped things became clearer and clearer to her. A strong hot smolder began in her stomach.

Men didn't want strong, capable women?

Why would Shifu raise her to be the exact opposite of what he would want?

So … men need to be needed?

 _You think I don't need you? You constructed me to need you, from day one! You made sure I could not survive without you, yet …._

Her thoughts sat uncomfortably in her mind, hot and angular and nonsensical. She went numb.

Everyone went into the student barracks to bed. She wasn't tired. She perched on the roof ledge and watched the palace compound move and breath, her mind still as a stone. She saw Shifu and the princess walk across the courtyard and over the hill to the sangha. They were hand in hand, chatting happily, laughing. Tigress felt nothing.

She stood on the ledge, bent her knees, and leapt, diving hundreds of feet down to the village roofs below. Her lithe form sliced the night like a dagger. She flipped at the last moment and landed on a roof, soft as a snowflake. She leapt from roof to roof, making her way to the central square.

 **ooo**

Shifu and Mantis remained in the training hall for an hour after the rest of the students left for dinner. He could see that Mantis was on the verge of flexing his legs in a way that added six feet of height to his jumps. It was an exciting discovery, something neither of them knew was possible. It was one of the interesting benefits to teaching multiple species, finding these abilities that had never before been recorded.

"You're basically making yourself into a spring," Shify said excitedly. "Brilliant work, Mantis. I'll have Zeng put some targets in the rafters. Once we perfect this we'll start working on your aim. Wonderful!"

Mantis bowed. "Thank you, Master Shifu."

Shifu bowed in return. "It's things like this that are the high point of teaching kung-fu. Come, let's sit and rest a moment."

He opened the training hall door and had a seat on the steps. Mantis joined him.

"Wow, that is *glorious,*" Mantis said when he saw the sunset.

"It looks more like a late summer sunset than a late winter one," Shifu said.

"I bet every sunset is beautiful for you now, huh?" Mantis said, elbowing Shifu playfully.

Shifu gave a little smile. "You could say that."

Mantis sighed. "Must be nice."

"It's … different. Unexpected, mostly. It's truly the very last thing I thought would happen at this stage of my life."

"Yeah. I mean, there really is quite an age difference there," Mantis said.

Shifu gave him a look.

"Oh - no - I mean -," Mantis stuttered. "I didn't mean that in a bad way at all. It's good. Good for you, anyway.

"Good for *me*?"

"Well, yeah, I mean not every guy your age could find a woman her age. If you were a thirty year old guy thinking about being with a sixty year old woman, there'd be, you know, a lot to think about there. But you found a woman who loves you and that's all that matters. And that says a lot of good things about you. That's what I meant. Ugh, I'm sorry, that came out all wrong."

Shifu chuckled. "It's all right Mantis, no offense taken. You can stop tripping all over yourself."

"Thanks," Mantis said sheepishly. "I'm an ass."

"This I know," Shifu said, smirking. "I have dinner plans with the aforementioned young lady. I should be going. Have a good night, Mantis."

"I will, thank you Master."

He made his way over to the sangha, deep in thought. When Habika opened the door she threw her arms around him and kissed him in greeting, but Shifu's heart sank into the pit of his stomach and stubbornly remained there. Habika barely noticed. She was happy, setting the table and chatting with Jing, who laid out the food and poured Shifu a glass of wine. Jing left and Habika showed her out. When she returned to the kitchen she sat in Shifu's lap and smiled up at him, like he was her father.

 _I could be your father,_ Shifu thought. He knew that objectively but had never thought hard on it. He was twenty nine when Habika was born. Twenty nine! But now he was sixty two, and what lay before him but an eventual march into impotence and senility? He'd fallen so headlong into love that he'd put all that aside, refused to think about it. But what Mantis said suddenly made it real, and a stark reality it was.

"What's wrong, my warrior?" Habika said, stroking his face. She pecked him on the lips.

"You're sweet," he said softly.

"I can be sweeter than that," she replied, running her hand below his belt.

"Habika," he started, strained. He stayed her hand. "What - what will you do when I …"

She looked up at him in alarm. "When you what?"

He hesitated a moment. "The day will come- sooner than you think - when I can't make love to you anymore. What will you do when that happens?"

She looked taken aback.

"Please," he said.

"If you can't make love to me, I won't want to make love," she said firmly.

Shifu gave a sad chuckle. "I'm sure you think that now, little one, but you're young and the time may come when - "

"Don't you dare," she said.

"I'm just saying - "

"Shifu, I would never dismiss anything you said merely due to your age, I ask that you give me the same consideration. Unless you find me young and foolish due to my words or actions?"

"Of course not."

"So why do you laugh when I tell you I won't want to make love unless I'm making love to you? It's the truth."

Shifu sighed. "Because you have a lot of years before you, and I don't want you to go without that kind of love when I'm an old man. You should have a mate who can be with you for the rest of your life."

"I don't want a mate who can fuck me twenty years from now. I want you."

He sighed.

"Shifu, I mean what I say! Do you think this is normal for me, that I throw myself into men's arms willy-nilly, just for the pleasure of it? After Gan I was certain I'd never let a man touch me again! The thought of it made my skin crawl! It was _you_ who brought that part of me back. If there is another man on earth who could make me _happy_ to do the very things Gan f _orced_ me to do - I - " she stuttered, and her eyes filled with tears.

"Oh, no no no," Shifu said, holding her close. "I'm sorry little one. Please don't cry."

"Of course I thought about our ages, Shifu, I know well how old you are," she sniffed. "But how can I look at this person I love, who is the best thing that's ever happened in my wretched life, and discount him for what he might be in the future? If you died tomorrow I'd still thank the universe for every moment I spent with you. Twenty or thirty years more with you is the greatest gift I can imagine."

"Even if I'm toothless and mindless and all I can eat is applesauce?"

"I'll feed it to you naked."

Shifu laughed. "My old age is going to be very interesting."

"I'll make sure of it," Habika said, wiping her eyes. She reached for glass of wine and sipped at it. Shifu put his arms around her and rested his head in her shoulder, feeling suddenly silly for doubting her. They held one another silently for a while. Eventually Shifu took the wine glass from her and had a sip.

"You went to Mr. Pings for lunch, I heard?" he asked.

"Yes, Po and Viper and I. And Tigress, almost."

"Oh?"

"Well, I invited her," Habika said. "She politely declined."

Shifu nodded. "Give her some time. Tigress doesn't warm to people quickly."

"About Tigress - " Habika began.

"Yes?"

Habika looked at him, blinked, looked away. "Nothing. I'd - I'd like to get to know her better, is all."

Shifu stroked her thigh. "Like I said, in her own time, little one."

Habika nodded.

"In the meantime," Shiu said, "maybe we can get to that naked applesauce a few decades early?"

 **ooo**


	17. smoke that brought down the stars

**chapter seventeen:** **smoke that brought down the stars**

"Xiu, my dear," Lata said, opening the carriage door. A waft of earthy incense hit Tigress.

"I can't do it," Tigress said.

"Do what?"

"Befriend her. I can barely speak to her."

Lata looked thoughtfully at her and nodded. She got out of the carriage and locked the door behind her.

"I see. Perhaps you have forgotten how to make friends? Come with me, I have some friends I'd like you to meet. Perhaps they will help you remember. Come come."

Lata climbed up to the carriage perch and bid Tigress to follow her.

"You've forgotten your coat, my dear?" Lata asked. "Take this, or you'll catch your death of cold." The old woman reached behind her and tossed a thick black hooded cloak into Tigress's lap. It helped Tigress feel comfortably anonymous when Lata drove the carriage along the street of brothels. She drew her face back into the hood to obscure her in shadow, but she could still look out. She gave a little gasp when she realized men from the village she _knew_ were there, sneaking surreptitiously through gaudy doors.

Lata chuckled. "Just men being men, my dear. They all come here eventually."

"All of them?"

Lata nodded. "The man who speaks loudest against a brothel also passes the heaviest purse over the table at night. They cannot help it!"

Shifu had never said a word about the brothels, neither for or against them. Nevertheless Tigress pictured him limping down this darkened street, destined for some slattern. Her stomach churned.

They turned the corner where there were fen jiu houses and a few food stalls, and came upon a building that was lit up inside. Laughter and singing echoed from the open door, where a huge rhino guard stood. He saw Lata's face and waved the carriage around the back of the building.

"The theater?" Tigress asked.

"Yes. We'll wait backstage for my friends. They're performing at the moment."

"I didn't know you had friends in the Valley of Peace," Tigress asked anxiously. She didn't want to be seen in this neighborhood.

"They're not from here. They're friends I travel with. The road can be dangerous, we travelers must watch out for each another."

Lata pulled her carriage into the back of the theater, where two huge doors stood open so scenery could be moved in and out. A crew wearing all black stood around lazily, smoking and waiting. The sounds coming from the stage were raucous, pounding and wild. Whatever was happening onstage, the crowd loved it. Lata and Tigress hopped off the carriage. The old gypsy gave her pony a feed bag and led Tigress to the side of the theater, just behind where the curtains opened onto the stage.

Onstage a white foxette danced madly, her skirts flipping and flashing, while a female cheetah played a guitar. They sang a rhyming song back and forth. At the end of each line the drunk crowd howled with laughter. Tigress didn't quite understand the humor. The lyrics seemed innocuous enough. Behind the actors was a rack of gaudy dresses, which they sang about, discussing which to try on first but never seeming to select one. It wasn't until she watched a few moments more that she began to see the joke, and brought a shy hand to her mouth. The singing cheetah was in fact a male dressed as a female, and he was attempting to get the pretty white foxette to undress for him by posing as a friendly woman. They argued back and forth in the song, the foxette coyly dodging his attempts, trying to get him to try a dress first as to reveal himself as the male she clearly knew he was. He countered by pulling them one by one from the rack, singing about how this would show off her lovely shoulders, or this one her neck, or her bottom. It was when the foxette began to throw the dresses back at him while listing his male attributes they would complement that the crowd truly roared.

"….and this lovely lavender will show off your cock!" the foxette sang, holding up a lavender dress that had and inexplicable hole torn in the front panel. Tigress covered her mouth even as she laughed. The song ended and the curtains swept closed. The actors broke their poses and ran backstage as the crowd howled and pounded their feet on the floor.

"Hi Lata!" the foxette said breathlessly as she ran past. The cheetah waved, and much to Tigress's shock he started to undress the foxette in earnest. The act was hurried and completely unsexual as he helped her out of her costume and into another, the foxette entirely unconcerned with Tigress's presence.

Lata chuckled, seeing the surprise on Tigress's face. "There's no room for modesty in the theater, dearie."

"Thanks," the foxette said to the cheetah. She was now dressed in a beautiful, yet entirely different costume, covered in gold beads and shot through with gold thread. It wrapped snakelike around her, baring her stomach and hips. At the last minute the cheetah grabbed a strange black and gold headdress and plopped it unceremoniously on her head, then swatted her on the behind. She shot a look back over her shoulder, rolling her eyes at him. The curtain swayed open and she was off, much to the hollering pleasure of the mostly male, and drunk, audience.

On the opposite side of the stage there were four people with low drums and a sitar. They began to pound out a soft beat. One of them announced "We bring you the dancing of Madame Cleopatra herself, directly from the banks of the Nile!"

"Directly from the banks of my _balls!_ " someone shouted to great laughter and catcalling. Tigress gave a little gasp but the foxette continued her writhing dance undisturbed.

The cheetah at Tigress's side snickered. "I wouldn't waste a gasp on Lian's modesty," he said. "She's dealt with way worse."

Tigress was incredulous. "If someone said that to me they'd have lost a lot of blood."

The cheetah grinned and turned to Lata. "I like her."

"Abasi, this is Xiu. Xiu, Abasi. Xiu is my new friend," Lata said.

A look passed between them Tigress couldn't place.

He extended his hand. "We were all new friend's of Lata's once."

She took it. "Lata is a friendly lady."

"Indeed." He raised her hand to his lips. "A pleasure."

She could not help but give him the tiniest edge of a smile. Abasi gave a little bow then turned away and walked further backstage. On the way he lifted his costume over his head to reveal a slim but muscular spotted back, and thin linen pants that didn't leave much to the imagination. Tigress watched him go, her eyes wide with shock.

"Theater, Xiu, theater," Lata said, patting her arm.

 **ooo**

After the Cleopatra dance Lata pulled her carriage alongside a pair of old, weather-beaten tents. The trio had set up a little campsite a short walk from the theater. Other traveling performers had camps set up as well, with fires sending little sparks up into the night sky. Abasi and Lian had finished their four acts and were done for the night, but the variety show would go on till late in the evening.

"You hungry?" Abasi asked Tigress as he stirred a small pot over the fire. He'd put on proper pants and a green vest. "It's not much, but it's hot."

She was hungry, but she shook her head. "That's okay, I'm fine."

At Lata's urging he handed her a bowl anyway, which she didn't have the heart or appetite to refuse. She soaked up the bland, thin vegetable stew with a hunk of stale bread, but their generosity made the meal taste wonderful.

She found herself suddenly shy. She was mostly silent while the three of them chatted happily amongst themselves, content to accept that she was Lata's guest, and did not demand more conversation out of her than she was willing to give. After the meal Lata passed her flask around. Tigress finally began to relax.

"Your act was funny," she said suddenly, the alcohol and fire warming her.

"It's a good one," Lian said. Her voice, so big on stage, was fragile and small in the night.

"I wrote it," Abasi said with a grin.

"You're very talented," Tigress said.

"You're very beautiful," Abasi replied without hesitation.

Tigress's heart skipped a beat. She was unsure how to respond.

"Speechless? I'd have thought you got that all the time," Abasi said.

Lian nodded. "It's true. I bet you rake it in."

Tigress blinked. "Rake what in?"

"Money. Onstage," Lata said quickly, shooting Lian an odd look. "Xiu is not a _performer_ , Lian, my dear."

Lian nodded slowly. "Ohh. Well what is she then?"

"Indeed, what are you, besides beautiful?" Abasi asked.

"I'm … a … " Tigress thought fast. "…. a student."

"Of?" Lian said.

"The Tao."

Abasi nodded. "I see. A philosopher!"

"I suppose," Tigress said, relieved that they'd accepted it.

"And does the Tao put coins into your pocket?" Lian asked, chuckling.

"Not often," Tigress admitted.

"Then perhaps you should become a _performer_ ," Lain said.

"Lata!" someone called from a distance. A tall bulky figure of a rhino stood silhouetted against a fire, gesturing her over.

Lata stood. "Come along," she said to Lian, who rose from her seat, stretched, and followed her to the gesturing figure. This left Tigress alone with Abasi.

"Where are they going?" she asked.

Abasi waved his hand dismissively, passing the flask to Tigress. "Just some business. So, tell me, Xiu, how did you meet Lata? And how did she manage to drag a high - minded philosopher down to this scummy joint?"

Tigress took a swig off the flask. "I was out for a walk and saw her carriage. She read the coins for me."

"Ah. Did she see anything of great import in them?"

Tigress felt herself sink. She had momentarily forgotten her problems amidst the novel company. That night of sobbing in the snow moved unpleasantly to the forefront of her mind.

"Yes," she said softly, looking down at the metal flask in her hand before taking a second swig and handing it to Abasi, who received it with raised eyebrows.

"That bad?" he asked.

She shook her head. "I'd rather not talk about it."

"Understood."

He took a swig from the flask and she watched him. She found him nice to look at. She had seen a cheetah once or twice in her life, but she had never been this close to one of his people. She liked their slim bodies and the dark lines that ran down from the corners of their eyes like black tears. That must be a common feature in desert people, Tigress deduced. Habika had something of the sort as well.

Familiar bitterness rose at the thought of the princess. She shook herself out of it.

"You're far from home," she said to Abasi.

He grinned. "I'm making it my mission to see the world. The savannah gets mighty old after a while. Old and hot."

"I've never been to Africa."

"I wouldn't expect you had. It's a long journey from here to there. Had I not met my dear Lata in India I might never have ventured further north. She's an inspiring woman, old Lata. Bright and cunning as they come. Took me under her wing and taught me all her tricks and now I'm the all dancing all singing son of a bitch before you."

"You didn't begin your travels as an actor?"

"No. Worked on fishing boats and made my way from port to port." He reached into the mouth of his tent to retrieve a bag. He took out a small wooden box, opened it, and began to work at something with his hands. A strong, almost repellent smell came from the box.

"What's that?"

"Just rolling up a bit of the laughing leaf. Care for some?"

"I've never tried it."

"Heh. On your way to becoming a Taoist nun, are you?"

"No! I just … never tried it."

"There's a first time for everything," he said. He lit the rolled cigarette, took a drag, held it, and let the smoke curl from his lips. He offered it to her. "Hm?"

If Shifu knew, he'd have her pelt.

Abasi grinned wryly at her hesitation. "Go on then. Won't bite."

Tigress swallowed and took the smoldering cigarette from Abasi, staring at it in her hand. It smelled awful. She wasn't sure what it would do to her. But the alcohol she'd had already was making her head pleasantly light, and she found Abasi pleasantly pleasant, and what right could Shifu claim to her pelt? She was a grown woman and besides, Shifu was probably buried nose deep in someone else's pelt this very moment. Why waste a care on what he'd think?

He'd made his choice.

She looked up at Abasi, her golden eyes burning. "What do I do?"

 **ooo**

Tigress lay flat on her back. Abasi lay next to her, his upper arm pressed warmly against hers, his other arm pointing up at a universe she'd never realized was so unimaginably vast. She felt like a thick but pleasant haze had settled over her mind that filled everything with deep meaning. She could feel her body acutely, every pulled muscle and every bone, and simply lying on the ground felt amazing. The sky was so close she felt she could reach up and stir the stars.

"That's the serpent," Abasi said, "and the mason - see the anvil? And there's the pole star, over there, the bright one. That's how sailors judge direction when there's nothing around them but water for miles and miles."

Tigress's eyes widened. She'd never imagined such a thing. The thought of it made her want to grip the ground, as though she'd go flying right off the earth into the sea of stars above her.

"That sounds terrifying," she said.

"What does?"

"Nothing but water for miles and miles."

"If you're on a ship you're fine."

"I don't think it would make a bit of difference wether you were on a ship or not," Tigress said gravely.

He chuckled. "If you're _not_ on a ship you're in a bit of worse problem, wouldn't you think?"

She blinked. "Why?"

Abasi looked incredulous. "Because then you're just out in the middle of the ocean?"

"Oh!" Tigress said. She brought the heel of her hand to her forehead, laughing. "Oh, I'm stupid. I can't even - what is _wrong_ with me!" She started laughing. Her silly mistake was the funniest silly mistake ever made. She couldn't stop laughing, which made her laugh all the more. Abasi laughed at her laughing, and she laughed even harder.

"Shut the hell up, you drunk assholes!" someone from another camp yelled, and threw something that shattered nearby. Tigress curled into a ball, clutching her stomach and gasping, tears streaming down her face. Abasi got on his hands and knees and started crawling away.

"Where - where are you- ?" Tigress gasped, reaching out towards him, batting at his retreating tail.

"Seeking refuge from flying glassware," he said, crawling to his tent. "You'd best join me, for your own safety."

"Pffft!"

"What?" he asked with such faux innocence Tigress howled with laughter.

"You think I'm just going to fall into your tent that easily, sir?"

"I don't think you will," he said. His voice grew soft and low and silky, "But I think you _should._ "

Something about the promising tone of his voice silenced her mirth long enough to make her wonder if he perhaps knew something she didn't. Under normal circumstances she'd never even consider it, but it might be … nice … in Abasi's tent.

"I won't hurt you," he said in the same tone, which set Tigress laughing again, harder than ever.

"Oh, wow, I'd like to see you try!" she gasped with laughter, punctuated by a loud snort.

"You snorted," he said. "You're disqualified from the tent."

"Oh NO!"

"You'll have to beg me to let you in now," he said.

"Curses!" Tigress replied, pounding her fist on the ground.

"You're a _goofball,_ woman," Abasi said. He re-lit the cigarette and took another puff.

"Ooh. Give me that," Tigress said.

"Patience, patience."

"Broken out the laughing leaf already, Abasi?" Lata said, stepping into the circle of firelight. "You certainly are kind to our guest." She smiled and rubbed her thumb and forefinger together. "Give it here, my boy."

"Can't you women wait for a damn thing?" Abasi chided, handing the cigarette to Lata. "You understand, Tigress. I must give the old broad her due."

Lata chuckled as she took a deep drag, then passed it along to Tigress who put it greedily to her lips. She inhaled long enough to raise the eyebrows of Lata and Abasi, sputtered, and stared coughing and choking.

"Remember what I told you last time?" Abasi said.

"Yes," Tigress choked, her eyes watering. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize to me, apologize to your lungs."

"Sorry lungs," she said, and giggled at her own joke. Lata handed her a skin of water. When she recovered she asked "Where's Lian? She didn't come back with you?"

"Lian will be back later," Lata said. She looked Tigress up and down and grinned. "I'm glad to see that you are enjoying yourself, Xiu."

"Yes," Tigress said, and rolled on her back to look up at the stars. " _Look_ at that _sky!"_

Lata smiled and sat down next to Tigress and began to stroke her head in a gentle, mothering way. Something about this silenced Tigress entirely. "It is good to see your smile, little girl," Lata said, and began to sing softly.

Tigress felt her entire being stop to listen to Lata's sweet little song, just for her. She watched the stars in the sky slowly move and swim in the ocean of milky white that tore across the sky, all of it so ancient, so huge. After a million-year moment she was lost in the sky, feeling suddenly more alone than she ever had in her life.

A sucking void opened in her chest, an acute despair she hadn't felt since the orphanage. She wasn't sure if it was the alcohol, or Abasi's laughing leaf, or perhaps just Lata's soft parental voice and touch that had tapped this hole inside her. Tigress held back tears.

"Are you all right?" Lata asked.

"Yes. Yes, I …" Tigress stuttered. Why couldn't she control herself?

Suddenly everything caved in around her, dark and cold and full of mountainous villains she couldn't possibly hope to defeat. The world outside of the circle of firelight fell away into a nothingness that Tigress stared into with horror. She sat up.

"I - I don't want to be outside anymore," she found herself saying. "I should go home now."

"You got a bit too much laughing leaf, I think, on that last go round," Lata said gently. "Come, let's have some tea in my carriage and let it wear down."

"Will I be all right?"

"You'll be fine, my little girl."

Tigress calmed down as Lata led her to the carriage. *My little girl.* Oh, how she loved to be called that! Shifu used to call her that - but without the qualifier "my." Just "little girl."

Just any little girl.

Lata opened the carriage and Tigress crawled inside, shivering.

 **ooo**

By the time Lian returned to the carriage Tigress had loosened up. The close, warm quarters calmed her. She and Lata sat at either side of the little card table. Abasi perched in a little compartment Tigress hadn't perviously noticed was there, a small lofted bed hidden by a curtain. He peered down at them, eyes sparkling and full of mischief.

Lian sat on the bench next to Lata and covered herself with a blanket. When she came in she shot Tigress a look as if to say 'what are you still doing here?' but she took it in stride and helped herself to a cup of tea. She looked worn in the candlelight. Mussed and tired. Her clothes, Tigress noticed, had been put on clumsily. Lata patted the white foxette on the back and Lian fell into what looked like a momentary but deep sadness, then collected herself and addressed Tigress.

"Nice to see you again, Xiu," Lian said. "I'm looking forward to getting to know you properly." She looked coyly at Tigress with her huge, green eyes, deep as jewels and swimming with gold flecks.

"Your eyes," Tigress said, enchanted.

Lata, Lian, and Abasi all laughed, startling Tigress.

"They bring in the yen!" Abasi said. "Between her eyes, my songs and Lata's coins we're living in the lap of … well, near poverty, but you get the idea."

Tigress chuckled. "Maybe so, but you seem happy."

They paused for a moment, looking at each other.

"Happy?" Abasi said. "I never thought about whether or not we're happy."

"That's because you're always happy," Lian said.

"How about you, Lata?" Abasi asked.

"I am too old and know too much to be happy," Lata said ruefully.

"And Xiu?" Lian asked. "Are you happy?"

"No," Abasi and Lata answered at once.

For a moment Tigress was too startled to reply. "That's assuming quite a lot, don't you think?"

"No," they replied again, in unison.

"You're not as hard to read as you think, little Taoist nun," Abasi said. "Don't take it badly. You'e just in need of some fun. You can see it a mile away."

"The kind of fun that's in your tent?"

Lian whooped with laughter. "He doesn't waste any time, does he?" she said to Tigress. "I figured he would wait at least five hours before trying to lure you into his clutches. He tried it with me twenty minutes after we met."

"Forty minutes later it worked," Abasi said.

"Oh!" Tigress said. "I didn't know you two were - "

"We're not," Lian said firmly. "Well. We were. Years ago. But Abasi is like my brother now."

"It's weird to think about," Abasi said. "Ew."

"Ew?" Lian exclaimed.

"It's like … incest," Abasi said.

Lian scowled up at him.

"What do you want? Fine, it was the hottest incest ever, are you happy now?"

"Ew, no!"

"There's no pleasing you, woman."

Tigress found herself laughing at them.

"Ah, she smiles again!" Lata said.

Tigress looked away shyly. When she looked back up they were beaming at her. Something about this flustered Tigress. Lata passed her flask around again, and Tigress slowly realized that she had never before been in the company of people who simply wanted to see her smile. People who didn't expect her to be warrior, or a leader, or a perfect daughter. All Lata, Abasi, and Lian wanted was her presence, her laughter. They were clearly quite poor but what they had they shared with her, no questions asked. She'd never encountered people like this.

Was this what it was like outside the Jade Palace? What it was like to live without constant discipline and oppressive seriousness? Where there is singing and dancing and drinking and smoke that brought down the stars? They may as well have come from the fairy worlds.

Tigress wrapped a blanket around herself and smiled, warmed from head to toe. They laughed together until the sun began to peek over the horizon. It took nearly more will than she had to tear herself away, and start thinking of logistics - how to get up the palace without being seen, and take a bath before someone smelled the laughing leaf on her fur.

She kissed them goodbye and swore to return the next night.

She kept looking back at the carriage, a little firefly of worry buzzing in her stomach. They were entirely undefended. Any gang of bandits could rob them or worse. She felt a need to protect them that ran as deep as her blood. She had only just met her fairy friends, but as she danced back to the Jade Palace with wine and laughing leaf singing in her veins, she knew she would lay down her life to defend them.

 **ooo**


	18. what strange illness had befallen her

**chapter eighteen:** **what strange illness had befallen her**

Weeks passed.

The upheaval of Habika's presence at the Jade Palace slowly settled into routine. Shifu woke in her bed each morning at sunrise. He put his arms around her, drunk in her scent, and tore himself away to the training hall.

It was sometimes hard to focus on training. Habika could keep him up late if he wasn't careful, or keep him in bed far too long in the mornings. _Ah, my little temptress,_ Shifu thought wistfully.

He pulled his mind away and gave his attention wholly to his students. Everyone progressed well except Tigress. She had hit a plateau of some kind. She often seemed tired.

"Did you get enough sleep?" he asked her.

"Yes, Master," she said, rubbing her eyes.

"Are you sure about that?" Shifu asked skeptically.

"…no, Master. Perhaps I didn't."

"Go to bed early tonight, please," Shifu said.

But she came to training the next day floppy and useless, and he sent her back to bed. He hadn't ordered Tigress from training since she was a small child afraid of the dark, and could not sleep. He had cured this by telling Nanny Goat to light a special green candle in her room under a hurricane glass. No evil spirit or ghost would dare attack the mighty Tigress in her sleep, he told her to say. Should any be so foolish to try, they would be burnt by the magic candle before they so much as touched her.

He smiled at that memory. It was something he had done for Tai Lung when he was a boy. He wished, at the time, that he could have done it for Tigress himself … but he knew what would come of that.

Now he watch her spar with Po. Gods she was sluggish!

"Tigress!" he called. "Come here!"

"Yes Master?"

"Are you unwell?"

She looked at him but didn't respond, as though she were unsure of what to say.

"Answer the question, please, Tigress?"

" … yes," she said, her eyes filled with shame.

"What's wrong? Have you been sleeping well? What have you been eating?" He looked a bit closer at her. "Your eyes are red. Are you allergic to something? I've never known you to react to the late winter buds."

"I don't know what's wrong, Master."

Shifu glanced at Po, who shrugged.

"Eating? Sleeping? Tell me," he demanded.

"I've been eating, and I've been sleeping, Master. I don't know what's wrong. I'm just … tired."

"All the time?"

"Yes." She looked at the floor.

"An illness, perhaps. Go to your room now and get some rest. Tomorrow you'll go down to the village doctor. Should he prescribe any herbs for you, buy them, and do whatever it is he advises to make you well again. I want to see you back to full strength as soon as possible. Understand?"

"Yes Master," Tigress said. The shame in her voice was deafening. She turned slowly and walked away, her shoulders slumped.

He caught up with her, and gestured her down to his level.

"You don't have to feel _bad_ about it, Tigress," Shifu said softly. "Everyone falls ill one time or another. Just get better. Yes?"

Something crossed her face, as though instead of finding his words comforting, they distressed her eyen more.

"I will. I'm sorry, Master," she said, and walked out of the training hall.

Shifu turned and glanced again at Po, who had been nearby for the whole exchange. He gestured questioningly after Tigress.

"I don't know," Po said with a shrug. "She's just … sick, I guess. She seems to get better for a few days, and then she gets like that again. She won't talk to anyone about it. Or talk to anyone period, really.""

"Thank you, Po," Shifu said softly, thoughtfully. Something wasn't sitting right with him. She'd gotten past her hostility, then turned strangely quiet … but now this? When was the last time he had seen _his_ Tigress, the fierce, loyal Tigress he knew?

Since before Habika came, he thought.

A knot tied in his chest. He disliked the implications of that. It went places he didn't want to have to go. He winced and shook it off.

"We'll see what the doctor says," Shifu said, ostensibly to Po, but mostly to himself.

 **ooo**

Later, after dinner, he and Habika wandered arm and arm over to the peach tree. When it was colder they'd get directly into bed for warmth, but now that the evenings were retreating further back into the day and spring was lifting its sleepy head from the snow, they found a walk after dinner agreed with them. She loved to sit under the peach tree and look out over the twilight valley, confessing that she'd rarely seen a sight so beautiful. He watched her drink it in, his heart pounding like it had back in he cave the first time she'd pressed her lips to his.

But now they sat together laughing, their fingers intertwined in the new grass, watching the sun melt into the horizon.

"I've got one, I've got one," he said.

"Hm?"

"A Buddhist goes up to the congee vendor and says 'Make me one with everything.'"

Habika groaned.

"The vendor makes the congee, the Buddhist pays, and is almost about to leave when he asks 'where's my change?'" Shifu continued. "The vendor says 'Change comes from within.'"

Habika chuckled, shaking her head. "Terrible."

"I can't take credit for it, it was Oogway's favorite pun."

She nodded. "You know what they say, a pun is a rare medium well done."

"Whereas a fugitive clairvoyant dwarf is a small medium at large."

"Ha! Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen."

"Did you ever hear the one about three holes in the ground?" asked a voice from behind them. It was Po, strolling up to the tree with Viper, Crane, Mantis, and Monkey close behind.

Shifu and Habika shook their heads.

"No?" Po asked. "Well, well, well!"

They groaned and rolled their eyes to the heavens.

"That's the worst one yet," Shifu said.

"You two mind some company?" Po asked.

"Not at all," Shifu said, scooting closer to Habika to make room for his students. They all settled down under the tree together. Po leaned his great soft bulk against the trunk. Mantis sat on Monkey's shoulder. Crane lowered himself to the ground and Viper curled into a coil on the other side of Habika.

Shifu looked around and smiled. His eyes met Habika's and he felt suddenly warm from head to toe. What a blessing, to sit under the peach tree with his fiancee and his students, like a big happy … family ….

"Where's Tigress?" Shifu asked.

"Sleeping," Po said. "She went to her room and passed right out."

"Ah," Shifu replied. "Good."

He felt Habika's hand on his arm. He'd told her about his concern for Tigress over dinner. She leaned a little bit closer to him, so her thigh and shoulder pressed against his. Her hand drifted down to his and they clasped together. He sighed and smiled at her. He longed to put his hand on her thigh, to lean in and kiss her, but he'd never do so in front of his students. Ah, how lost he got in her!

They all sat in silence for a few moments, watching the last of the sun dissolve into a brilliant pool of yellow behind the jagged purple mountains.

"Did you hear about the kidnapping in the village?" Po asked, breaking the silence.

"What?" Viper asked, alarmed. "When? What happened?"

"It's fine. He woke up."

Everyone groaned.

Mantis chuckled. "Here's one: a woman goes into a bar and asks for a double entendre. So the bartender gives her one."

Another round of groans, but Shifu and Habika laughed.

"I guess we can see who's getting the double entendres under this tree," Mantis mumbled.

"Mantis!" Viper and Crane scolded.

"Is this a game? How do you play?" Monkey asked.

After that a long conversation ensued in which they tried to explain puns to Monkey, with little to no success but a lot of laughter. As night fell they broke into separate little conversations. Shifu realized he'd never seen Habika interact with the students for this long, save Viper. He watched her hold court, telling stories and jokes, asking questions, making them laugh with her quick wit. Shifu mentioned her erhu and urged her to play for them, to which Habika shyly agreed. When a goose waddled up the hill to ask if they needed any refreshments, he requested a tea for everyone and for the princess's erhu from the sangha.

He turned to watch the goose head back to the palace and caught Po's eye. The panda was giving him some sort of dopey look.

"I see what you mean, Shifu," Po said softly.

"About what?"

Po gestured to Habika. "That it couldn't be helped."

Shifu looked away, almost bashful. "Ah, well..."

Po nudged Shifu with his elbow.

Shifu chuckled. "She's… …" Shifu began, looking at her. He shook his head. "Some days I can hardly believe it."

"Believe what?"

Shifu shook his head incredulously. "She's the most beautiful woman I've ever seen and she's mine."

Po grinned.

"I never thought this would happen, Po, I really didn't."

"Heh. It wasn't on the menu?"

"No." He smiled sheepishly and Po patted him on the back.

The goose returned with tea and Habika's erhu.

"So, let's hear this amazing erhu playing we've heard so much about," Mantis said.

"You haven't heard it?" Viper asked. "She plays in the Hall of Warriors late at night sometimes."

"Oh - well, yes, if I can't sleep," Habika said. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize you could hear me in the barracks."

"Oh, we can't. Sometimes if I can't sleep I have a slither around."

"Oh! You should come by if you hear me playing."

"I don't want to interrupt you."

"You can interrupt me!"

"All right then I will!"

"Good!"

Habika took a sip of tea and starting tuning the erhu. All conversation stopped as everyone watched her do this. After a moment Habika became aware of all the eyes and looked up sheepishly.

"Hey everyone," she said, chuckling, her cheeks reddening.

They laughed.

"We're all just going to stare at you. Without mercy," Mantis said, making his eyes buggier than they were normally. Habika started laughing and looked away from him. When she looked back and he still stared she laughed even harder.

"This is how it is now," Mantis said, which sent her into a fit.

"Mantis, you're so weird," Viper said.

"Shut up, you love me," Mantis said, still staring at Habika.

"We're never hearing any erhu at this rate," Crane said, chuckling.

"All right Mantis, only I get to stare at her like that," Shifu said.

"Thank you, dear," Habika said. "All right, here we go."

She drew her bow across the string. Within a few notes she had them all enchanted, the beautiful melody twisting around them, tossing their hearts to sky. The fires of the village flickered below as the Milky Way burst into view above, whirling across the sky like foam on the sea.

Shifu sighed with delight. Such perfection! To be here, now, with the people he loved most in the world, and his beautiful enchantress weaving her spell on all of them - the same beautiful enchantress he would later wrap his arms around and take to bed. Ah, gods, her sweet scent and warmth and delicate voice singing with pleasure! He could hardly wait. What could be better?

He thought suddenly of Tigress, asleep in her room. What strange illness had befallen her? The only thing that could make this moment, and his life, perfect right now would be her presence. He felt like it had been months since he'd last seen his daughter, and he missed her terribly.

 **ooo**

Tigress sat on the roof ledge watching her friends sit under the peach tree, laughing and enjoying the evening without her.

 _Oh, stop being such a child,_ she chastised herself. _They didn't want to wake you. They think you're sick in bed._

A cold, slippery coil of guilt slid through her chest. Of course she could not tell Shifu the real reason for her fatigue, but all the same she hated lying to him.

She knew staying out all night with her new friends was detrimental to her training, but she could not stay away. The laughter and plain affection was too seductive, too comforting. She found in them a bond that she did not have even with Po and the Five. She was not an example to Lata, Abasi, and Lian. They did not look to her as their leader. They simply enjoyed her company, enjoyed laughing and dancing and sharing a drink with her. The simplicity and lightheartedness of their friendship was like a salve in a hot wound. She was shocked by her thirst for it.

She watched as a goose handed Habika an erhu, and she began to play. The notes were beautiful but they grated on Tigress's ears all the more for it.

There were many reasons Tigress couldn't stand the woman, all of them silly, but the silliest of all was that she genuinely cared for Shifu. Tigress had begun watching them closely, trying to see some proof that Habika was not who she claimed or that her affection for Shifu was faked. Why would a young princess with so many options choose a common man twice her age? Tigress longed to find some ulterior motive she could expose, but as the weeks went on it became clear she truly loved Shifu. Tigress could find no evidence otherwise.

The worst of it was that Tigress could see why Shifu had fallen in love with her. She understood now what Mantis had been saying for weeks. The princess was beautiful, talented, soft spoken, aristocratic, and Shifu was clearly the sun in her sky. The way she spoke coyly to him, laughed with him, hung on his arm and blushed in his presence probably made Shifu feel like a god. Tigress, who towered above him, could never evoke that kind of reaction.

She looked helplessly into the sky. _Why do I CARE?_ she asked herself. _I don't want to be Shifu's mate,_ she thought, though she knew some twisted, dark part of her did - the part of her that wanted to posses him entirely. She was jealous that the princess got to see him vulnerable and raw and full of desire. Yet the enticement she felt was accompanied by an equal revulsion, all mixed together in a big basket of useless, energy-sapping emotions with which she could do little. It was an anvil chained to her leg that only came off when she ran away to see her fairy friends, where she could laugh and sing and dissolve her pain in wine.

Below her the song ended. Mantis said something that made everyone laugh. For a moment she longed to go down to join them, but she didn't. She couldn't sit and laugh with them; she was carrying on a double life and lying to them all. A rift was forming between herself and them. They perhaps did not feel it yet, but she did. It was that ever-widening sense of alienation that drove her out of the palace night after night when everyone had fallen asleep.

She sighed and hopped down off the roof onto the balcony, and back into her room. She lit a little green candle and got back into bed. She would wait there until everyone had returned to their rooms, and then slip out into the night and into her other life.

 **ooo**

"No no, like this," Lian said. "Hips out, then around, and over … no no, move with your knees!"

"This is more difficult than it looks," Tigress said, tipsy and awkward.

They stood in front of the small camp fire. Nearby the musicians with the low drums and sitar played. Lian attempted to teach Tigress the Cleopatra dance that was her big money-maker. It bordered on obscene and made Tigress a little nervous, but in the midst of laughing leaf and sorghum wine it seemed an interesting thing to try.

"You'll get the hang of it. You just need to loosen up. Get some fire in your bottom, missy! You want the men to look at you and think hmmm, I'd like to know a little more about _that._ " As she said this Lian gyrated and leaned impossibly far backward, letting her hips lead the rest of her body. "It's _sensual,_ you know? Just imagine you're on a cute boy."

Tigress chuckled nervously. She glanced at Abasi, who sat nearby with his guitar. His eyes flashed at her and Tigress looked quickly away.

"You're so proper, it's adorable," Lian said. "Here, try again."

She demonstrated the move and Tigress tried to follow, but Lian's words had put her on edge, making her movements were stiff and hesitant. The foxette shook her head.

"I swear, it's as though you've never even _been_ on a cute boy. Come on!"

Tigress smiled and shook her head. "No. I think that's enough for me."

Lian chuckled. "Oh Xiu, my prude."

Tigress poured herself a cup of wine from a communal jug. "I never claimed otherwise," she replied, well used to Lian's taunting. Little did the foxette know how right she was.

Tigress looked over the rim of her cup at Abasi. He gave a sly smile and blinked slowly at her, his eyes firey. Tigress blushed and looked away.

Two weeks previous Abasi and Tigress had gone for a stroll around the empty nighttime village. She insisted that they stay away from more populated places, claiming that her Taoist order would be scandalized should they know what she'd been getting up to at night. He agreed and on they strolled, talking about this or that.

Every so often Abasi would touch her. They were light, almost accidental touches. His arm grazed hers, or he softly pushed his tail against her calf, her hip. A friendly hug ended with his hand grazing her behind.

She didn't stop him. Nor did she encourage him. She did not react in any way, mostly because she didn't know what her reaction was.

They strolled through the woods and came to a little clearing, in the middle of which was a small pile of boulders. They climbed to the top of it and looked at the moon. They sat together in silence looking up at the sky, until Abasi finally said, "Listen, you …." and reached for her.

He took her face between his hands and kissed her.

She let him. She held her breath and didn't move a muscle. She kissed him back but just barely, just enough.

He pulled away and looked into her eyes for a reaction.

"Are you all right?" he asked.

She was still for a moment, then nodded.

He kissed her again, but after a moment she tilted her face, presenting her neck to him. With a soft grumble he pressed his lips to her heartbeat, and then his teeth. Tigress took a long slow breath and let her eyes flutter shut. It felt good. His breath was warm. She liked his softly insistent bites and the smell of him. He ran his hands along her sides, then rested them on the top of her rump. She did not move her hands but she let him go on like this, gradually becoming comfortable with it, until her mind wandered to her master.

Suddenly they were Shifu's lips, Shifu's hands, and she felt that dreaded mix of enticement and repulsion. She shuddered and pushed Abasi softly away.

"What's wrong?" he asked, his voice heavy with lust.

"We should go back now," she said, sliding down off the boulder.

To his credit he followed her without a word of complaint. The next couple of nights he did not mention what had happened, or badger her to take another moonlit walk with him. He joked and played his guitar, shared wine and laughing leaf with her same as always, for which she was grateful.

After a week she asked Abasi to walk with her again out to the clearing. They climbed atop the boulder pile and looked up at the sky, and again Abasi embraced her. He hugged her from behind, put his hands around her waist and drew her to him. He bit her neck with a soft growl. She sighed and leaned into him as he stroked her stomach and chest, her back against him.

Every time they went out for a walk she let him go a little further, but never as far as he would have liked. She barely touched him in return, satisfied to remain a passive recipient of his affections. This did not seem to trouble him. He was, after all, a performer by nature.

It felt good, and Tigress supposed she enjoyed it, but she did so with an odd sense of detachment. She could not sink entirely into it. At some point her thoughts would flutter back to Shifu, which made Abasi's touch more exciting but that awful revulsion always followed. When she lay in bed at night she tried to think of Abasi, his warm hands, his lips, his tall lean form, his scent of campfire and laughing leaf, Abasi, Abasi, Abasi. She tried to drive Shifu's image away from that part of her mind. Abasi was young and handsome. Her attraction to him was _normal_ , and she tried as best she could to kindle it.

It frustrated her to tears. _I just want this one thing,_ she begged herself. She did not expect a relationship from Abasi. She did not desire his everlasting love or devotion. _I just want this,_ she pleaded. _Can't you let me have this one thing?_ Whether she begged herself or the specter of Shifu, she sometimes did not know.

She debated whether to walk with Abasi again that night when Lata's carriage door opened and a young pig prostitute emerged. She was sobbing, the kohl around her eyes running down her face. Lata tried to comfort the girl but she didn't want comfort.

"Leave me alone, you old bitch!" she said, storming away.

"I merely told you the truth of what I saw," Lata said.

"Shit on what you saw!"

"Shit wherever you like, my dear, but you still must pay me."

"I'm not paying for _that!_ I could go to anyone for bad news and lies!"

Lata marched after the girl. Tigress glanced uneasily at Abasi and Lian, but they seemed unbothered by the little drama unfolding before them. Tigress watched as Lata caught the girl by the shoulder, saying something Tigress couldn't make out. The pig tried to shake Lata off, squealing. Lata took her by the arm, holding her hand out and jabbing it at the girl, insisting on her payment.

Tigress glanced at Abasi again. "Should we help her?"

"She'll handle it," Anasi said nonchalantly.

Their confrontation was growing louder. The girl shoved Lata away and stormed off again. Lata caught up with her in two strides, turned the girl, and backhanded her hard across the face.

Tigress gasped.

The pig seemed stunned. Her cheek bled from where Lata's big ring had cut her. After a moment she backed away, reaching into her money bag to throw coins at Lata. "Here, here, you ugly dried up old cunt, here's your money!" she shrieked, then turned and ran through the campsite to a chorus of boo's from the other campers who'd been watching.

Lata bent down to retrieve her coins, straightened back up with some effort, then smoothed her clothes and strolled cooly back to their fire. Abasi handed her a cup of wine without so much as a word.

"Are you all right?" Tigress asked.

"I'm fine," Lata replied, sipping her wine.

Tigress was taken aback. "Did you really need to hit her?"

The three of them looked at her and chuckled.

"So innocent," Lian wondered loud. "Xiu, the gods themselves will come down to earth the day you can reason with a half drunk sobbing whore who doesn't want to pay you. Real noble and all, but nobility don't mean much when you're starving."

"Oh," Tigress said softly. "I … I guess I've never been in that position."

"Well lucky you, princess," Lian said.

Tigress ruffled at being called what had become, to her, a derogatory term.

"I'm no _princess,_ " she said.

"Simmer down Lian," Abasi said.

"Whatever," the foxette said, standing. "I've got to go anyhow. See you all later." She wrapped herself in her coat and strode off across the campground towards the theater.

Abasi rose from his seat and poured himself and Tigress cups of wine from the jug. He plopped down next to her and patted her knee.

"Don't mind her," he said.

"I don't," Tigress said. She had grown used to Lian's mood growing suddenly sour at a moment's notice. She also left each night for hours and came back late looking tired. Tigress wondered where it was she went, but a feeling she wouldn't like the answer kept her from asking.

Abasi strummed lazily at his guitar then turned to Lata.

"So," he asked her, "what do you think?"

Lata took a seat near the fire and rolled herself a cigarette. "I'm making good money here. I may stay a while more. I can perhaps meet you and Lian at the next valley over in a week or two. Yes? The stagehands will be going by that time, and I can travel with them."

Abasi nodded. "If you're certain."

"What are you talking about?" Tigress asked.

Abasi sighed and tuned his guitar. "Lian and I got booted from the lineup here. The organizer seems to think his new courtesan has the voice of a bird." He grumbled. "There's another variety stage in the next valley south. We're going to give that one a try."

"You're leaving?" Tigress asked. A sour angst began to rise in her chest.

"Rambling on," Abasi said. "It's what we do."

Tigress went silent. After a moment she asked, "What road are you taking?"

He shrugged. "The fastest one south I imagine."

"And you're going alone? Just you and Lian?"

He nodded.

"The southern roads are dangerous this time of year. After a winter this rough they'll be desperate. I know these valleys well. Let me travel with you and make sure you get there safely."

Abasi smiled. "Thanks, but we can take care of ourselves, Xiu. We're not new at this."

"It is not wise to refuse help when it is offered," Lata said. "And she is correct about the bandits. If your friend Xiu wishes to aid you, you must let her."

Abasi shrugged. "All right. If you want to come with us you can, so long as you have your own food and coin. We're out of work and can't spare as much as we'd like."

"I understand," Tigress said.

He nodded and went back to his tuning, a hint of a smile playing on his lips.

"Excuse me," came a hesitant voice from behind them. "Are you the fortune teller?"

They turned. A young rabbit woman approached Lata. Tigress recognized her as the daughter of the man who sold vegetables. She drew her hood up over her face and turned away.

"Yes," Lata said. "Can I help you?"

After a moment's haggling they climbed into Lata's carriage and closed the door for a reading. Tigress and Abasi sat before the fire, silent.

She turned to him.

"Walk with me?"

 **ooo**

"How long have you known you were leaving?" Tigress asked as they strolled through the woods.

"I found out we were booted this afternoon," he said. "It's a shame too, we're doing well here. You should hear the awful warbler we're being replaced with, ugh. But that's show business for you."

They came to the clearing with the boulders. The moon shone hard and bright. Abasi leapt onto them and made his way up, Tigress close behind.

"I'm surprised you want to come with us," he said. "Glad, but surprised."

"Why is that?"

He looked at her for a long moment. "You don't have to keep it from me. I know there's someone else."

Tigress could not hide her shock. Had Lata told him her secret?

"What makes you think that?" she asked.

"I don't buy that Taoist nun nonsense. You're so secretive about your life, always hiding behind your cloak when a villager comes around. You're either a known criminal around here or you're married. There's obviously something you're not telling us."

"Oh. I can see how you'd think that, but - "

"You're married, right? It's fine if you are, you wouldn't be the first unhappy wife I've … met."

She shook her head. "I'm not married, Abasi."

"You're not?"

"No."

"A betrothed, then?"

She shook her head.

"No one?"

Tigress paused for a moment, anxiety roiling in her chest, unsure what the truth was. The moon's light pounded down, turning night into day, illuminating the copse of trees around them. In the distance she could see the Jade Palace sitting squat on top of its mountain. It seemed so small from here, from her secret place with her secret friend, with whom she sang and danced and her name was Xiu.

It occurred to her suddenly that there was no true answer to Abasi's question. The answer could be whatever she wanted it to be, sure as her name here was Xiu and there was Tigress.

Abasi waited for her reply, searching her eyes. She suddenly leaned forward to slide her arms around his neck and kiss him. He made a small sound of surprise but wrapped his arms around her waist, parting her lips with his. When they came apart his eyes were half closed and cloudy with lust.

She smiled.

"No, Abasi," she said. "There's no one else."

 **ooo**


	19. every god big and small

_I liked Crane's Mei-Ling backstory from the series, so I added it, but that's the only thing from the series I've allowed as canon. I won't be taking the third movie into account at all._

 **chapter nineteen:** **every god big and small**

A thick slat or morning sun fell over Habika's face, too early. Always far too early. She heard a shuffling around the room and opened her eyes. It was him, half dressed, distracted by an open scroll on the desk. She smiled, yawed and stretched.

He turned. "Oh! I'm sorry little one, I didn't mean to wake you."

"Mmm," she said. "Come here."

He smiled and came back to the bed, putting his strong arms around her. She buried her face in his neck, inhaling his scent.

"Ah, little one." He rested his head on her chest and sighed. "My little love."

She stroked his ears and sighed. She closed her eyes and tried to sink entirely into the moment, to _become_ the moment, to imprint it so deeply in her mind that it became a permanent part of her. His scent and weight upon her, the buttery morning light, all of it. She found herself trying to indelibly record these pleasures, hoping that one day the empty parts of her would be filled with sweet memories. She was haunted by the sense that she lived on borrowed time, so she wanted to keep every sweet thing forever, these little snippets of wonder that had accidentally fallen into her tired, frigid life.

"I miss the cave," he said, moving up to put his head on the pillow next to her. He stroked her face. "It was nice to do nothing but make love all day."

"You'd think all that sex would be tiring for an old man," she replied.

"Not this old man," he said, puffing with pride. "Apparently I'm still sixteen where it counts."

She laughed. "Go on then, my boy, or you'll be late for class."

He moved smiled. "You think I'm just going to leave like that?" he whispered in her ear.

"Mmm. But there's no time," she whispered back.

"Nonsense," he said, and kissed her.

The morning gong rang.

"Late again," she said.

"Damn." He sighed and kissed her again. "Tonight, then. For as long as you want."

She smiled. "I'm holding you to that."

"Please do."

He threw on his pants, robe, and belt, and kissed her goodbye. She heard him walk down the hall, pause at the door, and turn. He dashed back into the bedroom and onto the bed. She yelped as he swept her up in his arms and kissed her madly, up one side of her face and down the other, her neck, her chest, and finally her lips.

"That's better," he said. He put her back down on the bed and dashed out.

After he left she put her hand to her chest and fell to the bed like a swooning young girl. Out of nowhere tears came. This happened often. She wasn't sure why, but she came to the conclusion that she loved Shifu so much it _literally_ hurt. All the affection and pleasure and joy was like a crowbar prying apart the rotted wood crate of her soul, revealing something tender and red and raw underneath. She shuddered and let the tears come, just two salty drops before the ache passed.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you," she whispered into the air, unsure what it was she thanked, but she had come to thank it every day.

 **ooo**

She woke again around one, just as Jing started her shift. The goose served Habika a light breakfast of fruit on her bedroom balcony. They chatted a bit and Jing went about her usual chores. Habika attempted to read a few scrolls, albeit half-heartedly. The "zen student" farce was long over, but she felt as long as she lived in a sangha she should make something of an effort to understand it.

She couldn't focus. She asked Jing to run her a bath, hot and steaming. She thought of sitting in the copper pot over coals with him, back in the sacred cave, of what it was like to finally be with him after wanting him so badly. After he initially refused her. _Isn't it just my luck,_ she'd thought, _I've finally met a man I can love and he's celibate._

Thank every god big and small he came around. _Bless you, Oogway, you wondrous old tortoise, for knowing what's good for him_ , she thought wryly, but again that sensation of stolen time. And it did indeed feel stolen, as though Shifu and the Jade Palace were too good to be true. A dream from which she might wake at any moment.

The dread crept up on her. At any moment Gan might show up and drag her away from this paradise, back to that living hell. Shifu would fight for her, and he would lose his life doing it. She would live the rest of her life knowing her lover had gotten himself killed for her sake, the Grand Master of the Valley of Peace killed over something so stupid. She would live for years upon years, growing gray, haunting the Forbidden City like a wraith, a soulless husk kept alive only by the hope that she might see her daughter again - _Mahdi,_ her absence was like a sucking chest wound! As the years passed Mahdi would forget her mother - if the girl was even alive - if they hadn't killed her, or sold her to a brothel, or -

"Stop it, stop it, stop it," Habika chanted, rubbing her eyes.

She could lose herself in these gruesome fantasies so quickly. They would tear her awake in the middle of the night, sweating and panting. Shifu would put his arms around her, stroke her and kiss her, telling her that she would be all right, and he would never let anything happen to her. She wanted so badly to believe him, to be seduced by his gentleness, but there was no way he could keep those beautiful promises. _Don't you know life can devastate you at a moment's notice?_ she thought. _You are dragged to a tyrant's bed one night and everything changes forever._

Despite the warm bath she shivered and drew her knees to her chest.

Suddenly everything was unbearably still. She rose out of the tub, dried herself and dressed, trying to fend off memories of past violations that bit at her like asps.

She went out onto the balcony to clear her head. She was unsure what to do with her day. While she loved the Jade Palace she often found herself at a loss for things to do there. She'd examined every last artifact in the Hall of Warriors, read scrolls till her eyes hurt, played the erhu till her fingers ached. She could not bear to watch Shifu spar with his students as it turned her to lustful mush. He was so fast and graceful and strong! He could take all six of his students at once without breaking a sweat! It was too much. It made her want him with a savagery.

She caught herself and chuckled.

 _This is what you've turned me into, my warrior!_ she thought at him. _A silly lovesick girl, entirely without dignity._

She smiled to herself. Ah, but it was good. She had thought far worse things in her day, and every silly, undignified thought was a blessing.

 **ooo**

The weather was finally getting warm. Spring flirted with her, teased her. She could barely wait for the joyous peak of summer, for a big sun to roast her alive. She wanted to bake on a rock and pretend she was in the Sahara once more. The previous day she and Viper shared lunch and spoke of summer with feverish anticipation. They made secret plans to fry nude on the roof of the bunkhouse.

"No one will see us. Well, except Crane. Possibly," Viper said.

"No one will see me, you mean," Habika replied. "Crane has seen all of you already."

Viper gawked at her. "Just what are you implying?"

"You're always as naked as the day you were hatched!"

"He hasn't seen me without the lotuses," she huffed.

Habika laughed. "So if you took Crane to bed you'd take off the flowers on your head?"

"No," Viper replied, her eyes going a bit misty, "he would."

Habika cocked her head. Viper's eyes went wide and she covered her mouth with her tail.

"Uh oh," Habika said. "What's this?"

"Nothing."

" _Nothing?_ "

After a little prodding Viper emptied her heart to Habika, her secrets spilling out like a breaking dam. She'd grown to love Crane, to be achingly, irreparably in love with Crane. It was something that had gradually crept upon her with the years, every day growing, until one day she woke up and it was her reality, true as the sky was blue.

"It's awful," she said. "I don't know what to do."

"Tell him, you silly thing!" Habika chided.

"I can't," she replied.

"Whyever not?"

"Because it would never work out, and it would ruin the team."

"You sound awfully certain of that."

"I am," Viper said grimly. "I'm a snake, he's a bird. How would we … you know …?"

"I'm sure you could find a way," Habika said.

"We can't even kiss properly," Viper said.

"There's more to it than kissing. You're very long and very flexible. He can fly. The possibilities are endless."

Viper smiled but sighed. "Also, I'm sure he wants to be a father. He has so much to give. He's talked about raising a family before. He couldn't do it with me."

"Adoption. Or you could take a third."

"I cant stand the thought of that," Viper said. "I wouldn't want to be with anyone else, not even for one night."

Sometimes if a mixed-species couple desired children but didn't want to adopt, they added a third member to their marriage purely for the purpose of producing offspring; a male or female of the same species as the husband or wife. It was called "taking a third" and was quite common. There was a ceremony that "married" the third to the couple so as to avoid accusations of adultery. Contracts were signed hashing out the terms of the marriage. Sometimes the third partner remained married for life and acted as god parent to the child. Sometimes they only married for as long as they were needed for a pregnancy to take. It was more common for the wife to mate with a male of her species, as it was said wives were less likely to stray than husbands; men were deemed more likely to fall in love with the woman carrying their children. The veracity of this was ever up for debate.

Some males of excellent breeding were professional thirds. Shifu had recounted an instance to Habika involving Tai Lung. He was summoned by some Lord or other, to some city, for some reason that was never entirely clear. He was gone for about a month. When he returned he brought with him an enormous sum of money, a pile of gold coins the size of his head. He told Shifu that it was a gift from the Lord for defending his stronghold from a bandit invasion, but Shifu knew when his son was lying.

"In the end he was a grown man and it was none of my business, so I didn't push it any further," Shifu had said. "Years later, after Tai-Lung was imprisoned, that same Lord visited the Valley of Peace. He was a fox, but wouldn't you know his wife was a beautiful snow leopard, with a snow leopard son not yet six! The boy was Tai-Lung's without a doubt. That Lord paid a premium to get his wife an heir by the greatest warrior in China!"

"I'm surprised he charged," Habika mused.

"I'm not," Shifu muttered.

Back at the previous day's lunch Viper gave a forlorn sigh for Crane.

"There's one more thing," she said.

"And what's that?"

Viper gave a long, depressed sigh.

"Mei-ling."

She related the tale of Crane's beginnings in kung-fu.

"That's hardly conclusive," Habika said. "Even if he did have feelings for her he left that school and came to the Jade Palace. If he'd truly wanted her he would have stayed there."

"He probably didn't think he stood a chance! He's so modest!" Viper said. "Whether they were together or not isn't important. What's important is that _she_ will always be the one he wants, the one that haunts his dreams, and not … never … me."

Habika shook her head in disbelief. "You're so concerned about the physical side of things, as though a mountain cat and a crane would fare better than a crane and a snake."

"They'd find a way," Viper said grimly.

"And you can't?"

"I don't know!" Viper snapped. "It's not like I'll get the opportunity anyway. We should just stop talking about it."

"Maybe we should. You're so determined that this will never happen, what's the use?"

They sat across from each other in a bitter silence for a few minutes, long enough to make Habika creepingly anxious about the state of their friendship. Had they just had a fight?

After a long time Viper sighed. "I'm sorry Habika. I'm just scared. I've never been so scared of anything in my life. And I … I can't talk about it any more. Please don't tell anyone."

Habika swore herself to secrecy, but Viper still avoided her for the next few days. She was beyond relieved when she finally slithered back for lunch one afternoon. Outside of Shifu Viper was her closest friend and confidant. She didn't really know anyone else.

It was something that needed to change.

If she was to stay in the Valley of Peace she needed to establish a life there, something for herself that didn't revolve around Shifu. If she wasn't careful she could get into the habit of puttering around the sangha all day waiting for him to come see her, and that was no way to live.

Habika strolled from the sangha, up and over the hill, and found herself wandering over to the long staircase down to the village. She had only been down there accompanied by Po, Viper, or Shifu. Never alone. She tried to tell herself that it was just too much of a journey up and down those endless stairs, or that she simply preferred to stay on the compound, but she knew the truth: she was afraid of being waylaid down in the village, of being seized by an agent of Gan's, or killed by an agent of MeiLan's. It would not be difficult for a hired knife to slit her throat and leave her lying in an alley, or drag her out into the misty forests and kill her. No one would ever know what happened to her, where she went. Shifu would spend the rest of his days tortured by guilt, and -

"Stop that!" she snapped at herself. "Try to be like Shifu. He controls his mind. His mind does not control him."

She was filled with relief merely thinking of him. She knew she could spend the rest of her days trying to become like Shifu and never get close. That was all right. It was one of the things she loved about him. Every day she learned something from him. Every day he made her that much better of a person; a little wiser, a little smarter, a little braver.

She took a deep breath and started her descent down the stairs to the village.

 **ooo**

The stairs really _were_ a journey, however.

By the time she got to the bottom she dreaded the trip back up. Shifu had mentioned the supply lines to her, long ropes that hung down the back of the hill near the sangha. Most of their food and other necessities were placed into huge baskets and hauled up by some geese turning a giant spindle. If she ever needed to get back up to the Palace and felt she could not make the trip, all she had to do was jump in a basket and give the line a tug.

"I've done it myself on a few occasions, when I was ill or injured," Shifu said. Nonetheless Habika knew she would feel a weakling should she resort to it.

Then again, there was always a time and place to play the "I'm a dainty little lady" card.

She suddenly thought of Tigress. The woman hated her for just that sort of thing. _Girl,_ she corrected herself. _No. Woman._ Perhaps to Shifu Tigress was but a girl, but she was only a few years younger than Habika. _That probably doesn't help_ , she thought.

Despite Tigress's hostility Habika could not help but find her striking. She strength, her calm, her control, her savage beauty - all if it served to both intimidate and fascinate her. She wondered what it was like to live with that sort of strength, to walk firm in her own body knowing nothing could harm her. To stand before Tigress was to stand before a dragon. When that dragon peered down at her with fire in her eyes, Habika's blood turned to ice. But somehow she admired Tigress all the more for it.

And Shifu! How could such a warm, loving man be so cold to his daughter? Tai Lung had left deep scars, she knew, but the tenderness she had experienced of him was alarmingly contrary to what Po and Viper told her about him and Tigress. Of course Tigress was angry, having been denied the very tenderness Shifu poured upon her!

Habika sighed. She wanted with all her heart to speak to him about this, to help somehow, but she had not worked up the courage. She was afraid to see a side of him she might not like, that confronting him on this issue might reveal his sweetness as a farce, a cover. He would reveal himself to be another person entirely, and he had played her for a fool.

She put the heel of her hand to her forehead in frustration.

 _Really? Can I truly trust NOTHING? You will I doubt even him?_

She shook her head. Why did her mind constantly generate this unwanted darkness? She had first begun to notice it back in the cave, when Shifu told her the true purpose of meditation. Every now and then she made a note of what she was thinking at that moment, and noticed how often she wound herself up in dismal fantasies. She could barely enjoy a moment of happiness without some horrid thought spoiling it, as though she could not let herself get too happy. Not with disaster lurking around every corner.

"With your history I can't say it's surprising," Shifu said to her one evening, curled softly around her in a way that made her feel deliciously safe. "But the sooner you realize those fantasies are not real the better life will be for you. When these thoughts start to pull you down, you must rise up and stop them. Ruminating on the horrors that may happen will not prevent them from happening, but having a clear mind and living in the present will." He sighed. "I do wish you would meditate, little one."

She suddenly knew that she would.

A determination came to her. She would defeat these dark fantasies, these parts of her mind that worked against her at every turn. She would sit and close her eyes. In meditation she would turn to face them. And, eventually, she would excise them from her mind.

A gladness burst in her chest, so intense she stopped and put a hand over her heart. Tears pricked her eyes. She felt suddenly powerful - a master of her own heart. It was an entirely new sensation and she could feel her entire internal world shifting to meet it.

 _Shifu!_ she thought. _I finally understand! Oh, my warrior, I love you so much!_

Far above her in the training hall, Shifu paused mid-sentence, mid-thought, as a deep, sweet glow came over him. He thought suddenly of Habika. He could feel her intensely, almost as though she were there next to him, just loving him.

 _Well, I love you too, little one_ , he thought and smiled.

 **ooo**

Habika strolled along the main road of the village, experimenting with the odd sensation of feeling safe. And she was safe, she realized. There were people everywhere, and everywhere she went she was acknowledged with a smile or a bow or a nod. By the gods, these people loved her! She felt warm enough to float off into the sky.

 _I have been princess all my life,_ she marveled, _but this is the first time I've ever felt like one._

Captured by a colorful window display she stepped into an herbalists' shop. It was dark and cool and smelled bitterly of a million different plants. The shop was empty and the herbalist was nowhere to be seen, but that suited her just fine. She had no idea what she wanted anyway. She peered at the bins of dried things and jars of preserved this-and-that.

"Oh!" A voice game from behind her. "Princess! An honor!"

He was an elderly grey rabbit with huge round spectacles. She smiled at him.

"What can I help you with today, my lady?"

"I'm sure I don't know," she said.

A look of understanding came over him and he nodded.

"I see," he said, winking conspiratorially. He lowered his voice. "I have a large selection of whatever you may need."

"What is it that I need?" she whispered back, intrigued.

"Some, ehm, _reviving_ herbs, perhaps?" He took a jar filled with dried buds from beneath the counter. "Sometimes, when a gentleman reaches a certain age, his passions naturally slow. But a tea of these buds twice a day can - "

"Oh!" Habika exclaimed, and burst with laughter. "You think - ha! Oh, no! No no, he doesn't need that! Oh, goodness, that's the last thing he needs!"

The herbalist raised his eyebrows, impressed. "Well!" He took another jar from beneath the counter. "Something to calm him, perhaps?"

Habika howled with laughter.

The herbalist began to look a little nervous.

"You'll have to excuse me, my lady, but … why are you laughing?"

She leaned against a barrel of hops to catch her breath. "I just came in to look. I don't really need any -um - marital aids," she said.

The herbalists' eyes went wide in mortification, magnified by his spectacles. Habika howled again. She couldn't help it, his priceless little face destroyed her.

"My lady I offer my most sincere apologies for my terrible assumption, I meant no offense!"

She gasped for breath. "No no no, please - I'm not offended. I'm terribly amused!"

He was still quite distressed, bubbling over with apologies until Habika collected herself and patted his hand. "Really, it's fine. Please. Now now, I'll tell you what I do need, yes? I'd like some clove smoke, and perhaps … do you have anything for nightmares?"

Just then the door opened. A rumpled, grumbling monkey woman wrapped in shawls came through. She huffed, brushed herself off, and asked, "What have you got for a hangover, shopkeep?"

Habika looked at her. She was about to say something but her breath stopped in her throat.

The monkey woman looked back at her, blinked, cocked her head.

They stared at each other for a long moment.

"By the gods," Habika whispered.

 **ooo**

It took them almost a full ten minutes to come down from the incredulity before they could carry on any semblance of a conversation. Habika finished her purchases, her mind a whirl. She stood by as Lata distractedly bought a hangover tea, barely able to look away from her. Habika still had to look up at the old woman. She suddenly remembered this exact view from shopping with Lata as a little girl, as though no time had passed. When they ambled out onto the street Habika nearly took her hand.

"Little bee!" Lata marveled. "I can't believe it's really my little bee! Ah, but not so little anymore. They finally made a lady of you, I see! How old are you now?"

"Thirty three."

Lata gasped and covered her mouth. "Thirty three! How in the world could you be thirty three? You're still nine!"

Habika laughed. "The years have been kind to you, Lata. You look well."

Lata waved her hand dismissively. "Ah no, no time for kind words. I've grown into a ghastly old crone. The men stopped calling for me long ago. Ah but I bet they're lining up in the street for you, look how lovely you've grown! I always knew you'd grow to be a beauty. Tell me, are you married?"

"Engaged, actually." The strolled past a small food market. "Let's stop in here. Have you eaten? I'll buy some food and a bottle of wine. We can find somewhere to sit and catch up, yes? I still can't believe it's you!"

"Me neither! But yes, wine and food, and I know just the place to chat."

Habika bought a nice bottle of wine, some fried tofu, bean buns, and thousand layer cake. Lata led her past the brothels (where Habika got more than a few queer looks) and behind the theater to her carriage. Lata gave her ponies a reassuring pat and their oat bags, then opened the door to the carriage and ushered Habika inside. They poured the wine and sat at the little table with the carriage door open, enjoying the breeze.

"Welcome to my home," Lata said.

"And a lovely home it is. You're a fortune teller now?"

Lata nodded. "Indeed. I come from a long line of women with the gift of sight," she said, her voice going reedy and mystical.

Habika gave her a skeptical look.

"Okay, it's mostly bullshit and cold reading," Lata said. "But the odd thing is I'm quite often right." She chuckled and took a sip of wine, then shook her head. "It's you! It's really you after all these years. My little bee!"

"I'm so happy to see you again, Lata. I … when you left so suddenly … I thought you were dead."

"Ah, yes," Lata said sadly. "I'm sorry, Habika. I didn't want to leave the way I did. But had I stayed a moment longer I _would_ have been dead. Some bad history caught up with me and I had to run. I wanted more than anything to say goodbye to you, but I could not without putting you in danger. I hope you can forgive me."

"Of course," Habika said, reaching across the table to give Lata's hand a squeeze. "Of course. I was never angry with you, just worried."

Lata smiled. "Ah, look at you, you're a vision! Expensive hanfu, too. You said you're engaged? Is he a wealthy man? A lord perhaps? Is that why you are here and not in the Forbidden City? Your scholars _were_ taking you to the Forbidden City to be a princess, yes?" She chuckled. "Did my lessons in ladyhood help you fit in?"

Habika nearly spat out her wine. "Fit in? Why yes, busking and pickpocketing are all the rage in the Forbidden City! How do you suppose the Emperor got so rich?"

They laughed.

"Ah, I really was an awful instructor, wasn't I?" Lata said. "Ah, well, I couldn't teach you what I didn't know. I was trying to teach you what I _did_ know."

Habika shook her head. "I've never understood that. You obviously weren't able to teach me the courtly ways. The scholars caught on to you quickly - if you hadn't left they would have fired you. You had no hope of keeping your job with us more than a few months. Were you just trying to make some quick money? What were you doing with me?"

Lata went quiet and looked into her wine. She looked up at Habika and sighed. "I'd ask you to promise not to think ill of me, but I don't think you'd be able to keep that promise."

"I'll do what I can," Habika said carefully.

Lata nodded. "Well, I was … I guess you could say I was trying to get into a new line of work. I needed collateral in order to, um … in order to become part of this business organization. So I … " She seemed unsure how to continue. "I overheard your scholars discussing the problem of you in a tea shop. I struck up conversation, told them of my services, and they took me to meet you. When I saw you I knew, I knew you'd be perfect. You were so dainty and pretty, and rare! There were so few left of your kind. I knew I had to have you."

"Have … me?"

"Yes. I wanted to make you like me. Better than me. I wanted you to be able to command a far higher price than I ever could."

"A higher price?" Habika asked. "Were you planning turn me into a prostitute?"

"No no, my dear," Lata replied. "I was planning to turn you into a courtesan."

 **ooo**

Habika's head swam. As she listened to Lata's explanation she was lost in a turgid mix of curiosity, nostalgia, and betrayal. The way Lata explained it made it seem so straight forward, but she wasn't sure she could process the shock of knowing that her childhood nanny and hero was grooming her to sell herself.

"I was just about too old to make the kind of money I used to make," Lata said, "but one night I was hired by a slaver. He bought young girls, only the prettiest young girls. He owned a house in Gongman City where older women like me trained these young girls to be concubines. A hand reared girl trained in courtly ways, and in the ways of love, could sell for a spectacular price. He'd placed women with lords and wealthy businessmen all over China. The slaver had done well for himself and was fantastically wealthy.

"He was impressed with my skills and offered me a job as a teacher in his house. I was thrilled - what could be better for an old whore? - but there was a catch. I had to bring a young girl along with me, a beautiful young girl who would sell for a high price. He considered it payment for the oncoming years of covering my room and board, you see - when the girl sold he would have his return on me. And that young girl was … well, was you, little bee."

Habika was speechless.

"I would have just kidnapped you and forced you to come with me, but I wanted you to trust me. I would be expected to train you, to _raise_ you, once we got to Gongmen City. You win more flies with honey, as they say."

"Busking and pickpocketing aren't courtly talents," Habika said quietly.

"No, but they are street talents. Things you needed to know in case something went wrong on the journey to Gongman City. I would have taught you to be quite nasty with a dagger, too. I wanted you to be safe, to be able to take care of yourself."

"You wanted a return on your investment," Habika said coldly.

"My little bee -"

"Don't call me that."

Lata looked bitten. She held her tongue. They sat there in silence for a few long moments. Habika felt strange and numb, frozen out of her own body. She wanted to stand up and walk away from Lata, to never look back, to go back to the Jade Palace and her warrior and thank the gods Lata hadn't had her way so long ago.

Yet she could not move. Despite the shock of it she knew that to be a courtesan would have been a step up from Lata's life. Lata would have killed for the life for which she would train Habika. It was the life Lata would have wanted for her own daughter, had she one.

And had it happened - had Habika been trained as a courtesan and sold at seventeen to the highest bidder - would she really have been worse off than she was at the Forbidden City? Could a lord who admired her enough to pay thousands for her possibly be worse than a sick betrayer of a sister and an Emperor who treated her as nothing more than a rag doll to tear apart?

Habika swallowed.

"I … I'm sorry, Lata. I'm just - "

"I know. That is why I did not make you promise not to think ill of me."

They were silent. Habika listened to the sounds of the village, trying to clear her head. She drank more wine.

"I … I don't think ill of you. It was a long time ago," she finally said. "I would say that in you leaving when you did the gods were protecting me, but they had far worse in store."

"What do you mean?" Lata asked.

Habika poured another glass of wine and told Lata her story. Her journey to China, the finishing school, the Forbidden City, Gan, Mahdi, and finally Shifu.

"I think I have heard of him in passing, this Master Shifu," Lata said. "He makes you very happy, this man?"

"Yes. Oh, gods, yes, happier than I knew I could be."

"Then perhaps it was all worth it," Lata said.

"If not for Mahdi I'd say yes."

Lata nodded. "It is terrible to lose a child. Sometimes I feel like I've had and lost so many daughters. You were one. I travel now with one named Lian. And I think I may have a new one now, named Xiu. She's a beautiful tigress."

Habika blinked. "A tigress?"

"Mm, yes. I met her here, actually. She's quite elegant and very well spoken, but so lost. And so naive! She's been coming down to see me every night for weeks. Her father took up with some woman and it's thrown her for a loop. She just needs to get out more, live her own life," Lata said conspiratorially. "She doesn't even know how badly she longs to see the world, to get into trouble, to know a man." Lata chuckled. "I think she is some wealthy man's daughter. Adopted daughter, she said."

"A - Adopted?"

"Mm. Yes.

"What did you say her name was?"

"Xiu."

"And she is from the Valley of Peace?"

"Mm, yes. But not anymore."

"Not anymore? What do you mean?"

"She's coming with me. Already gone this morning, in fact, down to the next Valley south with my little family. Now, this Xiu is an interesting one. She is too old to be a proper courtesan, but I'm sure I could make her into a spectacular upper-class whore. She certainly has the right manner for it. She could glide right into any Lord's court with the way she speaks and carries herself. There's many feline Lords in the south that would pay a premium for a mere night with a woman like Xiu."

Habika heart pounded.

"You're planning on making her into a whore?"

Lata nodded. "I doubt I can make her do anything she does not wish to, but I'm certainly going to try. She could make me - us - very wealthy women."

Habiak stood. "I'm sorry, Lata, but there is only one tigress in the Valley of Peace, and she is the daughter of the man I love. You can't have her."

Lata looked at Habika for a long, thoughtful moment, the pieces falling into place.

"Oh," she said. "I see."

"Excuse me," Habika said. "I must go."

She was already trying to calculate the fastest way back to the Jade Palace when Lata suddenly jerked forward and took her arm. "It is not yours to say who I can and cannot have," she said.

Habika glared at her.

"I do not say it out of insolence," Lata said.

"No, you say it out of greed!" Habika tried to tear her arm from Lata's grasp, to no avail.

Lata shook her head. "You cannot make Xiu do anything she does not wish to, Habika, and I will not discourage her or turn her away should she desire to remain with me - not even for you," she said. "But know this - you have her father, and her father is who she wants most in this world. Had he not taken up with you she would not have sought me out."

"Meaning what?" Habika growled.

"You've already taken everything the girl had. It may be kinder to let her move on."

She could hardly speak for her anger. How dare Lata try to make this _her_ fault?

"Are you finished?" Habika hissed.

Lata nodded. Habika tore her arm out of her grasp, and hopped down from the carriage.

"I've changed my mind," Habika said. "I _do_ think ill of you."

Lata sighed. "I know."

Habika hardened her heart, turned, and ran as fast as she could towards the endless staircase back to the Jade Palace.

 **ooo**


	20. pillars, coins, urns, dragons

**chapter twenty:** **pillars, coins, urns, dragons**

Shifu ran.

He dashed through the forest at speed, heading south, sometimes using his staff to vault over obstacles. He headed south, just _south_. Habika did not know which road Tigress had taken, and there were many. By the time he made it to the gypsy camp behind the theater - a trash strewn lot of temporary hovels lousy with prostitutes and vagrants, Tigress had been _here_ every night? - Lata was long gone.

Earlier, just as he was about to return to the training hall from lunch, he heard Habika call him … from the sky. He looked up and saw Crane carrying his fiancee in his feet. She had been running towards the steps when she saw Crane fly overhead and called up to him. He'd swooped down and given her a lift.

"Princess delivery!" Crane sang out. "I have a package here for a Mr. Shifu?"

He chuckled. "Yes, right here."

Crane dropped Habika directly into Shifu's arms.

"Where do I sign for this?" Shifu asked.

"Don't worry, it's COD!" Crane said, did a brief circle and flew back to the training hall.

"Shifu," Habika said, her tone urgent.

"What is it?" he asked softly, alarmed. Her eyes were wide and panicked.

"I need to speak to you right away. Alone."

He nodded and started towards the Hall of Warriors, carrying her.

"Darling, I can walk," she said.

 **ooo**

He had hoped this was some kind of naughty little game, that her urgency was born of desire. She'd lead him to some quiet corner, hitch her hanfu around her waist and breathlessly demand his services - oh, gods, in the Hall of Warriors no less! Terrible!

But he was disappointed.

And horrified.

When Tigress didn't show up to training that day he assumed she had left early for the village doctor. He could barely believe his ears. Tigress, spending her nights cavorting with ne'er do wells? Drinking and smoking? Falling into the clutches of that - that _witch_ \- who had turned young Habika into a petty criminal and would have done far worse had she the chance. And now the scheming witch had designs on Tigress, to turn her into some street slattern!

Of what kind of sorcery was the woman capable that she could enslave Tigress so? What spells had she been casting on her for weeks on end, slowly turning and poisoning her mind? It was not possible Tigress had entered this situation of her own accord. He did not raise a stupid girl.

"Lata said it was because of me," Habika said.

"Because of _you?"_

"Because of you and I."

"Oh, Tigress!" Shifu said, aghast. He paced back and forth. "I knew it. I thought she was over it, but I knew, deep down I knew. She has no _reason_ to be upset, it's the silliest - she's acting like a _toddler_ for crying out loud, a woman of twenty seven behaving like a little child! I don't understand - she has no right to hold this against me! Why? What's so upsetting? So I found a woman to love -that's a _good_ thing, Tigress, why can't you be _happy_ for me? Why does she think it has anything to _do_ with her? What, does she think my feelings for you take away from my feelings for her somehow? Doesn't she understand about - about - _categories_ of things? I - I don't - "

"Shifu."

"What?" he snapped, annoyed at the interruption.

"Tigress needs you," Habika said softly.

"I know, she needs me to go rescue her from - from _prostitution,_ by the gods, _Tigress?_ I can barely believe it, it's-"

Habika put her arm on his shoulder.

"Shifu. Your _daughter_ needs you."

She was met with a blank look.

"Not your student. Your _daughter._ "

A look of comprehension crossed his face, but there was no softness to it. He jerked away from her and frowned.

"Don't talk about things you don't understand," he said.

"Excuse me?"

"Don't talk about things you don't understand, that you have no hope of understanding!"

"No _hope_ of understanding?" she replied, incredulous.

"No!" he snapped. "I have dedicated my life to kung fu, as has she, and -"

"How does a homeless seven year old girl make the choice to dedicate her life to _anything?_ "

"W-What - ?" Shifu sputtered, "What does that have to do with it?"

Habika's face fell. "Really?"

"Really. Enlighten me, please," he replied bitterly.

"You were the one person in the world that cared for Tigress - she had no one but you, and _you_ wanted her to learn kung fu. She wanted to please you, has done everything in her life to please you! To-"

"You don't understand - "

"- to gain your love - "

"Don't - "

"Like it or not, Shifu, Tigress is your daughter!" Habika cried.

"I know that!"

"I don't think you do! You know the word but not the meaning!"

He looked up. His eyes flashed with anger. "She is my daughter, yes. But I cannot be both her Master and her father. One had to be chosen. I chose to be her Master. And I chose it for her own good!"

"What do you think _she_ would have chosen?"

"That's irrelevant!"

"That's the _problem!_ "

"Where in seven hells do you get off diagnosing my problems!" he shouted. "You don't understand kung fu and you barely know Tigress! How do you claim to know who she is and what she needs? You haven't spent the last twenty years with her, you didn't raise her, you have no business - "

"Stop yelling at me!" she yelled.

"Stop talking about things you don't understand!"

"Shifu please! Oh,god, how can you be so smart, but so stupid?" she asked in disbelief.

"Oh!" he crossed his arms. "Resorting to name calling now, are we?"

"No, I'm - just listen -" she said, flustered. "Shifu - you say you cannot be her Master and her father. But you were both those things for Tai Lung, were you not?"

"Yes!" he roared. "Yes, and you can see the good my love did him! Do you see? Look around you! Do you see these candlelit shrines, this for Flying Rhino, that for the Urn of Whispering Warriors? Do you see? A fallen warrior of Tai Lung's caliber should have a shrine here - a - a place here," his voice suddenly dropped, "but I … I made that impossible."

The rage left Shifu just as quick as it had come, usurped by a heartache so deep it weakened his knees. He lowered himself to the moon pool's step, his shoulders limp, his body deflated.

"I loved him too much," he said softly.

She floated down next to him, light as a feather.

"No," she said.

"I did."

"No. Shifu, whatever went wrong with Tai Lung, it was not caused by your love. Your pride, maybe, your ambition. But not your love."

"How do you know?" he said flatly.

She took his hand and pressed it to her chest.

"I know your love," she said.

He sighed and closed his eyes. "Little one - "

"Listen to me. Do you feel my heart beating, Shifu?" She slid his hand under her collar, against her neck. He felt the soft pounding.

"Yes," he said.

"This heart beats because of you. Without you it would have stopped long ago, wether out there in the snow or later by my own hand, it doesn't matter. Your love is what _keeps_ this heart beating. Your love is good and hardy and makes things grow, makes everyone around you stronger and better. I know you think you cannot love Tigress the way you loved Tai Lung, but I have seen your heart and it is as deep as it is wide - even Oogway knew it could hold worlds. There is room for me, for Po and the Five, for the Jade Palace and the Valley of Peace - and for her. She needs it, Shifu, she is dying without it."

He looked up at her, his eyes wide. She leaned in and squeezed his hand.

"Now you go," she commanded, "You go and you find her, and you tell your daughter you love her, before you lose her entirely."

And now here he was, charging through the night.

 **ooo**

They'd set out as soon as Lian returned. Tigress didn't even go back to the Jade Palace for money or food. She was in the habit of bringing money along with her when she visited her friends, for wine or games or laughing leaf. She could buy food along the way. Mostly she didn't want to have time to think about what she was doing. She was leaving the Valley of Peace without telling anyone her whereabouts. She had no idea how long she might be gone. It was reckless and thoughtless of her, yet off she went.

She was thankful that Abasi and Lian agreed to take the roads she advised. Her way took longer but there was less chance of anyone finding them - be they bandits or from the Jade Palace. Travel was easy as they shared a bottle of wine and a laughing leaf cigarette. Lian periodically lifted a small dab of powder to her nose and snorted it. When Tigress asked about it the foxette said she was not one for hiking and it would keep her strong.

"Want some?" Lian asked. She seemed a little jittery.

"I don't know, do I?"

"I don't care for it," Abasi said.

Tigress nodded. "I enjoy hiking. I'll pass."

"Oh good, more for me," Lian said.

"Maybe a song will help you get by?" Tigress offered.

"Ha!" Lian said. "Just what we should do, draw attention to ourselves! Perfectly safe - three lone travelers without a weapon between us."

Tigress almost corrected her, saying that they did indeed have a weapon between them, and quite a powerful one, but she was silent. She was not eager to tell them the truth of her. When she was with them she left that life behind. Here, she was Xiu, just a regular girl.

They did not get very far the first night. All three had been up all the previous day and needed sleep. They found a secluded copse of trees to settle down in. They did not build a fire, as that would make their presence known. The night turned biting and frigid so she curled against Abasi for warmth. She wished to sleep but he kept sliding his hands beneath her clothes. It was annoying, but as she warmed it got less annoying. Just as it was about to turn the corner towards pleasurable Lian sidled up, shivering. Abasi chuckled and let her under the covers on the other side of him, which left him sandwiched between the two women.

"I jhave a great idea," Abasi said.

They both smacked him.

Tigress slept with her head on his shoulder and his hand tucked underneath the waistband of her pants, on her bottom. She tossed her leg over his lap so his hip pressed firmly between her legs. It was soothing, sleeping that way. She had never shared her bed with anyone and was surprised she took so readily to it. Even Lian's presence was pleasant, familial, her hand resting against Tigress's on Abasi's chest. They three curled together underneath the blankets, warm as a bean bun.

She woke the next morning with the sun twinkling down at her between glowing green leaves. The mossy forest floor smelled clean and warm. Lian and Abasi were still asleep. The foxette's paw covered her eyes but her ears twitched this way and that as they registered the forest sounds around her. Abasi rested his chin on Tigress's head in the night, so her face was buried in his neck. It was so sweet and secret and peaceful. She wished she could just drift back to sleep but her bladder had different priorities, and she knew as soon as she moved the spell would be broken.

They set out in good cheer. The wine was gone but they had plenty of laughing leaf, which made the forest spectacularly beautiful. The longer they walked the looser and more relaxed Tigress felt. She even let Lian ride on her shoulders when the foxette tired. Abasi, perhaps feeling a slight to his manhood, offered to take Lian but Tigress declined. She knew she was in much better shape than Abasi, and though the cheetah was slim and muscular a head taller than her, Tigress was stronger just by nature of her build.

Throughout the day they came across more and more travelers, until by dusk they were practically in a caravan. They were all sorts of people; merchants, farmers, prostitutes, performers, pickpockets, and bandits - some of whom Tigress recognized. They gave her queer looks and kept their distance. After a while they seemed to realize Tigress was not there to give chase and they relaxed, but still kept away.

"Where is everyone going?" Abasi asked aloud.

"They're welcoming the spring up at Bandit Lake," an alligator said over his shoulder. "Big party all through tonight until morning."

"Gets pretty wild," a sheep smirked.

"It's time for the spring fires already?" Abasi mused. "Time sure does fly. Well, it's a party, we clearly must go. Are you two in?"

"I am," Lian said.

"Going to Bandit Lake now will put us a day and a half out of our way, are you sure?" Tigress asked. "I thought you wanted to make it to the next valley quickly as possible."

"Under normal circumstances yes, but this is the spring fires," Abasi said. "Most of the drunkards and paupers we normally entertain will be there. Hell, the people that run the next valley's stage will probably be there too! Ah, the fires are a wretched hive of scum and villainy. Best party of the year!"

"I see," Tigress said, wondering why she had never heard of the spring fires before. "Well. If you two are fine with it I don't see why not."

Abasi grinned.

 **ooo**

Night fell. They could hear the pounding drums and smell the smoke a mile and half away.

Bandit Lake was in a crater at the top of what had long ago been a volcano. The incline wasn't steep enough to be painful, but more than enough to be annoying. Tigress lifted Lian back onto her shoulders where the foxette perched like a queen, looking out over the river of people making their way up the hillside.

Where did they all _come_ from? Tigress wondered. She didn't see anyone from the Valley of Peace, and it became clear why: these people were poor, or criminals, or worse. She had never quite realized how relatively well - to - do the Valley of Peace was. From the crowd gathered here one would think the rest of China was one huge underclass of which she had little awareness. They seemed happy, however, laughing and drinking and singing, ringing bells, playing drums. The mood was infectiously cheery.

How much of the world had she missed out on living at the Jade Palace? She began to feel out of place, stunted. The rest of the world was out here, beating with life, and what had she been doing for twenty years? Training until she broke bones, punching at ironwood tress until her hands bled, and for what? In pursuit of _what?_

Something she could never have.

The thought put a resolve in her pace. Tonight would be different. Tonight she would taste life.

 **ooo**

The gathering was nothing short of awe-inspiring. Around the lake were six huge bonfires spitting smoke and embers up towards the full moon, whose reflection glimmered in the center of the lake. People in various states of inebriation and undress danced around the fires to huge drums, the hugest drums Tigress had ever seen.

"What the hell kind of drums are those?" Abasi wondered allowed. They were set up next to each bonfire, and seemed to be playing off one another in a bone-shaking rhythm that pounded around the lake.

"They're Japanese war drums," Tigress replied, surprised. "Taiko, I think they're called."

"They're a long way from home," Lian said.

"Amazing! " Abasi said.

They strolled past a few bonfires. Each had a contingent of smaller musicians with flutes or strings who all played together, so each bonfire had a slightly different mood. Further off were camp fires around which sat travelers, drinking and laughing and cooking, and beyond that couples scampered off into the dark.

Abasi stopped suddenly, peering into the crowd around a bonfire.

"Chana…?" he asked. "Chana!"

Someone in the crowd shuffled and turned.

"Is that Abasi?" came an old voice. It belonged to an elderly monkey.

"Holy hell, Chana!" Lian said, leaping down from Tigress's shoulders.

The two rushed forward to greet their friend, momentarily forgetting Tigress. It was a little rude but did not bother her. She kept an ear on them but took the interlude to wander down to the edge of the lake. She stuck her toe in the water. Cold.

"Hey," a voice behind her grunted. "Sweetheart."

Tigress glanced back over her shoulder. It was a warthog bandit, from a clan she recognized. He was probably here with the rest of his crew.

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Yes?"

He looked her up and down, skeptical. "You breakin' bad or something? Hm? You come over to the dark side now?"

"What do you mean?"

"What are you _doing_ here? This ain't your type a party. What, they kick you out of the kung fu palace? You go bad like that other one? Huh? What'd you do?"

She didn't respond. She wasn't sure how to. She almost admired this warthog for having the nerve to approach her at all.

"None of your business," she finally said.

"Yeah yeah. Look," the warthog said. "You need mercenary work, you talk to me first, understand? I'll cut you in on some shit."

She was surprised. "You're not going to call your clan over to kick my ass?"

"Ain't no money in kickin' your ass," he grunted. "Name's Lo. You talk to me first. Got it?"

She gave a single nod. "Understood."

She watched him waddle away, overcome with the weirdest feeling of acceptance she'd ever experienced.

Suddenly Abasi was at her side. "That guy bothering you?" he asked, jabbing his thumb at the retreating warthog.

"No," Tigress said, smiling gently. She'd found Abasi's chivalry off-putting at first but over time learned to appreciate it.

"Good." He took her hand. "Come meet Chana!"

Chana turned out to be an old friend of Lata's. "Her old flame," Lian whispered, "But she'll never admit it." Tigress liked him immediately. His clothes were worn through and he carried a tall staff with bells. He wore a mess of beads and magic charms around his neck, wrists, and ankles, and carried a worn leather pouch full of interesting trinkets; crystals, charms, seeds, and stones, each with a fascinating story. He spoke with a husky Punjabi accent and had a good natured laugh. He told her he was a shaman. Shifu would like him, Tigress thought. Shifu could use a friend.

The thought of Shifu drew Tigress away mentally. He _did_ need a friend, didn't he? It was an undercurrent she had forgotten about but was still relevant to her estimation of her master. It came back like the crack of a whip, this conclusion she hadn't thought of since she was new to the Jade Palace. She could see his loneliness even then. And she had wanted, even then, to be that friend. Over the years she grew to want it so badly it consumed her.

"Xiu!" Abasi said, jerking her away from her memory.

"Yes?"

"Chana would like to know if you want to take nature's sacrament with us tonight?" he asked. A line of bright blue pigment crossed his forehead, and Lian's.

Tigress blinked. "I don't know. Do I?"

"Yes," Lian and Abasi said in unison.

Chana smiled, leaned in, and opened his hand. In it were six grey, flaccid, dried up old mushrooms.

Tigress laughed. "Of course, Chana, thank you for your blessing."

She took all six mushrooms and ate them. They tasted awful, but if it would make the crazy old shaman happy to share his food with her it was worth it. She finally choked them down with the help of some wine. Chana grinned and reached into his a small sack on his belt. When he brought his fingers out they were covered in a bright blue powder, which he smeared across her forehead.

"Blessed be, my sister," he said, and kissed her on the cheek. He made his hands into a temple, bowed, and walked away.

"You ate all six!" Abasi said incredulously.

"Savage," Lian mused.

Tigress shrugged. "What? They're just mushrooms. Why does it matter how many I ate?"

They looked at her for a long moment, then looked at each other.

"What?" Tigress asked.

 **ooo**

She didn't feel much for the first hour or so. Just as she was about to assume Lian and Abasi were playing a joke on her she felt an overwhelming desire to retch. She doubled over, heaving. She felt Lian's gentle hand on her back.

"Are these _poison?_ " she asked, panting.

"Nope, that just means they're kicking in."

After a few long minutes the nausea passed and she felt curiously lighthearted. Her hands were in the dirt. She watched as the digits of her fingers slowly expanded and retracted, as though breathing. She pushed them into the dirt and noticed how each granule reflected the light of the nearby bonfire, sparkling, like she stared into the endless depth of an entire universe beneath her hands. The sparkles formed into a pattern. A fluttering butterfly, which flew away along the ground.

"Oh," Tigress whispered.

Slowly she looked up.

The players and dancers around the bonfire swayed back in forth to the pounding drums, some marked with blue, some not. Tongues of energy flickered from their skin. Somehow she could see how the music connected them all. They were moved by beautiful silk ropes of music, their hearts and blood all beating in time. She couldn't breathe. Her eyes had become bigger than her entire body, big enough to take it all in.

She turned to tell Abasi of this amazingness but it was too late. A drumbeat hit her, went through her, passing over her body like a thin membrane of pure joy, and she was swept off, forever, into the stars and into the fire.

She laughed and danced mindlessly on folding prisms on musical light. Her body became nothing but a wisp of smoke, a blessed release from the confines of her muscles and bones, a release from being _her_. She wept with joy. Abasi swept her into his arms and they danced well together, like children playing.

She watched as his spots traveled across his body. "Do those usually _move?_ " she asked, unsure.

"Do what usually move?"

"Your spots!"

He laughed. "Do your stripes usually go up and down your arms?"

"I don't _think_ so…" she said. She looked at her arms and laughed. She laughed and laughed as she hadn't since she was a child, when the children at the Bao Gu finally wanted to play with her, after Shifu taught her gentleness.

Shifu.

A bubble of darkness consumed her.

Suddenly she could't breath. She fell to her knees. She'd been hit with an arrow, an axe, she was injured and bleeding to death. Her guts were falling out and no matter how she tried she could not shove them back in. "No, no, no!" she cried, hugging her arms around her waist.

"Hey," Abasi said. His arms were around her.

"Help," Tigress said weakly. "Help, I'm dying."

"You're not dying," Abasi said.

"I'm not?"

"Nope."

Tigress felt gingerly along her own torso for the killing blade she'd felt, and found to her relief that she was in one piece.

"Oh," she said. "Oh. I … I'm not sure what happened." And she wasn't. Something had interrupted the ecstatic beauty but she couldn't remember what.

"Aw," Abasi said, stroking her head. "You had a lot, Xiu. Don't be too hard on yourself. Come on, why don't we go for a walk around the lake. You''ll feel better with some cool air."

Tigress nodded and Abasi lifted her to her feet. He was right. The cool air away from the bonfire and the damp beach sand beneath her feet calmed her. They walked around they lake, and after a while they _flew_ around the lake. She again felt wondrously insubstantial, like a passing spirit watching the gathering, loving every song she heard and every person she saw. She passed Lo and waved joyfully to him. He nodded back with an expression so puzzled she could not help but whoop with laughter.

Abasi grinned, took her hand and twirled her. They gradually danced right into the lake, up to their shins in cold water, uncaring. Tigress reached down to splash him and he splashed her back. Each splash had a pattern, a spirit.

"No no no, if we keep this up we'll be freezing all night," Abasi said. "Stop, stop."

"That's a good idea," Tigress said. "Ah, gods, it's so _beautiful!"_

"What is?"

" _Everything!_ "

He laughed. She hadn't realized till that moment how much she loved his laugh, deep and rich and throaty, reverberating right between her legs. "I told you we'd have a great time," he said.

"I will never doubt you again," she said.

She looked up into the sky, strewn with stars along a rich milky path. The path had to it a dimension she had never before seen, deeper and more enduring than she'd ever recognized. She began to see patterns in the river of white. Pillars, coins, urns, dragons. Laughing children. Confetti. Students doing the basic forms of kung fu.

Suddenly Viper appeared. Then Monkey, Crane, Mantis, Po. They flipped and kicked and punched and sparred, practicing without her. Through the fray leapt Shifu, dodging and blocking them all. She watched him jump and spin, then suddenly fall through the sky towards her.

She gasped.

He was made of white stars. His eyes were solid white, emotionless. As he came down upon her he extended his hand in chop. Just before he struck her his hand became a blade, coming down right between her eyes. He cleaved her in half, from head to crotch. Before the terror could hit she was filled with the sensation to falling in two pieces, her lungs tearing apart, her intestines stretched between her two halves.

She shrieked.

Suddenly she was in Abasi's arms again, cold with panic but whole. She clutched him.

"Oh!" she exclaimed, on the verge of weeping from fear.

"Whoa there," Abasi said, his arms strong around her. "Sometimes it's not a good idea to look into the sky so long. It can get overwhelming." He gave a good natured chuckle. "Why don't we go somewhere a little quieter, ok? Might help."

"I just - I can't -" she began. Overcome, she leaned into Abasi's embrace, wrapping herself around him, burying her face in his shoulder and going limp. He tightened his arms around her and rocked her slowly back and forth.

"You're actually doing really well for your first time. I was a wreck. Don't worry."

His words were like a sweet cool salve. She breathed deeply, enjoying his scent, nuzzling her mouth up his neck. Consumed by a sudden need for him she pressed her mouth to his, and with the kiss the specter of Shifu whisked away. She kissed Abasi harder, feeling with more intensity than ever her desire, the throbbing wet burning in her that had been simmering for years.

When they separated his eyes sparkled. "Come on," he said, and they were off, past the bonfires, through the trees, past the campers and into a quiet copse. Abasi seized her, pressing his mouth to hers, their tongues intertwining. He drew her to the ground. She wrapped her arms around his neck. "Yes, yes," she whimpered in his ear. He growled. Helpless, she tilted her head back and opened her eyes. The trees swayed and twisted above them.

There was a sound, a rustle. A wave of icy coldness washed over her. Her body froze.

"You okay?" Abasi breathed.

She put her hands on his chest, her eyes wide. "Stop."

"What is it?"

Twenty years of training flooded her body. She sat up, trying to track the sound.

"Someone's here."

He chuckled. "There's lots of people around, it's ok. No one cares. C'mon." He kissed her cheek.

"No," Tigress said. "Something's wrong."

She heard it again. A rustle in the nearby brush. She zeroed in on it, pushing Abasi's hands away and flipping to her feet. She took a quiet step towards the bush.

"What do you want?" she demanded.

Nothing.

She frowned. Had she really heard anything? The effects of the mushrooms made it hard to tell. She took another step.

Abasi put his hand on her shin. "I don't think anyone's there, Xiu," he said, sounding annoyed.

Tigress squinted. Something white moved.

"I see you!" she cried, and lunged forward.

She was caught in the neck by the crook of a staff.

Oogway's staff.

 **ooo**


	21. something I had to earn

**chapter twenty one:** **something I had to earn**

The longer it took to track Tigress the angrier Shifu became.

Why were there so many damnable roads south? Who the hell needed all these roads? There were at last five main arteries she could have taken, and countless others should she wish to be difficult to track. He began to fear that the search would be hopeless until morning, and by then who knew where she might have gone?

He grumbled. It was times like this he wished he wasn't such a good teacher, that he could have programmed some sort of failsafe into his students. Some failing only he would see for cases like this, when one of them just _snapped for_ no reason.

It seemed to happen a lot.

Anger and regret sliced through him.

"Damn it, damn it, damn it all," he muttered, repressing a self hatred strong enough to make him want to fall to his knees and weep.

 **ooo**

As the night progressed he began to notice a pattern. There were a ton of travelers on the roads and they all seemed to be going in the same direction. Out of options, he decided to simply follow them and see where they lead.

After an hour of walking he got fed up and asked someone where they were headed.

"The spring fires," a goat said, looking at him as if he were stupid. "Everyone in the six valleys will be there."

 _Everyone but the civilized people_ , Shifu thought.

His feet ached by the time they finally arrived. He found himself unwittingly impressed by the display, the six huge fires and the Taiko drums. He was less impressed by the partygoers, who offered him various drugs about seven times before he even reached the first bonfire.

"Leaf here, leaf! Want some leaf, old man?" a one-eyed antelope asked.

"Do I _look_ like I want some leaf?" he snapped.

"You look angry and tired, so yes."

He chuckled despite himself. "Try me forty years ago," he said.

"You eat some of these and I can I probably do that for you," the antelope said. He reached into a filthy pocket for something but Shifu was already off.

"Nice stick!" the antelope called after him.

"Nice stick," Shifu muttered. "I'll stick _you_."

He hopped atop a boulder to get a good view of the gathering. How would he ever find her in this mess of people, provided she was even here? After a moment he closed his eyes, breathed deeply, and centered himself. He usually preferred to meditate perched upon his staff, but that would attract too much attention. He imagined clear white light around him and let his mind slowly drop away, reaching out into the night with the force that lingered behind his mind. The force that connected him to the energy of the universe.

 _Tigress,_ he thought. If she were nearby he would hopefully sense her.

Something rippled at his awareness.

East.

He flipped off the boulder and ran into the forest, whacking at the brush with his staff. After a while he came upon a clearing, his sense of her presence growing ever stronger. He slowed his pace, creeping through the leaves, until he saw a flash of movement. Heard a cry.

A flash of orange. Her arm! It was her! But there was someone with her. And … they were-

A shudder crashed through him when he realized what he saw. He looked around in a panic, utterly at a loss for options. He certainly wasn't going to come crashing out of the bushes during _that_ , but what to do? He spun in a circle, trying to find a direction to go in the dark, to get away from her aroused cries. He'd go away and come back in … what? Ten minutes?

 _Ten minutes is crap_ , he thought, then found himself aghast at his own heckling. Through the bushes Tigress moaned. His hands were to small to plug his ears. He had to escape this horrid awkwardness, now.

A terrible thought struck him. What if she was with him for _money?_ What if he was too late?

But no, it didn't sound … transactional. Oh, gods, not only was he hearing this, he was analyzing it! He had to get away! He turned suddenly, prepared to just bolt. His staff hit a tree and rustled some leaves.

"You okay?" the boy said.

Shifu hated him immediately.

"Stop," Tigress said. "Someone's here."

Shifu froze.

The boy tried to dissuade her but she was on her feet. She approached the bush, unsure. Blue pigment was smeared across her forehead. He saw the yellow of her eyes.

"I see you!" she cried, and lunged.

Out of instinct he caught her with the curved end of the staff and drove her back. She stumbled, her eyes wild, her clothes askew and covered in dirt from copulating on the ground.

He emerged from the bush, angry at her bewildered look, angry at himself, angry at the night.

 **ooo**

Dread.

Dread of an intensity she didn't know it was possible to feel. Dread that bored icy metal holes straight through her. Her eyes grew so wide they enveloped her own head and twisted around her neck, choking her. She stumbled and fell on her bottom, aghast.

Oh god, it really was him.

"Hey!" Abasi shouted, leaping at Shifu, who quickly dispatched him with a jab of his staff. He forced Abasi down to the ground, pinning him there by his neck, sneering at him. Abasi squirmed and tried to unpin himself to no avail. Shifu pushed the staff into his neck a little harder. Abasi started to sputter and choke.

"Stop it!" Tigress cried. "Let him go!"

Shifu snarled but released him. Abasi scooted away, terrified and furious.

"Who the hell is that?" Abasi cried.

"Abasi, go," Tigress said, shaking. Her skin was rippling. Bugs crawled along her muscles. She wanted to vomit.

"What?"

"GO!" Tigress shouted. "Just go, I'll find you later."

"Like hell you will," Shifu snarled.

Quick as lightning Abasi leapt to his feet and charged Shifu again. Shifu caught him in mid-air, flipped him, and drove him into the ground. Before she even knew what she did Tigress leapt upon them, knocking Shifu off Abasi with the blunt force of her body. The two of them tumbled into the bush, the sharp branches and thorns cutting them as they rolled end over end.

Something unleashed inside her. She turned senseless with rage. She forgot she was Tigress, forgot he was Shifu, forgot everything except the animal in her determined to destroy this _thing_ attacking her and her mate.

She had the struggling creature in her paws, it's arms pinned. They hit a tree. With a roar she flipped right side up and slammed the thing into the tree trunk. She felt its head crack against the ironwood. She pressed it to the tree with her left paw and rose to strike it with her right, claws extended, snarling.

"Tigress!" it cried out in terror.

Her head jerked. Her sight returned. Her yellow eyes met his blue ones.

A sudden wall of force hit her and she was propelled backwards through the air, back out into the clearing, the trees and sky and stars twirling around her. She hit the ground shoulders first, skidding along rocks, flipping end over end until she was face down in the dirt.

There was sand in her throat. She hacked it up. She saw Shifu's feet pounding towards her. He stopped about ten feet away.

"Why?" he cried, the word tearing desperately from his throat.

She looked up at him. He was bleeding, covered in scratches, his hand digging into his side with pain. He held his staff half - heartedly between them. There was more agony in his eyes than she had ever seen. His pain tunneled through her, but before it could get to her heart it was stopped by a mucus of resentment so thick it filled her entire chest. As she sat up it began to fill her torso, her arms and legs, squirmy and dense, awful and seductive.

She knocked his staff away with her arm. He leapt back and pointed it at her again, this time with conviction. But his eyes were wide, wide with -

Fear.

He was afraid of her.

"I had you back there," Tigress said with horrible satisfaction.

"Yes," he said.

"I could have killed you."

"Yes," he replied, the agony in his voice palpable.

She got to her feet. He stepped back, gingerly circling her, his staff aimed squarely at her neck. She started to grow tall, taller. She towered over him. A weird sorrow suddenly leaked from her eyes, spilling down her body in rivulets, filling her throat.

"You're so small," she said. Her voice cracked.

"Yes," he said. "I am. But I was big once, wasn't I?"

A flash of memory, of when she used to look up at him. Of being eye level of him. Of sparring with him.

Of wanting him.

Bugs, bugs, bugs under her skin! She gasped, leapt, spun, and charged through the night. She had to put as much distance as possible between them. She ran so fast she could barely feel the ground. Her eyes were wet, the rivulets of sorrow flying from them like streamers.

Tears, she realized.

The world began to twist and writhe again. She lost her sense of space and tripped over a downed tree. He was right behind her, as he had been the whole time. He'd always been faster than her. Than anyone.

"Go away!" she shrieked at him. The twisting grew overwhelming and she covered her eyes with her hands. "Why won't you just _leave?_ Why won't you ever just leave me alone? I can't, I can't do it, I can't look at you anymore! Go, go, please! Just go!"

"I can't go until you know the truth," he said.

"What truth?" she said into her hands.

"You don't know who these people are, what they want from you."

"And you think you do?" she said, uncovering her eyes. He stood on a nearby boulder, his staff upright. He wavered and spun, his form unsteady. He closed her eyes and held down a retch.

"I know I do! That woman - Lata - Habika - _I_ know her," he said. "She is not your friend. She doesn't have your best interests at heart. She wants to turn you into a prostitute, do you know that? She wants to sell you to the highest bidder! I certainly hope you enjoy fucking strangers in the dirt, because if you stick with her that's what you'll be doing."

Tigress sat upright. Blinked.

Shifu lifted his chin and looked down at her. So bloody sure of himself.

The corner of Tigress's mouth ticked upwards. Her throat began to vibrate. Before she knew it she was laughing. Howling. Shifu's look of complete bewilderment jut made her howl more. She gasped and pounded the ground.

"You - you - you came all the way here to tell me _that?_ " she cried. "That Lata - Lata wants me to - " She was overcome with hilarity. Of course Lata would want that, she'd be thrilled! The trees laughed along with her. Her master, such a fool!

"I don't see what's so funny about this," he barked.

"You think that just because that's what Lata wants, that's what she'll _get?_ " Tigress cried. "Just how stupid do you think I _am?_ "

He was taken aback.

"Do you really think I'll just do whatever someone _wants_ me to? That I'm that easily manipulated?" she continued, peering at him. "Just because you can manipulate me doesn't mean Lata can. And you _have_ been manipulating me … haven't you? Haven't you?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"How long have I been able to kill you, Master?" She tilted her head. "How long have you been tricking me into thinking I'm _weaker_ than you?"

"Don't think because you surprised me back there that you have surpassed me, little girl," he growled.

"Don't you dare call me that," Tigress whispered. "I was _never_ your little girl."

Shifu suddenly melted. His face changed, his body changed. He became liquid, goopy. She had to shake her head to return him to his normal form. By the time he did he was slightly slumped, his eyes drooping. He looked incredibly old.

"You were _always_ my little girl," he said.

"No," she said. She extended her hand to block his face. She could not cope with his eyes. "Don't."

"Tigress - "

"Don't lie to me," she spat. Tears welled in her eyes. "At least respect me enough not to lie to me. Scream at me, beat me, punish me, but don't lie to me."

"I have never lied to you."

"Bullshit."

He looked stricken.

"Yes! Bullshit!" she cried. "Lies! Manipulations! You use that trick to get whatever you want out of me! You have for years! You think I don't know it?" she shouted. "TAI LUNG, you loved. He was your SON. You loved him more than you ever loved anyone before, or _since_. And you know what, I could almost live with that. Almost. But her? _Her?_ "

"She has nothing to do with you!"

"You've knew her a month and you loved her! A month! Is that what it takes to crack your heart, a little face and a pretty tail? A good screw? Hm? Is that what it takes? All this time I thought your love was something I had to earn, but no, I could have just _fucked_ it out of you, could't I?"

He looked up at her, helpless, aghast. He stumbled against his staff.

She'd shredded him.

"Tigress … I … I-"

"You _what?_ " she snarled.

He just looked up at her, speechless. His eyes were wounded and dripping.

She turned on her heel and walked away, her vision misting with tears. She heaved and choked, the sobs erupting up through her. She could not walk far. She didn't know where she was going anyway. She stopped, leaned against a tree, and wept.

After a while she felt him near her. They stood silently in one another's presence, all talk exhausted. He sat down on a nearby rock. They could not meet one another's eyes.

After a long time Shifu spoke. His voice was quiet, defeated.

"If you're not here because of Lata, then why? Is it that boy? The one you were … with?" he asked. "Do … do you love him?"

"No," Tigress said at the ground. "I love you."

"I love you too."

A wave of sorrow squeezed her eyes shut.

She shook her head.

"You don't believe me," he said, bereft. "Oh god, Tigress, I'm so sorry."

She didn't respond. She couldn't.

"Is it too late?" he asked after a long moment.

"I don't know," she whispered.

They went silent once more. Tigress was utterly depleted. Her limbs felt like noodles. She was exhausted, deflated. Finished. The ground and trees stopped undulating. She felt nothing.

"What are you going to do?" he asked. There was a strange tenor to his voice she could not place. After a moment she realized he was addressing her as a fellow adult. Not as a master to his student, but as an independent person no longer his to command.

She looked up and out, through the trees, into the distance where the spring fires raged.

"I don't know," she said.

Shifu stood. "Do what you have to do. You know where I will be. Just, please … Tigress … one day … come back."

She closed her eyes and nodded. It was the slightest twitch of her head she could manage, but it was enough.

When she opened her eyes he was gone.

 **ooo**


	22. of the greatest possible importance

**chapter twenty two: of the greatest possible importance**

Shifu mourned his daughter.

He was gone three days and nights. Habika puttered around the palace grounds, wringing her hands. His students trained halfheartedly. They knew that Tigress and Shifu left suddenly, but that was all. Habika wasn't sure how much to tell them so she said nothing, only that she was sure they were both all right and would be back soon. She wasn't.

When he finally returned it was in the afternoon, just after she awoke. He appeared at the sangha door. Later she learned that no one else on the grounds had seen him or knew he was home. He'd come up on the supply line, hiding underneath a sack of rice so the geese turning the spindle wouldn't see him. He didn't want to be seen.

She opened the door and nearly threw her arms around him but stopped herself. He was dirty, striped with caked blood. His eyes were languid and full of sorrow.

"What happened?" she whispered.

He closed his eyes, shook his head and slid one arm around her, pulling her to him. He didn't kiss her, just pressed the side of his face to hers before releasing her and walking past her, down the hall, dropping his staff on the floor like a discarded toy.

This terrified her.

She slammed the door shut and locked it, not even answering for Jing. She prepared a hot bath and he deposited himself into it without a word. She stood there for a moment and watched him, near panic. He finally looked up at her, noticed her, and nodded.

She nodded and backed out of the room, closing the door behind her. Her heart pounded. There was another sharp knock at the door and she jumped straight up like a scared cat. When she answered she found Jing, looking worried.

"Are you well, my lady?" she asked.

"Yes," Habika said. "Master Shifu has returned. We don't wish to be disturbed."

This did not assuage Jing's concern but she nodded, bowed, and went on her way.

Habika sat anxiously on the bed waiting for him. When he finally emerged from the bath he looked weary enough to weep. He crawled onto the bed. She put his arms around him, kissed his forehead. He sighed, resting on her shoulder, then sank down to put his head in her lap.

"Shifu," she whispered, "What _happened?_ Where's Tigress?"

He shook his head.

At a loss, she immediately jumped to the worst conclusion she could think of.

"Is … is she ... dead?"

"No, no," he said.

She sighed with relief.

"I'm sorry little one. I'm so tired."

"Then sleep," she said.

She helped him under the covers and crawled in with him, putting her arms around him, tearfully thankful for his warm breath on her neck.

 **ooo**

He slept through the day and night until the next morning. When he awoke he was sick with fever. When he didn't show up for training Viper came to the sangha. Habika stepped out to greet her, closing the door behind her.

"He's ill," she said.

"Oh no. Is it bad?"

"Fever, vomiting." She shook her head. "Is Tigress back?"

"No," Viper whispered. "Has he said anything? Do you know what happened?"

"No idea."

Viper sighed and shook her head. "Damn it, Tigress."

"Maybe we should hold off judgement until we know what happened," she replied despite her own simmering fury.

Viper seemed to accept this, albeit reluctantly. "You're right." She curled her body around Habika in a hug. "I know he's in good hands, but let me know if I can do anything for the two of you."

"Would you please tell Jing to bring us whatever medicines you have at hand?"

"Of course."

When Habika went back inside Shifu had thrown the covers off the bed, panting, in a sweaty, disturbed sleep. She wet a cloth and ran it over his back and ears, which seemed to soothe him. She gently rubbed his back until she heard Jing knock. She took the basket of medicinal herbs and asked her to bring them a light meal, vegetable broth and tofu. Jing nodded and dashed up to the student's bunkhouse.

Habika brewed a pot of strong qinghao leaf tea and set it beside the bed. She took his hand and massaged it, then stroked his face with the wet cloth until his eyes fluttered open.

"Wake up, my warrior," she whispered. "My sweet man."

"I'm sick," he said, like a child.

"I know, my love. Can you sit up? I need you to drink some tea for me, to break your fever. Yes?"

"Won't stay down," he grumbled.

"Will you try?"

She helped him to sit up, slowly, and drink the tea. He lay back down and she kept running the wet cloth over his back, face, and ears. He put his hand on her foot. His touch was hot.

"I was wrong," he muttered unsteadily. "Wrong about them both."

"Who?" she whispered.

"Tigress. Tai Lung," he said, wincing. "Son and daughter. One is not … like the other. I didn't know, I didn't know …."

"Hush, darling. You need to rest now. I love you, I'll take care of you." She leaned down to stroke his face, and gave him a sweet soft kiss.

He squeezed her foot. "Love you, little one. I will always tell you … so you'll know … that I do."

He shook his head, closed his eyes.

She kept his fur damp and rubbed his back until he fell asleep. She bit her bottom lip and wept silent, angry tears. She knew they were unjustified. She didn't know what had happened. She didn't know Tigress well, only understood an inkling of her pain. All she knew was that he'd gone after her to set things right and returned sick and bereft. Tigress sent the man she loved back shattered and Habika wanted to rip her apart.

 **ooo**

Over the next two weeks Shifu's body gradually recovered but his heart did not. When his students visited he asked Habika to turn them away, until they stepped trying entirely. He allowed her to tend to him, smiling appreciatively, but barely spoke more than was needed. He kept his fevered promise and told her he loved her each day, even if he said nothing else. It was the only thing that kept his withdrawal from depressing her utterly. She had no idea how deeply capable she was of missing someone with whom she shared a bedroom.

When he finally confided in her it was almost a shock to hear his voice.

"I'm sorry I've been so silent, little one," he said softly over a half-finished bowl of broth.

"You've been very sick."

"Thank you for taking such good care of me."

"I love you."

He sighed. "It's such a simple thing to say, isn't it?"

"No, it isn't," she whispered. "Not always."

He closed his eyes and didn't reply for a long time. She half-heartedly returned to the scroll with which she'd been distracting herself. She was determined not to pressure him into conversation no matter how desperately she longed for it.

He spoke. "When I found her, she was … well, she was with a boy."

"Oh?" she asked, casually as possible, stifling the urge to throw the scroll to the ground and crawl into his lap to hang on every word.

"She was … well, she's a grown woman … it isn't important. But she wasn't herself. She was wild-eyed and … and not … right. Looking at things that weren't there, speaking strangely. Strangely, but … truthfully, I suppose. It was a drug of some kind, I'm sure of it, but I think without it she may not have told me what I … what I needed to know.

"I attacked the boy. Probably shouldn't have done that. He leapt at me but I shouldn't - he wasn't a threat. I was just so _angry._ That doesn't excuse it. Doesn't excuse anything. I just _reacted_. Forty five years and I still just reacted without thinking - ah, that's sorry of me." He gave a grim chuckle and coughed. "I had it coming, I suppose."

"Had what coming?"

"She _attacked_ me. I was so surprised. I … I didn't think she would choose him over me," he said, as though the thought hadn't occurred to him until that moment.

"Girls don't generally react well to their fathers beating up their boyfriends," Habika said.

Shifu raised an eyebrow. "Especially when the girl in question is a kung-fu master. Stupid of me, but she's … she … she would _never_ attack me, not like that. Like I was - like she was protecting a _cub_ , Habika, I can't explain it. She was half a second from killing me. She could have … she almost did, I saw it, I saw it in her eyes. Oh, little one … the things she _said_ to me … how could I not know?"

She shook her head. "You can't read her mind. You can't - "

"No," he said, his voice barely a breath. "I _did_ know. Oh gods, I _did_ know, that's the worst of it. I - I always knew - how badly she wanted me to be her father, to … to love her as my daughter. I've always known but I didn't want her to turn out like _him_ , I couldn't bear it, I couldn't stand losing another child - but I have anyway! She's gone, and I don't know if she is ever coming back!"

A memory made him shudder, close his eyes, and put his head in his hands.

"Both my children - both - have raised their claws to kill me, because of my own stupid, shortsighted … ah, gods, because I hurt them enough to make them - I never _meant_ to hurt them, I loved them, I always did what I thought was best, but I … I was just a blind old idiot grasping in the dark, pretending I was man enough to - to raise these children - " His voice broke, and he began to weep. "And the best of my love and care and knowledge - it did nothing but _poison_ them!"

"No no," Habika said. "No, no no .. my darling … my warrior …"

She wanted to wrap herself around him, to kiss him, stroke him, sing to him, feed him, make love to him, anything to absorb this awful pain, but she knew she could do nothing. It was his to bear. No amount of loving touch and platitudes would make this better. So she did what she read about in one zen scroll or another. She sat silent, attentive, and let him be while she loved him as hard as she could. She listened with everything she had, and when he grew exhausted she rubbed his back until he fell asleep.

The next morning he asked Jing to bring his students to the sangha. He dressed. His robe fit loosely. He'd lost weight, and it made his face look aged and drawn. Habika helped him put on his green Grand Master's shawl. He walked down the hall, more dependent on his staff than usual, and awaited his students in the parlor.

Habika brought him a cup of tea. When she set it down he took her arm.

"I love you," he said, looking straight into her eyes, as though it were a message of the greatest possible importance.

"I love you too," she said, and leaned in to kiss him. He returned the kiss with more force than he had since he'd returned and a shudder of desire crashed through her. She'd been starved for his touch.

There was a knock at the door. She reluctantly tore herself from him and answered. His students stood there, looking anxious.

"Come in, come in," she said, and lead them to the parlor. They were clearly taken aback by his withered appearance, by how dwarfed he was by the chair in which he sat. They look so concerned, so worried. Shifu avoided their eyes, scrying into his teacup. When they finally seated themselves he cleared his throat.

"Thank you for coming," he said.

"How are you, Master?" Po asked in his gentle way.

"I've been better," he said, "but I'm on the mend, I'm sure I'll be back in the training hall with you in a few days. But I didn't ask you here to discuss my health."

They nodded.

He took a deep breath. Coughed.

"Tigress is … gone. She has chosen to take her leave of the Jade Palace. It will always remain open to her should she choose to return, but I do not know when that will be, or if it will be at all."

The five of them sat stunned.

"Where is she going?" Po asked.

"I do not know."

"She just left? Just like that?" Mantis asked.

"Without even saying _goodbye?_ " Viper said, hurt.

Shifu nodded. "I'm afraid so."

They were all silent for a few moments.

"Did she say why?" Po finally asked.

Shifu sighed and closed his eyes. "Her reasons … are her own. In any case it is not due to any of you, and is not something you could have prevented. However she has made her choice, and we must stand up and move on. The five of you will have to choose a new leader. When I am well enough we will pick up your training where we left off. We still have our duties both to kung fu and to the Valley of Peace, and we cannot waver in them. Understood?"

"Yes Master," they said.

"Very good. I will be back with you in a few days."

Shifu put his fist to his palm and saluted them. They saluted back, and softly filed out of the sangha. All except for Po, who lingered a moment.

"Yes, Po?"

"I'm sorry, Shifu," he said, putting his hand on his master's shoulder. "I'm sure she'll be back soon."

Shifu shook his head. "Thank you, Po."

Po nodded. "We've got everything covered here. Just get some rest, get better, ok?"

Shifu nodded and gave Po a smile that didn't touch his eyes.

Habika showed Po out. When they got outside Po beckoned Habika out to talk to him. He pushed the door closed over her head and kneeled down next to her, practically putting his muzzle inside her ear. For a moment she was startled, but then she remembered Shifu's extraordinary hearing.

"Is he okay? He looks awful," Po barely uttered.

"No," Habika whispered back matter-of-factly. "She may as well be dead, the way he's grieving. Oh, Po," she said, and hugged him. Hugging him was like leaning with her arms stretched against a furry wall.

Po sighed. "What can we do?"

"Nothing. Just give it time."

"Do you … do you know anything else?"

She closed her eyes and shook her head. "No. No, Po, I really don't," she lied. "Maybe one day Shifu will tell you - us - the whole story, but for now it's … it's between them. Their business, not ours."

"Yeah. Yeah, you're right. It's just hard," Po said. "Thanks Habika." He hugged her back, just his big paw pressing her into him. "Let us know if you need anything."

"Thank you, I will. Goodnight, Po."

He waved and trundled back up and over the hill, where the rest were waiting for him near the top. She sighed and went back inside. Shifu was in the bedroom, looking lost. She kissed him, helped him out of his clothes, and put him back in bed. After he fell asleep she brewed herself a cup of tea, sat in the reading chair and opened a scroll, listening to his soft slumbering breathing.

She found herself thinking of Tigress. Though Habika was still angry with her she could not help but wonder what a woman like that would do with that much freedom, a freedom Habika could barely comprehend. To have the whole world under her feet! Where would her journeys take her?

Shifu coughed in his sleep, then tossed and moaned.

Habika sighed.

"I hope you enjoy what you bought at the price of your father's heart, little girl," she whispered, going to the bed to soothe her sleeping warrior.

 **ooo**


	23. western style books

**chapter twenty three:** **western style books**

It took Shifu longer to recover from his illness than he anticipated. The few days he had promised his students stretched into a month. His physical symptoms lingered, but even after those faded his spirit still flagged. He returned to training his students but only in a critical capacity - no more ambushes in the courtyard, nor did he spar with them. He couldn't even balance atop his staff to meditate by the time his illness passed entirely.

It took even longer for his spirit to mend. He spent most of his time hidden in the sangha with Habika, enjoying the comfort of her company but not much else. He was far more interested in sleeping than love making. Habika understood his reticence and took it in stride as best she could, though she was ravenous for him and at times wanted to beg him to just *touch* her. He knew it and was sheepishly apologetic. She did her best to hide her desire. She could tell that feeling he was letting her down only made him more despondent, and seeing him so despondent was shredding her.

Habika's anger at Tigress ate at her, preoccupied her, left her shaking on the mornings Shifu could not get out of bed. She was so reluctant to leave his side that sometimes both Viper and Shifu had to force her out of the sangha. Viper would drag her down to the village to the markets but even this distraction didn't shake her rage.

"Don't be so angry with her," Viper said. "There's more to this than you know."

"I'm _trying_ ," Habika replied, absently fondling turnips. "I am. I was. It's hard to explain."

She could't tell Viper that she had taken Tigress's side and told Shifu to go find her - Shifu wanted Tigress's story to remain her own. When he returned destroyed she felt oddly betrayed, and that sense of betrayal had sunk into a childish and seductive bitterness she could not seem to shake.

"I know when someone hurts someone you love it can be hard to see past it," Viper said, lowering her voice, "but to be honest I'm kind of _happy_ for her."

"I'm jealous of her," Habika admitted.

"I know. I wonder where she is right now," Viper said dreamily.

"She could be anywhere."

"Doing anything."

They sighed.

"But then I look at Shifu and I just …."

"Habika, you _don't_ understand," Viper said.

"I thought I did! When you and Po told me about it, I thought I did … but now I don't see how she could do that to the sweetest man in the world. He may not have given her some of the things she needed but he did give her most of them."

"The sweetest man in the world!" Viper exclaimed, and cracked up. "You ought to spend more than five minutes in the training hall."

Habika crossed her arms. "Haven't you ever been in love?" she huffed.

Viper looked at her pointedly.

"Oh," Habika said, "Right."

They were silent for a moment.

"Viper," Habika began, "are you ever going to-"

"When Tigress first left I was angry that she didn't at least tell us herself," Viper said, suddenly, loudly, the way she always cut off any conversation that might lead to the issue of her and Crane. "But I've seen -I mean witnessed first hand - the two of them for years, and you know what? He had it coming."

"Well!" Habika huffed. "Good for you! It must be very reassuring to be able to make such convinced pronouncements about things when it's not you waiting hand and foot on her sick, heartbroken father."

Viper peered at her. "That was needlessly bitchy."

Habika looked daggers at Viper for a moment but then sighed. "I'm sorry. I'm … I'm exhausted from all this. And I'm hungry. When I'm hungry I get … needlessly bitchy."

"Have you been hungry for months?" Viper teased.

Habika gave her an astounded look. "What do you *want* from me?"

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding! Come on, let's feed you, sheesh lady."

Habika seemed to calm down once there were some noodles in her.

"Here's the thing," Viper said quietly over their soup, careful not to let the villagers overhear, "this is something Tigress should have done a long time ago. Probably less abruptly, but she's always been so … I guess _enthralled_ by Shifu that she never would have left unless this happened."

"This?"

"Well. You. This all started when you came along. That must have had _somethin_ * to do with it."

A tight guilt squeezed Habika's chest. Lata's words hadn't stopped haunting her for a single day since she heard them. Was it true? Did she take everything Tigress had?

"No," Shifu would weakly insist, "the problem was not you, it was within her. And … and me. If I had been a better father to her she may have welcomed you with open arms. This is … this is no one's fault but mine, little one." He closed his eyes. "I don't know how to make you see that."

She could see it, but she hated it. She hated seeing this guilt piled upon his guilt about Tai Lung. How much guilt could one person feel and not perish?

"My point is," Viper continued, bringing Habika back to earth, "that Tigress is out there now seeing that the world is much bigger than the Jade Palace, and her and Shifu. I bet the perspective is going to be great for her. I hope she comes back. I really do. But if she doesn't … then maybe she needs something that nothing in the Valley of Peace can give her." Viper went silent for a moment, stirring her soup. "I just hope she writes me about it."

 **ooo**

Shifu began to spend the evenings practicing balance atop his staff in the sangha's little courtyard. Habika would listen to the staff clatter to the ground again and again, but he eventually grew stronger. One night he finally managed to stay upright long enough to meditate for a good hour, and did so each night afterwards.

He took a turn for the better after that. He finally reached for Habika and slipped his hands under her hanfu. She clutched him and sang out in pleasure, so happy the entire palace compound could listen for all she cared.

In the mornings he went down to the training hall for an hour before the gong and put himself through the obstacle course, starting with the easier challenges and moving along to the more difficult ones. The day that he woke Zeng to light the Tongues of Fire for him was the day that he finally began to spar with his students once more.

They chose Po as their leader, which did not surprise him. They did well, better than he expected. Despite Po's judgment leading them into lots of awkward situations and many great restaurants, they fared well and protected the Valley of Peace admirably. Nevertheless Tigress's absence was acutely felt every day, a dry socket in all their hearts. Po, especially, seemed to have wilted without her, even as he grew determinedly stronger as a leader.

The summer crept by. Once it was apparent Tigress would not return soon a certain level of acceptance set in. Bit by bit Shifu's guilt lessened to where he would only feel sick six times a day, and then four times, and then perhaps only three. At best only three. When he learned to power through that he was to outside eyes his old self again, even if privately his sadness hung in his chest like the spiked end of a mace.

It was an unseasonably hot summer, the peak of which came a whole month early. Shifu, Po, and the Five usually escaped to train in the Wu-Dan mountains over the worst part of summer but the unexpected peak caught them out. Training was useless in that sort of insufferable, damp heat, especially in the training hall. Even with the open roof and door propped open by the Adversary the building was like an oven. The Five (now a true five once more) spent most of their time flopped uselessly in any blessed patch of shade they could find - save Viper, who was pleased to fry on a rock all day.

Viper's tolerance of the heat topped Habika's. The desert fennec enjoyed a good roast in the sun but found the humidity hellish. She and Shifu hid in the sangha, which they discovered stayed wonderfully cool because the sun never shone directly into the windows. At first they kept it to themselves, sending Jing away and spending days making love and lounging about naked like they were back in the cave. Soon the guilt overpowered them both and they let the Five escape the heat with them, as well as any palace pig or goose that could no longer stand it.

"You haven't been down to the village in days," Habika said to Po. "Don't you have to protect it from bandits?"

Po stared off into nothing, as he had taken to doing since Tigress left. "Huh?"

"It's been years since we had a raid in the middle of summer," Crane said. "The bandits are all up at Bandit Lake."

"That's why they call it Bandit Lake," Monkey chimed in.

Jing stepped silently into the parlor and bowed. "Lunch is ready, Masters," she said.

"Ah, good," Shifu replied. He took his staff and banged three times, hard, on the ceiling.

Viper's head suddenly lowered through the window. She had been happily broiling away on the roof. "Yeah?"

"Lunch," Shifu said.

When the hottest weeks of summer passed and they began to train once more, Habika found herself lonesome. She'd enjoyed having a full house. She was growing ever more accustomed to the Jade Palace and to the Valley of Peace. Not so much as a peep of concern for her had been heard from the Forbidden City so she began to feel more and more secure there, secure enough to want to invest herself in the place. She needed something, a hobby, an occupation. She had begun to meditate quite seriously, which thrilled Shifu, but one's life could not compose merely of meditation and zen scrolls. At least, not her life.

One afternoon when she occupied herself by playing erhu under the peach tree a few little children wandered by to watch her. She often saw children at the Jade Palace though she didn't know whose they were. Some of them were there for the introduction to kung fu classes and some of them were the children of the palace workers. She enjoyed seeing them though they made her sick with grief for Mahdi.

They children stayed well back. She gestured them over and they became very inquisitive. She let them touch the erhu and showed them how to draw the bow across correctly. They dissolved with laughter when they discovered the awful shrillness it could create when played wrong, though three of the children, little rabbit girls, were eager to know how to play correctly. She sat with them for hours, delighted when they quickly picked up the basics.

That night she asked Shifu if she could start an erhu school at the Jade Palace. He was delighted with the idea, and from the next day on she began to teach erhu under the peach tree. In a couple of weeks she had picked up two more children and a small clutch of adult palace workers, and Zeng budgeted for ten cheap beginner's erhus from the musicians' village. The Five joked about the horrid screeching that floated over the Palace grounds each afternoon, ("Four o'clock! Time for ear rape!" Mantis snarked) but the more she threw herself into the work the more peaceful she became.

Summer cooled into fall. Shifu realized that he now spent every night at the sangha and had for months, so she invited him to simply move in with her. She helped him wrap up his belongings. From his bare room they did not seem like much, but when he opened his closet door she was surprised to see it filled with the written word; scrolls upon scrolls, and a large collection of western style spined books.

"Where did you get all these?" Habika marveled.

He shrugged. "Over the years you collect things. I don't read as much as I used to, especially when I was younger." He chuckled. "Oogway used to nag me for reading too much. Thought I should spend that time emptying my mind instead of putting things into it."

"Nonsense," Habika said, digging her way through the pile. "Goodness, you have a lot of texts about organized crime!"

"Oh!" he exclaimed. "The Tiandihui! Yes! They're just fascinating!"

"I thought they were called the Triad?"

"Triad, Hongmen, Sanhehui. Different sects have different names. The majority of what we deal with here are gangs of bandits and invading armies, but these men are organized and can secretly run entire cities. It's said that the Gongman City peacocks were utterly under the thumb of that city's Triad. It's suspected that they supplied Lord Shen with the finances to build his armory and were a silent partner in his bid to overrun China - can you imagine, a China run by organized crime?"

"I doubt it would be that different that China now," Habika said wryly.

"Heh. In some respects you're right. But the Kung Fu council would never let such a thing happen. The Tiandihui influence through money and power. The Kung Fu council cannot be corrupted by such things, as our only concern is honor, and order. Oh, but the _lives_ some of these men lead, you wouldn't believe it." He started to unroll scrolls.

"Such as?"

"Piles of money, piles of women, piles of drugs, influence far and wide," Shifu said, somewhat dreamily. "Anything you should want is yours in a heartbeat, no matter how … seedy."

He seemed to take a peculiar pleasure in the thought.

Habika grinned. "A bit of the criminal in you, is there?"

"Oh!" he said, and chuckled. "Well. My grandfather - well, we're not one hundred percent sure, but we're fairly sure - was a Red Pole in my province's Tiandihui, so make what you will of that."

"A Red Pole?"

"The organizer of offensive and defensive forces. Arranged killings, that sort of thing."

"It's in your blood!"

He smiled. "I suppose. I've always thought -" he lowered his voice, " - that in another life, I might have been quite a clever gangster. If I had to arrange larceny on a grand scale I could probably do it. For example, if you want to get a Triad organized in your city and take out another city's Triad, you have to - "

Over the next few days Habika learned more than she ever cared to know about organized crime. More than she ever cared to know or wanted to know or had even the remotest interest in knowing. It seemed that once this subject was broached it was nearly impossible to get Shifu to shut up about it. He had encyclopedic knowledge of the Tiandihui, almost as encyclopedic as Po's knowledge of kung fu, and once the dam broke it was unstoppable.

One evening they sat in the sangha's courtyard while Shifu recited the lists of names and family lines of the Tiandihui's most notorious members to a bored but tolerant audience of Mantis, Po, and Habika. His detailed descriptions of vengeance killings were darkly fascinating but the family lines were mind-numbing in the extreme.

"You're … you're a nerd, my warrior," Habika said suddenly.

"Oh, gods, he's a HUGE nerd about this stuff!" Mantis exclaimed. "How long has he been going on like this?"

"About three days. Nonstop."

"Yeah, you get Shifu going about organized crime and you're in for it."

"It's interesting!" Shifu cried, a little hurt.

"The murders are interesting," Habika said.

"Twenty five axes in that one dude. Twenty five!" Po said. He was the only one who seemed as fascinated by the subject as Shifu was.

"I like the one where they hung every part of the man from a different limb of a tree," Shifu said. "Creative."

"I'd just stick all my enemies' heads up on stakes," Po said. "That works for lords."

"You don't find that kind of blase?" Shifu asked.

"Oldie but goodie," Po replied.

Mantis and Habika exchanged a look and slowly backed away as Po and Shifu had a long, graphically detailed discussion on the best way to gruesomely murder and display one's enemies. He and Po began to meet regularly to obsess over organized crime. She would catch snippets: "I think flaying the guy alive and putting a scimitar through his chest is a good way to get your point across, when your point is 'only my girls hook in this city'," Shifu's voice floated in through the window.

"What in the HELL are they talking about?" Viper asked Habika, incredulous.

"You don't want to know," Habika warned.

"Yes I DO!" Viper said, slithering outside, only to return ten minutes later when he'd begun reciting lineages. "No, I don't."

Habika had finally distracted Shifu from the crime talk when, one evening, she opened one of his western style books and found it hollow. A well read scroll fell out and onto the floor. When she opened it she smiled and stifled a giggle.

"Darling," she called into the next room, "What's this"

"What's what?" he asked, poking his head in, munching on a peach. When he saw what she held his face flushed bright red. "Oh that? That's - that's nothing - I -"

"The Plum in the Golden Vase." Habika mused. "Wasn't this banned across China for obscenity?"

"Well, yes, but I didn't buy it," Shifu said, flustered. "It's not even really mine. I mean it's *mine* but it's not -I don't - it's not like I have any *other* books like that, that's the only one and I didn't, um, procure it for myself. It - it was a gift."

Habika's eyebrows raised. "A _gift?_ "

"Yes," he said. "From my older brother. He sent it when he heard I'd attained the Master rank."

"That's a very inappropriate gift."

Shifu laughed. "I have a very inappropriate brother."

Habika examined the scroll. It was scuffed and torn at the edges from being unrolled over the years. "It looks like you've certainly made good use of it," she teased.

His face flushed even brighter. He started to say something but it dissolved into flustered coughing as he choked on a bit of peach. She patted him on the back, and when he cleared his throat she gave him a little kiss and took the scroll into the bedroom.

"What are you doing with that?" he asked.

"I'm going to read it, of course," she said.

That night went in a predictable direction.

One night Habika woke to find Shifu writing furiously at the desk.

"What are you working on?" she asked, yawning.

He jumped and accidentally knocked his pot of ink over. "Nothing! Oh - damn it," he said, lifting the scroll to avoid staining it. Habika peered at it and gasped.

"Shifu!" she yelped. "What are you - you can't write this _down!_ This is _private!_ You can't -" she took the scroll, unrolling it. "Shifu, _no!_ Oh, my gods, it's so _detailed!_ Why are you _doing_ this?" she asked, horrified.

"I have to," he said, in a flat tone that indicated he knew she wouldn't understand.

"You HAVE to?" she asked. "You HAVE to write the most intimate details of our life in a scroll just anyone can find?"

"There aren't any names," he said.

"There's DIAGRAMS! Why? Why do you have to do this?"

"Well," he began uneasily, "I was thinking … " He looked up at her. She looked so angry he started laughing. "I was thinking it would be the thousand and first kung fu scroll, is what I was thinking."

"The WHAT?"

"Little one, you don't understand. This is an amazing application of the nerve point techniques Oogway discovered. No one else has ever used them this way and the results are incredible! You can't possibly expect me to keep this to _myself_ , can you?"

"Yes! Yes I can!"

He clucked his tongue at her. "Ah, you selfish woman."

"Selfish! Not wanting pornographic drawings of me in the library is selfish?"

"Oh come now, no one will be able to tell that's you."

"It's in _your_ handwriting! Oh, gods, tell me you're not going to _sign_ it too?"

"What, and let someone else take all the credit? Do you have any idea how much _research_ went into this?"

"Yes, I do! Wait, RESEARCH?"

"What did you think I was doing? Fooling around?"

"Yes! With me! For fun! Not for … for kung fu!"

"Those things are interchangeable."

"Oh no," Habika moaned. "Just … please … can you wait until after I'm dead to put it in the library?"

"Oh, little one," Shifu said indulgently, putting his arms around her and drawing her down to the bed. "What if Po finds a nice little panda woman he wants to relentlessly pleasure? What then?"

"He can relentlessly pleasure her after I'm dead," she sulked.

He continued work on the scroll but never placed it in the library. He did, however, take a sick pleasure in teasing to, just for Habika's reaction. Privately he knew he would never put it in the library while he still lived, but he _would_ pass it down to his successor, who could put it there for him. By that time, what would it matter?

A damp and rainy fall gave way to winter and snow, with no sign of or word from Tigress. Shifu felt himself begin to fall into another sick bout of guilt as the days got shorter, but he pulled himself out of it, determined to keep moving forward.

Shifu found it was difficult to keep the sangha as warm as he would like, something he hadn't noticed the previous winter due to the constant proximity of Habika's body. For two creatures as small as himself and his fiancee the sangha was an embarrassment of wasted space. For them four rooms were vast, the kitchen counters requiring a cobbled together bench to stand on, the ceilings high enough to justify two floors. It was unlikely that it would ever be used again as a proper sangha, so Shifu took to redesigning it into a proper house, scaled for their use.

In his first version each room had two floors except the parlor, which would remain as one floor to entertain larger guests. Something about that design felt off - it made too much of the house inaccessible to anyone else save Mantis or a very determined Viper. Shifu was stumped, so he brought Zeng into the planning, who took to it like he'd been studying architecture for a lifetime - which, he discovered, he had.

In fact, Zeng became the most interesting person in their orbit during the house building process. His fields of study were astounding: medicine, literature, architecture, cooking. He even revealed to Shifu that before his employment at the Jade Palace he had run the house of a very influential Tiandihui member, which threw Shifu for such a loop that he felt like he was walking on the ceiling for days afterward.

"How do you think I got the job here?" Zeng asked as he made corrections to the sangha's blueprints.

Shifu's nearly popped out his skull. "You got your job at the Jade Palace through Tiandihui influence?"

Zeng smiled secretly. "I can't talk about that," he said.

He never answered the question directly, and always changed the subject whenever it came up. It made Shifu want to scream. Habika began to suspect that Zeng was making it up entirely for the joy of leading Shifu on. When she asked him about it all he did was wink, and say "I'll never tell."

Zeng did an awe inspiring job re-designing the sangha. He knocked out all the walls, replacing the load bearing ones with iron frames. Along the frames he placed a second floor in the form of a wrap-around balcony, leaving the central part of the house open for guests. The upper floor was one long space, with their bedroom and library taking the majority of the room, and folding screens for privacy. The bottom floor was set up into a comfortable living room with a roaring fireplace that also served for food preparation in the now smaller kitchen - smaller, but with room enough for Jing to work. It was beautiful - open but intimate, large but cozy. They decided to keep referring to it as the sangha - which, in one of its forms, meant "a retreat."

"How have I known Zeng for so long and not realize how amazing he is?" Shifu marveled. His respect for the goose shot through the roof. Never again did he raise his voice to him, or give him orders with even a hint of sharpness. The two men became friends, insofar as it is possible for them to be.

As the winter dragged on Shifu tried his best not to sink into dejection over Tigress's failure to return. He often spoke of her, recounting memories almost more to himself than to anything. Habika never quite lost her anger, though it faded considerably when Shifu returned to full health. She had stopped speaking to anyone about her feelings long ago, including Viper. There seemed to be a silent consensus among Shifu and the Five that though Tigress's choice saddened them she would not do such a thing without good reason. Habika had grudgingly accepted that her anger was unjustified and more a result of her fierce devotion to Shifu than anything else, but it still gnawed at her on evenings when Shifu sadly regaled her with memories of his daughter, sitting by the window watching the falling snow.

"I remember the first time I ever struck her," he said.

" _Struck_ her?"

"While sparring. Every warrior needs to learn how to take a strike. I meant to start out gently, but it had been a long time since I sparred with a child - and that child was Tai Lung. I think what felt gentle to me was not very gentle for her. She was about nine. I kicked her square in the chest, right in the diaphragm," he said, tapping the place on himself. "Her face went pale, and she stumbled. I asked her if she was all right, and she said yes. She kept saying yes - kept trying to return to ready stance for another round. So determined. So hard-woking, she always was."

"So what happened?"

"She keeled over and vomited, right there in the training hall," he said. "I felt terrible. Though she got very good at blocking, after that." He was quiet for a moment, thoughtful. "She grew up so fast. It felt like she turned from a little girl into a woman over the course of a single summer. I was so worried - I was afraid that once she was grown I might not be able to relate to her in the same way. That her needs would change so drastically I might not be able to train her as well as before."

Habika chuckled. "She's a woman, not an alien."

"I know that now," Shifu said. "But at the time I was quite concerned. I knew there'd be things about her I couldn't understand. Oh, gods, one morning she didn't show up for training and she wasn't in her room. She was in Yan's room - Yan was a goose who took over Nanny Goat's place - in Yan's bed! When I asked Yan if she was ill, she said 'No, she has cramps.' I said, 'Cramps! She gets cramps all the time!' 'Not _those_ kind of cramps,' she said. I had no idea what she could possibly be talking about. I kept pushing the issue until Yan finally said, 'Yes, she's ill - the kind of illness every woman has once a month.' Gods, I felt like the biggest idiot, you can't imagine." He paused for a moment. "I used to excuse her from almost anything if she gave that reason. She started to milk it. If she didn't want to do shoulder squats she was suddenly … in any case I started to make note of it. Once I told her it was very unlikely it had happened three times that month, she stopped mentioning it at all."

"She might not have been lying," Habika said.

Shifu was taken aback. "What?"

"It's abnormal but not unheard of."

"By the gods," Shifu said, looking disgusted. "I'm glad I'm not a woman."

"You have no idea."

"I don't, do I?" Shifu said grimly. "I never really understood her, what it was like to _be_ her, did I? Ah, gods, little one, I miss her. I miss her every day."

She would kiss him and take him in his arms, but that sadness she could not touch.

When Po came by to discuss the Tiandihui their conversation often fell to Tigress, their memories, her whereabouts, what she might be doing. Po had grown immensely since she left. Being the leader of the Five had instilled a gravitas and brooding aspect to his personality. He seemed to have filled out emotionally in a way that was hard to pin down. He was more serious, tougher, quieter, more thoughtful, not above his old silly Po - style jokes - but his feet were firmly on the ground, and when he acted or spoke he did so with purpose.

"She's in India," he said one evening, looking into the fire.

"What makes you say that?" Shifu asked.

"I don't know. Just a feeling," he replied. "I saw her there in a dream and it felt true somehow."

Shifu sighed. "I hope she is all right."

Po smiled sadly. "It's Tigress. She's fine."

Shifu nodded and they grew quiet, lost in their thoughts of her.

The winter passed into spring, until one day Shifu realized she had been gone an entire year and went into a deep, if brief, bout of sick mourning. When he closed his eyes and tried to feel her with his heart and mind he was reassured, somehow, that she was well. He would know if some calamity had befallen her, or if she were dead. Whenever he knocked on that door he received an impression of "I'm fine, don't worry about me." But he could not help worrying - and nor could he be sure his impression was true. All he could do was go on with his life; teaching, meditating, talking, reading, loving, laughing, mourning.

Waiting.

 **ooo**


	24. like campfire smoke and foreign lands

**chapter twenty four:** **like campfire smoke and foreign lands**

Summer came around again. Shifu and the Five took heed of the previous year's heat and escaped early to the Wu-dan Mountains to train. Habika declined to join them. She knew she would miss Shifu terribly but she felt a responsibility to her erhu students. She held classes in the nicely cool sangha. It was so cool that her students loathed leaving, so she was never at a loss for company even if her bed lacked warmth.

A goose courier carried supplies back and forth from the Jade Palace, as well as letters, which Shifu and Habika exchanged regularly. She wrote him far more than he wrote her, as he was largely busy with training. She got creative during her long nights alone, writing long scrolls reminiscent of the secret book she'd found in his library, scrolls which left him breathlessly seeking a private place to … to behave like a lonesome young man.

 _What in the world did I do to deserve you, woman?_ he wrote in reply. _It's fortunate I'm up here - were I back in the valley, between the summer heat and you I'd burn alive. Never stop sending these letters! I'll repay you in kind when I get back._

After long days of training the six of them gathered around a fire to relax, tell stories, and eat. Po was always trying to perfect his campfire cooking, devising healthy yet stunning meals for them. He often had the goose courier seek out rare or odd ingredients but whatever he made turned out amazing. Or awful. But mostly amazing.

Tonight it was firm tofu, eggplant, and onions in a chili - garlic - honey sauce, braised for hours in a cast iron pot. Po excused himself from training mid-afternoon to put everything on the fire so it would be ready by dinner. The smell of it was heavenly enough to make even Shifu lose focus. It was so seductive they broke training half an hour early just to eat.

"I can't stop eating this," Mantis said, almost in tears. "I will never stop eating this."

"What did you do to the rice?" Shifu marveled.

"Cooked in last night's vegetable stock!" Po said proudly. "A little garlic, too."

"This is great, but I'll still never get over the peach dumplings last night," Crane said.

"By the gods," Viper said. "Please make those again, Po. I'll do anything. I'll have your babies."

Crane jumped.

"Those would be some pretty weird kids," Po replied.

"Like … pakes," Monkey said. "Snandas! Great big scaled pandas."

"With venom!" Po said. "No, acid! Great big scaled pandas that spit acid!"

"I was thinking more like furry round panda on top, but snake from the waist down. All it would do is flop around and cry," Mantis said.

"That's horrifying," Shifu replied.

"This from the guy who recites Triad murders like poetry," Mantis snarked.

"Those are horrifying and fascinating. That's just horrifying."

"This whole conversation is horrifying!" Crane snapped. "The thought of Po and Viper together? _Horrifying_."

They all went silent and stared at Crane.

"Uh, wow. Ouch, Crane. I'd think you were joking if you didn't sound so pissed off," Po said. "You okay?"

Crane grew flustered. He glanced at Viper but quickly looked away. He shrugged and opened his beak to speak, but a sudden odd rustling from behind them cut him short.

They all turned. Whatever it was came from outside the circle of firelight. A ripple of caution passed through them. As far as they knew they were the only campers in the Wu-Dan Mountains - and this specific area was sacred, not often visited by any but warriors.

"Who goes there?" Shifu called into the darkness.

"What if it's a snanda?" Monkey whispered.

More rustling. They exchanged glances and stood with their backs to the fire, tensing for a possible confrontation.

"Show yourself!" Shifu demanded.

"This smells _great_ ," came a voice from the other side of the fire.

They spun to face the intruder and gasped.

"What are we having?" Tigress asked, grinning.

 **ooo**

The others all rushed forward to embrace her, but Shifu was too shocked to move. He just stood there like an idiot, on the verge of tears.

It was her! It really was her! But she looked so … different.

Her clothing had changed. She wore a new vest, black with a gold striped hem, and an intricately embroidered gold and purple butterfly on the back. She wore a short purple skirt with dancing gold paisley, and under that wine red pants of a shiny material. She had belled anklets - how she kept them quiet enough to surprise them was a mystery to him - and a mess of soft wool bangles on her wrists. She wore hoops in her ears, and - by the gods - one in her nose!

As he crept closer he realized it was not just her clothing that had changed, but her markings as well. Lines of red dots were dyed into the fur above her eyebrows, beautiful complicated designs dyed into her hands. Many of her other stripes were decorated this way, red and purple filigrees dancing along them.

Even these changes weren't the most striking thing about her. It was her whole _being_ that was different. She smiled and laughed, with one arm around Po and the other around Crane. Viper wept and wrapped herself around Tigress, all the while yelling at her for not having written. Tigress apologized happily - yes, that was what it was.

She looked happy.

Happier than he had ever seen her.

Any anger and sadness he'd held onto dissolved. His daughter had returned, his beautiful, beautiful little girl. He stepped forward, still speechless, trying to say something but he knew not what. His mouth just bobbed wordlessly, his arms outstretched, as he toddled forward like a child.

She looked down at him, her golden eyes growing wide and soft. Fast as lightning she knelt and took him in her arms, hugging him fiercely.

"I'm happy to see you too, Master," she said softly.

"You - you - you came back," Shifu choked.

"Of course I came back," she said, as though he'd been silly to think otherwise.

He wrapped his arms around her. She smelled different, like campfire smoke and foreign lands, but it was her, oh, it was her, his little girl!

He buried his face in his shoulder.

 _Don't cry_ , he ordered himself. _Don't cry. Don't cry._

 **ooo**

"I was right," Po said.

"You were right?" Tigress asked over a bowl of tofu and eggplant. She was starving and the food was delectable. Po's cooking had certainly improved in her absence.

"I had a dream that you were in India, over the winter."

Po looked dizzy, almost ill. He could not seem to tear his eyes from Tigress. None of them could. It almost made her nervous, and more than a little guilty. She could see how badly they'd missed her. She'd known they missed her, of course, but seeing them now brought it home.

She nodded and smiled at Po. He smiled back. Something about his face melted her. By the gods, she'd missed him, missed him like a borehole through her chest!

"Y -You _were_ right, Po," she stuttered, taken aback by the depth of what she suddenly felt. Had she missed him like this the whole time and not known till she saw him again? It was like being clubbed over the head with her own heart!

She caught herself staring, and quickly said, "This - this tofu is amazing!"

"He's all kinds of gourmet now," Mantis said. "Holy hell Tigress, you're _back_! You're _sitting_ here! In front of me! Eating all the food! Damn, I better get seconds," he said, grabbing his little bowl.

Viper just shook her head, incredulous. "You have to tell us - you have to tell us _everything_ ," she gushed.

"Holy - what is in your _nose?_ " Mantis said. "Is that an _earring?_ In your _nose?_ Are you _insane?_ Does India make people insane?"

"Lemme see," Po said, peering at it. His hand flew to his nose. "Gah! Ouch!"

Tigress laughed. "It didn't hurt. Well, much."

"What, did they - did they - with like a needle, or - ?"

"It was done by the Empress's own hand," Tigress said, "and yes, it was a long needle. And quite thick, as I recall. I have a chain that connects it to the rings in my ear, want to see?"

They all looked blankly at her. Blinked.

"The _Empress?_ " Po asked.

"A _chain?_ " Viper asked.

Tigress chuckled, shook her head, and sighed.

"Maybe I should start from the beginning."

 **ooo**

She poured them all a cup of Madhu, an Indian grape wine. She'd developed a taste for wine, perhaps even too much. She'd kept that bottle safely tucked away in her sack of belongings, awaiting the day she returned to the Jade Palace - she knew she might be in desperate need of it, that day. They accepted it with gratitude, Shifu most of all. He seemed to drink it faster than anyone.

"On my travels south I - I met some friends," she began, carefully. "Their names were Lian, Abasi, and Lata, and they were - they were musicians."

She glanced at Shifu, the only one who knew that she glossed over the truth. There was an odd mixture of emotions on his face, but he nodded. It was small nod, smaller than anyone would see but her, and in it was a note of forgiveness.

She continued, painting the three of them as musicians with whom she only traveled a short time. She didn't tell them that Lian was a part time actress and a full-time whore, and that Lata was an old fortune-telling ex-whore, and that Abasi … well, actually he _was_ a musician, but that wasn't all he was.

Lata seemed to lose interest in Tigress once it was clear she would never convince her to become a prostitute. She had the _gall_ to frame it as a business proposition, of all things, as though she were offering Tigress some amazing once in a lifetime deal. Tigress just laughed, and told her that she while she enjoyed Lata's company, she would never, ever do that for her. Soon Lata's affection and motherly attention started to fade, which hurt Tigress, but by that time Lata was not who she was there for.

She stayed for Abasi. She couldn't help herself.

Gods … the memories still tingled, memories of his slim, muscular spotted body against hers. The more nights she spent with Abasi, imprinting his body in her mind, the more the intrusive, arousing, sickening thoughts of Shifu fled. Once sex was a physical reality she began to find that the thought of Shifu in that context _only_ sickened her. She still wanted him, she realized, but not in that way. It became clear to her that it was Shifu's heart she desired, and not anything else. In any case it was easy to conflate to two before she really knew the difference. A great shame came over her at how she had behaved towards her master, but it was a long time yet until she could admit to it in her heart. Until she could let go of the anger that still bloomed red in her.

The pleasure of Abasi blinded her for a while. She remained with the three of them even after it was clear Lata and Lian were no longer enthusiastic for her company. She spent all her time with Abasi. She still had plenty of money at that point so she did not have to find work. She and Abasi drank, sang and fucked like uncivilized bandits. But after a while, she realized Abasi was too much of an uncivilized bandit for her liking.

He was a thief. She knew it long before she fully admitted knowing it, her desire for his body blinding her to this fault. Even when he made good money from busking and performances with Lian he stole; money, leaf, wine, whatever he could get his hands on. He even stole from her, a coin here or there. She was willing to look past it - shocked, now, at how easily pleasure made her forget honor - until one day he went too far. Half the money in her purse gone, and in its' place a huge sack of leaf, a vial of that dust of which Lian was fond, and four bottles of expensive wine.

He tried to pretend she'd been pick-pocketed by a stranger, the bastard, as though the wine and leaf weren't evidence enough. Lian and Lata watched them fight, snickering all the while. He swore up and down it wasn't him, but she knew. She knew. She'd let Abasi into her pants, but letting him into her purse was another thing entirely. It hurt even though she'd always known he didn't deserve her trust. That knowledge kept her from falling all the way in love with him, from letting the physical pleasure of their union seduce her heart entirely.

It still hurt. It hurt like hot hell.

She slapped him, then collected up the leaf, vial, and wine. She saw Lian rise, looking furious, but Lata's hand snapped out and dragged the foxette back to the ground by her dress.

"That's not a fight you'll win, dear," Lata said.

Tigress walked away and never looked back.

Later that night she sold the wine, leaf, and vial to a rich man's son heading back to his manse with a whore on either arm. He'd at first tried to buy Tigress as his third girl and was bitter to be turned down, but he seemed to accept the wine, leaf, and vial as a consolation prize. She sold it at a loss but she was eager to get rid of the stuff. The longer she had it the more likely it was to be stolen, and the more of her money she would lose.

She'd considered turning back at that point. The Jade Palace seemed a lovely respite from this world of dishonor and betrayal.

But no.

She would not come back to the Vally of Peace, to Shifu, with her tail between her legs, defeated. Her journey was not yet over.

She bought a room and a bath and set out the next morning. She would walk the roads south, and keep walking until she found something, or something found her.

 **ooo**

Of course, she did not tell the Five any of this. In their version she merely traveled a few Valleys over and parted ways amicably with three musical friends. She knew she would eventually tell Viper about Abasi, but she wasn't in a hurry.

"So I kept going south," Tigress continued. "I was running low on money by that point. I had to find some work, somehow."

She didn't mention how anxious she was when she realized she only had a week's worth of cash. This wasn't something she'd ever had to think about before. Her material needs had always been seen to. She could fight an entire gang of crocodile bandits by herself, but when push came to shove she had no idea how to feed herself or put a roof over her own head! At the time she felt a ripple of anger for Shifu. Why didn't he teach her these things?

 _Because he assumed you would always be under his roof_ , she thought. _Surely there are better reasons to be angry with him than his failure to starve you and put you to work?_

She shrugged, agreeing with herself.

"I found that as I kept going south, I got to know the people traveling alongside me," Tigress said. "They were mostly merchants, and a family or two. Soldiers, sometimes. We tended to walk all day together, and set up camp at night in the same vicinity.

"One of the merchants was a black-bellied hamster. He was the tiniest little old man I've ever seen, with gigantic thick glasses on his face and a long white mustache. He had a wagon of apples which he sold on the road, and when we stopped at villages. I spoke to him once or twice, found out his name was Li Shan. He'd toss me an apple now and again, if he thought I looked hungry.

"Li Shan had hired a big gorilla to pull the wagon for him. One morning when everyone was waking up and heading out, I saw him sitting on his wagon with his head in his hands. As it turns out the big gorilla he'd hired to pull the wagon had up and vanished in the night, and now he had no way of getting anywhere. I asked him why he didn't hitch the wagon up to a pony in the first place, and he said they frightened him - he was so small that he didn't think he could control a big animal like that. At least you can _reason_ with a person, he said. I can't blame him, I could literally hold him in the palm of my hand, he was so small!

"I offered to take the gorilla's job for the gorilla's pay, an Li-Shan accepted. So for weeks that's what I did - I pulled the Li-Shan and his apple wagon south."

"You were a pony!" Monkey said. Everyone chuckled.

Tigress smirked. "I made good money as a pony! But that's not all I was. I also helped him set up his stand when he stopped to sell at villages. People seemed very interested in a tiger and a hamster working together. It attracted attention, and more attention meant more customers. So I became more than a pony, I became a partner. I helped him sell the apples, and there were a few times when I acted as his body guard. Small as he was he couldn't do much if he were robbed, but no one even tried with me alongside him. He paid me accordingly, and it was a good arrangement for us both."

They developed a friendship. He sometimes perched on her shoulder as they walked and the two talked for hours. She told him about her life at the Jade Palace, albeit a heavily edited version. At that point she still wanted to be Xiu, no - one - special Xiu. Li-Shan had a huge family he loved to talk about, a wife of forty years and sixty grandchildren. He knew lots of good jokes and all kinds of stories, and made an entertaining travel companion.

He reminded her of Shifu.

Not in a bad way, or even in a meaningful way. They were both old and small. They had similar gestures, and turns of phrase, and mustaches. Li-Shan was a hell of a lot less serious, but his geniality reminded her of Shifu's when her master was in a rare genial mood. Sometimes Li-Shan would drift off inside himself with memories, his eyes going soft the way Shifu's would when he thought of the past. He made her miss her master despite herself, and that missing conflicted with her anger and shame in an irritating way.

Something had changed in her after giving herself over to lust with Abasi, though it took time to surface. She realized that she'd expected Shifu to be _above_ lust in some way, expected his mastery to be that complete. It shocked and infuriated her when she found him with the princess in the wagon, half dressed and reeking of sex. How dare he spend all those years pushing her to a punishing discipline of mind and body only to behave like a horny teenager the second he was alone with a woman?

But after Abasi she understood. She could not help but understand. It was easy to judge Shifu for his lust when she herself had so little knowledge of how powerful it could be. She found it harder to blame him once she knew how _good_ sex was, how hard it was to resist. Even after Abasi broke her heart her foolish body still longed for his. How many years had it been for Shifu - if it had ever been at all? There he was, trapped in a cave with a beautiful young woman that loved him, wanted him … Tigress could no longer find it within her to blame him for giving in. Knowing that he was susceptible to the same desires as she took him down a peg, equalized them in a way she'd never experienced. She even hoped that it had been good for him. That he'd taken joy in it. That the snotty little princess rode him till he went crosseyed.

Her anger with Shifu about betraying his mastery faded, which was a relief. It more clearly highlighted the things she was _actually_ angry about. With that clarity came a sort of mourning, a mourning for the father she never quite had. Every now and then it drove her to weep. She could not imagine how strange she must have looked, pulling a huge wagon of apples with silent tears streaming down her face.

"I traveled south with Li Shan until we hit the high mountains," she continued. "His family lived in a valley at the base of them. He invited me to stay with them for a few days to rest. He introduced me to his entire family, and they threw a feast! At once point I had all forty of his grandchildren in my lap!

"Li-Shan introduced me to a few men in his town that traverse the mountains regularly, who told me of the best passes. He and his wife sent me off with some warm clothing and a lot of food. Such kind people."

"Why did you decide to go to India?" Monkey asked.

Tigress shrugged. "Why not go to India?"

"That depends," Crane said. "Would going to India help you do whatever it was you set out to do when you left?"

"Why _did_ you leave?" Viper asked.

Tigress glanced at Shifu. He really hadn't told them _anything_ , had he?

She sighed. "Well, I … I just needed to go. I don't really know how else to explain it. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Tigress," Po said. "Sometimes people just need a change. We're just glad you're back. Right guys?"

Po turned to them, looking each in the eye. _Don't push her_ , he seemed to urge them. _Let her be._ They looked briefly sheepish and nodded. Tigress was impressed. It seemed Po took to a leadership role far more naturally than she would have given him credit for. She gave him a thankful smile and yawned.

"I think that's all of my tale for tonight," Tigress said. "I need some sleep."

"I think we all do," Shifu said, standing. "Long day tomorrow."

Everyone nodded and got to work setting out their bed rolls. Po kindled up the fire. Everyone said good night and Tigress crawled under the covers, her exhaustion hitting her the moment she lay down.

She looked up at the stars and sighed happily. The evening went well, better than she expected. She worried that she might find them angry or resentful, but as she headed up into the Wu-Dan mountains an odd feeling of peace came over her, and that feeling seemed to have borne out. She felt comfortable with them as though she'd never left. Even Shifu seemed overjoyed to see her, and she had no idea what to expect from him. She'd feared an outright rejection, that he may tell her that the Jade Palace was no longer her home, and that he was no longer her master.

She felt a presence. She opened her eyes and looked directly up into Shifu's. He squeezed her hand.

"I'm so glad you're back," he whispered, his voice shaky.

"I'm glad to be back."

He scratched her ear, the leaned down and kissed her forehead.

"See you in the morning," he said.

"Yes - you too," she stuttered. He smiled down at her and strolled away. She was so surprised by the kiss that she could barely move. She watched Shifu's retreating back until she couldn't see him. Viper, who had settled into her usual sleeping pose as a ring around the fire, smiled and gave Tigress a slow blink before falling asleep. Crane, Mantis, and Monkey all smiled as well. She then inexplicably locked eyes with Po, who lay across from her. He smiled, his eyes big and warm and green. Something about them made her breath catch in her throat, and again that borehole feeling - goodness, she'd missed Po so _much_.

No anger, no resentment from her friends. Her family.

Just happiness.

Tigress smiled back then rolled on her side away from the fire, blinking back tears.

 **ooo**

The next day Tigress did not show up for morning training. Shifu was a little alarmed, but her bedroll and belongings were still by the fire, so wherever she went she was not far. Perhaps she was still recovering from her long journey and did not feel up to training again, or maybe she was paying a visit to the Pool of Sacred Tears. The reason didn't matter much. It was merely that he was unused to Tigress missing training of her own accord, without explaining herself or asking his permission. Then again, she had just spent a year and a half answering only to herself. He could hardly blame her for not jumping right back under his mastership.

This planted a seed of doubt in his mind. What was he - or what should he be - to her now? Now that she had returned, and after their confrontation at Bandit Lake so long ago, he wasn't sure. At the very least she did not seem frustrated and angry any longer. Perhaps now it would be easier to have a relationship with her, whatever that relationship may be.

She returned at lunch. Po had devised something so lovely - smelling Shifu was surprised all the people and wildlife in a three mile radius hadn't crept by for a taste. He sat down next to Tigress.

"Tell me, did you continue to train while on your journey?" Shifu asked.

"Of course," she said. "Well. Most of the time, anyway. Don't worry, I didn't lose my edge."

"Would you … would you like to train with us this afternoon?" he asked. It felt strange to _invite_ her to train after a lifetime of ordering her to.

She nodded. "Yes, I would like that."

"You needn't feel you must. You had a long journey, take as much time as you need to recover."

"No no, I'm fine. It will be good to spar with Masters again. It's been ages since I've had to put any real thought or effort into combat," she said with a chuckle.

"What do you mean?" Po asked, handing Tigress a bowl of food.

"Most people aren't kung fu masters," she said. "Usually if I was in a combat situation it was with with a drunk or a bandit, and those tend to end quickly. I had to put far more thought into teaching kung fu than I did into actual fighting."

"Teaching?" Shifu asked. "When were you teaching?"

She smiled shyly. "Ah, well … that's the next part of my story, if you all want to hear it."

They nodded enthusiastically and tucked into their food - a hearty vegetable stew - and listened to her tale.

 **ooo**

"I wanted to set out directly, but Li-Shan and his wife convinced me to wait until a caravan came through. They said it was safer to take the pass in a group. I didn't have to wait long - a big group of people showed up the next day. There were about forty in all - all different species - with four huge red and purple carriages between them. They seemed amendable to my traveling with them, so off we went.

"They were a touring opera. They ran their show in China and now wanted to get over the mountains into India before winter hit. We traveled hard during the day, from sunup to sundown. Winter was on the way and we had to make good time. By night everyone was exhausted. We had dinner around a fire, and they would sing a few songs before bed. I can't even describe how beautiful their songs were! It was like a private opera every night. The female lead was a little grey cat named Pen, but her voice …" Tigress shook her head, "she could break your heart with her voice. I can't do it justice.

"They invited me to their first performance once we were out of the mountains, in a small village. I think there were fewer people in the village than there were people in the opera! But it was no matter to them, they were eager to perform.

"It was a silly plot, really - star crossed lovers against a backdrop of war. There was a princess whose kingdom was under attack from an evil prince, but he wasn't entirely evil - he was in love with the princess and had asked her hand in marriage, but her father refused, and then this war started. Anyway, that's not important - what's important is that the prince himself, and his team of elite soldiers, were supposed to be kung fu warriors. But -oh, god - they were so bad! So unrealistic as to be insulting! Insulting to kung fu, to the opera, to the poor actors -they _knew_ how silly they looked but they didn't know what else to do! So, I offered to teach them."

"You taught a bunch of actors kung fu?" Shifu asked.

"Not actual kung fu. Stage combat. Just enough to make them look decent. Well, that, and some basic self defense, after a while. But that came later. So, with me as their choreographer we began to travel south through India."

What a funny group they were! Funny, dramatic, testy, and gossip heavy. But they were also a team, a family, and they welcomed Tigress with open arms. She was a little suspicious of their friendliness at first, still bitten from Abasi and Lata, but she learned to trust them when she understood the exchange on which their friendship was based. She was, in a way, purchasing her place among them with her work - the price of their friendship was given at the outset, before she was in too deep, and that comforted her. Lata and Abasi had welcomed her into their precarious life when she had little to offer them, only to later demand things she could not give. _That should have been my first clue_ , she thought ruefully.

Abasi wounded her more than she was comfortable admitting. Every now and then she would come across men who attempted to woo her, but none of them caught her eye. Charming, flashy, attractive men in whom she had every reason to be interested, but they did nothing for her. The more charming, flashy, and attractive they were they less she liked them. All the suitors did was make her long for her friends at the Jade Palace, for a friend she knew she could trust.

Like Po.

He was bumbling, fat, and silly, but he _knew_ her. He didn't try to impress her. He just knew her, through and through, and liked her anyway. It was then, perhaps, that she started to miss Po in earnest, on the nights when she just wanted the comfort of an old friend - a desire no flashy suitor could fulfill.

And now here he was, listening raptly to her story, smiling at her, being the same warm pillow of a guy he'd always been. Their eyes met and his smile widened, and all at once she was really, truly home.

"Go on!" he urged. "What was India like?"

"Oh! India! It was just … just … people there are different. They laugh, and everyone wears brightly colored clothes and bells, and - the _food_ , oh, the _food_ , Po, you would have just died. I didn't know food could taste like that -and they eat everything with their hands, or scoop it up in bread, and they just set out platters and platters until you're fit to burst. I don't know how I stayed in shape, people threw food at us from every direction! Oh, and the _music!_ Indian music is wonderful, so many drums, and people there dance whenever they can - for any reason. There were parties on the beaches where people would dance until dawn. It was wonderful."

"You did always like to dance," Shifu said softly. "Little Tigress, always dancing."

"Little Tigress, always dancing?" Po asked, smiling.

"She -" Shifu stopped himself and glanced at her, as if asking for permission. Tigress nodded and he chuckled. "When you were little you were … always dancing. If there was music nearby, or the hint of music, you would dance. Like you couldn't stop yourself."

"Until you told me to stop," Tigress said, smiling. "You said you were raising a warrior, not a dancer."

"I know I did. But all the same I … I missed it," he said, as though it hadn't occurred to him until that moment. He suddenly cleared his throat, straightening. "Well, go on with your story, Tigress, what happened next?"

She stuttered a bit, taken aback by Shifu's tender memory.

"We - we kept going south. The male lead, the one who played the prince, was a monkey who was originally from a nearby village. When we came across his village to perform it was supposed to be a great celebration, as he was the most famous person that village ever produced. But when we got there, it was deathly quiet and everyone wore mourning garb. A terrible illness had swept through the village a month or two earlier, and had taken with it the lead actor's mother and sister, which left his aging father alone. The actor quit that day. He had to stay to care for his father. It was a huge blow to the opera but no one could really hold it against him.

"So, that left the opera without a male lead. They had another show scheduled in two days in the next village down. They didn't know what to do. The actor had a very special quality of being able to appear very threatening, a quality none of the other actors seemed to possess. He'd also mastered the kung-fu pantomime I'd taught. They needed a replacement, and in two days."

"What did they do?" Viper said.

"They asked for my help. I figured that they wanted me to teach the new male lead kung-fu in a hurry, but no ... they wanted me to _be_ the new male lead."

"Whoa," Po said. "You?"

"Me."

"What did you say?"

"They were in a tight spot, they needed me. I already knew most of the lines, and the kung fu wasn't going to be a problem, but they … I …" she hesitated, blushing. "I … had to … I had to learn to sing."

"You? Sing?" Mantis asked. "On stage?"

She hadn't time to think about it. By that point the opera became her new family, and her family needed her. For two days straight they taught her to speak and sing in the way of an actor. Her voice broke and cracked like a young boy's. They nursed her throat with hot honey water and lemon, fussed over her wardrobe, showed her how to lower her voice and carry herself like a man, slamming years of stage presence and elocution lessons into her skull.

When the performance finally came she was never more terrified, but she looked out and over the audience's heads like they told her, ignoring all the eyes, and did what they trained her to do. After the first few minutes her nervousness faded. She fought and pined and sang and died dramatically in the little grey Pen's arms, and when the curtain closed the crowd roared. She'd never felt so amazed with herself. Like she could do anything.

"Sing," Mantis commanded.

"No," Tigress replied firmly.

"Siiiiiiiing."

"No!"

"Siiiiiiiiiing," the five said at once.

"I said no!"

"What, you can sing for total strangers in India but you won't sing for your oldest friends?" Mantis chided.

"Exactly," Tigress said.

"I find it hard to imagine you onstage," Shifu said thoughtfully, looking oddly delighted. "Did you enjoy performing? I know you enjoyed it when we held tournaments. That's a bit of performing, I suppose."

Tigress shrugged. "I suppose. Yes, I did enjoy it after a while. I enjoyed the kung-fu bits especially. Every now and then I would do something a little extra, a flip here or a kick there. The director kept asking me to do more until there was this ridiculously long battle sequence where I just fought the other actors and did acrobatics for no reason - I mean, it had nothing whatever to do with the plot - but it drew a crowd. The further south we went the more popular the show became. By the time we finally landed in the capital city it was a spectacle, and we were asked to perform for the Emperor and Empress themselves.

"The Emperor and Empress were a bull and a cow, and they were worshipped as gods. We performed the opera in the palace, in the main hall, for them and their entire court. Afterwards they threw a huge party for us, loud music, platters and platters of food. Apparently they were great patrons of the arts and adored actors and musicians. They insisted that we stay at the palace for a few days to show them our individual talents, to sing and dance and play music and do acrobatics. I was embarrassed, because everyone else had a prior history of performing and had something to fall back on in a pinch. I just had kung-fu, and I figured play-sparring and breaking bricks would be tiresome entertainment after a while. But the Emperor kept asking for me."

She cleared her throat, shifted uncomfortably.

"Uh oh," Viper said. "Did he _like_ you?"

Tigress laughed. "Yeah. He did. He, uh … he tried to … woo me." She chuckled uneasily.

"What _is_ it with these Emperors?" Shifu muttered.

"Sorry?" Tigress asked.

He shook his head. "Nothing. Go on."

"For what it's worth he was quite gallant. Very polite, never pushed me. One night he took me for a walk around his private garden and asked me to be his - I think it was _seventeenth_ wife."

Viper laughed. "Lucky number seventeen!"

"What did you say?" Po asked.

"I sad yes. We're married now," Tigress replied matter-of-factly.

Po blinked. "W- what?"

"What do you _think_ I said, Po? Of course I said no. He took it well, though, and said that if I would not be his wife, perhaps I would be a general in his army, as he knew my fighting skills were not merely acting. He offered me land, a palace, all the money I could ask for. But I said no. I did not want to be tied to anyone or anything, waited to be free to come and go as I pleased, and I told him so. So, he said, if I would not be his wife, or his general, would I do him the honor of communing for a few months with his best warriors, to teach them about kung-fu, and learn their martial arts in return?" She smiled. "That I agreed to, and became a resident of the palace.

"During the day I taught kung fu and learned sastravidya, Indian martial arts. I also learned about their chakra energy systems, and a type of tai chi called yoga, and their way of meditation. I'll teach you all, if you want to learn - they sent me home with many texts, and this - " she hiked up the leg of her pants to reveal a hand blade bound to her calf. It was wide and pointed, with a short horizontal grip. "It's called a katara."

Shifu held out his hands. She handed it to him.

"Lovely work," he said, admiring the delicately folded metal and elaborate design. "I've never seen a blade of this type."

"It's an armor piecing dagger," Tigress said proudly. "She how it thickens at the tip?"

"I see," Shifu said. "I imagine one could get a lot of force behind this blade, especially you. Quite a weapon." He nodded approvingly, handing it back to her. "I should like to learn what the Indian warriors taught you, Tigress."

She smiled. "Good, I should like to teach you."

They smiled at each other.

"Go on," Crane said. "What happened next?"

"Well, during the day I did martial arts, and the evenings I spent with the Emperor and Empress. They were constantly having parties, entertaining their Lords and Ladies. I think they liked to show me off."

She had the feeling the Empress was trying to find her a husband, either out of pity or to get Tigress away from hers. Even then no man turned her eye. Not a one interested her. She just found herself thinking of Po when she was with them, without quite understanding why.

"The Empress and I became great friends," Tigress said.

"She wasn't jealous?" Viper asked.

Tigress shook her head. "No. Not outwardly, anyway. He had fifteen wives besides her, I'm sure she was used to it at that point. We spent a lot of time together. Her name was Ashara."

"What did you two do?" Mantis asked.

Tigress shrugged. "Nothing of spectacular importance. We drank a lot of wine, and told a lot of jokes, and tried on a lot of clothes. They held parties most nights, always entertaining guests, so there was always a lot to do. She and her ladies did all this," she said, gesturing to her new clothes, piercings, and the dots dyed into her fur. "They liked playing dress up with me, like I was a big doll."

Viper chuckled. "Sounds like Habika and I," she said.

"Oh," Tigress said tightly. "Is - is the princess still here?"

"She's at the Jade Palace, yes," Shifu said.

"I see," Tigress replied, her voice sounding more strained than she intended. She had hoped that maybe, possibly, the princess would be gone when returned. The woman was a sore spot she did not long to deal with. Maybe, just maybe, Habika would return to the Forbidden City, and when Tigress got back to the Jade Palace everything would just go back to the way it was before. It was a foolish hope, and a selfish one, but she held it all the same.

"The princess - Habika - has begun formally teaching erhu to some of the villagers," he said, in a tone of voice that implied she would continue to do so. "She holds her classes every afternoon under the peach tree."

"And it sounds like a bunch of squeaky wagon wheels gang-banging a dolphin," Mantis said.

Crane spat out his wine.

Shifu shot Mantis a disapproving look but his mouth twitched. He jerked and began laughing in spite of himself. He put his head in his hands. "Oh, Mantis."

"They're getting better," Crane said, wiping his mouth.

"Not fast enough," Mantis shot back. "Seriously Tigress, every afternoon at four you may as well just stab yourself in the face with that fancy Indian dagger of yours."

"You're telling me!" Shifu said. "You're not the one with these ears!"

"That's _right!_ " Mantis said. "I didn't even think of that. Man, you must really love her to put up with that."

"I really do," Shifu said, chuckling. "Most of the time. Takes a dip around four pm."

They all laughed, even Tigress, but mostly from the novelty of Shifu poking fun at Habika for once, instead of taking her so deadly seriously.

"We should be training," Shifu said, "As of an hour ago." He rose and stretched. "Tigress, would you like to show us some of what you learned in India, perhaps? Some sat - sans -"

"Sastravidya," she said, grinning. "That word encompasses many things, but I could give it a shot. If you all are interested, that is."

They nodded enthusiastically. They put aside their bowls and stretched, and then got into line as they had every afternoon of their lives, only this time they stood alongside Shifu, with Tigress before them as teacher.

 **ooo**

Every day played out this way. After morning training, which was unspokenly optional for Tigress, she regaled them with tales of her travels over lunch, and in the afternoons she taught them yoga or Indian martial arts. In the evenings Shifu and Tigress would take a quiet walk together, sometimes speaking, sometimes not.

Shifu was aglow with happiness to have her back, so much so that he'd utterly forgotten to respond to Habika's letters.

One day he received a scroll that read:

 _To the Mountain Creature Who Has Eaten My Fiance,_

 _I hope this missive finds you well._

 _Please know I loved the man you ate dearly, and I wish you had eaten someone else. That said, I hope at the very least he tasted good. I've always known him to be quite delectable._

 _I don't suppose he had any last words for me? If so, do let me know. It's the least you can do._

 _Regards,_

 _Habika._

Shifu chuckled and responded:

 _Little One,_

 _I apologize if you've felt neglected, I didn't intend it. You know I love you like the stars, but I have wonderful news! Tigress has returned! I will tell you everything when we come back to the palace, but she is very happy and healthy and her journey has treated her well. Oh, I'm so very proud of her! You will be too! Oh, little one, I can't even describe it - it's like my heart is beating again._

 _I'll see you soon my little little love._

 _xShifux_

The next day a scroll returned.

 _My Warrior -_

 _I'm thrilled for you, my love! Take all the time you need to be with your daughter. I'll be here when you return. I love you._

 _-Habika_

Shifu smiled. Such a good woman. And now he was off to learn foreign wonders from his amazing prodigal daughter. He sighed. How blessed could one man possibly be?

 **ooo**

She took naturally to teaching, Shifu found. He was impressed. Impressed with her teaching, her journey, her new sense of self, all of it. Impressed and proud. But most of all he was relieved to have her home, happy, safe, and unharmed.

After dinner he asked her to take a walk with him, gingerly, as though he wasn't entirely sure she would agree. He wasn't, he realized. This new Tigress was not his to command. He had not issued a single order to her since she returned. It no longer felt appropriate.

They walked silently for a while, watching the sun sink slowly past the horizon, filling the sky with fire. A gentle breeze blew, making the tall grasses wave softly, so the huge stone monoliths were silhouetted against a gentle, waving field. She waited for him to speak but he barely knew what to say.

"What made you return?" he finally asked. She'd never quite revealed that.

"My place is here," she replied simply.

"So nothing … happened, that sent you back here?"

She seemed to consider this before answering. "No. Not exactly."

"I'm glad you chose to return, instead of some bad fortune choosing for you."

She nodded slowly. "No bad fortune. Just a … a realization."

"Oh?"

She began to speak but hesitated.

"It's all right," he said. "You needn't tell me anything you don't wish to share, Tigress."

"Thank you," she said softly.

"I just wanted to tell you how proud I am of you."

"Proud?" Tigress asked, taken aback.

"This surprises you?"

She nodded.

"Tigress …" he began, but he was unsure how to continue. He could not understand how Tigress would think he would be anything but overjoyed to see her again after a year and a half. Had he really been that strict of a disciplinarian, had scarred her so deeply that she could not see how much he loved her?

He shook his head and sighed, and took a seat on a rock.

"I'm sorry," he said, softly. "I'm sorry that you would think I wouldn't welcome you home. I'm sorry I caused you to think that, Tigress."

"No no ..." Tigress replied.

"I told that story earlier, about you as a little girl, your dancing. You stopped because I told you to, but I missed it when you did. I missed seeing you free and happy, being a child. Perhaps … perhaps I should have just let you dance. I should have let you dance, and … and be a normal little girl. _My_ little girl. I should have read to you, and hugged you, like a … like a proper father."

Tigress knelt next to him.

"You did the best you could at the time. You did what you thought was best for me. I see that now."

"And screwed it all up anyway, yes?" he said wryly.

"No!"

He smiled. "No, I suppose not. Look at you. Look at the spectacular woman you've become! Leave Tigress to her own devices and she conquers India!"

She laughed.

"I would have loved to see you in that opera," he said. "Singing! You really sang? In front of an audience? Ah, you must have a beautiful voice."

Tigress blushed, as she seemed to whenever the opera was mentioned. "What makes you say that?"

"I doubt they would have let you onstage - and kept you there - if you couldn't carry a tune, no matter how badly they needed a new lead," he said.

"Ah. I … I was … I did all right," she said haltingly.

"You did, you did," he said. "With everything. You've done so well! Seeing you now reminds me of you as a little girl, dancing and happy, and I'm sorry I ever told you to stop."

She smiled sadly. "You were training a warrior, not a dancer."

"I was. But maybe I shouldn't have been. Maybe I should have let you choose what you wanted to be, instead of telling you what you were. Maybe you were meant to be a dancer. Or a singer. Or a wife and mother. There are so many paths you may have taken, but I carved them out of your life and demanded you be what I wanted."

"No. I'm proud of what I am. Of what you made me. I would not trade it for the world. And I … I had the chance."

"How so?"

She shifted, and sighed. "When I was in India staying at the palace, I often went on short trips to explore the land, or visit sastravidya masters who lived in different cities. I was walking one day, and I passed … a man."

"A man?"

"Yes. A male tiger. He was maybe in his late thirties. A trader, I think. We were going opposite directions. I glanced at him as I passed, but kept walking. After about thirty feet I turned, and he was looking at me. Our eyes met, and … and I knew."

"What did you know?"

"I knew that if I stopped, if I spoke to him, that I would become his wife and have his children. I would never leave India. I just knew, like I know grass is green and the sun is warm. It was the strangest feeling I've ever had."

"Wow," Shifu said. "What stopped you?"

"I also know that my place is here. And I never knew it more than I did at that moment. I am a warrior of the Jade Palace, not a trader's wife. That man may have made me happy but I would always know I wasn't where I belonged. I am meant to be here, protecting the Valley of Peace and fighting alongside my friends."

Shifu was silent, processing this. "But … but did you really feel that, or was it my voice you heard, Tigress? I should hate to think that you turned down a chance at true love because I poisoned you against other paths."

She shook her head. "No," she said firmly. "I don't regret it. I'm proud to be a warrior of the Jade Palace, and to be your student. I just needed some perspective. I needed to get away from what I am in order to remember what I am."

He nodded. "I am glad you are sure of it. That kind of love is not easy to walk away from. I'm a Grand Master, and even I could not. Is this what I asked about earlier? Is this realization what made you return?"

She nodded.

"Thank you for sharing that with me, Tigress."

They sat silently for a moment as the last of the sun dipped behind the horizon, and the stars blinked into view, dancing along the Milky Way.

"When will we be returning to the Jade Palace?" Tigress asked. "It'll be good to get back to the barracks and sleep in my own bed again!"

"You don't belong in the student's barracks," he said.

She blinked. "What?"

He sighed heavily. "Tigress, it - it strikes me - well, struck me, while you were gone - that I made a mistake in raising you. A major mistake that I could not see then, but needs to be corrected now."

"What's that?"

"I cannot be both your Master and your father."

She shook her head. "I -"

He held up his hand. "Seeing you now, seeing the happy woman who has returned to me, safe and sound, with all this new knowledge - this proud person with clear sight and a steady heart … Tigress, you no longer need a Master. You _are_ a Master."

He took her hand, his heart pounding.

"So, even though it is decades late, and far too long coming …I would be honored to have the chance to be … to be your father. Properly. Finally. I know nothing can make up for lost time, but - "

He was suddenly swept up in Tigress's arms. He chuckled softly and returned the embrace. They stayed that way for a long time, silent, with their arms around each other.

"I'd like that," she finally said.

"I gathered."

"Thank you," she gasped, and Shifu realized she was crying.

"For what?"

"For … for raising me. For training me. For … for my life."

He shook his head. "You never need to thank me," he said. "You're … you're my little girl. You always were, even if I … if I-"

"It's all right, it's the past, Master." She paused. "Father."

He squeezed her hand and nodded.

"Father," he said.

 **ooo**


	25. a sweet twinge, oddly placed

**chapter 25:** **a sweet twinge, oddly placed**

They finally heard Tigress sing on the journey back to the Jade Palace.

When the weather cooled they packed up their site and headed back down the mountain into the Valley. Tigress, eager to get back to the Jade Palace and full of boundless energy, traveled half a mile in front of them. They stopped for lunch, and when they started back she fell into conversation with Po, the two of them falling behind the others. Shifu, Crane, Viper, Monkey, and Mantis walked along silently until Po trotted up behind them, huffing and puffing, the pans tied to his pack clanging. There was a mischievous smile on his face. When they looked up to him questioningly he just grinned, and said, "Listen."

"Listen to what?" Crane said, but suddenly a melody weaved down the mountain towards them. It was a loud, strong voice, with an androgynous quality about it - a woman singing a song meant for a man. Nevertheless, it was clear and skilled and bewitching.

" _O, the falling blossoms, love_

 _Falling into snow,_

 _My love is like a single blossom_

 _On the wind it blows_

 _Blown away across the sea_

 _Up to the moon and stars_

 _Blade and blood between us, love_

 _But from you I shan't be far….."_

When they paused to listen Po shooed them forward. "Keep walking, she'll stop if she sees you."

"How did you get her to sing?" Crane asked.

"I won a bet," Po snickered.

The singing continued, echoing off the mountain stone. Shifu could not help but smile. They all did. The singing stopped when they paused by a stream for a drink. Tigress came bounding down the mountain to meet them, blushing, but with her head held high.

"Tigress," Shifu said, "that was beautiful."

"What was?" she said, and looked over his head into the distant valley, at the blazing sun dipping under the horizon.

"Your singing."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," she replied in a firm tone, and started down the mountain.

 **ooo**

Habika hadn't seen him for weeks, but somehow that last afternoon of waiting was the hardest. She was hardly able to concentrate on teaching her erhu class. Once it was over she bathed, then patted on the sweet-smelling powder he liked, and put on his favorite pink hanfu. After Jing returned from the markets with a bottle of sweet wine and a thousand layer cake, Habika helped her change the sheets on the bed. A fresh vase of lover's flowers adorned the bedside table. As an afterthought Habika plucked one from the water and slipped it behind her ear. She felt suddenly hot, her heart pounding. She was so eager to see Shifu again she'd turned giddy as a girl.

There was a knock at the door and Jing answered it, bowing. "Good evening, Masters," she said. Habika rushed to the balcony to greet him.

"We've totally re-done the place, you'll be amazed," Shifu said to someone behind him. Habika began to speak, but paused when Tigress strode through the door.

"Wow. Is this the same building?" Tigress said, looking around the house. Her eyes fell on Habika before Shifu's did. They stared at each other for a beat, then Tigress gave a little bow. "Princess," she said.

"Master Tigress," Habika replied.

"Little one!" Shifu exclaimed, beaming up at her. "Look, it's Tigress!"

Habika nodded and smiled. "I see! It's good to see you back, Master Tigress."

"Thank you. It's good to be back."

There was a long, awkward pause. Shifu, entirely oblivious to the tension, trotted around the sangha pointing out changes to Tigress, who acted more interested than she really was. Feeling awkward and silly, Habika retreated into the kitchen with Jing, who gave her a sympathetic smile. Something about that gave Habika a bit of extra confidence. Drawing herself up, she grabbed the bottle of wine and three glasses, then strode into the living room.

"Would the two of you care to join me for some wine?" she asked.

Tigress began to accept but Shifu interrupted. "Not just now little one," he chirped and pecked Habika on the cheek. "I want to show Tigress the improvements we made to the training hall!" he said, trotting happily out the door, leaving Tigress and Habika suddenly, uncomfortably, alone.

"Lovely … new jewelry," Habika said. "Where did you get it?"

"India," Tigress replied.

"Oh! India!" Habika replied. "Lovely, uh …sub-continent, India."

"Yes. I thought so."

"Tigress!" Shifu called.

Tigress bowed and went out the door. "Princess."

Habika nodded. "Tigress. Master. Master Tigress."

When the door shut Habika closed her eyes and put her palm to her forehead. Jing gently took the bottle from her. "Allow me," the goose said, pouring a glass.

"Please," Habika replied, plopping down on the couch.

 **ooo**

"This feels strange," Tigress said.

She, Shifu, and Po stood in what had been Shifu's room on the bottom floor of the bunkhouse. She'd only entered it a handful of times as a child, and remembered it as stark and cavernous, cold. It seemed no less so as an adult, especially now that it was empty of Shifu's few belongings. It was easily three times the size of her room in the barracks, with stone walls and a fireplace, a private bath, and a huge closet.

Shifu reached up and squeezed her hand, smiling. "You'll get used to it."

"If you don't want it I'll take it," Po offered. "These are some sweet digs."

Tigress smiled. "I'm sure I'll adjust."

Shifu offered her his old room when they were packing to return to the Jade Palace. She was taken aback, not realizing that when he said she didn't belong in the student's barracks he'd meant it literally. The room had been unused for over a year since he'd moved into the sangha with the princess. Tigress was speechless at the gesture, at the unspoken meaning behind it. It was a tangible, outward expression of her new place in the Palace, and her new relationship with Shifu. That room, if not occupied by the highest ranking Master of the palace, was to be saved for visiting heads of other schools or royal guests. By allowing Tigress to inhabit it Shifu declared her high standing to the Palace.

"Now let me show you how this lock works, there's a trick to it," Shifu said, trotting over to the door. There was a little latch at a height comfortable for Shifu's reach. Tigress had crouch low to watch his demonstration.

"Hmm. Maybe you should have Zeng move this up a little," Shifu said, chuckling.

"That might be a good idea," Tigress replied.

"Also, you'll want to place your bed on the opposite wall so the morning sun will wake you. It's a nice way to wake up. Oh, also, make sure the chimney flue is open before you start a fire. I filled the barracks with smoke when I first moved in here. Very embarrassing. The smell hung around for weeks, too. So make sure you don't repeat my mistake."

Tigress nodded. "I will."

"I think that's about it," Shifu said, smiling. "Any questions?"

"This closet is so big I could sleep in it!" Po cried from behind the closet door.

She shook her head. "I think I've got the picture."

He smiled. "Try not to be so nervous. You've earned this."

"Thank you Mast - Father. Thank you, Father." Her heart still did a funny somersault when she called him that.

He beamed up at her lovingly. "Maybe tomorrow after training we can talk more about your plans for the future, yes? Over supper?"

"Certainly, though I don't have any new ideas." Her new status implied a moving forward of some kind. She could still train with the five, of course, and she would still be part of the team, but her new place demanded some sort of independent action. She just wasn't sure what that action would be. Up in the mountains she had been looking forward to getting back into her old routine. It was jarring to realize there was no more old routine, like being repeatedly jerked awake.

"I should be getting back to the sangha," Shifu said.

Tigress gave a low chuckle. "That you should. You kind of blew the princess off back there."

Shifu's eyes widened. "I did?"

Tigress tried not to let any satisfaction come through in her voice. "Mmm-hmm. She was all dressed up with a flower behind her ear, had a bottle of wine and everything, but all you wanted was to show me the new house."

"She was?"

Tigress nodded.

"Well don't I feel like an ass," Shifu muttered. After a moment he reached up and patted Tigress on the cheek. "Thanks for watching out for me. You're a good girl. Enjoy your room, I'll see you tomorrow."

"Goodnight Father."

"Goodnight, uh, daughter," he said warmly, and went on his way.

When he was gone Tigress sighed and sat cross legged on the floor. The room looked a bit more familiar this way -she had been about this height the last time she was in it. There was some shuffling in the closet. With a yelp and a bang Po tumbled out and onto the floor. "Lost my - found my - feet," he stuttered. "Dark in there. Heh."

Tigress gave her bumbling friend a lopsided grin as he toddled over and sat down next to her.

"So, wow, huh? Moving up in the world!" he said, gesturing to the room.

She nodded. "It's strange."

"It's awesome! You know I would have thought they would save the fancy room for the Dragon Warrior, but this works too, I guess." He chuckled. "Just kidding. So, what are you going to do now? Have you thought about it any more?"

"Here and there," she said. "I just need some time. Shifu - Father - asked me the same thing."

Po tilted his head at her and smiled.

"What?" Tigress asked.

"Is that as weird to say that as it is to hear?" he asked. "Don't get me wrong, it's great. It's really great, it's just gonna take some getting used to."

"You're telling me," Tigress said. "Yes, it's weird, but it's … nice. I'm glad I can - that we can - be like that," she finished lamely. She didn't have the words to tell Po the real extent of her feelings, the trembling anxiety, tearful relief, a sense of joy so potentially overwhelming she still hadn't allowed herself to fully settle into it.

Po nodded. "Lots of big changes," he said, looking around the room. She watched him take it in, her big dumpling of a panda. Lately she found herself staring at him. There was something different about him that she couldn't pin down. She'd tried to suss it out since her return but it eluded her. She kept trying to see evidence of it even though she knew the change wasn't physical. She watched his eyes as they lifted to the window to settle on the moon.

She said it before she knew she would. "You've changed, Po."

He raised his eyebrows. "I have?"

She nodded. "It's like … it's like you weigh more."

Po looked disappointed. "Oh. I've. Um. I've actually lost weight since you left," he said, putting his hand on his belly.

"I don't mean - that's not what I meant. You look fine. But it's like you have more gravity, somehow. Like you're more … _here_. Does that make any sense?"

His eyes went soft and thoughtful.

"It was tough without you around," he finally said. "But it forced me to grow up a bit."

She nodded. "I'm sorry, Po."

"No no! Don't be sorry, Tigress. You did what you needed to do."

"I should have at least said goodbye."

Po shook his head. "You can't always say goodbye. Sometimes you just need to go."

A warm feeling bloomed in her chest. "Po…" she said, leaning into hug him. "Thank you."

He wrapped his arms around her. It felt wonderfully warm and secure. She rested her cheek against his soft shoulder. She felt a sweet twinge, oddly placed, so out of context that she put it directly out of her mind.

"I'm glad you're back," he said, his voice deep and rumbling and soft.

She sighed. "I'm glad to be back." She gave him a last squeeze and released him. They sat in silence for a moment, looking at the moon.

"You know," Po said, "maybe you should do something with that Sastravidya stuff."

"How do you mean?"

"I mean, maybe you could combine it with kung-fu somehow. Invent something new."

"I - I don't know," she replied.

Tigress didn't consider herself a creative person. Not like Shifu, in any case, who had invented half the machines in the training hall and created the panda fighting style just for Po. She was good at doing what she was taught with speed, accuracy, and precision, but had never taken it upon herself to add anything of her own. But then, wasn't that what her new place in the Palace was all about? Moving forward, accepting new challenges? Stretching her boundaries?

"Just a suggestion," Po said, shrugging.

"That's a good idea, Po," she said.

"It is?"

"Yes," she said, and then more firmly, "It is."

 **ooo**

"Little one?" Shifu asked, sheepishly pushing the sangha door open.

She dashed out of the kitchen, threw her arms around his neck, and covered his face in kisses.

"Oh!" Shifu said, chuckling. "Good, you're happy to see me."

"Of course I'm happy to see you!"

"I thought you might be upset. About earlier."

Habika locked her arms around his neck and leaned back, so she was almost swinging on him. "Earlier? Oh, yes, that was painfully awkward. Ugh, I'm such a dummy. Couldn't even make words right. Terrible terrible. Pick me up!"

Shifu did as she asked and swung her into his arms, though he raised an eyebrow. "Little one, are you drunk?"

"Only a little."

Shifu laughed. "Silly thing."

"Upstairs! To the bed!" she commanded, pointing to the air.

"Right away!" he said, carrying her up the steps.

"I'm glad your Tigress is back," she said, "even though she scares me."

"She scares you?"

Habika nodded. "I'm sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry about. Tigress is an intimidating warrior, but you have nothing to fear, little one. You're always - " he stopped short because Habika pressed her lips against his. When he placed her gently down on the bed she tugged at the shoulders of his robe, pulling him down on top of her.

"Get in here and be my husband," she growled. "I haven't seen you in so long it's stupid."

 **ooo**


	26. balancing on something unsure

**chapter twenty six:** **balancing on something unsure**

"What do you think?"

Crane titled his head at Viper when she slithered out from behind her screen door. She had replaced the lotus flowers on her head with more autumnal varietals, chrysanthemums and blackberry lilies. She accented them with green peach tree leaves gone crisp and auburn around the edges.

Crane blinked.

"Those are different flowers," he said.

"Well … yeah," she replied. "Do you like them?"

"Uh. Yeah. They're … pretty?" He gave her a blank sort of smile, naive and fretfully optimistic, unsure why she asked his opinion but hopeful he'd given the right answer.

"I thought they'd be good for the Harvest Festival. More … harvest-y?"

"Oh!" Crane said. "Well, yeah, they're very … you know … more seasonal than the lotuses, sure. Goes with the theme and all. Fall flowers for a fall theme. Works. Heh. Right, let's catch up with the others! Everyone's waiting at the peach tree." He headed down the hall, anklets clinking, unaware of the look of disappointed resignation that passed briefly over Viper's face as she slithered quietly alongside him.

When they arrived at the peach tree Mantis greeted them. "Everyone already went down," he said, gesturing toward the sea of warm light at the bottom of the stairs.

Crane gave a toss of his head. "Hop on, I'll save you guys the trip," he said, and Mantis jumped onto his back, securing himself to his friend by grabbing his feathers.

"Aww yeah, courier service!" Mantis said.

"You too," Crane said to Viper.

"Thanks," Viper said shyly. She slung herself over his back, curling her midsection around his waist and chest, and her neck around his, pressing her chin hard against the nape of his neck to avoid the backlash of wind. As Crane lifted off she closed her eyes and sighed, allowing her nose to dip between his feathers. When she opened her eyes she looked directly into Mantis's.

He gave her a knowing look.

Viper blinked, flushed, and looked away.

 **ooo**

"Here comes Crane," Tigress said, pointing up. "Oh, and Viper too."

Tables and a stage were set up in the central square, festooned with warm lanterns and garlands. The air filled with the happy sounds of drums and flutes. The tables were covered in food but no one ate. Traditionally the Masters were seated and served first as thanks for their service to the Valley. Po looked longingly at the meal but didn't so much as dip his finger into anything for a taste. Tigress found herself impressed with this as she ladled herself another cup of hot spiced wine.

"You're really slamming those down," Po remarked.

"It's only my second cup."

"Yeah, but, I mean…"

She raised her eyebrow at him. "I'm fine."

He shrugged. "I forget that you spent the last year being a hard-drinking opera-singing tattooed crazy woman."

Tigress smirked, raised her cup, and threw it back in one go.

"Watch out, we got a bad-ass over here," Po said.

"I believe the term is hardcore," Tigress corrected. She filled another cup and handed it to Po. "Here, to tide you over until our meal arrives."

"I'm a lightweight."

She tapped him playfully on the belly. "I doubt that."

"Oh har har," he said.

"Masters, if you please…" Zeng said, bowing and gesturing to the Master's table. Crane, Viper, and Mantis were being seated. At the head of the table sat Shifu and Habika, looking jolly and well warmed by wine. Habika laced her arm through Shifu's, and he leaned over to kiss her cheek.

"D'aw," Po said. He offered Tigress his arm. "M'lady?"

She chuckled and put her arm through his, and they walked to the Master's table.

 **ooo**

The meal began with only the Masters seated at the head table, but after a moment Po went to fetch Mr. Ping as well. The inclusion wasn't traditional but Shifu waved it off. The warmed wine agreed with him; seated between Tigress and Habika he looked absolutely content. Tigress enjoyed seeing him so happy.

Habika barely took her eyes from him. That dewy eyed look of hers used to annoy Tigress, but now she found it just a little sweeter than she did irritating. She couldn't say she liked the Princess any more now than she had before she left, but she did find herself happy for her obvious adoration of Shifu. The Princess's love lit her father up. When Shifu returned the Princess's look he wore a lazy, almost lusty grin, his eyelids gone heavy. He'd say something, softly, that only she could hear. She'd reply, her eyes going soft, and they'd go on this way, edging closer to one another until they would nearly kiss. Tigress found herself imagining what kind of kiss that would be, wet and slow and heavy, the way Abasi used to kiss her when he knew he had her in his clutches for the night.

A thick wave of lust rippled up through her at that memory. She looked away from her father and his lover, then sighed. Stupid spiced wine.

A burst of laughter distracted her.

"I swear, I've never seen Po run so fast," Crane said.

"Like the wind," Monkey replied. "Like the big fat wind."

"What is this about Po running fast?" Shifu asked.

"The porcupine tribe," Po said, chuckling. "Once I realized they can launch those things I hauled ass, believe you me."

"If only Shifu and Viper had run as fast as you!" Crane said, and they all burst into laughter.

"That was an interesting three days," Tigress remarked.

"Oh no," Shifu said, putting his head in his hands.

"No," Viper repeated. "Can we not?"

"What's this about?" Habika asked, bemused.

Tigress glanced at Shifu and Viper as though asking permission to tell the story. He sighed, shook his head, and shrugged.

"Whatever, I guess," Viper muttered, throwing back her cup of wine.

"A couple years ago we broke into an encampment of porcupine warriors who had stolen Grand Master Qin's Lightning Staff while it was in transit here from Gongman City," Tigress began. "It's a very powerful weapon and could do massive damage in the wrong hands. We weren't sure how many there would be or what kind of weapons they might have, so Shifu joined us. We took a river boat to the encampment. When we got there Shifu stayed by the front gate distracting the guards with his 'I'm a lost senile old man' routine while we broke in and retrieved the staff. It was supposed to be a silent, seamless mission but Po screwed something up -"

"Hey!" Po objected.

" -so we had to get out of there as fast as possible. Shifu was last to figure out what was happening. By the time he made his escape the porcupines were on high alert, and he was shot on the way back to our boat."

"Shot?"

Shifu nodded. "Yes, in the thigh with three quills."

"Oh," Habika said. "That doesn't sound too terrible."

"Not on their own, no," Shifu sighed. "But these quills were dipped in a very fast-acting, very powerful hallucinogen. It's meant to disorient the victim so he can be captured and interrogated. Just one of those quills would put, say, Monkey, into quite a state for about ten hours. I was hit with three. Viper, two."

Habika's eyes widened. He continued.

"I thought I could handle it. I wasn't sure if Viper could - apologies, Viper -"

Viper gave a dismissive toss of her head. "You weren't wrong."

He turned to Habika. "I told Viper to join me in quiet meditation in my sleeping compartment. The boat had a small cubby that was usually used for storage, but I'd inhabited it while we were on the boat. I figured if we stayed in a small, dim space with very little stimulation it would be easier for us. So in we went, and shut the door."

"And out you came, what, six minutes later?" Po asked. They burst into laughter.

"If we're going to keep telling this story I'll need more of that," Shifu sighed, gesturing to the bowl of warmed wine. Tigress ladled him another cup.

"So the door opens," Crane said, "and you see Shifu's ears coming out sideways - just the ears for a second - and then you slowly see his big eyes, totally dilated, and he's just. Staring at us. And we're staring back. And he eventually goes, 'Students?' And we say 'Yes?' And he goes 'Can you see me?'"

Another round of laughter.

"And we're all, uh, yes, we can see you Master," Po said. "And then Viper comes out from behind him, like - slams out, I can't even - like someone was squeezing her out of a bottle, it was so weird - and she just flips on her back and starts laughing her ass off at nothing."

"And then Shifu started scolding her! That was the best part!" Crane said. "Gods, he was after her the whole time! 'Viper! Stop shrinking! Stop changing colors this instant!'

"Didn't you say I told him to mind his old fart business after a while?" Viper asked Crane.

"You don't remember?" Habika asked.

"Nope, not a thing," Viper replied.

"The last thing I remember is opening the compartment door, terrified I was invisible. After that, the next three days is…" Shifu made a helpless gesture. "Dust."

"I remember little bits of things. I remember sitting on the roof of the cabin," Viper said.

"More like lying on top of the cabin," Tigress said.

"Drooling," Crane added.

Viper blushed fiercely.

"On the second day it seemed like you two reached a point where you couldn't speak properly," Tigress said. "All you wanted to do was lie on the roof and watch the trees go by. And you'd get really upset if there weren't any trees, so Po would roll the two of you over so you could look down at the fish. And then you'd get upset if there weren't any fish, so he'd roll you back over to look at the trees again."

"What if there were no trees and no fish?" Habika asked.

"Chaos, unless you kept them entertained," Crane said. "They were like a pair of two year olds. Eventually we found some blocks for them to play with, and that kept them happy for a while, until Shifu suddenly regained his speech and kept telling Viper she was building wrong."

"According to legend, that's when I told Shifu to mind his old fart business," Viper said.

"Probably rightly so," Shifu said from behind his hands.

"Probably!?" Viper asked.

"Well I don't know," Shifu said, putting his hands down and taking a sip of wine. "*Were* you building wrong?" He smirked.

"There's no 'wrong' in blocks!" Viper cried.

"There's always a wrong somewhere," Shifu said.

"Thass EXAC'LY what your WHOLE problem is, you know that?" said a serving woman as she plopped a plate of fried rolls in front of Shifu. Everyone was struck silent. They looked up in shock at some short, unimaginably puffy, obviously quite tipsy creature carrying a tray. She glared at Shifu, one tooth edging over her bottom lip.

Shifu blinked. "I don't know who you are, but I think you're too drunk to be waiting right now."

"I KNOW I'm too drunk to be waiting right now," the puffball slurred. She ripped off her apron and threw the tray on the ground. "I'm going home. I'm not gonna be a part of this system."

The watched her go, then glanced at one another in puzzlement, giggling uncomfortably.

"You know what they say," Po said. "It's not a real party until someone … does …that?"

Habika looked puzzled. She put her hand up like a child in a classroom. "I have a question," she said.

"If it's 'who the hell was that?' we don't know," Mantis replied.

"No, it's - no. Didn't you say the hallucinogen was meant for interrogation? How is it of any use if you can't talk? And if you're laughing and acting like toddlers?"

"It was a day before we couldn't talk," Shifu replied. "We were quite able to speak before that."

"And pretty terrified for a lot of it," Crane said.

"Like inconsolably terrified," Mantis said. "Viper curled herself around Shifu in this huge hug because she was scared, and Shifu was petting her head and telling her everything would be all right, until he got the idea in his head that she was actually trying to strangle and eat him. He attacked her, she bit him. We had to separate you two."

Both Viper and Shifu looked horrified.

"They've never told you that before?" Habika inferred.

"Every time they tell this story something new comes out," Shifu said. He turned to Viper. "I'm sorry."

"No, no," Viper said. "It was - we were - "

An uncomfortable silence fell over the table.

Suddenly Monkey and Mantis started to giggle. The giggling turned into laughter. When everyone gave them puzzled looks the laughter turned to helpless howling.

"Guys?" Po asked "What?"

They bit their lips and shook their heads, tears running down their faces. Mantis jumped onto Monkey's shoulder. "Monkey," he choked, "I think we should - "

"Yeah, yeah," Monkey agreed. Thy hopped down from the chair and abruptly charged away, echoing uproarious laughter.

Po, Tigress and Crane glared after them.

"We'll get to the bottom of it someday," Po said.

"The bottom of what?" Habika asked.

Tigress shrugged. "Something happened Monkey and Mantis swore on their ancestors never to reveal," she said. "We were docked for the night and lost track of Shifu and Viper in the woods … Monkey and Mantis found them and brought them back but won't say what happened while they were gone."

Viper looked aghast. "WHY does this story get WORSE every time you tell it?" she cried. She and Shifu glanced at one another in horror.

"I've had too much wine," Shifu stated, staring at the table.

"Oh god, what was it? What could it be!" Viper cried. "Tigress why did you have to open your big mouth? Couldn't you have just said 'wow, Monkey and Mantis sure are weirdos' but noooo, suddenly there's this BIG SECRET and now I'm going to wonder what it is FOREVER and - UGH, give me more wine!"

Tigress began to pour Viper a cup.

"Not you, big mouth!" Viper snapped. "Po, pour me more wine!" she said, glaring at Tigress, who was trying her best not to laugh.

"Yes ma'am," Po said, taking over the pouring.

"I said Monkey and Mantis were weirdos last year," Tigress said to Viper.

"What stopped you now?"

Tigress pointed at her empty wine cup.

After a moment of silence, Habika said, 'If they swore on their _ancestors_ it must have been pretty bad."

Shifu finished the last of his wine and hopped down from his seat. "That's me done. See you at the Palace, little one."

"I was just kidding!" Habika said, following Shifu.

They watched the pair go, then Tigress, Po, and Crane turned to Viper.

"You're sure you don't remember _anything_?" Crane pushed.

Viper uncoiled unceremoniously from her seat. "I'm going to go dance. None of you may join me." She slithered to the dance floor, chin held high, and began to writhe and twist to the drums.

Po leaned over and swept Viper's uneaten plates of food to join his. "Man, I love the Harvest Festival."

 **ooo**

"You don't understand what it's like not to recall entire days of your life," Shifu said, sitting in the armchair by the bed, almost miserably.

"If I didn't know better I'd think you were sulking," Habika replied. She sat on the bed, arranging her jewelry into various boxes. This was a constant project for her, something she worked on when restless. She had no idea what kind of order she was trying to achieve, but figured she'd recognize it once attained.

"I'm not sulking," he sulked. "I just don't like it."

"You've never been blackout drunk?"

"What? No!" he replied, repelled by the very idea. "I could get quite drunk when I was a young man, but never to the point where I forgot myself."

"Oh," Habika said.

"Why? Have you?"

"They party pretty hard at the Forbidden City." She smiled. "I have some fond … er … un-memories of celebrations with my sister and her ladies early on, before … before Gan called for me."

"Ah," Shifu said. "You didn't start to feel sick at a certain point and stop?"

She shrugged. "Rice wine tastes like water once you've had enough. I was very young, and swept up in the party."

"I've never been able to be … swept up. I'm always too aware of myself."

"Not even while reading a book or watching a play?"

He shook his head and smiled gently. "The most swept up I've ever been is in you."

She grinned clicked the lid of her jewelry box shut. "That just earned you a night in my bed, my warrior."

"I spend every night in your bed. Besides, I'm full of wine. And gas." He pressed his hand to his stomach and grimaced.

She clucked sympathetically. "How about you lie down and I'll sit on your tummy and help you fart?"

He blinked. "What?"

She shrugged. "Just offering."

"I'll lie down but I think my gas will pass just fine by itself, much appreciated."

"You sure?" Habika said, scooting over to make room for him. "You sure I can't just press around on there for you?" She asked teasingly, massaging his belly.

"Why are you such a silly woman?"

"Because I have gas too," she said, flopping on her back.

"Then let's just lie here and fart," Shifu said, folding his hands on his chest and closing his eyes.

They lie silently, listening to the wind rustle the trees. After a moment one of them produced a polite little puff.

"This is the most romantic night of my life," Habika whispered.

"Shh," Shifu whispered back. 'Don't cheapen this."

 **ooo**

Habika woke uncharacteristically early and could't lull herself back to sleep. She made herself a large cup of tea and decided to enjoy the morning on the balcony, reading a scroll. After a while she grew restless, and hungry, with a particular craving for sweets. She wandered out of the sangha and over the hill to the kitchen, stopping for a moment at the training hall to watch her warrior and his students at work.

They were all present save Tigress, she noticed. Now that Shifu had traded mastership for fatherhood Tigress trained or didn't as she pleased. Sometimes Habika spied her in the courtyard doing strange stretches, kicks, and dodges, referring to parchment scrolls written in sanskrit she'd spread out in the sun. Habika was curious but never approached her. She could sense that Shifu's daughter bore her no more love now than she had before her journeys. The only difference seemed to be that now she put her father's happiness before her own jealousy, if she was indeed jealous still. Habika was proud that Shifu had raised such a discerning young woman, though she felt that pride from afar, and from afar it would remain.

She stopped by the kitchens asking after sweets but there were none to be had. One of the geese asked if she would like something from the market, but Habika decided to have a stroll down there herself. Being up this early was rare for her, and the light was all different, buttery and fresh. New.

As she went down the steps she attempted a walking meditation, trying to clear her mind and be in the moment, nothing but a peaceful body moving through space. She was only able to keep her mind cleared for a couple minutes at a time before some compelling thought stole it away. She had not yet mastered reigning it in. She remained amazed that Shifu could meditate so deeply while balancing on something unsure as that staff.

She sighed. He made her feel quite unfledged and untried sometimes. All of them did. She'd had her trials in life, to be sure, but being around such warriors could not help but make her feel green as a child.

In the market the merchants were just setting up. Habika strolled through, buying dates and rice candy and thousand layer cake for Shifu. She wondered, fleetingly what kind of sweet Tigress might enjoy, but shook the notion from her mind.

She stopped by Mister Ping's for a bowl of noodles for breakfast, then puttered around the village, heading back before the sun grew too high. Going up the gauntlet of stairs with the noontime sun pounding down was pure hell. Sometimes she wished she had a magic crystal with which she could make Crane have the sudden urge to fly overhead and pick her up. Jing had offered to fly her to and from the village whenever she wished, and two or three local geese ran something of a taxi service up and down the hill for the old, sick, or very young, but Habika could never bring herself to use it, not when she lived day to day with people who made the trip on a daily basis without breaking a sweat.

Well, except for Po. She smiled. She liked that about him. She had the feeling no amount of kung-fu training would entirely eliminate his pleasure-seeking nature. She'd had to resuscitate it out of Shifu, but Po would never lack an appreciation of life's little gifts.

As she was about to head to the stairs a splash of color hit her eye. Peeking down an alley, she was that a beautiful mural had been painted on a wall there, seemingly overnight. She followed the twirling back of a blue-green and purple dragon down the length of the wall and stopped at his ferocious, toothy, growling face. She stretched her hand out, placing it on the dragon's pink fleshy tongue, admiring the detail.

"Hey," said a voice from a behind her.

She startled, turned. A huge crocodile smirked down at her in a way that made her blood freeze in her veins. She heard a crash and a scream from around the corner.

"What's in the basket, honey?"

"Sweets," she said.

"Hm." He stepped to the side, looking her up and down, blocking her escape route out of the alleyway. More chaos and screams sounded from the marketplace.

"What - what are - what's going on?" Habika stuttered, stepping away from the crocodile. She tried to remember everything Shifu had ever taught her about self defense, about mental control, about keeping calm. It was all a blur. She began to panic.

The crocodile swept the basket out of her hand with a swipe of his tail. Rice candies and dates tumbled out onto the pavement.

"There really _were_ sweets on the basket," the crocodile said. He took a step closer to her, Habika stumbled back against the wall, against the dragon lascivious pink tongue. She gasped as the reptile's cold tail wandered up her leg, lifting the skirt of her hanfu.

"Then maybe I'll take the sweets in _this_ basket," he crocodile purred.

"No - no, please - _please_ – I have money, I'll give you all my money - " she begged, trying to wriggle away. He grabbed her and forced his knee between her legs, lifting her off the ground. When she screamed he pressed his hand to her throat, pinning her to the wall and blocking off her air. She scratched at his hand and wrist but her nails barely nicked his thick scales, and her kicks to his thigh were ineffective as a child's. He pressed harder on her throat as he began to undo his pants.

 _Not like this_ , she thought in desperation, clawing at his impenetrably armored hand. _Please, not like this_.

As her vision began to go gray a rage passed through her unlike any she'd ever known, as though she were made of fire. With the very last of her strength her nails found her way between the scales of his hand and dug in, puncturing the flesh. Cold blood pooled around the tips of her fingers. He yelped, his knee falling out from under her, pinning her even harder to the wall. She choked and sputtered.

"You little _BITCH_!" the crocodile bellowed, raising his fist to strike her, gray against the gray sky.

 _I'm sorry, my warrior_ , Habika thought as it came down.

 _Mahdi, I_ -

 **ooo**


	27. one I fear

**chapter twenty seven:** **one I fear**

She forced something thick and metallic up and out of her throat, flailing. When her eyes opened she saw red spatter against the pavement. Blood, out of her mouth. She had bitten her own tongue.

"Good, you're alive," said a deep, feminine voice. "You _stupid_ woman."

Habika hacked and flipped over, lying on the pavement. The noonday sun blinded her until Tigress stepped in front of it, casting her face into shadow while giving her an angelic halo. Habika wiped her mouth on her sleeve and sat up, raising a hand to block the sun.

"What - what happened -?"

"Bandits raided the village and you were nearly raped, is what happened," Tigress growled, her voice full of disgust. "Has Shifu taught you _nothing_?"

Habika glanced around for her attacker. He lay in a puddle of blood a few feet away, his throat shredded by claws, one lifeless eye rolled up towards her. She looked for the puncture wound she'd managed to push into his hand. It was covered over by the blood from his neck wound. The blood Tigress spilled in saving her life. Her thick claws were red with it.

A shake went through her, a fiery shudder. She began to sob.

"What are you crying about?" Tigress snapped. "You're saved."

Habika heaved, hacked, leaning against the wall to spit out more blood. "I'm - "

"You're what?"

Another blast of fiery rage swept over her. She looked at the dead croc, her chest burning. She could almost feel it, the sensation of reaching for his throat, grasping the muscles and tendons, shredding the windpipe before the bastard had the chance to touch her. Her hands clawed.

"I'm -" She heaved. The fire - the shame - was too much. All she had been able to do was whimper and flail while he grinned and loosened his pants -

"You're WHAT?" Tigress shouted.

"I'm ANGRY!" Habika shouted, punching the wall, shredding the skin from her knuckles. She broke into a bout of fresh sobbing.

"GOOD!" Tigress shouted back. "You SHOULD be! You SHOULD be angry! You should be ASHAMED! You've been at the Palace for two years and haven't even picked up the _basics_? And you call yourself a woman worthy of the Grand Master of the Jade Palace?" Tigress spat. "A woman worthy of Shifu would never have let this happen to her."

Habika closed her eyes, breathed in through her nose, out through the mouth, calming herself the way her warrior had taught her. She felt Tigress's energy retreat, just a little, enough to give her some space.

Habika swallowed. Opened her eyes, looked at the ground. Her throat was dry. "What should I have done?"

Tigress was silent for a moment. "Any number of things. If you knew kung-fu you could have disabled him long before he had you pinned to the wall, and even after. But you don't know kung-fu, so here you are. Has Shifu really taught you so little?"

"When you returned, he told you that he could not be your Master and your father. He can no more be my Master and my lover."

She heard Tigress take a sharp breath. _Of course._

"He didn't teach you even basic self-defense?" she asked after a moment.

"He did, but I … forgot … in the face of …" she waved her hand at the dead croc. "He wanted to teach me, but it led to conflict between us. We could be Master and student or man and woman, and we chose …."

"You're close with Viper," she said with an edge of resentment.

"She's my friend."

"So?"

"I can't learn from her. I trust her not to harm me. I don't … fear her. If I had a Master, it would have to be one I fear."

After a pause, Tigress said, "I see."

They were silent for a moment, Tigress standing before Habika, who sat bruised and dirty on the ground in her shadow.

"Who, at the Jade Palace, do you fear?" Tigress asked softly.

"I fear you," Habika replied.

"Do you want to learn how to keep this from happening again?"

Habika looked at the dead croc. "Yes."

"Do you want to learn kung-fu?"

Her eyes rose to Tigress's. "Yes."

"Then _I_ am your Master. Now GET ON YOUR FEET!" Tigress shouted. Habika began to stand, shakily. When she didn't move fast enough Tigress grabbed her by her collar and jerked her upright, kneeling so their faces were inches apart. "And be _afraid_."

 **ooo**


	28. out of love for you

**chapter twenty eight:** **out of love for you**

Habika howled.

A moment before she'd been sound asleep, but now her calf was exploding. The muscle there spasmed so hard it felt like it would tear itself apart, as though a giant were driving a thick, ridged nail into her leg. She cried out, clutching her shrieking leg to her chest.

"What? What is it?" Po asked from the next room.

"My _leg_ ," she said through grit teeth.

"Cramp? Flex your foot!" Monkey said from down the hall.

It was the last thing she wanted to do. Bracing for more pain she forced herself to move her foot in a slow circle, then up and down. It wasn't as bad as she expected. The worst of the cramp gently subsided and she went limp. The enormity of the pain left her breathless and sweaty. She pressed the flat of her hand against the curve of her calf. It pounded and stung in protest, but at least it was no longer twisting itself to hell.

"Now get up and walk," Monkey said.

Habika moaned.

"If you don't it'll be worse in the morning," Viper said. "You'll be limping around half the day. Walk to the steps and back, that should do it."

"What do you know about legs?" Po asked Viper bemusedly.

"I watch you guys," she said and yawned.

"Fair enough." Habika heard Po shift his weight, rolling over on his cot. "G'night."

Habika pulled herself to her feet. "Sorry I woke you all."

"Don't worry about it, happens to everybody." He yawned again.

"Do some extra calf stretches for the next few days," Monkey said.

"Okay. Thank you."

She gasped as she gingerly put her weight on the afflicted leg, and limped her way out of the student's bunkhouse.

 **ooo**

"Little one," a voice called softly.

She straightened and turned to see Shifu standing under the peach tree. She smiled and limped towards him, staggering down the dirt path.

A look of alarm crossed his face and he ran up to her. "Why are you limping? Here, let me help you."

"Leg cramp. Very unpleasant way to wake up."

He nodded. "Ah. Come along." He gave her his arm and she took it gratefully.

"What are you doing awake?"

"Couldn't sleep," he sighed, helping Habika to the tree.

She clucked sympathetically.

"Sit," he commanded, helping Habika to the ground. "Let's take a look." He sat down next to her and put her leg on his lap. He pressed on her calf and a stinging, tingly, sour ache made her gasp and flinch. "Ah, it's torn," he said.

" _Torn_?" she asked, horrified.

"Mm. Sometime that happens. The muscle seizes and tears itself. A very small tear but very painful. I can feel it here-"

Habika yelped. He put a soothing hand on her thigh.

"-but if you let me work on it I can heal it up for you. Yes?"

She grit her teeth and nodded.

"I'm going to have to massage it quite hard. It will hurt. Tell me if you can't take it any more and I will stop."

She closed her eyes and sighed. "Okay."

He leaned and pressed on her chest, telling her to lie down. Before she could he kissed her quickly on the lips. She returned the kiss, wrapping her arms around his neck. They remained like that for a moment before breaking apart.

He breathed in her scent. "Ah, little one, I miss you."

"I miss you too." An odd, crooked smile crossed her face. "Tigress is a cruel mistress."

"Ah, but you're smiling, that's good," he said. "Now lie down."

He began rubbing the injury on her calf. It felt like a hot knife. She gasped.

"Try to calm down," he said softly.

"It hurts," she said through grit teeth.

"I'm barely touching you."

She rubbed her eyes. " _Fuck_."

"Here? Under the peach tree?" Shifu asked with a smirk. "A bit wanton, but if you insist…"

"Har har har," she said.

He sighed. "At this point I would. Let the whole palace watch."

She chuckled.

"Deep breath, little one." He took her calf between his hands and held it, closing his eyes. She felt a warm, soothing energy rush into her, melting her. "Better?"

"Mm."

He began to work at the muscle in her calf. It hurt but she didn't seem to care as much as she had before. She looked up at the peach tree, its leaves turning red with fall, and the stars behind them.

"What is she having you do?" he asked.

"Running, mostly. Sprinting, and hitting small targets with my fingertips as I go by."

He nodded. "Speed and accuracy, for hitting pressure points. That method is how I started with Mantis."

"Yes. She wants me to be able to do the course faster than she can. And she's _fast_."

"She is, but you have the potential to be faster. You're small and light."

"I keep getting stuck at the target I have to jump to hit. It breaks my stride, and - ah! ouch -"

"Can you stand it?"

She collected herself. "Yes. Go on."

"You need to eat more salt, that will keep this from happening."

"I've been on that atrocious diet of hers, just tofu and rice."

"Use more soy sauce. We have pickles as well, eat pickles."

"Will she let me eat pickles?"

"She will if I tell her to," he said, pressing his thumbs into Habika's calf. "I think."

Habika wasn't so sure. Despite their new closeness Tigress and Shifu had been butting heads over the issue of her training for the entire month she'd been in the student barracks.

It didn't take long to start. The morning of the bandit raid Habika and Tigress walked up the interminable stairs and spoke barely a word to one another. She followed Tigress like a baby duckling, feeling surreal and close to tears. For what in the world had she just volunteered herself? She watched Tigress stalk up the stairs ahead of her on powerful legs, terrified. By the time they reached the top of the staircase her head pounded and she was absolutely sure she'd made a huge mistake. Shifu ran out of the training hall to meet them, having heard the gongs the village sounded when it needed the Five. It was only when she saw his eyes that she knew she had to go through with it.

"Oh, gods, little one, what happened?" he said, taking her bruised and bleeding face between his hands, then clutching her to him. "I'm so sorry - I should have been there - I should have been there to protect you. Oh, little one, Habika, I'm so sorry, I'm - "

"It's not your fault," she said softly.

"No, it's not," Tigress said. "The fault is her own."

"Tigress!" Shifu cried.

"No - Shifu, she's right. It is my fault."

Shifu looked confusedly between her and Tigress.

"The princess needs to learn to defend herself," Tigress said, crossing her arms. "If you cannot teach her, I will."

Shifu blinked. "What do you mean?"

"We are now Master and student," she replied. "We begin training tomorrow."

He jumped. "I - what? Is this true?"

Habika nodded.

"Little one, you're sure?" he asked.

"I am," she said, not sure at all.

Tigress bowed and took her leave. Shifu and Habika went back to the sangha, where she bathed and he fussed over her with teas and ointments, endlessly apologizing.

"Stop apologizing," she said. "You have to stop. This wasn't your fault, it was mine."

"Nonsense," Shifu insisted.

"Tigress thinks - "

"I don't care what Tigress thinks, this was not your fault. You weren't asking to be attacked, and -"

"She's right. I've been here for two years and I haven't learned a thing."

"That's not true. You've learned to meditate, and you've learned - we've - I _love_ you, little one, I -"

She shook her head.

"This was NOT your doing!" he insisted. "I taught you a bit of self defense back in the cave. I'm sure you did everything you could, but if he overpowered you - "

"He didn't!" she cried. "I froze up. I forgot everything you taught me. I … I just froze. I was worse than useless. I barely remember anything you taught me and what I do remember I haven't been practicing. I deserve what I got. What kind of woman has a Grand Master of kung-fu in her bed every night but doesn't bother to learn a punch or two?"

He sighed, took her hand, and stroked it. "The kind of woman who's more interested in the man than the kung fu master?" he asked gently.

She smiled gently. "True," she said, "but shortsighted. And I almost paid with my life."

He looked pained.

"What is it? I'd have thought you would be happy about this."

"I am," he said softly. "It's just …"

"Just what?"

"I'm worried," he said. "Being a student of kung fu is very intensive, and very trying."

"You don't think I'm up to it?"

He took a long moment to think before he spoke. "It's not that I don't think you're up to it," he said carefully, "I don't know if you're up to it in the way I … suspect … Tigress may wish to teach you. And there are other issues, as well."

"Such as?"

"Well … I don't know that you and Tigress have the sort of relationship that can be easily reconciled to the Master / Student arrangement. As in, you have barely any relationship at all, and what little you do have is … complicated. A master and her student must have complete trust and respect for one another, and - "

"Do you trust me?"

"What? Yes, of course, but - "

"Do you trust Tigress?"

"Implicitly."

"Then trust the both of us, my warrior. It will be fine." She stretched her arms towards him. "Come lie down with me."

He carried her to the bed, dressed her wounds, and rubbed her back, all the while giving her gentle pointers in a soft voice. How to properly salute Tigress. How not to fidget. That she would be expected to be up at the crack of dawn with the rest of the students, nocturnal or not.

"I'll just get up when you get up," she said, growing ever more relaxed and sleepy from his gentle caresses.

He nodded. "That will work."

He leaned down and kissed her. They curled together and fell asleep for a while, until the sounds of Jing preparing their evening meal woke them. After dinner they sat before the fire sipping wine, talking softly, when there was a knock at the door. It was Tigress, tall and severe, carrying a package.

"Hello Tigress. Please come in," Habika said.

"Master," Tigress corrected her, stonefaced.

"Yes. Of - of course. Sorry. Master," Habika said, saluting for good measure.

"Princess," Tigress said, saluting back. She nodded at Shifu. "Father."

"Would you care for some wine, Master?" Habika offered.

After a moment's consideration she gave a single nod. Habika rushed into the kitchen to pour her a glass, returned looking flushed. She gingerly handed it to Tigress and saluted again, then sat down next to Shifu.

"Thank you again for doing this," Habika said. "For taking me on."

"No need," Tigress replied smoothly, taking a sip of her wine. She placed the package on the table and slid it towards her. "I brought these for you. I hope they're the right size. If not we can have them adjusted."

Habika opened the package. Inside were five shirts and five pants, simply made from beige linen, with traditional collars and sky blue embroidered fasteners. They looked old, but comfortable. Much more comfortable than training in a silk hanfu, at any rate.

"Thank you," Habika said. "They'll do nicely."

Tigress nodded.

"So you have your first student, Tigress," Shifu said, beaming. He raised a glass to her. "I'm proud of you, my daughter."

Suddenly Tigress changed. She lit up and glowed, smiling at Shifu. "Thank you, Father. I only hope to do justice to your teachings."

"Of course you will," Shifu said. "I have no doubt."

Tigress grinned, downing the rest of her wine. "It's getting late, Princess. I expect to see you bright and early in the morning. Daybreak."

Habika nodded, then stood and saluted. "I had best get to bed then, Master, if you'll excuse me." Habika patted Shifu on the knee and headed up the stairs.

"Where do you think you're going?" Tigress asked.

Habika turned, blinked. "Up - upstairs. To bed."

"I don't think so," Tigress said. "You're a student now. You'll sleep in the barracks with the others."

"I - " Habika glanced from Tigress to Shifu.

He stood. "Now look here, I don't - "

"She's my student," she said to Shifu, cutting him off.

"Yes, but that is her bed," he said. _Up there, with me_ , he didn't say.

"Her bed is in the barracks now," she replied firmly.

"I understand, but I don't - "

"You don't what?" Tigress asked, smirking slightly.

Flustered, Shifu said, "I understand, but there's something to be said for _morale_ , Tigress."

"Is that what the kids are calling it these days?"

"Tigress!" Shifu sputtered. "It's not protocol to separate a married couple if one is training. A wife comes home to her husband regardless."

She crossed her arms. "Funny, I don't see either of you wearing rings."

"Little one, go upstairs and pack your things," Shifu ordered.

"What?" Habika asked, still standing in the middle of the staircase.

"There's a monastery in the next village that can perform the ceremony. We'll set out at once." He went to the broom closet to retrieve his traveling sack and started up the stairs.

"Are you serious?" Habika asked.

"Deadly."

"We can't," Habika said.

He stopped in his tracks. "Sorry?"

"We can't, it would …" she glanced furtively towards Tigress, who averted her eyes in an attempt to give them privacy. "I'll explain later, my warrior. But we can't marry now. I love you, but we can't." Habika turned to Tigress. "I'll sleep anywhere you please, Master," she said, and bowed. "If you'll just let me gather some things."

"Of course," Tigress replied and saluted. "I'll see you in the morning, Princess. Father."

"Now wait just a minute!" Shifu said, following her out.

Habika sighed, letting her shoulders slump, and went upstairs. How in the world would she sleep after two and a half years of her warrior's soft, sweet, slumbering body next to hers, his talented nighttime hands, his insistent, gentle morning kisses?

She looked out the window to see Tigress and Shifu bickering, too far away for her to hear their words.

"Now, what's this about 'can't get married now'?" he would ask later that night, and Habika would explain, sadly, while folding underthings.

"It's a risk. It may not be as big a risk as I fear, but still a risk."

"In what way?"

"If we marry that puts you in line for the throne. Way down the line, but in the line nonetheless. It's a marriage that would have to be approved by …well, by Gan, ideally." She shook her head. "But I may just be paranoid. He's so capricious and self-involved, he may not even care if we married without his blessing. Hell, he may not even remember who I am at all! There's been nothing, no word from the Forbidden City in all this time?"

Shifu shook his head.

"I want to marry you more than anything, my warrior. But I can't put you in danger."

"If I have to ask the Emperor himself for your hand I will."

"You mustn't."

"Little one!"

"He would only use that request against you. He would make it into one of his games. No, we must … wait."

"Until when?"

"Until the right time. Whenever that is."

Shifu sighed, and nodded. "If I can't marry you in fact, can we at least go to the monastery for a night and pretend we've married so Tigress will allow us to continue sharing a bed?"

Habika laughed.

"This is unacceptable," Shifu said. "I tried to reason with her…."

"Oh, love," she said, taking his face between her hands and kissing him. "If the barracks are where my master insists I sleep, that's where I sleep. It won't be forever. And besides, all she said is that I can't sleep here. And sleeping isn't what I look forward to doing with you in that bed."

He gave a sigh of resignation, then stepped forward and put his arms around her. She returned the embrace, resting her head against his shoulder and closing her eyes. After a moment his hands roamed to her waist, her behind, until he slipped his hand underneath her skirt and up her thigh.

Habika gasped and jerked away.

Shifu looked stricken. "What was that?"

She swallowed. For split second Shifu's touch had become the crocodile bandit's; a cold, scaled, violating limb. Fear and shame burned in her veins. Her heart pounded.

She caught her breath, calmed herself.

"A reason to learn kung fu," she said.

 **ooo**

The Princess sat across from her in the courtyard, meditating. It was the one thing she was good at. At least she managed to stay awake this morning. She'd struggled with waking early for the first week of their training, claiming she was "nocturnal", that it was her species' nature to stay up all night and sleep most of the day.

Tigress had never heard anything so ridiculous.

To her credit, the princess tried. She was out of shape and got winded quickly, but she never stopped trying, even if she had clearly reached her limit and needed rest. It was pitiable, but amusing all the same. The princess was so intimidated by her that she would not ask for a respite even when clearly exhausted.

The first day Tigress took her to watch the rest of the warriors as they trained under Shifu. The princess watched Mantis pick up monkey by his foot and toss him halfway across the training hall, and shook her head.

"Master, I …." she began, but then seemed to think better of it.

"What is it, Princess? You may speak."

"Mantis is so strong for his size. He's so small yet he can pick up and throw Master Monkey? I can barely lift a medicine ball, and I doubt any amount of building muscle could make me that strong."

"That's a good question," Tigress replied. "How do you suppose it is that Mantis can throw someone hundreds of times his body weight, or how Crane can still fly while carrying the four of us at once?"

Her eyes widened. "He can?"

Tigress nodded. "Now, why do you suppose that is?"

She thought for a moment, then shook her head. "I haven't a clue, Master."

"Try." Tigress turned and began to walk, gesturing for her student to follow.

"Well I…" There was a long pause as the Princess mulled it over. "I really - I don't - I don't know. Master."

"I thought Shifu said you were smart," Tigress chided.

The Princess didn't respond. She merely looked up at Tigress with a blank, nervous expression.

Tigress smirked and crossed her arms. "Didn't you spend time reading the scrolls back when the two of you were pretending you weren't involved? Hm? Wasn't that his whole pretense in bringing you here?"

"Well, yes, but-"

"But since that was a falsehood I suppose you didn't actually read any of them? Just let them collect dust while you polished your jewels and took long baths, or whatever it is you do all day?"

A brief affronted look passed over the Princess's face. "Yes. I mean no. That isn't what I do all day, Master, and I did read many of them."

"Good. Think about what you read and you may pause your drills when you have a theory."

"My drills?"

"Yes." Tigress led the princess to the courtyard, at one end of which was a pile of sticks, and the other a big basket. Between them were some obstacles, a low bar and a high one. "I want all of those sticks in that basket, one at a time. Run, jump over the low bar, duck under the high bar, put the stick in the basket. Run back. The goal is to make your movement as smooth as possible. If you stutter or trip at the bars you'll begin again. Stick goes back in the pile. Do you understand?"

"I - yes, Master."

"Good. Go!"

Habika startled, jumped, and raced to the end of the courtyard. She retrieved a stick, jumped cleanly over the low bar, but hesitated before ducking under the high bar.

"Again!" Tigress commanded.

The Princess shot her a brief, surprised look.

"Why are you just standing there? Again!"

"I don't - can I - have a practice lap? Master?"

Tigress snickered. "In combat there is no 'practice lap.' You may pause when you can tell me why Mantis can throw Monkey." She clapped her hands once, hard and loud. The sound echoed off the stone. "Again!"

She watched the princess stutter and fail on the first few tries, but eventually she seemed to get the hang of it. After a while Tigress did some yoga, standing close-eyed in Tree pose, listening to the princess's footsteps. When they broke rhythm she knew she had lost her footing, and said "again." Eventually the princess began to police herself, returning the stick to the pile without being told, and Tigress let her mind wander.

Shifu had been _so_ irked when she demanded the princess sleep in the barracks.

Tigress's mouth curled. She tried to bury a smile.

What a curious sort of sensation it was to have equal authority over him! To be able to go against his wishes, with nothing he could do about it! That wasn't why she changed the princess's sleeping arrangements, of course. It was well known that sexual congress interfered with the proper flow of chi.

"That's a load of crap!" Shifu said when she brought it up, after he dashed out of the sangha after her, trying to make the case for "morale".

Tigress raised her eyebrow. "Perhaps for you. Not for her. She needs to depend on her own energy, not yours. If you're … _with_ her too much, she'll never learn to rely on her own reserves."

Shifu looked up at her and crossed his arms. "You'll excuse me if I find it impertinent that you claim to have knowledge of our …. energy exchange. This is something can be managed, Tigress, how do you think married couples deal with this issue?"

"I don't know, and it doesn't matter. She's my student and I'll do as I will."

"Why _are_ you doing this?" he burst. "It's not as though you two - you barely know one another, and I know you - you don't -" he gesticulated, as though trying to pluck the right words from the air, " -there's no love lost between the two of you. Why are you doing this for her?"

"For her?" Tigress asked. "You think I'm doing this for _her_? I'm doing this for _you_."

"I-"

"I'm doing this because gods forbid I wasn't in town to rescue her this morning, and had to bring her back to you in a bloody pile, you'd never forgive yourself! It would kill you!" Her voice softened. "I can't watch that happen, Father. I won't. I'll do everything in my power to keep that from happening. And that's also why _she's_ doing it, though she's clearly terrified," Tigress said, gesturing to the sangha. "Out of love for you."

Shifu held her gaze for a moment then sighed, chastened. "I … I understand. It was wrong of me to question your motives, Tigress. I apologize. Thank you."

"It's all right, Father." She glanced towards the barracks. "I should get some rest."

Shifu nodded. "Sleep well. But Tigress - just … just one thing."

She nodded.

"Don't - try not to - "

"Yes?"

" - try not to _break_ her," he finished lamely.

Tigress smiled. "I promise you I'll only break that which needs to be broken."

"I wish I could find that comforting."

She smiled and turned towards the barracks. "I wish you could too."

In the courtyard, the princess's footsteps stuttered, stopped, and came towards Tigress. She unfolded out of tree pose and opened her eyes to see the little fennec standing before her, hands on her knees, gasping for breath.

"Yes?" Tigress asked.

"I -" she began, "I - one moment - let me - catch my - "

"Take all the time you need. You have an answer for me?"

She nodded. After a moment, when she regained herself, she said, "I believe it has to do with the mastery of chi. Of life energy."

Tigress nodded. "Very good. That's exactly what it is, princess. Mantis has learned how to master his own chi, and how to draw chi from the universe. He is able to focus this energy so well that it can act as muscle he does not have. And that is how he is able to throw Monkey."

The princess nodded. "I see. And how long did it take for Mantis to learn how to do that?"

"Fifteen years, give or take a few."

The princess shook her head. "I don't have that kind of time."

"What do you mean by that?"

She blinked, as though surprised by her own words, then seemed to look within for a long moment. "I … I don't know. Actually. Master."

Tigress frowned. "It is not good to be in the habit of saying things you do not mean, princess."

The princess nodded, and saluted. "Yes Master."

"Now finish that pile."

"Yes Master!" She took off running. Tigress stretched and watched her, until she was down to five sticks and started to stumble in an alarming way.

"Are you unwell?"

"I'm fine," she said, and tripped over her own feet. She landed hard on her bottom and grimaced. "Okay. No. I'm, uh … quite dizzy, actually. Can't seem to -"

"What did you eat for breakfast?"

She looked up at Tigress, sheepish. "I, uh, I didn't, Master. I was too nervous."

Tigress was aghast. "What did you expect? Get to the barracks and eat something, you ridiculous woman!" she scolded. "Look at yourself! Will I have to carry you or can you manage the trip on your own?"

"I - I -I -" she stuttered.

"You you you! You're never to come to training without something in your stomach again!"

"I won't, Master. I promise."

"Peach delivery," came a voice from behind Tigress. She turned to see Po. He walked past Tigress and handed a peach to the princess. "I was gonna eat this, but I think you need it more than I do."

"Oh gods - " the princess began, not bothering to finish her thought before devouring the fruit.

"How did you know?" Tigress asked.

"How couldn't I? We can hear you yelling across the compound."

It was Tigress's turn to be sheepish. "Oh."

"You're some master," Po said, elbowing her playfully.

"I'm just - I want her to learn," she said softly, feeling suddenly far more embarrassed than she had any right to. Something about the way Po smirked at her made her guts twist, feeling exposed and ridiculous.

"Shifu's doing everything he can to keep himself from coming over here."

"He'd better not," she said.

"Look," Po said, leaning in close and lowering his voice. "I know you're trying to be masterful and all, but you might not wan to intimidate her into the ground on the first day. Maybe try to tone it down? Just a little? A smidge?"

"I -" she began, suddenly not knowing what to say. She struggled with the alien impulse to throw her arms around him. She suddenly wanted to tell him everything, tell him all these feelings that she only realized she had now that he was speaking quietly to her. That the princess was her first student, and her father's love, and that she wasn't entirely sure what she was doing as a master, and that she really, really, really didn't want to mess this up. Po would _understand_.

None of this came out, however.

"I - I'll try to tone it down," she whispered back, and that was all. He smiled and headed back to the training hall, giving the princess a friendly wave as he went. Tigress watched him go, her heart a confused smear of sudden emotion.

"Are you all right, Master?" the princess asked gingerly.

"I - yes," Tigress said. "I'm fine. Are you quite revived?"

"Yes, feeling much better, thank you."

"Thank Master Po, next time you see him." She collected herself, became a master again. She gestured to the dwindling pile of sticks. "Now finish that pile, and we'll move on."

 **ooo**


	29. a case of the fall vintage

**chapter 29: a case of the fall vintage**

A season passed.

The Princess finally completed the accuracy course faster than her Master, and Tigress felt a spark of pride. The pride felt odd, foreign. Had she, on some level, been hoping her student would fail? That Shifu would finally see how inept she was? Tigress realized this as the panting, victorious Princess beamed up at her. The fennec frowned as a look of disgust crossed Tigress's face - she did not know that disgust was not for her student, but for herself.

"Are … are you not pleased, Master?" she asked, hurt and puzzled.

Tigress snapped to attention. "Very good, Princess. I'm … proud of you."

And she _was_.

The Princess grinned.

Tigress lifted her chin. "Try not to get a big head," she said imperiously. The Princess's face fell, and Tigress immediately regretted it.

"What I mean," she tried to say gently, "is that there is a lot more to kung fu than mere speed and accuracy. Without a mastery of chi your strikes may be quick and well-aimed, but they won't be powerful enough to defeat a house fly, much less an actual opponent."

"When can I begin to learn about chi, Master?"

"Not yet," Tigress said without thinking. "You're not ready."

"Oh." Her disappointment was obvious, but she bowed her head and saluted. "Then what shall we do next, Master?"

Tigress's mind was blank.

"We'll break early today," she said after a long pause. "You've earned an afternoon off, Princess."

She blinked. The look on the Princess's face made it clear that she did not _want_ an afternoon off. She was on a roll and wanted to continue. Tigress knew that feeling well. When she was a child Shifu's pacing often drove her mad. Sometimes he wouldn't let her move on to the next step till she had not only mastered, but _perfected_ the task she was on.

Tigress shrugged inwardly. If it was good enough for Shifu it was good enough for her.

"If you don't wish to take the afternoon off, you may come back after lunch and run the course again. I want you to complete it at that speed five hundred more times before we move on."

"Five hundred times!"

Tigress raised an eyebrow. "Five hundred times _Master_."

"I … yes, Master," she said, her shoulders slumping. "Five hundred times it is."

"Enjoy your lunch. You've done well," Tigress said, saluting and dismissing her.

"Thank you Master," she said, and slumped off. Tigress watched her go, trying not to let the niggling guilt get under her skin. _Maybe you wouldn't feel so bad if you were making her run the course one hundred times out of necessity, not because you don't know what to do next_.

She gave a brief huff and went up to the barracks for lunch.

 **ooo**

Shifu usually met Habika every day at the training hall at lunch time, and they would walk back to the sangha together after his students had returned to the barracks. Today he saw Habika sitting on the steps next to Mantis, who was shaking his head and waving his claws in an emphatic "no."

"Are you kidding? She'd kill me. Really I'd be happy to teach you about chi, but if Tigress thought I was undermining her there'd be hell to pay. Sorry kiddo."

She nodded. "I figured as much. Thanks anyway Mantis."

"No problem." He saluted and hopped off to the barracks.

Shifu crept forward and put his hand on her shoulder, planting a kiss on her head. "What is it, little one?"

She sighed and told him of her troubles as they strolled back to the sangha hand in hand.

Shifu nodded. "I understand that it can be frustrating, but you must - _we_ must - respect her choices," he said, brushing his hand longingly across her bottom. "You must trust in your Master, as … trying … as that can be."

"Balls," she whispered.

He chuckled. "Agreed. Now come along, we mustn't be late for our _chaperones_ ," he said, rolling his eyes as he pushed open the sangha door. Tigress allowed them to take meals alone together, but Jing and other palace workers began coincidentally milling about every day at lunch as well, always with some important issue of maintenance that just could not wait. Shifu would have sent them away but he was sure word would get back to Tigress. As much as her invasion into his personal life irked him, it also _amused_ him, and he didn't want to set a bad example for Habika no matter how ardently he longed for her.

They sat at the table and were served. Habika wolfed down her lunch with a single-minded determination that Shifu found startling and hilarious at first. She used to complain about her sparse meals of tofu and vegetables with soy sauce but now she relished them. When he offered her a piece of thousand layer cake she nearly spat it out, remarking on its cloying sweetness.

As the months passed her body grew firmer and stronger before his eyes, her hips and bottom losing a bit of the lovely, sweet softness he adored. Her new sense of easy confidence was worth the sacrifice, however. She may not have seen it but he did. She stood up straight, walked without meandering. Her grip became solid and strong and her hands no longer shook. She truly took in her surroundings, as though sizing them up. Shifu recognized the look - _Could I leap high enough to hit that? Could I jump from that height and land on my feet?_ The look of a new kung fu student with possibilities unfolding before her - like a young Tigress.

Habika burped. "Excuse me."

Shifu chuckled. "There's no need to shovel, little one."

"I'm so _hungry_ ," she replied. "Master Tigress says it's a good thing, though. Means I'm working hard."

Shifu nodded. Tigress had grown ever more quiet and preoccupied. He'd tried to offer her help and suggestions but she wanted none of it. She didn't even want him to observe Habika's lessons, though he did anyway from a distance and with the aid of his magnificent hearing. Tigress was as strict a disciplinarian as he'd expected. Habika was eager to please. The two seemed to work well together, but something was missing. There was a disconnect between them which he couldn't quite put his finger on. It bothered him, but Tigress made it clear he was not to interfere. The two would have to work it out on their own.

Habika finished her meal with a contented sigh. After a moment's pause she said "I should be getting back. She wants me to complete the course five hundred more times before we can move on."

Shifu was taken aback. "That seems a bit much."

Habika shok her head. "That's what I thought. But she knows what's best."

He opened his mouth to reply but thought better of it.

Habika smiled. "You're the picture of restraint, my warrior."

"I'm really trying," he said as Jing waddled in to clear the plates.

"Mm. I can tell."

When he rose from his chair to walk her to the door she stepped forward, threw her arms around his neck, and kissed him firmly. He heard Jing make a startled sound and shuffle back into the kitchen. Habika's lips parted his own, her aggression sending a lightning thrill down his body. When she drew away she gently bit his bottom lip, then left it with the softest of kisses.

"Oh, I miss you. _So_ much. Goodbye my warrior," she said, squeezing his hand. She scurried over the hill and left him standing in the doorway with every cell in his body aflame, burning with months of desire he'd barely managed to keep at bay.

"Oh, little one. Oh, gods," he whispered, shuddering, "why in the world did you have to go and do that?"

 **ooo**

Tigress and Viper sat in the kitchen watching the great mass of Po's back as he shifted along the counter, mixing and chopping. Tigress put her chin on her hand, eyelids fluttering. The smells of onion and garlic and chili and fresh crackling oil were so warm and seductive. Viper, coiled on the table in front of her, rested her scaled head on Tigress's forearm and sighed.

"What is it?" Tigress asked.

"Nothing," Viper muttered.

Tigress's ear twitched as she heard the familiar tapping of Crane's scaled feet turn the corner into the kitchen. "Smells good!" he said, sounding chipper. "What's the occasion?"

"Dinner at the sangha," Po said over his shoulder. "Habika invited Tigress, Tigress invited us, and somehow I'm the one that ends up cooking."

"You're the best cook," Tigress pointed out. "Better than Jing."

"Jing has no concept of _mise en place_ , so she ends up overcooking everything," Po said matter-of-factly.

"Mis en … what?" Crane asked.

Po shook his head. "Nothing. Heh. Anyway you're invited."

Crane smirked. "I'd love to, but I've, uh … got a …thing. In the village."

Po raised an eyebrow. "A _thing_? What kind of _thing_?"

Crane shrugged and smiled. "Y'know…"

"A _date_?" Po asked.

"Might be…?"

"Nice!" Po said, tasting and nodding. "Good luck."

"Thanks. Have a good dinner, guys," Crane said, and went on his way.

"Oho, I wonder who Crane's mystery woman of mystery is," Po said, chuckling to himself as he tasted. "Needs more five spice."

Viper seemed to sink into the table, absolutely miserable. Tigress gently stroked the top of her head with the pads of her fingers, and the snake closed her eyes. A few years ago Tigress would have told her for the umpteenth time that she had to tell Crane how she felt, but she'd learned long ago it was a fruitless enterprise. When it started to interfere with their friendship Tigress dropped the subject completely, but having been a victim of unrequited love herself she could never lose sympathy for Viper no matter how fixable her problem seemed.

"Why so quiet?" Po asked.

"Just enjoying the ambiance," Tigress said. She wasn't particularly looking forward to the dinner. She leaned back, took a bottle of cooking wine off the shelf, uncorked it and took a swig.

"Lush," Viper said ruefully.

"Count on it," Tigress said, wiping her mouth. That afternoon she hadn't returned to the courtyard after lunch to meet the Princess, certain her student had taken the afternoon off as Tigress suggested. Around four thirty she was on the way to the steps down to the village when she saw the Princess charging through the course, huffing and panting. When she saw Tigress she looked up, her eyes flashing with irritation. _Where the hell were you?_

Tigress stopped in her tracks, flooding with shame. They stared at each other for a moment.

"I'm up to twenty eight," Habika said before Tigress could ask. "Master."

"Good work," Tigress replied.

Another long pause.

"How long have you been out here?" Tigress asked.

"Since a quarter to three."

"Oh. Good … good work. Good determination."

She saluted. "Thank you, Master."

Tigress fidgeted. She knew she owed the Princess an apology but couldn't quite force herself to say it. How does a master apologize to her student without seeming weak or soft? She tried to recall the times Shifu had apologized to her when he knew he was in the wrong, but that hadn't happened often and her mind was a blank.

The Princess ran the course one more time then took a seat on a stone. "Resting for a moment, Master," she said.

"Of course," Tigress replied. "Take your time. I'll be meditating." She took up tree stance and closed her eyes. At least this way she could be quiet without being inexcusably rude.

"You don't have to," the Princess said.

Tigress opened one eye.

"There's no reason for you to be here. I guess. I'm just running around. I'm sure you have something better to do."

Guilt burned through her. "A master never has anything better to do than train her student," she said ruefully. "Princess, I - "

"You can call me Habika," she said. "I'd prefer it."

"I - "

"Do you like green grape wine, Master?"

"Y - yes..?" Tigress said, startled.

"I ordered a case of the fall vintage from Shan province this summer, before I began training. An old favorite of mine from the Forbidden City. It arrived today. Would you and the five care to join Shifu and I for dinner this evening? Open the first bottle with us? Master?"

Tigress blinked. "I … sure? Yes. I mean yes, I'll … I'll be there. Thank you Prin - Habika." The name came out of her mouth sounding sideways and awkward.

Habika smiled. It didn't touch her eyes. "Wonderful. I think I'll take that break now, Master, is that's all right with you. My legs ache." She saluted and bowed.

"You're dismissed. I'll see you tonight. "

She found something unsettling about the invitation. There didn't seem to be any malicious intent but it was just … odd. When it came down to it Tigress didn't know very much about the Princess, so she had no idea what this might mean. Was it merely her courtly hospitality at work? Was this an attempt at friendship on her part? Or was it territorial? Maybe she was trying to hold rank over Tigress over some way - Tigress may be the Master but at the end of the day she was the Princess's to invite for dinner, to share her special wine? _What was she up to?_

Tigress, nervous, made the rounds inviting everyone. Somehow Po was roped into cooking, which he enthusiastically took to after a small amount of grumbling. "I think a spicy vegetable curry would go great with fall wine," he said. "It'll finally give me a chance to bust out those spices you brought back from India."

Tired and edgy and not knowing what else to do she sat in the kitchen and watched him cook. "Your dishes have gotten a lot more … tasty," she said.

"The word you're looking for is 'sophisticated'."

"Well, excuse me," Tigress replied.

"You're excused." He opened a jar of cloves and inhaled happily. "I know that Shifu and Oogway would say that inner peace is the ultimate energy of the universe, and the ultimate source of everything powerful, but you know what? I think it's food." He patted his belly. "Digestion. It's the most spiritual thing there is."

Tigress's mouthed curled up into an intrigued smirk. "How do you figure?"

"When we eat we take what's outside, inside, and somehow it becomes _us_. You plant an apple seed, it grows into an apple tree, you eat the apple, and it becomes you. _You are it_. You become one with the apple, that tree, the soil the tree grew in, the rain that watered it, the ocean that rain come from, the fish living in it, the beaches on the other lands it touched … when you eat you become one with the universe. What's more spiritual than that?"

Tigress's eyes went wide. "Po … wow."

"Did I blow your mind?"

"Yeah, a little bit."

He chuckled and gave her a look, then turned back to his cooking. He'd been giving her this look every so often since she returned from her journey, a look she couldn't quite place. He tended to do it after he said or did something she found surprising. She was musing on that when a downtrodden Viper slithered into the kitchen and occupied her attention.

She put the wine bottle back on the counter.

"Just couldn't wait for dinner, could you?" Po teased.

"Hush, you."

"This looks about ready," he said and poured the heavenly-smelling curry into a pot with a lid. "Mm, that's the good stuff." He turned to them. "Why the long face Viper?"

"Oh! I'm, uh … I'm hungry. Come on, let's go." Instead of sliding to the floor she wrapped herself around Tigress's shoulders, tapping her on the back with the tip of her tail. "Sad snake taxi, take me to the sangha, please."

"I thought you were hungry, not sad," Po said.

"Hunger is a type of sadness," Viper replied softly.

 **ooo**

Shifu watched Tigress's wine consumption with interest. He tried not to let it tip the corner into concerned interest, kept reminding himself that she was a woman grown and could handle herself … but she was certainly drinking a _lot_ this evening, and acting … oddly. Mantis told a joke and she nearly choked on her wine for laughter, covering her mouth with her hand like a child. He glanced at Habika. She raised her eyebrows, gave a little shrug, and smiled.

"Oh!" Tigress said, pouring herself another glass of wine, then filling Shifu's cup, unbidden. "Father, have you told the story about the ghost? Tell the story about the ghost. To - to the Prin - Habika."

"That'll do," he said, holding his hand over his cup. He turned to his fiance. "You're Habika now?"

"Yes," she said. "I asked - we decided - "

"It's less formal," Tigress said, then glanced uneasily at her student. "Right?"

They stared at each other.

"Sure, that ... that's a reason," Habika replied.

"Is that not the reason?"

"Sure. Yes."

An awkward silence fell over the table in reaction to Habika's obvious lie.

"Tell me this story about the ghost," she quickly said to Shifu.

"It's a good story. Great one," Tigress said, also quickly, also to Shifu.

He gave a brief chuckle at the women's desperation to get the attention off their bumbling exchange. "Well, this happened when Tigress was - "

"I was sixteen," Tigress interrupted.

"Yes. Sixteen," he began again.

"There was a big meeting of the Masters in Shanghai, and - "

"Tigress my dear, would you like to tell the story, or shall I tell it?" Shifu asked.

She glanced down at the table, chastened. "No no, you tell it."

He patted her hand and continued. "I wanted to take Tigress to see this meeting of the Masters. She was of age and had never taken part before. The meeting of the Masters is -"

"An awesome gathering of all twenty nine kung fu schools and their Masters! Happens once every fifteen years! Everyone shows off their awesomeness and total bodacity!"

"Ah. Po's back," Tigress said.

"I can't wait for next year," he said.

"Po, would you like to tell the story?" Shifu asked.

"What, the ghost story? I don't even know the ghost story."

"Exactly. If I may…?"

"Oh yeah, Sure. Sorry," he said, also chastened.

Shifu cleared his throat. "Tigress and I were on the road, and we stayed at a crowded inn one night. It was very expensive so we ended up sharing a large room with a few other Masters we'd met along the way. Everyone was asleep save Tigress and I. We were talking quietly, and suddenly the room grew very cold. The one candle still lit blew out."

"Every hair on my head stood on end," Tigress said.

"Mine too. So we were sitting there in silence, and this … _thing_ came through the wall."

Habika's eyes widened. "Thing?"

Shifu nodded. "It was long and thin and moved in waves, like a snake or a dragon. It came through the wall, went right past our heads, and through the other side of the room. And then, once it was gone -"

"The candle re-lit," Tigress said. "By itself."

"No," Habika said.

"I swear on Oogway's staff," Shifu said, holding his hand over his start. "Damndest thing I ever saw."

"Spooky times," Mantis said.

Shifu nodded. "To be honest I'd never felt quite so … helpless."

Tigress looked surprised. "Really? You didn't seem scared at all."

"Of course I didn't. But I was quite thoroughly spooked. As I recall you eventually fell asleep. I stayed up the entire night wondering what in the hell I was to do about a ghost? Punch it?"

"Kick it's face off," Po said.

"There are scrolls on how to deal with sprits, aren't there?" Viper asked, her first comment all night. Shifu had almost forgotten she was there.

"There are, but I had not yet studied them," he said, taking a drink of wine. "And that is the ghost story," he said.

"I liked the part where you kicked the ghost's face off," Habika said.

"I think it needs more fire," Mantis said. "Flaming things."

"Flaming," Tigress said. "Like Tai Lung."

Suddenly every eye was on Tigress. Her face dropped, as though she just realized she'd spoken her thoughts aloud. She gingerly lowered her wine glass and picked up a cup of water.

"What in the world do you mean by that?" Shifu asked, incredulous.

A fierce blush crossed her face.

"Out with it," Shifu demanded.

Tigress took a long swig of water and cleared her throat. "Tai Lung is … " she glanced at Po, "… was … gay. Flamingly so. Father."

Dead silence.

"And you came to this conclusion how, exactly?" Shifu asked evenly.

"Well … if you remember, he used that freezing nerve technique on us…?"

"Yes? So?"

She raised her eyebrow hopefully, as though hoping Shifu would infer her meaning.

"I agree. For the record," Viper said.

"Agree with _what_?" Shifu looked to Monkey, Mantis, and Po, who seemed just as lost as he did.

"Oh, gods," Tigress said, putting her face in her hands. "Father - if you had just spent twenty years in a prison, hadn't so much seen a woman in twenty years … " She made a summoning gesture with her hand, urging the wheels to turn in his mind.

He looked at her blankly. Took a sip of wine.

"He had me there -" she said, incredulous, "-a full grown woman _his size and species_ \- _frozen_ and _utterly helpless_ \- and he didn't even so much as - "

Shifu spat his wine all over the table.

"Oh lord," Mantis said.

"Maybe you weren't his type," Po said.

Tigress's jaw dropped.

"Not his _type_?" Viper asked. "If Tigress wasn't his type, _women_ weren't his type."

Shifu coughed violently into his hand, eyes watering. Habika patted him on the back as he took a sip of water. "Didn't you say he had a girlfriend, or … something?" she asked.

He cleared his throat. "No, he was taken as a third, once."

Po shook his head consolingly at Tigress. "Looks like you were't his type, miss thing."

"That means nothing," Shifu said. "He did it for money. To be perfectly honest, Tai Lung's type …" he began chuckling, then laughing in earnest, "...was...you know, I'm not...sure."

"It's a possibility then?" Tigress asked.

Shifu shrugged. "Anything is possible."

Sex was more than he wanted to think about, but bnder the table he put his hand on Habika's thigh. It was an unconscious movement but in the midst of it he suddenly remembered how badly he wanted her, _needed_ her. Daughter be damned, he'd bring that woman to his bed tonight. Life was too goddamn short and full of sadness to let a night like this go to waste.

 **ooo**

That night in the quiet barracks, Shifu held a finger to Habika's lips.

She looked up at him with wide eyes. She hand't heard him come in, and he planned it that way. The floors in the barracks were incredibly creaky, but after forty five years he knew the exact right pattern of steps to get down the hall in perfect silence.

"I'm stealing you," he whispered.

"Oooh. My naughty, naughty warrior," she whispered back, then wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. He slid his hands around her waist, his fingertips just touching the curve of her behind, pressing her body to his. Her grip tightened; she wanted him.

He heaved her up and over his shoulder. She pressed her hand to her mouth to muffle her giggling. He slid her door open, saw that the coast was clear, and began the pattern of elaborate steps down the hall.

Suddenly Po's door burst open and he lumbered out of his room, sleepily scratching his belly, heading towards the bathroom. Shifu froze on one foot, horrified. When Po saw them he jumped, releasing a tiny, musical fart. Habika's other hand flew to her mouth.

They stared at each other for a moment, a slow grin spreading over Po's face. There was a crash from downstairs. "Dammit!" Tigress said, a though she had just stubbed her toe.

Po made a shooing motion at them. "Hurry! Go, go, go, I'll distract her!"

Habika gave Po a thumbs-up behind his back as Shifu nodded and leapt away.

"Close one, my warrior," she said once they were outside.

"Now I owe Po," Shifu said wrly.

"Teach me how to get down that hall silently, will you?"

He gave her a quick smack on the behind. "Some things you have to earn, little one."

Afterwards, Habika chuckled at his relief. "You poor thing."

"She's a _sadist_!" he cried.

"You have no idea."

"I do. Five hundred runs of that course? That's just silly."

"The only thing for it is to have as much sex as possible tonight," she said. "Is there any more of that wine left?"

"So we're getting vengeance drunk and having revenge sex? Is that it?"

"Yes. Yes we are. Fuck kung fu. Kung fu can go to hell. I'm getting the wine and then more fucking and don't make me run any goddamn course."

"As you wish, Princess."

"And _don't_ call me _Princess!_ " she said, rising from the bed, then tumbling over her own feet to the floor.

 **ooo**

"Ouch!" Tigress said as Po inspected her big toe. They sat on the floor of her rooms next to the dragon statue she'd tripped over.

"Well it's not broken, but I think you may have sustained some serious brain injury in the fall," he said.

Tigress gave up and lay down, Po still holding her foot. "I sustained serious brain injury from the wine. I cannot _believe_ I made that crack about Tai Lung in front of Shif - Father," she moaned, covering her face with her hands.

"Why? I've never seen him laugh that hard. Ever."

"It was just wrong. Ugh. Po! I'm a shit kung-fu teacher _and_ a shit daughter. I have achieved the … the critical mass of shit-dom."

"What?" Po asked, surprised. "You are not. Where are you even getting this from?"

Tigress's lower lip quivered, but she held back tears. Instead she burst forth with everything else she'd been holding back. Her fears about teaching the Princess, her insecurities about her new relationship with Shifu. "I don't know how to be a daughter, or how … or how teach kung fu. I'm crap at it and she knows it. You should see how she looked at me today. Ugh. I … I don't know. I don't know anything at all."

During her long venting Po lay down next to her, propped up on his elbow, giving them an intimacy she would have found utterly shocking if not for the wine in her blood.

"I think you're being a little too hard on yourself. Just a little."

"No," she said miserably. "I'm clumsy and stupid and bad at everything. Oh gods, and now I'm being self-indulgent on top of it. It never ends." She closed her eyes and turned away from him. "I can't believe I'm telling you this stuff."

"You can always tell me stuff."

Tigress was quiet for a moment.

"I can?" she asked softly, without opening her eyes.

"Of course," Po said.

She opened her eyes and turned to him. "Are you sure about that?" she asked softly.

"Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?"

She grimaced. "Because there's … a lot … going on with me," she struggled to say.

He smiled down at her, his face as big and round and sweet as the moon.

"I can handle it," he said.

Suddenly Tigress felt warmer than she'd ever felt. She studied his eyes, deep and kind. He really _meant_ it. And what of that warm feeling? She fought to define it for a moment, then realized she was touched. Utterly, deeply touched.

"Po," she began softly. "You - "

"What's going on in here?" Crane said.

They looked up to see Crane standing in the doorway, his hat tucked under his wing, looking utterly exhausted.

"What happened to _you?_ " Tigress asked.

"She means, 'Hey Crane, lovely to see you, how was your date?'" Po corrected.

"Total disaster."

"That good?"

"Oh yeah. Crane strikes out. Again."

"Aw. Poor Crane," Po said.

"Yeah. Poor Crane," Crane said, and walked away looking utterly dejected.

Po sighed and shook his head. He jerked his head towards Crane. "I think I'd better go make sure he doesn't jump off the roof," he said.

"He can _fly_ ," Tigress said.

"You get the idea. Man, the barracks are chock full of sad bastards this evening," he said. "At least Shifu's getting some action."

"What!"

Po froze. "I didn't say that. That's not what I said."

"Po!"

"Ok, he kinda sneaked in and stole Habika earlier."

"What, and you just let him!"

"What am I, celibacy enforcement? Who am I to tell my Master he can't sleep with his freakin' girlfriend? Oh gods, now I have the mental image, thanks a lot, Tigress."

Tigress shook her head and sighed. "Just when I thought they took me seriously. Guh I'm too tired to even be mad right now."

Po put an arm around her shoulders and tugged her close in a companionable hug. "Okay, go to bed, drunky. You can yell at Habika in the morning."

"Oh boy," she said ruefully, resting her head briefly against his shoulder.

"Off to save Crane. Dragon Warrior to the rescue," he said, rising suddenly from the floor. "Crane, don't jump!" he called up the hall, glancing back at Tigress to see if the joke took. She smiled and waved him off. After he padded down the hall she rose, shut the door, and tumbled into bed, the memory of Po's heavy, warm hug and moon smile warming her to sleep.

 **ooo**

The next morning went predictably. Tigress felt so sick and hung over she could barely choke down breakfast. Mantis swore she'd feel better after a huge plate of greasy fried tofu but the thought of it made her retch. Instead she forced down two peaches and drank all the water she could get her hands on.

To her credit the Princess was awake and on time, though she looked a wreck. When she saw Tigress she saluted and bowed. "Mast - " she began.

"Don't start," Tigress barked. "I know full well what you two got up to last night."

Habika stared at her for a moment before dropping her salute. "Fine. Whatever."

"Fine, whatever -"

"MASTER, I know," she said, crossing her arms.

"I don't like your attitude this morning," Tigress said warningly.

"I haven't liked yours since we started this farce."

"Farce?" Tigress nearly shouted.

"Yes, farce! Your heart obviously isn't in this!" she almost shouted back.

"You have no business telling me what my heart is and isn't in, _Princess_."

"I asked you not to call me that."

"I'll call you whatever I damn well please!"

The Princess threw her hands in the air. "Oh, gods, why are you such an insufferable _bitch_!"

"EXCUSE ME?" Tigress roared, towering over her.

"Let's cut the crap, shall we?" Habika shouted right back up at her. "What are you wasting my time with this? Why did you offer to train me if you can't stand me?"

"For my FATHER!" Tigress yelled, bending down to get in her face.

"Well ME TOO!" Habika shouted, stepping forward, unafraid.

They glared at each other, furious but at a stalemate.

"Master Tigress - ?" came a hesitant voice.

"What!" she barked. She turned to see a quivering Zeng, holding out a scroll.

"This came for you," he said.

She took it, grateful for the distraction. "Thanks," she muttered. He bowed and scuttled off. She took a few steps away from the furious fennec and began to unroll the scroll.

"Oh sure, take your time!" the Princess spat.

Tigress would have responded in kind, but the words on the scroll sent a bolt of pure shock through her chest, and it was all she could do to remain standing.

Written in urgent, sloppy chinese were the words

 _I DIDN'T DO IT_

Her eyes fell to the bottom of the scroll, past the rest of the clumsily written message, and landed on the signature.

 _-ABASI-_

 **ooo**


	30. warm honeyed rice

**chapter thirty:** **warm honeyed rice**

 _I DIDN'T DO IT_

 _Xiu (Tigress?) you have to believe me, I didn't steal your money. It was Lian and Lata, they wanted you gone, they made it look like I did it so you would leave. I've been looking for you everywhere. I had to threaten Lata so she would tell me who you really are I knew you were lying the whole time. Made off with Lata's savings to get here and find you. Yes its true I steal but I would NEVER steal from you, Xiu I never felt about anyone the way I feel about you I can't stop thinking about you. I learned to write so I can write this to you. Please I am in the village now I will stay until midnight I will be on our rock in the clearing. If you don't come by midnight I'll leave and I'll never bother you again but please please please come I need to see you again. Whatever you want I will do it please._

 _-Abasi-_

Tigress froze, eyes wide with disbelief, breath caught in her throat. She read and re-read the message, waiting for some sort of clear path of action to make itself known to her, some reaction other than total shock. It didn't come. She just sat staring, her eyes wide as plates. Abasi, here? Now? She'd left him so solidly in the past that the thought of him in the village waiting for her seemed to violate some kind of natural law.

When she looked up from the scroll she found herself looking directly into the Princess's eyes. She'd sat on the ground without even realizing it. Her expression hid nothing; when their eyes met the Princess took an unconscious step back, her eyebrows raised, her head tilting.

"Bad news?" the Princess asked lightly.

Tigress shook her head. She opened her mouth to reply but produced nothing. "Un …unexpected," she stuttered drily after a moment. She looked down at the scroll again but nothing changed; the words were still like a rock to her skull.

"Well…" the Princess said, "a few moments ago we were screaming in each other's faces. Should we take a rain check on that?"

"I … no," Tigress said. She looked down at the scroll, intending to roll it up, but instead her eyes locked on it again. "I mean, yes. I mean … " she shook her head again. "I mean I … I have to go, Princess. I'm sorry." She rose to her feet, unsure of where she meant to go, but knowing she had to go somewhere.

"Oh. All right," the Princess replied awkwardly. "Should I just … practice … then?"

"Go to the Hall of Warriors, ask for the Scrolls of Chi, and start reading," Tigress said almost without thinking. Her reasoning for holding the Princess back seemed of little concern now.

Her student jumped, her eyes going wide, as though lightning zipped up her spine. "Are you sure, Master?"

"Yes. You're ready," Tigress said. "I have to go." She tucked the scroll under her arm, saluted, picked a direction, and walked.

 **ooo**

She found herself at the door of the barracks, frozen. The familiar hallway down to her rooms seemed alien. A static of aching anxiety lay over everything, making the world feel unfocused and blurry, unreal. Her chest pounded. She forced herself down the hall, her steps wobbly, her throat prickling.

 _Oh good gods, I'm about to cry,_ she realized with a wave of exasperation. _I'm about to cry over a man, like a foolish little girl._ She grit her teeth and pushed through the door to her room, shutting it quickly behind her. She crossed her arms over her chest, pressing them into her diaphragm to suppress it all. She held her breath. _I never cried over him before and I'm NOT about to start now._

She coughed, closed her eyes, breathed.

 _I never cried over him .…_

"Dammit, dammit, dammit," she whispered. She closed her eyes, tried to clear her mind. To relax. She lifted her nose to take a deep breath and smelled traces of something deep and rich and lovely.

Garlic and onion. Soy sauce. Honey. Black bean.

She calmed. Her stomach growled.

She sighed, placed the scroll on her bed and crept down the hall to the kitchen.

 **ooo**

"Po," she said.

He glanced over his shoulder at her and smiled. "Hey!"

She leaned against the doorstop and smiled slightly. "Shouldn't you be training?"

"Yep." He stirred something and gave it a taste. "Mm. I should. But Shifu's a sucker for honey garlic tofu."

"He always did have sweet tooth."

"An exploitable, exploitable sweet tooth," he said, grinning. "Come here, give it a try." He beckoned her over, dipping a spoon in the honey sauce. He held it out to her to taste, sweetly, like he would a child. She tasted it and closed her eyes.

"Good?" he asked.

"By the gods," she said. "It's nectar. Give me more."

"Heh," he said, giving her another taste. "And that's why Shifu lets me cut out to make it. Speaking of which, shouldn't you be with Habika right now?"

"Yes," she said before thinking better of it.

"What's your excuse?"

"I'm hungry. Is this ready to eat?"

"No, not by a long shot," Po said. "I'm still reducing the sauce to braise the tofu. But if you're hungry now … " He took a bowl from the pantry and spooned some rice into it from the ever ready, perpetually steaming rice pot. "I used do this when I was a kid," he said conspiratorially, drizzling the salty sweet honey sauce over the rice. "It's nothing but pure sugar. So awesome." He mixed the sauce together until it was good and goopy and warm, then handed Tigress the bowl.

"Thank you," she said, and sat down at the table. She took a bite and sighed, relishing it.

Po sat down next to her and leaned on the table with one thick elbow. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. It's delicious."

"No, what's _wrong_?"

She sighed and let her chopsticks rest against the side of the bowl. "I'm not very good at hiding my feelings, am I?" she asked quietly.

"You're great at hiding them. Just not from me. So what's wrong?"

She stared down into her bowl of honeyed rice, blinking furiously to keep tears at bay. "Po, have you ever …" The sentence died off. Had he ever what? Fallen in love with a scoundrel? Been betrayed by someone who made his body sing? Gone months longing for the touch of a person his heart withered at the thought of? Stuffed his broken heart under mountains of _you should have known better, you fool, you fool, you fool,_ then had that specter reappear in his life when it was the last thing he ever expected?

"Have I ever what?"

She looked up at him, into his deep green eyes, his round moon face titled towards her in affection, in concern, the taste of the warm honeyed rice still on her tongue. A memory came to her, sudden and unbidden, of navigating the mountain passage with the theater troupe. So many cold days of travel, frigid nights by the fire, singing and drinking and laughing with her new friends, but always that something - something missing. A certain silly joke, a certain goofball laugh she caught herself seeking but never quite found. Not until she returned home.

To Po.

To big, soft, stupid, silly Po.

Again, that strong impulse to throw her arms around his neck, to wrap herself around him, to curl up and surround herself with him. Her hands opened.

"Have you ever needed a hug?" she asked shakily.

He smiled and opened his arms. "I'm built for comfort," he said.

She leaned forward, almost lunged, and fell into his arms. He caught her, his arms huge and soft and strong. She shuddered then let herself go completely limp against him, burying her face in the padding of his shoulder.

"Whoa, whoa …" he said, chuckling, scooping her up to set her neatly his his lap. His hand was on her rump for a moment, perhaps a second or two longer than it needed to be. She didn't mind. He wrapped his arms around her waist and upper back, pressing her to him. She was overcome with a sweet and drowsy peace, something she was startled to find familiar. She'd felt this before, but when? When had she ever been held like this? Like a child? She couldn't fit it to a memory. It would have had to be before … everything. Before Bao Gu.

Her parents - her real parents - were the last to hold her this way.

Somehow this did not strike her as the monumental thing it was. Instead it felt perfectly natural. This was real and existed and was here, for her, _finally_ , and her whole body knew. She felt her chest unwind as the energies there – her heart chakra _,_ she recalled - opened to Po, allowing him within, to heal her.

"Hey," he whispered gently, pressing the side of his face to hers. He'd felt it too, that barrier breaking. She turned towards his cheek, nuzzling him. "Hey," he said again, stroking her hip with his soft thick fingers.

She pressed her face to his until their noses met.

"Hey," she said, and kissed him.

 **000**


	31. the moon-pool world

**chapter thirty:** **the moon-pool world**

Tigress fell quiet.

Her withdrawal was noted by everyone in the Jade Palace. She took her meals in her room, barely spoke save for her training sessions with the Princess. Her evenings were spent with Shifu, who asked if she'd like to experience the added focus of meditation performed while balanced on a staff. He figured her sudden silence to be a symptom of these long evenings of deep meditation, and assured his students that this was the case. No one tried to draw her out. Refusing to meet her former teammate's eyes, she was left to her own devices.

Her devices were these: she ate her breakfast alone, the spent the morning with the Princess. This was when she did the most talking, though in private nighttime conversations with Shifu, Habika noted that her teacher seemed distracted. Deflated. Her directions became vague and broad, her focus unmistakably internal. She'd even let up on the insistence that Habika sleep in the barracks. When the Princess asked on one morning of particular frustration if, due to her progress, she might finally be allowed to move back in with her lover, she was stunned when Tigress replied with a disinterested, "Sure."

She took her lunch alone, weaving around whomever she passed in the halls, looking at the floor. When she finished eating she left her room as quickly as possible, sometimes assigning herself a task in the village. Being alone in her room, on her bed, for too long, made her new desires fiery and unbearable. She had to keep busy. Had to keep moving. Had to keep silent.

In the afternoons she and the princess studied scrolls of kung-fu theory in the Jade Palace. The Princess seemed to respond well to written material, was more successful in learning new skills when she had a map of sorts. It was an interesting adjustment Tigress threw herself into facilitating. Shifu had always taught Tigress lessons with a visceral physicality, so this dedicated scroll-learning was a new experience for her. When she spoke to him about it Shifu likened it to the new skill set he had to develop in order to train Po. She nodded, trying not to wince every time the name was said. The Princess seemed to understand the system of chi better than actual kung-fu, and Shifu recommended it would be Tigress's job to help the Princess understand how to merge the two. It was such a relief to have an assignment again that Tigress threw herself into the new task utterly.

The evenings consisted of dinner, also taken alone, and time spent meditating with her father. Around eight he usually excused himself to bed, and that was when it began; the fear and the shame and the shuddering need increasing with every step over the damp ground. She would go to the barracks, entering via her private entrance on the bottom floor. And there Po would be, the rest of the barracks sleeping peacefully above them, and she would look into his eyes, and they would be the first eyes she'd fully met all day.

"Tigress…?" he'd whisper, with a desire-tinged concern that physically pained her. _We can't,_ she'd try to say, _this has to stop,_ but by that point it was too late and she was in his arms, falling with him through the door, answering his whispered "Are you sure?" with a desperate, terrified kiss, and with the door locked they made love in intense silence.

Po -oh _gods,_ Po - was nothing like Asabi. Asabi was a dagger of pleasure taken with vengeance under the open sky, which eventually stabbed her heart. But her new lover was an ocean of warmth and gentle caresses, of soft pressures pushing her over edges, of helpless melting. The first time it happened he carried her, floating from the kitchen to her rooms with a confidence that astonished her. She felt so surrounded and small and safe that when she reached the inevitable peak, it moved outward from her center and reverberated back and forth so intensely that, for a moment, she existed as nothing more than deep and annihilating rapture.

It was when she began to recover from this that the horror came.

An ache, an unbearable void, the unfillable dry socket in her chest which had been with her forever but she learned to ignore - it made itself known, hitting like an axe while she was still vibrating in Po's arms, helpess as an infant. Placed utterly naked before this hellish void, all she could do was _break._ And break she did, tears streaming, mouth open in a silent scream of despair - of a child's complete, utter, raw despair. Her claws sunk into the bedding as ecstasy ripped itself apart into anguish.

When she caught her breath and looked at Po and saw his fear and helplessness and affection - that was when the shame hit, when she wriggled from his embrace in a panic.

"Tell me" _,_ he'd say, "Please, just tell me what's wrong!"

"I don't know," she said, gasing for air, pulling the covers over herself. She pressed her fist into her diaphragm. She couldn't breathe. Something horrible. Something from forever ago.

"Did I-? Did I do this?" Po strangled.

She shook her head. Another wave of emptiness and grief rose up through her and it was all she could do not to wail.

"Tigress -! "

"Get out!" she growled. "Leave! Leave or I'll- I'll hurt you!" she said, as though he were a curious duckling from Bao Gu. She did not say _get out before I infect you, I'm nothing, I'm a hole._

During the days she avoided him, avoided his eyes, avoided any speech he may be in danger of hearing. The more space he took up in her world the more she withdrew, purely out of fear that the beastly void inside her might grow teeth and eat Po's heart. But even that fear was not enough to defeat the monumental desire, the unstoppable need, like a heavy carriage rolling down a steep hill. Each time she told herself that if she allowed herself the comfort and pleasure this one last time, this time, she would meet the fiend head on. During the lovemaking she felt so full and good that she was sure she'd be strong enough to face the void. She always failed, pushing Po away, gasping like a huge hand had closed around her throat. Her walls flew up and she kicked Po out of her rooms. Sometimes he paced the hall in front of her door for hours afterward while she pretended not to hear, wrapped tightly as a snake in her bedclothes.

In the afternoons while the Princess read, Tigress found herself starting perpetually into the moon pool when she was supposed to be meditating. She watched the moon pool-world steadily shift and billow before her, a whole new universe. She looked at her reflection, shifting and moving, one yellow eye wobbling independently from the other, her mouth a wriggling line. The face reflected in the pool, mutated and distorted, was how she truly looked. It was the only honest mirror in her life. Perhaps one day it would also show the sucking black tar in her chest, fanged and clawed, ready to eat anyone she truly loved.

 _I love you._

 _I can't love you._

Perhaps, since life had stopped making sense in the dry world, the wavering logic of the moon-pool world would have to suffice.

 **ooo**

"One day I might be able to embarrass you terribly with this," Habika said teasingly. Shifu sat on the divan, wide-eyed. She'd come up behind him, placed her hand at the base of his neck, and drawn him up into sudden full arousal by summoning Kundalini up through his spine.

"Have mercy," he said."Besides, we can't be certain you were the cause. I react that way normally to you." He took her hand from the base of his neck and pulled it over his shoulder, kissing it. "Enough with the amusing chi experiments, little one," he said adjusting himself, rolling a whittling knife in his palm. "I'm already hard at work on one wooden staff as it is."'

She grinned and kissed the top of his head. "It's certainly coming along."

He gasped. Shifted. "I asked you to stop."

"I didn't do anything this time."

"Oh," he said sheepishly. "My mistake. Shoo, woman!"

She chuckled and wandered to the kitchen for a bottle of wine, then sat next to him on the divan. The rain, which had been pounding on the roof, suddenly took on an increased intensity. "Goodness, it's really coming down out there."

"Hm. So it is." He twisted the thick wooden pole in his hands. "What do you think?" he asked. "I've got the shape right, so I've started on the carving."

She leaned in to examine the carving in the base of the ironwood staff. A round, foreboding building with many windows. "What's this?" she asked.

"Bao Gu orphanage," he said. "Each carving will represent a chapter of her life. I'll leave the top half blank for her to complete."

"Is that why you've made it so tall?"

"Of course, may she be blessed with long life. Do you think she'll like it?"

"It's from her father, she'll love it. What will the next carving be?"

A slow warm smile crossed his face. "Dominoes," he said.

"Ah," she said, nodding. "Wine?"

"Certainly," he replied, and went about blocking the space for the next carving.

Habika poured him a cup then sighed and stretched. "I'll be ready for bed soon."

"I'll probably join-"

They both startled at a sharp knock at the door. Glanced at each other.

"Enter," Shifu said.

The door opened to reveal a soaked Zeng, who bowed. When he rose his eyes were wide. "Master Shifu!" he said. It was a quick, soft spoken, anxiety ridden whisper - one Shifu had heard before.

Shifu's heart began to pound.

"Yes Zeng?" he asked, but he knew. Looking at Zeng's face, he knew instantly.

"Master … the Emperor. The Emperor is here."

 **ooo**


	32. his voice soft

**chapter 32:** **his voice soft**

Mantis's attempt at cooking dinner was a disaster, but at the very least it was a funny one. Tigress, Viper, Monkey, and Crane looked at their bowls of indistinguishable mush - Mantis's version of spicy tofu - with puzzled amusement.

"How do you keep all this stuff straight?" he asked Po.

"I'm big enough to see the full picture, for starters!" he replied. "Maybe you should have started with a recipe you can make within one square foot. Like rice."

"Hey! I can take five croc bandits on my own!"

"Yeah, but I doubt you could prep, mix, cook, and time them," Po pointed out.

Mantis aimed an aggressive chopstick at Po. "That remains to be seen." He turned to the rest of them. "So how is it?"

"It's ... uh…." Tigress began.

"Different!" Crane piped up.

"Very different!" Viper added.

"It's an interesting take on … on food," Tigress said, scooping some up in her chop sticks and letting it slop back to the bowl.

Po smiled at her. She knew he was most likely glad to see her finally taking a meal with her friends again, even if she was unlikely to eat the mixture Mantis concocted. She smiled and tried to laugh, even if only for Po's benefit. "You gave it an honest try," Tigress said to Mantis, "but maybe it's best we leave the cooking to Po."

Po raised his hand. "Seconded."

Mantis crossed his thingies. "I try to do a nice thing and this is the thanks I get."

Viper gave a big, over the top, cloying "AWWWWW" and the rest instantly joined in, making a comically huge fuss over the sulking Mantis.

"Ok guys. Ok. Stop," Mantis said. "Stop it guys. Guys! Guys staaaaaaaahp!"

"Okay!" Po said, banging once on the table with his huge padded hand. "What do you want for dinner?"

"Is there any cauliflower curry left from last night?' Crane asked.

"Should be," Po said.

"I'll make the rice. I GUESS," Mantis said, inspiring another chorus saracastic _awwww's._

 **ooo**

After dinner when everyone else was settling down to rest, Po knocked on Tigress's door. When she didn't answer he knocked again. She sighed, got up and answered.

"Hey," he said. "I-"

"Not tonight," she replied without thinking. An exhaustion of which she'd previously been unaware made her voice wobble. "I'm -I'm tired."

Po glanced at the floor as though shamed. "That, uh…wasn't why I came down."

Her eyebrows raised.

"I just wanted to say I was happy that you had dinner with everyone tonight. We've all missed you."

She felt a curious mix of pleasure at having made him happy, and anger as though she were being somehow manipulated by her own desire to please him. She found herself staring at the door handle in her palm. "I'm glad," she said, "but we can't -"

"I don't want to!" he almost snapped. "Look, can we just hang out?"

"What?"

"We haven't just hung out since this…started."

"Oh," Tigress replied blankly.

"Can I come in?' Po asked after a moment.

"Oh. Sure," she said.

He went in and sat on the bed, patting the space next to him.

"Po - " she started

"What? There's nowhere else to sit! Get a chair!"

Despite herself she chuckled. "Father never had one."

"Shifu never had guests."

"Point taken," she said, and shut the door. "I suppose I'd better get in the market for seating."

"Panda sized seating."

She sat next to him on the bed. "I could just throw some pillows in a wagon cart, how about that?"

"Ouch, lady," he said, putting his soft heavy arm around her and snuggling her close. "I'm not that big. We haven't broken this bed yet, have we?"

She smiled sadly, then her face settled into thought. "Speaking of which," she said. "I've been meaning to ask you … how ..."

"How what?"

"You don't…" she began, searching for the right words, "seem inexperienced to me."

"Ah," he said, and nodded slowly. "Give me some credit. I _am_ the Dragon Warrior after all."

"I didn't realize that was part of the legend," she replied.

"Oogway didn't exactly scream about it," he snickered.

"Which is odd, because he probably would have."

"Ha! Would he?"

Tigress nodded. "He could be a cheeky. Especially after a cup or two of rice wine."

Po smiled. "I'd give anything to see that. But…yeah. A lot of stuff happened while you were gone, Tigress."

"Must have," she said. "I'm surprised no one told me."

"They didn't tell you because they don't know. No one does."

"No? Mantis would have thrown you a parade."

He nodded. "Which is why I didn't tell him. It's not something I need yelled from the roof of the Jade Palace. It wasn't … it wouldn't exactly be good for my reputation."

Tigress cocked her head, intrigued. "Is it scandalous?"

He averted his eyes, his face a sudden mixture of embarrassment and pride.

"Po! Who was it?" Tigress asked, hushed.

He bit his lip and shook his head. Chuckled.

"Po!"

He sighed. "Oh geez. Okay. You can't tell _anyone. Ever_."

She crossed her heart, her eyes wide. "Wouldn't dream of it. Spill."

"Okay, well …. you know what Mantis said about 'save the princess, claim your prize'? Turns out there's some truth to that."

"She was a princess?" Tigress said. "What is _with_ these princesses?"

"No! No no. Not even close. But the concept still applies. She was … she owned a farm. Peaches and stuff. The five of us were on a mission to retrieve the Master Dengu's Infinity Blade from a group of bandits who'd stolen it from his shrine in Lo-Wei Province. At one point we all split up because we weren't sure what direction they'd gone, so I was traveling alone. Long story short I saw this farmhouse being sacked by some other group of bandits. They had this cougar lady hogtied on the porch. I went in, neutralized the situation, she invited me in, and … and yeah." He blushed. "She uh … she was very grateful."

"That doesn't sound all that scandalous," Tigress mused.

"That's not the scandalous part."

"Go on…?"

He seemed unsure how to start. "Ack. Okay. Well. So no one was at the farm but her. She said all her workers had taken the peach harvest out to sell at nearby villages and wouldn't be back for a couple weeks. So she was there by herself. And she was … wow, she was really pretty. Not the prettiest lady I've ever seen," he said, glancing at Tigress, "but close. And she just … kinda … she made me dinner, and that was really good, and she just … it just … happened. I don't know. She really … wanted to. And so did I but I hadn't really pictured it happening that way the first time. And it was okay, I mean it was … good, but she wasn't ….. " He drifted off for a lack of words.

"She wasn't what?" Tigress asked.

He glanced at her. Shook his head. Gathered himself. "Anyway, her workers weren't due back for a couple weeks and she was afraid the bandits would return, so I stayed with her. Since the harvest was over and there wasn't a lot to do, we uh … mostly … you know. And she kinda … taught me a lot. And that's why. " He cleared his throat. "So after two weeks her workers return, and I notice one of them is also a cougar, and better dressed than the others. I mean we were just out there on the porch drinking tea like - like neighbors or something -and he comes right up to her and kisses her on the cheek and says like, oh hi honey, I missed you., who's our guest?"

"WHAT?" Tigress asked, aghast.

"That's what I was wondering. And she's all 'Oh hello dear, this is just Po, I saw him walking the road so I thought I'd invite him in for a meal, have to be hospitable to travelers out here in the middle of nowhere, blah blah blah' and this poor dude shakes my hand and is all 'blah blah blah my wife is so kind, my wife this this my wife that' and I'm just sitting there with my jaw hanging open like a moron. I didn't even know what to do." He started laughing. "It was so bad, Tigress, seriously you have no idea."

"WHAT?"

"All I could think to say was like 'Thanks for the tea madam" and she was all 'Oh anytime' and hands me my bag - Tigress, _she'd already packed my bag for me_."

Tigress convulsed in laughter. "Oh no!"

"And I just went along with it! I mean what was I gonna do, be all 'Excuse me sir, you might wanna know I just spent two weeks with your wife' The guy was just totally, completely oblivious - like oh, yup, that's my Yan, always drinking tea with random dudes from the road. What the hell, lady!" He shook his head, incredulous. "You should have seen the way she looked at me after her husband went into the house, like - she made it perfectly clear this had gone exactly as she'd wanted. She just sort of smiled and shrugged and went into the house like - and I'm just standing there like okay, guess I'll be fucking going then, crazy lady. And later I open up my bag and all my stuff's been folded. Thanks for folding my pants all nice, what the hell is wrong with you?" he shook his head. "I still have no idea what to even think. I just…what?"

Tigress fell onto her side with her head in Po's lap, tears of laughter streaming down her face. "Thanks - thanks -" she gasped, "thanks Dragon Warrior - for the -" whatever her thought was she couldn't finish it.

"I'm glad you find this so amusing," Po said.

"Sorry," she gasped.

"Oh, you're sorry are you? So sorry!" he said, grinning, then leaned over to tickle her stomach.

"No!" she shrieked, then covered her mouth with one hand while holding his offending wrist immobile with the other. "Shh! Shhh!" she said.

"Oh _SHHHHHHHHHPTHPTHPTH!"_ Po said, overly loud and wet.

She covered his mouth. "Stop stop," she said, and burst into giggles. "Stop. We have to calm down."

"Yeah. Simmer down, Tigress. Don't make me turn this bed around."

"Shhh! Just shhhhh!"

"Shhhhh, you're such a spaz, shhhhh," Po teased. "Look at you, you spazzy tiger, spazzing all over the place." He leaned over her, resting on his elbows, and placed his paws on her shoulders, and kissed her on the nose. "Stop being such a spaz, spaz."

She blushed, suddenly bashful, and threw her arms around his neck.

"I always knew you were just a big kitten," he whispered in her ear.

"Shut up," she mumbled into his neck, then kissed him.

He looked at her questioningly. "I thought you didn't want to."

"We can," she said, but as soon as she did she felt the fear rise up.

Po pulled away, stroking her face tenderly. "Tigress … I was thinking - "

There was a loud, aggressive knock on the door.

They leapt to their feet, straightening their clothes. "Who is it?" Tigress called.

"Viper!"

Tigresses opened the door to reveal a wide-eyed Viper, who looked between Po and Tigress with puzzlement before saying, "Shifu says to put on our formal robes. The Emperor's calling on us."

 **ooo**

Shifu flew down the long staircase. The Emperor's entourage was so large it was clearly visible from the top of the stairs as a mass of wagons and chariots, soldiers in formation and flags, all painted in Imperial yellows and purples. How many times in one life would he do this, go racing down the stairs in his formal robes to greet a visitor from the Forbidden City? In the middle of the night, no less, with no warning?

"How is Habika?" Viper asked, whipping down the stairs alongside him.

"Not good," Shifu replied grimly.

Upon hearing the news she seemed to freeze up and fall into confusion. "I'd really - I'd truly - I'd started to believe he wasn't coming," she said, her voice odd and hollow. "That Gan would - never -"

He knelt before her and took her hands in his. They were stiff and unresponsive. She looked past him, through him.

"Little one," he said. "Little one, listen to me."

She finally looked at him, almost as though she didn't quite know what to make of him.

"Yes? Shifu?"

He realized he didn't know what to say to her. A moment before he was certain he had some comforting thing lined up but now his mind was a total blank.

"Try to remain calm," he finally said.

She nodded.

"I won't let anything happen to you."

"You can't keep anything from happening to me," she replied lightly. "Or … or to you. Oh, my warrior, I did- I do - I love you. If this is the end for us, know that I loved you with all my - "

"If you love me have faith in me," he demanded. "This isn't the end, not yet."

She nodded, jerkily and without confidence.

"Master Shifu!" Zeng urged.

"Little one, I must go," he said, kissing her hands and forehead. "Prepare yourself."

"How?"

Again, he was at a loss.

"Meditate," he said finally. "Read scrolls." He took her face between his hands. "Breathe. I love you, my love." He kissed her once more and went with Zeng, whom he instructed to prepare lodging for the Emperor. The poor goose's eyes were nearly rolling in different directions, but he did as he was told and set about making the Hall of Warriors itself into a series of rooms using the most luxurious furniture, tapestries, candles, and foods the Jade Palace had to offer -which would likely seem laughably paltry to the Son of Heaven himself.

Oh, dear gods, Shifu thought. The Emperor. _Here._

When they reached the bottom of the staircase they promptly kowtowed before the largest carriage, a massive, wheeled, purple thing with a bright yellow tiled roof. They remained prostrate on the ground before it for what seemed like ages. Shifu swallowed. Just as he felt his heart would just about beat out of his chest from suspense he heard something faint and odd, weaving in and out between metallic shifting and snapping, moving towards them from the center of the village.

He glanced at Tigress, who looked just as puzzled as he felt.

The lilting got louder. Singing, he realized. A male voice. Tenor, and … beautiful. The metallic shifting and snapping was the sound the armor of the Emperor's soldiers made when they saluted him as he strolled past, singing. Shifu did not dare look up, but he could hear the footfalls of about twelve people directly behind the singing man- his servants, perhaps? The singing and snapping and footsteps grew closer until they gradually made their way around to the front of the massive carriage, where they suddenly stopped.

"Ah," the Emperor said, his voice soft from a lifetime of never having to raise it. "We see the Venerable Shifu and his charges have kowtowed before His Majesty The Carriage."

His servants instantly erupted into laughter, which stopped just as promptly when the Emperor spoke.

"Rise," he commanded.

Shifu and his students rose as commanded, averting their eyes.

"Now kowtow," the Emperor said. "To _us_ , this time."

As they kowtowed once more his servants again burst into laughter.

"Rise."

They did.

"How does this night find you, Venerable Shifu?" the Emperor asked.

Shifu looked up at him, the Emperor, Gan, the nightmare of his life. He was a tall, thin red fox dressed in robes of pure golden silk, his eyes lazy and heavily lidded. As he waited for Shifu's reply he reached idly to his left, where a bowl suddenly appeared, raised by a rabbit in purple attire. He picked something out of it and popped it in his mouth. A cherry. He chewed loudly.

"This night finds me honored to be in the presence of Your Imperial Majesty," Shifu replied, bowing.

"As well it should be," the Emperor replied. "Are we to understand that the Jade Palace is all the way up _that?_ " he asked, eyeing the staircase.

"That is correct, Emperor Highness."

"Hm." The Emperor snapped his fingers and a litter was brought forth. One of his servants crouched and interlaced his fingers so the Emperor could step on them and hoist his way into it. The servant bearing the bowl of cherries sat at his feet and the litter was hoisted into the air.

"Walk alongside me, Venerable One," the Emperor commanded as they began the ascent.

"As the Emperor Highness wishes."

He took another cherry from the bowl. "You've a deep voice for a small man. Are you a baritone?"

Shifu was taken aback. "I … I do not know, Emperor Highness."

"You sound like one. Do you know the song 'Lotus of the River,' by chance?"

"I do, Emperor Highness."

"Splendid. Sing with us, in the round. You'll begin on the second verse," the Emperor said, and burst into song. A moment later, Shifu, bewildered and shaky, followed suit.

 **ooo**


	33. this very unique threat

**chapter thirty three:** **this very unique threat**

"She says to make the braised honey tofu," Viper reported to Po. Tigress had accompanied her to the sangha to ask the princess's advice on what meal to prepare for the Emperor. He had challenged Po to prepare his best dish for himself and Shifu, with whom he declared he would take his evening meal.

Po glanced at the stately, purple robed antelope who had been sent to observe this process.

"Does uh…does that sound ok?" Po asked.

The antelope raised an eyebrow. "His Imperial Highness wants your best dish. If that is your best dish, than by all means prepare it. I am not here to offer counsel, I am here to be sure you do not poison the Son of Heaven."

"Why would I poison…? Look, you know the guy, does he like honey? Does he like tofu?"

The antelope set his jaw and remained silent.

"Okay then. Braised honey tofu it is. I mean you'd have to be pretty crazy not to like honey and tofu. And maybe a side of mushroom dumplings - I'll use that curry you brought, Tigress - and Dad's noodle soup - " Po shuffled around the kitchen lost in thought while the antelope watched his every move.

"Can we help you?" Tigress asked Po.

"The meal is to be cooked by the Dragon Warrior and the Dragon Warrior alone," the antelope interjected. "You two are dismissed."

"Dismissed?" Tigress asked incredulously. "This is _our_ kitchen."

"As far as this kitchen is concerned my word is the Emperor's. You are dismissed."

"Ugh. Come on," Viper said to Tigress. The snake led her out and down the hall. "We should go back to the sangha and keep Habika company. She's terrified."

"I noticed that. Why? What does she have to be afraid of?"

Viper stopped. "You don't know?"

"Know what?"

"She never told you -?"

"Told me what?"

"About what happened to her at the Forbidden City? Tigress, she …" Viper lowered her voice, "she had The Emperor's child. And not willingly."

Tigress's eyes widened. "What?"

"Tigress - by the gods - he - " Viper began.

"Viper wait," Tigress said, her chest tightening. "Perhaps this story isn't yours to tell."

"You're her master, she should have told you everything. How are you supposed to train her without knowing her history? How can you not know?"

"I…I never asked," Tigress said.

"You never asked?"

"No," Tigress replied. "I think -I figured - I thought it was just a life of luxury. Charmed. You know. Life of a princess."

Viper's jaw dropped.

"What?" Tigress asked, but she felt suddenly ashamed. Why _hadn't_ she bothered to find out the Princess's story? Suddenly this seemed a glaring and obvious fault.

"Tigress -Tigress you _need_ to know," Viper insisted, and pulled her aside to tell the tale, far from any listening ears.

On the walk to the sangha Tigress's mind was a whirl of shock and guilt. Why hadn't the Princess told her any of this horror? Why hadn't she bothered to ask? She burned with anger at herself. No wonder she couldn't communicate with her student. No wonder she learned far better from books than from her Master. All this time, she hadn't even bothered to find out who the Princess actually was - and how could Tigress train a woman she didn't know?

 _I didn't want to know_ , she thought to herself. _But if I didn't want to know her, why did I agree to be her master?_

 _For Father_ , she answered herself. But she knew, deep down, this was not entirely true. A knowledge that had previously been smooth and ignorable turned suddenly sharp and demanding. Her stomach churned.

 _I didn't want to train her. I wanted … I wanted her to_ \- the thought began, but a murky mix of denial and shame tried to muffle it. She shut her eyes and forced it to the surface. _I wanted her to know what I went through._

The realization stopped her cold in her tracks. She stared at nothing for a moment, her heart pounding in her ears.

Viper turned. "Tigress? You okay?"

"I - " she began, but simply said "Yes," and followed.

They knocked on the door of the sangha. Jin opened it and ushered them inside where the Princess paced, arms crossed, anxiety radiating off her like heat from a campfire.

 _You stupid selfish child_ , Tigress chided herself as a heavy, cold blanket of shame settled on her shoulders. _You absolute fraud playing at mastery. You don't know the meaning of the word. Here this woman stands - your charge - and you were so wrapped up in resentment that you did not bother to really teach her. Here she is, shrinking and wringing her hands. Tonight she must face her biggest fear. She is unprepared - and it is your fault._

"Hello Master," the Princess said lightly, saluting.

Tigress dropped to her knees before her student and took both her hands in hers.

"Habika," she said, looking deeply into the princess's yellow eyes, "listen to me."

 **000**

Shifu was being dressed for dinner in Viper's room.

He wasn't even entirely sure how they'd ended up there, but there they were. Zeng fussed around him, dusting and adjusting and pinning and cinching the ancient silk Imperial robes that had last been worn by Oogway decades previous. This required a lot of last minute sewing that Zeng took on with his usual single-minded focus. A female bunny sat on the floor, carefully dusting and touching up every bead and gem on the tall onyx and jade headdress he was to wear. Dining with the Emperor was serious business.

He could not say he looked forward to it. He'd accompanied the Emperor, singing, to the Hall of Warriors. The palace staff were putting the finishing touches on the space they'd created for him. When they entered their eyes went wide and they kowtowed to the Emperor, tools and fabrics and flowers in hand. He ignored them as he stepped lightly from his litter.

"Isn't this droll," he purred, chuckling, strolling through the luxurious set of rooms created by drapes of fabric and screens. Everywhere there were tables with bowls of fruit, flowers, silk cushions and ancient artifacts. The effect was that of being inside a very well appointed, multi-room silk tent with very high jade ceilings. The Emperor and Shifu meandered through it, trailed by his attendants.

"I pray it meets with His Imperial Highness's approval," Shifu said.

"Oh, it _does_ ," he said, in a tone that was nearly sarcastic, but not quite. The Emperor admired The Urn Of Whispering Warriors, which was the centerpiece of what amounted to a receiving hall, and turned to look down at Shifu. His eyes were cold but amused. "It's like the blanket forts built for Us as a child. How charming! We are impressed with what your staff can do with such a limited space as this," he said, waving his hand dismissively at the entire Hall of Warriors.

Shifu's jaw twitched. "I am pleased to hear it, your Imperial Highness," he replied.

"You will dine with Us tonight, Venerable Shifu," the Emperor commanded. "I wish to sample the culinary talent of your Dragon Warrior. Have him prepare his finest dish.

"As your Imperial Highness wishes," Shifu said, and bowed. "I shall see to it myself."

"Very good. You are dismissed."

Shifu bowed again and backed out of the room, the Emperor's attendants parting for him. Zeng quickly ushered him back to the barracks to the room nearest the long closet, which belonged to Viper, and now here he was, being sewn into these stiff and awkward layers of robes, purple and green and red.

Shifu questioned Zeng as to the preparations the staff made for the dinner, more because he needed something to focus on than out of actual interest. If he allowed himself to think too much he feared he might react hastily or make an unwise move. He would not let himself think about the Emperor holding Habika down in his bed, forcing himself on her, how she must have wept in pain, how-

He forced his attention elsewhere. Closed his eyes. Opened them. Attempting to clear his mind he scanned Viper's room for something, anything, to focus on. There was not much. Students kept their rooms spartan as a matter of course. Her cot was neatly made. A scroll of calligraphy hung on the wall, a koan in Crane's delicate and perfect brush strokes. Beneath that was her writing desk.

Resting on it next to a brush and a pot of ink were a pair of double daggers, the handles wrapped in pink ribbon.

Zeng lifted Shifu's arm to check the fall of the massive sleeve of the robe, which trailed upon the floor. Sleeves which offered more than enough room to hide a pair of blades, one in each.

Shifu swallowed.

He could do it. It would be the last thing he would do but he was certain he could cut the Emperor's throat before the guards put a Goose Quill Saber through his eye.

It was tempting. His throat burned with the desire to slip the blades into his clothing. Just for insurance. Just in case.

But no. Too much could go wrong. He might imagine the Emperor dragging Habika back to the Forbidden City for more torture upon his bed, and make a rash and deadly move. Shifu's jaw twitched.

The sick bastard was three times her size.

He was distracted by a sudden sharp pain. Zeng had pricked him in the forearm with a needle.

"Sorry," Zeng muttered through the pins clenched in his beak.

"Thank you," Shifu replied.

 **000**

When he was finally led to the dining room of the Jade Palace, where the Winter Feast was held, he felt like a ridiculous cloth doll. The layers of robe made walking difficult, the long deep sleeves were a hindrance to just about everything else. The headdress was balanced precariously on his head. The rattle of the hanging beads were a perpetual annoyance. Zeng and his assistants were kind enough to hold the trailing fabric of his robe and sleeves to keep them from being dirtied upon the ground. They stopped at the huge doors of the dining room and placed them gently on the jade floors, smoothing them out one final time.

"Thank you Zeng," Shifu said.

"Thank you Master Shifu," the goose said. "Good luck."

Two of the Emperor's attendants bowed to Shifu. Shifu nodded, and the attendants pushed open to heavy wooden doors, bowing to the Emperor.

"The Venerable Master Shifu of the Jade Palace," one attendant announced. Shifu walked into the room and bowed low, his finally feeling the full weight of the robes. They were like dragging a dead body.

"Ah, Shifu, come in, come in!" The Emperor said. He did not move, but the three men at the table with him stood. An attendant showed Shifu to his seat at the left of the Emperor.

"These -" the Emperor began, gesturing to the three men, but stopped when his eyes fell upon Shifu's robes. He erupted in a high peal of laughter. "Venerable Shifu, you are dressed as though you are here to receive Our father, not Ourselves! Grand robes to be sure, but sixty years out of fashion!"

"It has been sixty years since the Jade Palace was visited by his Imperial Highness's father the Emperor Shang," Shifu replied.

"Has it? _Fascinating_ ," he said, rolling his eyes. "Enough talk of Our father. Please, sit next to us."

As Shifu took a seat the Emperor waved and attendant over, who quickly poured cups of rice wine for the five of them out of one bottle. Shifu noted this with relief - at the very least it would not be poisoned.

"Venerable Shifu, this is Our Royal Advisor Ting, and Our Imperial Generals Ki and Lang," the Emperor said, gesturing to the three men to his right - a bull, a crocodile, and a fox.

 _Advisors and generals_? Shifu wondered. _Why?_

The three men bowed to Shifu. Shifu bowed back.

The Emperor grinned and raised his cup. Shifu and the Emperor's men did likewise. "To a long and prosperous accord," he said.

"Hear hear," the fox said, and they drank.

"Now then," the Emperor said, "bring on the entertainment!"

 **000**

"Are they not marvelous?" the Emperor asked, leaning towards Shifu.

Three peahens stood before the table, shimmering in silk robes and and green and blue plumage. They sang for the emperor with heartbreakingly sweet, rich and full voices. One played an erhu while she sang. Had he been less vigilant Shifu might have quite happily lost himself in the music. He'd certainly never heard anything like it.

"Yes, they are, Emperor Highness," he said.

"From Gongman City," he said. "We believe their fathers or mothers attended the Shen court before that house fell," the Emperor said. "Didn't that son of theirs - the albino - didn't We hear news of his recent passing?"

"Yes," Shifu said evenly. "My students and I defeated him in Gongman Harbor. Shen was plotting to take over China."

The Emperor's eyebrows raised. "Oh yes yes, we remember now. Was that you, who killed him?"

"The Dragon Warrior," Shifu replied.

"Ah, good of him to save General Lang the effort," the Emperor said, jerking his head in the fox's direction.

"Had Shen made it anywhere near the Forbidden City he'd have found himself under our boot," Lang said.

 _What about trail the carnage he'd have left getting there? Do you not care for your own people?_ Shifu wanted to say, but it was unlikely any good would come of such a statement.

"Stunning inventions, those cannons," the bull mused.

"Ah yes," the Emperor said, smiling into his empty cup. "Ingenious weaponry. Fit for much larger aspirations than those of some back country Lord, wouldn't you say?"

"I would, your highness," Lang said, and grinned.

More wine!" the Emperor demanded, and an attendant came by to pour the next round.

Shifu held his hand over his cup. They'd already gone through three rounds. At this rate he would be falling down drunk by the end of the night - whenever that was.

The Emperor raised his eyebrows. "Do you refuse the Emperor's wine, Master Shifu?"

"Not at all, I - I - "

The Emperor jerked his head. The attendant slipped the cup out from beneath Shifu's hand and poured the wine.

"With the Emperor's wine comes the Emperor's good will," he purred. "This is not an offering a wise man refuses. Come now, Shifu," he said. "Drink with us! How do they do it out here in the country? Yi, er, san, hit the table, toss?"

"Only with baijiu," Shifu said, and immediately regretted it.

"Bring the baijiu!" the Emperor cried.

 **000**

After the peahen singers there were a troupe of monkey acrobats and an erhu quartet. Many rounds of rice wine and baijiu were had. It was a challenge to say sober but Po's food helped shore Shifu up. The Emperor praised the dishes. He also spoke at length about music and singing and the remarkable acoustics he'd discovered in the Hall of Warriors. He asked Shifu questions about the Valley of Peace and the history of the Jade Palace, about Oogway, but did not seem particularly interested in Shifu's answers. After an encore performance by the acrobats it was time for games, Go and Xiangqi. The Emperor seemed to concentrate on these with a particular relish, and when the next course was served the attendants moved the boards carefully so as not to disturb the layout of the boards.

During the main course the Emperor asked Shifu to tell a joke, and he did, but the Emperor declared it far too tame and demanded the dirtiest one he knew. Shifu prayed the Emperor's forgiveness, saying not know any off-color humor. This was entirely untrue, as Oogway had been quite the secret collector of jokes in poor taste, but this dinner with its unnerving insistence on levity when so much was at stake did not put Shifu in a jovial mood.

The Emperor turned to the Generals and asked them to educate the Venerable Master in the art of filthy jokes. They told them - some of them quite good - but they did not move Shifu to laugh. When at most they received only the hint of a smile it seemed to turn into a competition to get him to crack.

"The Venerable One laughs at nothing!" the ox finally declared, throwing up his hands.

Lang, the fox, nodded. "That is why he is a Venerable Master. " He raised a cup to Shifu approvingly.

"To the Venerable One, Shifu The Humorless, may his skies be ever gray and heavy!" the Emperor said, and they drank. The Emperor then gave Shifu an exhausting compare and contrast of the Valley of Peace's baijiu and his own private reserve, which he sent for. He asked Shifu's opinion. Shifu said the private reserve was better, but that that point he couldn't taste the difference - as Habika said, after a certain point all tasted like water.

 _Habika._

He bristled in anger, looking at the Emperor's stupid gibbering face. Did he never shut up? Did he only stop talking and singing and drinking long enough to rape his relatives?

Shifu closed his eyes, took a breath. Ate more to steady the spinning room. Honey tofu, dumplings, Mr. Ping's noodles. Po had done well. Not that he could taste it - liquor and anger numbed his tongue.

After a while the Emperor seemed to have reached the limit of his ability to yammer about inane nothing. He sighed, stirring the remnants of his soup thoughtfully, then glanced at Shifu and his generals and pushed his bowl away.

"Clear the plates and pour us a round of baijiu. Leave the bottle," he ordered to attendants, his voice suddenly different. "Then leave us."

"Is something wrong, your Imperial Highness?" Shifu asked as the attendants cleared the table and poured baijiu in a flurry of activity.

"Dinner is over," the Emperor said. "Now is the time for business. Drink," he ordered, and Shifu did. The spirits did not even burn his throat. He did not event want to think of the hangover - at his age it would be several days at least. If he survived the night, that is.

With the plates cleared and the attendants gone, a general handed the Emperor a scroll with a broken green wax seal. Shifu recognized the imprint: the yin-yang of the Jade Palace.

Shifu held his breath. This was his scroll, the one he'd sent to the Forbidden City when he first brought Habika back from the snowy wastes. He watched the Emperor unroll it and make a big show of carefully considering the contents. To his right the generals were smirking at Shifu in a way that made his stomach churn.

"Now this," The Emperor said, "says that the Princess is under a unique and deadly threat which requires her to remain at the Jade palace under your own very special protection," at this he glanced at his men, who chuckled. "You also said that this very unique threat was so unique that the nature of it could only be revealed to Us in person." He placed the scroll on the table. "Well, Venerable Shifu, here We are. Now please, tell Us what this very deadly threat against the Princess is?"

Shifu had made up a story at the time, something vague and unprovable and not very convincing. He could not recall the details in his current state but in any case it seemed flimsy and stupid to prolong this with more lies. Habika said Gan was fond of games. Shifu was no longer in a mood to give him one.

Shifu cleared his throat, reached for the bottle of baijiu, and poured himself a shot. He threw it back without so much as wincing, set the cup on the table, and looked the Emperor straight in the eye.

"The threat," he said, "is you."

 **000**


	34. with the weight of the heavens

**chapter thirty four: with t** **he weight of the heavens**

The silence was palpable.

Chewable.

The Emperor stared at him, eyes wide, finger still hovering over the section of the scroll he'd just read aloud. He blinked. Blinked again. Shifu was reminded of an infant trying to shove a round block into a square hole and being continually puzzled as to why it wouldn't fit. The Emperor's men had the same general look - mouths agape, eyes wide -except, oddly, for Lang the fox.

He looked _delighted_.

"We must have misunderstood the Venerable One," the Emperor said softly, "for We thought We heard him say We are a threat to the Princess."

"His Imperial Majesty's hearing is quite intact," Shifu said, and poured the Emperor a shot.

The contrast between Shifu's words and his action of pouring a him a shot seemed to utterly baffle the Emperor. He looked from Shifu to the cup and back again like a startled animal.

There was a sudden clink. Lang leaned over and placed his cup next to the Emperor's to be filled. "Shall I call for a wheelbarrow?' he asked Shifu.

Both Shifu and the Emperor titled their heads at the general.

"The Venerable One clearly needs something to help him carry his enormous testicles," Lang said. He tapped his cup. "Another, please."

"The General is drunk and forgets himself!" The Emperor snapped, slapping the beijiu bottle out of Shifu's hand. It spilled and clattered loudly across the huge marble table. The Emperor turned on Shifu, leaning into him, baring a mouth full of sharp white teeth. "You _dare_ insult the Emperor after receiving his hospitality and good will, _peasant_? If you feel the Emperor is such a threat perhaps He should _make good_ on that threat! Perhaps He should have a piece of your fat little body impaled on every landing of that ridiculous staircase of yours! Perhaps- "

"Gan!" Lang cried, clapping his hand over the Emperor's forearm. "Maybe we are _all_ drunk and forgetting ourselves. Yes?"

The Emperor turned and met his general's eyes. They exchanged a long and meaningful look, something Shifu had no hope of reading. Lang raised his eyebrows and looked suggestively from Shifu to the Emperor and back again. The Emperor's other general and adviser glanced at Lang, nodding. The Emperor huffed and tore his arm from Lang's grasp, smoothing his robes and straightening in his seat. He lifted his chin and regarded Shifu cooly.

"It must be that the influence of the Emperor's prize baijiu has loosened the Venerable One's tongue," he said softly.

Shifu glanced at Lang, whose look was unmistakable. _I just saved your skin. Don't blow it._

"Yes," Shifu said. "Perhaps."

The Emperor gave him a long, icy look of warning before continuing, then reached for the bottle of baijiu which was no longer there. He sneered. "Fetch a replacement for that bottle you spilled," he hissed at Shifu. "And for yourself, water."

Shifu rose, bowed, and headed carefully for the door. The enormous amount of alcohol in his system made it difficult to avoid tripping over his robes so he made slow progress. Emperor and his generals engaged in hushed and urgent conversation as soon as they thought Shifu was out of range of hearing. They were wrong, of course, unaware of of just how extraordinary his hearing was. He kept one huge ear turned towards them as he made his way slowly to the huge wooden doors.

"Give me a reason not to execute that ungracious rat," the Emperor seethed.

"Is this not the quality you sought?" Lang asked. "Such bravery will serve us well. His actions are quite fearless."

"Quite telling, you mean," the adviser whispered sharply. "His pieces are on the board, Gan. You have him. Do not let such a valuable asset slip from your grasp for the sake of a misplaced word. A man's desires can overwhelm him and make him say stupid things. But when you know a man's desires you can control him."

Shifu's blood ran cold. He had the distinct sense that with his act of bravado he'd just lain all his cards out on a table before he even knew there was to be a game.

 _Of course there's to be a game, the Emperor loves games! You were told this!_ Shifu cursed himself.

He pushed the wooden door open. The Emperor's servants stood at attention. Zeng had joined them.

"Master Shifu?" Zeng asked.

"Another bottle of baijiu, and a pitcher of water. Quickly."

"Are you all right, Master?" Zeng whispered.

 _No, I'm twelve valleys past drunk and I think I just majorly shit the bed_ , he didn't say. A servant appeared with with the baijiu and water, bowed to Shifu, and scuttled past him into the room to deliver it to the table, then bowed three times before making himself scarce.

"Sit," the Emperor commanded. He gave Shifu a long look before speaking, daring him to say something rash. When Shifu remained silent he finally spoke.

"We gave you the task of protecting the Princess Meihui and returning her safely to the Forbidden City. Instead, you wish to keep her here in the Valley of Peace, is that correct?"

Shifu chose his words carefully. "I believe that would be best for all involved."

"Best for _you_ , in any case," the Emperor said, snickering. "You needn't be so circumspect. We're sure the Lady Princess has treated her new savior very well." He looked Shifu up and down and gave a smarmy smile. " _Very_ well. We cannot say We are surprised. The Venerable One is her _type_ , after all."

 _New savior?_ _Her TYPE?_ He shook it off. More games.

The Emperor interlaced his fingers. "Ah, but We are not sure. We might wish to take Our princess back with Us to the Forbidden City. Her sister the Empress does miss her so," he said, his lips curling into a cruel smile, "and little Meihui did play the erhu most beautifully. Not to mention the very _unique_ comforts she offered the Emperor." He chuckled and sipped his baijiu. "Yes. _Most_ unique."

The Emperor looked over the rim of his cup into Shifu's eyes. Shifu wanted nothing more than to knock the cup from his hand and rip out his throat. He knew the Emperor could see it, and that it was exactly what he wanted to see.

"Ah yes, We might like to know those comforts once more," the Emperor continued with relish. "And once We have tired of them, We won't be such a selfish ruler as to keep them to Ourselves this time. Such comforts should be shared among the Emperor's men, should they not?"

Shifu wished for the daggers. Why hadn't he brought Viper's daggers? It would be so easy to kill him now. Just one well-placed flick of his wrist and he could watch him bleed out on the floor. It would be easy. It would be so, so easy.

He looked at the Emperor's face. Smirking. Triumphant.

Shifu felt his rage tip from burning into seductive, and by that he knew he was in danger. It was always then that he knew he was in danger of doing something stupid, when the thought of inflicting devastation became intensely pleasurable. He closed his eyes.

 _Master Oogway_ , _hold me down_ , he prayed. _Hold me down with the weight of the heavens._

A cool, sweet pressure came upon him, and with it an eerie calm. When he opened his eyes his vision was normal. He sighed, feeling suddenly light and curious, as though he could just taste being a thousand years old with nothing to lose. He could still feel the spitting acid rage from the Emperor's threats against Habika, but they were contained somehow, as though safely encased in a tortoise shell.

He took a moment to collect himself, then looked up at the Emperor and said, "If his Imperial Majesty wishes so badly to retrieve His princess, why has He not simply taken her and left?"

"And miss a meal prepared by the legendary Dragon Warrior?" the Emperor balked. His men laughed. "That would be truly foolish, wouldn't you say?"

"I trust it met with his Imperial Majesty's expectations," Shifu replied with a pleasant smile.

The Emperor lifted an eyebrow as though searching for Shifu's previous rage. "Yes, it did. A most enjoyable meal." he said. "It's about the only enjoyable thing about this place."

"We do what we can with what we have out here in the countryside," Shifu said with a smile, and sipped his water. "We do boast some of the finest aquifers anywhere in the region. Shall I have some bottled for his Imperial Highness before he takes his leave?"

"Enough about aquifers, old man. You wish to keep the Lady Princess?"

"That's been established, yes, your Imperial Highness," he said. "His Imperial Highness, in his wisdom, knows my desires. Seeing as he had traveled all this way to suffer the indignity of this paltry valley, am I correct to conclude there is something he wishes to ask of the Jade Palace?"

The Emperor did not look pleased. "The Venerable One finally catches on," he said.

"My mind is old, and lacks the speed of his Highness," Shifu said, as though genuinely sorry. "I beg his forgiveness."

"The price for the Lady Princess is your loyalty," the Emperor sneered.

"The Emperor has my loyalty in all things," Shifu replied. "I vowed this upon earning the rank of Master, as all Masters do."

"We do not speak of empty vows," the Emperor said. "We speak of the loyalty one has for a man he follows into battle. We desire the Jade Palace's fealty unto death."

Shifu paused. "The Emperor wishes the Jade Palace's service in battle? Is the empire under threat of invasion?"

The Emperor templed his hands, leaned back in his seat, and smiled in a way that made Shifu's skin crawl.

"No," he replied. "Not in the least."

 **000**

The sangha was quiet and anxious when Shifu returned to the sangha. Everyone jumped when the door burst open at three in the morning to reveal Shifu leaning on Zeng for support.

"Master, are you all right?' Viper asked in alarm as Habika leapt down the stairs.

He looked up at her, eyes rolling, as Zeng deposited him on the couch.

"Viper, I am _drunk_ ," he replied. "I am beyond … that guy doesn't _stop!_ Emperor drinks so you drink. Just drink after drink after … little one!" he said. He rose from the couch, stumbled, and threw his arms around her. He messily kissed her forehead. "The good news is, you're staying here, my love."

"Oh thank god," Habika said, and clutched him.

"However," Shifu continued, "the bad news is we're all _fucked_."

His students flinched.

"Did that seriously just come out of his mouth?" Mantis muttered to Monkey.

"Yes it just seriously came out of my mouth," Shifu yammered, pointing at Mantis. "We're fucked. I'm fucked, you're fucked. Valley of Peace is fucked. China … China is fucked. And I … " he said as he almost tripped over his robes once more. "I can't walk in this. Zeng I can't walk in it. And this - " he said, throwing his beaded headdress on the ground. "Can't do the hat anymore. Stupid. Hat thing." He managed to fall onto the couch. His students gathered around, wide-eyed at his spectacle. Shifu rolled on his back to look up at them.

"Hello students. So that guy - let me tell you about _THAT_ guy - " he pointed vaguely in the direction of the Hall of Warriors - "I've never met a bigger - a more - a twat in my entire life. The Emperor of China is a _garbage fire_. That guy, I mean, that - that guy - he takes a cake. There was a cake and he took it. If he knew how close I was to killing him he'd be dead right now. If Oogway hadn't sat on me I don't know what I might have done."

"If Oogway hadn't ... sat on you?" Tigress asked carefully.

"Literally sat on me."

His students glanced at one another.

"What exactly were you drinking?" Crane asked.

"Everything in the whole valley," Shifu said. "Pretty sure I drank my own weight in beijiu. Might die. Heh. We're all gonna die anyway." He put his hand to his forehead. "Oh, gods, students," he said, laughing. "It's unbelievable. We're so fucked."

"Why are we, uh … fucked, Master?" Po asked.

"Po! That's no way for the Dragon Warrior to speak. You owe me fifty situps in the morning," Shifu snapped. "And we're fucked because that moron wants to invade Japan. Invade Japan! Well armed island nation with an entire Samurai class, great idea! And _we specifically_ are fucked because he wants us on the front lines of this little project. He wants us - " he pointed to himself and his students "to go in and 'take out the Samurai' before his ships land."

"What?" Tigress asked, aghast. "That's lunacy."

"Yes. Yes it is. I mean how many samurai can there be, only _thousands,_ and all incredibly well armed," he said. "Piece of cake! Sure! Even if we could do that can you imagine how many innocent people will die when he does invade? And why? _Why?_ There's no reason for it, we're not at war with Japan, they haven't done anything to us, we - "

"Gan has always been hungry to expand the Empire," Habika said. "He wishes to leave a greater mark than his father did."

"Oh he'll leave a mark all right. He'll leave a _gouge_. When I asked him how the seven of us should go about _murdering the entire military nobility of Japan_ , he said that he would give us a year to gather more Masters to join us. So generous." He shook his head. "Even that General of his, that Lang fellow- "

"Did you say _Lang?_ " Habika asked, sounding surprised. "Lang was there? And he's a general?"

"Yes. You know him?

Habika nodded. "I do." She shook her head in thought. "Why would Gan make Lang a general?" she asked herself, sounding worried.

"Father, you agreed to this mission?" Tigress asked Shifu incredulously.

"Didn't have much choice. Better to agree to idiocy in a year than die now. Either I agreed or he'd have our heads and Habika would go back to -" he turned to Habika. "Oh, little one - oh I had no _idea_ what you endured in him, my little love," he said, reaching for her. A sick look suddenly crossed his face. "Help me up."

She took his hand and pulled him up from the couch.

"Thank you," he said, then turned to his students. "Everyone cool here?"

They nodded.

"Good. Excuse me." He saluted and stumbled out the door to puke.

 **000**


	35. the other man

**chapter 35:** **the other man**

There was a loud knock on the door.

Shifu winced. It felt like the knocking was directly on his skull. There was a creak, and a pair of soft voices. Then a loud voice.

"Master Shifu?" Jing called from below. "The Emperor has sent a Dr. Chang to see you."

Suddenly the bed moved. He opened his eyes to see Habika leap from the mattress and rush down the stairs. Shifu rose, head pounding, a dragged himself to the railing to see her blow past Jing to the visitor, an older bespectacled rabbit, and throw her arms around him. He made a startled sound but returned the embrace. They lingered together in the doorway, clutching one another.

Shifu cleared his throat loudly. They looked up at him.

"Excuse me," Shifu said, "But who in the hell are you?"

Habika stepped back from the hug and smiled up at Shifu. "Darling, this is Dr. Chang," she said. "This is the man - the _other_ man - who saved my life."

 **000**

The doctor plopped a case down on the kitchen table and began to dig through it. "I take it you've had better mornings, Master Shifu?" he asked pleasantly as he carefully selected herbs and powders from the case. "I wish I could say that things will improve. The Emperor has requested that you join him for a late breakfast and sent me to revive you."

"Wonderful," Shifu grumbled.

"Meihui, my dear, would you be so kind as to lend me a cup and mixing bowl?" the doctor asked.

 _My dear?_

Shifu peered up at him with bleary eyes. The doctor wore expensive silk robes and circular glasses with black frames. He looked to be around Shifu's age, perhaps a bit younger. He had a bound goatee similar to Shifu's, and thin, long, well-manicured eyebrows. He set the vials and herbs on the table with a steady and deliberate hand. Despite himself Shifu liked him immediately.

Habika fussed over the doctor and prepared tea for the both of them, then gave the doctor his requested bowl and cup. "Thank you, my dear," the doctor said again when she poured him tea, gazing at her with a barely concealed affection that Shifu found deeply irritating. Suddenly he liked him a lot less.

"How do you know each other again?" he asked gruffly.

The doctor smiled slightly and replied, "I am the Emperor's personal physician. He sent me to care for Meihui when- " he stopped suddenly, looking at Habika, eyebrows raised.

"It's all right, he knows," she said.

"Ah." He nodded. "The Emperor sent me to care for Meihui when she was with child."

"Dr. Chang delivered Mahdi," she said, placing her hand on the doctor's shoulder. "I'd be very dead if not for him."

The doctor smiled and patted her hand.

 _Her NEW savior,_ the Emperor's voice echoed in Shifu's mind.

 _Her TYPE._

"I didn't realize you were so close," Shifu said.

The doctor glanced up at him with a self-effacement that made Shifu feel like an ass. Habika stepped over to Shifu and kissed the top of his head. "Of course we're close. He's the only man who's seen more of me than you."

The doctor made a flustered sound and fumbled with his powders.

"What?" Habika said. "It's true."

"No - well - yes. Well, no," the doctor said. "If Master Shifu had seen of you what I've seen of you, you'd - well - that would be a very unfortunate situation, for, ah - for you, Meihui, because you would be dead."

Habika nodded at the doctor indulgently, grinning. "Yes Li. That's the joke."

"Oh! You -well -you -?" he shook his head and began to grind some herbs with a mortal and pestle. "Meihui."

"I've missed you too," she said. She squeezed Shifu's shoulder and sauntered into the kitchen. As the doctor watched her go an array of emotions crossed his face - affection, tenderness, longing. He seemed to suddenly remember himself and glanced at Shifu with a split second of apology in his eyes before returning to his mixture with renewed concentration.

 _Well_ , Shifu decided, _it's not like I can blame the man._

"What are you concocting there, Doctor?" Shifu asked.

"An herbal elixir," he said. "It will be very strong and will taste awful, but it will quickly remedy your hangover."

"Thank you."

"Of course."

"Do you have any idea what the Emperor wants now?" Shifu asked.

"Do any of us?" the doctor replied bitterly, pouring hot water over the blend of herbs and powders to form a brown sludge.

Habika returned from the kitchen with a strainer and handed it to the doctor. "Thank you," he said. "Way ahead of me as usual." She smiled and sat down next to Shifu, placing her hand on his knee. The doctor carefully strained the leafy debris from the mixture, leaving behind a liquid black as tar.

There was another sharp knock on the door. Shifu winced. Jing answered it. One of the Emperor's attenants spoke quickly to her and left. "Lady Princess," Jing said, "The Emperor has requested your presence at breakfast as well, and he requests that you bring your erhu."

Her body went tense. She nodded stiffly. "Thank you Jing. I will prepare."

She rose, wringing her hands.

"Are you all right?' Shifu asked, though he knew she couldn't be.

"I'll be fine," she said, her voice hushed. "I'd better get dressed." She headed up the stairs and moved the folding screens to the railing preserve her modesty. When Shifu turned the doctor poured the black tar tea into a cup and extended it towards him. Their eyes met and they shared a moment of instant understanding.

 _I really hate that son of a bitch._

Shifu gave a single nod. He took a sip of the tea and nearly gagged. He forced it down and gasped for breath. It was like being punched in the mouth with rancid lemon and nickel.

"I have to drink all of this?" he asked.

"Yes. My apologies," the doctor said.

There was yet another knock on the door. Shifu excused himself from the doctor, and the awful tea, to open it.

"Father," Tigress said.

"Master," said Viper.

They quickly pushed past him and rushed up the stairs to Habika. Zeng, who'd been trailing behind, appeared at the door.

"Master Shifu," Zeng said and bowed. "Where are your robes from last night?"

"I - " he tried to remember. "I don't know. Little one, do you know where my robes from last night are?"

Her little face appeared between two sets of screens. "Outside on the line. They're not wearable."

"Why not?"

"They're covered in puke, my love."

"Master Oogway's ancient silk robes are ….?" Zeng began, looking horrified.

"The man poured a rain barrel of alcohol into me!" Shifu snapped. His head pounded anew. "Just … pull something out of your ass, Zeng, you're good at that."

Zeng collected himself. "Very well. I will … ah … _pull something out of my ass_ , Master Shifu. Give me a moment."

 **ooo**

Fifteen minutes later the sangha was in busy chaos. Zeng hurriedly added fringes and layers to Shifu's imperial robes, Tigress and Viper helped Habika dress in the bedroom loft, and Shifu was really starting to wonder why Dr. Chang insisted on lingering when his task was clearly completed.

He'd managed to choke down the noxious potion the doctor crafted. It was awful but worked as advertised - his hangover vanished, and he felt as though he'd had a full night's rest. He'd thanked Dr. Chang in a manner he'd thought indicated that the rabbit was free to leave.

He didn't seem to take the hint.

The doctor sat at the table fumbling with the powders and herbs in his bag. After he finished with that he paced, always glancing up at the loft. He continually asked how Shifu was feeling, and if there was anything else he needed. Shifu continually declined, becoming more irritated by the moment.

"Doctor, is there something you want?" he finally snapped as Zeng hovered over him, pinning and cinching.

"No, I...um. No. I...I'm sorry." Dr. Chang sighed, then took off his glasses. He pulled a silk handkerchief from his sleeve and began cleaning them. "I .. I merely-"

Suddenly the girls in the loft began to sing. Or chant, more like - a low meditative chanting in a language Shifu couldn't parse.

Dr. Chang cocked his head. "Is that Hindi?" he asked, peering up at the loft.

"Is it?" Shifu asked. "I've no idea."

Zeng muttered something about thread through the pins clutched in his beak. "Master Shifu, I must fetch more purple thread from the long closet. I'll be right back," he said, and waddled out the door. This left Shifu and Dr. Chang alone. They shared a long, awkward moment, at the end of which Shifu was on the verge of giving him a formal dismissal, but the doctor looked down at the spectacles in his hands, sighed, and spoke.

"I apologize for my lingering," he said. "I merely wished to bid Meihui goodbye before I was on my way. I do not know when I might see her again."

"I see," Shifu said uncomfortably. "She may be occupied for a while yet."

Dr. Chang nodded. "I ... I will wait. If that is acceptable to you, of course."

"Certainly. Make yourself at home, doctor," Shifu forced himself to say.

"I thank you for your kindness," the doctor said. "To me, and ...and to her. Thank you for protecting her, Master Shifu." the doctor said, looking at the floor. "She has had so little kindness in her life. I am thankful she found you. Had she returned to the Forbidden City I do not know what might have become of her by now," he said. "There is only so much I could have done, in that eventuality."

"What do you mean?"

Dr. Chang shook his head. "It is irrelevant now, happily. Thanks to you. Because you care for her the way she deserves to be cared for. More than I ever ... could. I could not have performed the more, ah ... reckless deeds of protection I'd have found myself tempted by, had she returned to the Imperial city, and back to _him_." His eyes rose to the loft, where the women continued their low chant. "And I would have been tempted."

Shifu nodded slowly. "I imagine there are some interesting combinations in that bag of yours," he said, lowering his voice.

The doctor closed his eyes. "Should the Emperor die of illness or poisoning his physician is inevitably put to the blade," he said. "I have a wife and five children to care for, Master Shifu. It is in my family's interest that the Emperor lives. No," he said softly, shaking his head. "Had the Emperor taken sordid interest in Meihui once more, there are other acts of mercy I'd have performed, quick and painless ones, if ... were I asked." His eyes rose to the loft again.

A sudden horror, and a certain awe, rose up in Shifu as he realized what the doctor implied.

The doctor saw Shifu's eyes and looked at the floor. "Forgive me. Oh gods, forgive me." He collected his bag. "I've abused your hospitality enough, I'll go."

"No," Shifu said said, taking Dr. Chang by the forearm. "Please. You describe a kindness. There is no shame in an act borne of - of - "

He could not bring himself to say the next word. He did not like the notion of another man using that word with respect to Habika.

"-of regard," the doctor finished, sparing him.

"Yes," Shifu said. "Regard."

He took his hand from Dr. Chang's forearm. They stood together in silence.

"I am sorry," the doctor whispered. "I've never spoken of this to another living soul, and should not have spoken of it to you, but at the very least you have some hope of understanding. Please forgive me my hasty impropriety. I bear far more respect for you than I have shown this morning, and for that I apologize. Meihui is happy and healthy, and I have you to thank for that." The doctor looked at his hands and swallowed hard. "Master Shifu … should you ever have need of an ally within the walls of the Forbidden City, know that you have one in me."

The sangha's door opened and Zeng waddled in, followed by two more palace servants. They swarmed Shifu.

"Thank you, doctor," Shifu said over their heads.

"Oh, that _dress_ ," Viper fawned at the top of the stairs. "Honestly I think I need a moment." Tigress appeared next, rolling her eyes.

Viper moved behind the screen and suddenly Habika appeared. She wore a gown Shifu had never before seen, a beautiful thing of pastel green and cream, with hints of blush pink. There was a subtle bamboo pattern on the sleeves. She also wore a huge jeweled Imperial headdress and bore her erhu in hand. She carefully made her way down the stairs. Behind her Viper did her best to keep the hem of the long train from tripping Habika up.

Save for the fear on her face she was an absolute vision.

Shifu glanced at Dr. Chang. He beamed up at her but the smile did not touch his eyes, which were filled with a longing and sadness that, despite himself, Shifu found touching. He reached out to pat the doctor encouragingly on the shoulder. Whatever lovelorn reverie the doctor entertained was clearly put to a sudden end by his surprise at Shifu's gesture. He glanced embarrassedly at the ground, but the relief in his eyes was unmistakable.

"Li, you're still here," Habika said, and smiled.

"Yes, my Lady," he replied, swallowing.

"Is it true that Lang has become a general?"

Dr. Chang nodded. "It was unexpected."

"What do you make of it?"

"Since you left I am no longer privy to those … gatherings, I'm afraid. I do not know, Meihui. It could be very good or very bad."

Habika nodded slowly. "I see."

"You're almost done," Zeng said to Shifu, placing the Imperial headdress gingerly atop his head.

"Are you all right, little one?" Shifu wasked. "Are you frightened?"

"Terribly," she said. "But fear - " at this she looked up at Tigress, who nodded, " - well, _fear_ is real. But how I _react_ to fear is a choice."

"एक दो तीन पेय," Tigress said. It was the Hindi phrase they had been chanting.

"एक दो तीन पेय," Habika repeated.

"That is very true, and very wise," Shifu said. "Is this something you learned in India, Tigress?"

"Um … yes," Tigress said. "It's a chant to settle the spirit during a fearful ordeal."

Dr. Chang lifted his bag and slung it over his shoulder. "I should be on my way," he said. "It's a pleasure to see you looking so well, Meihui. You … you are in good hands. I pray your good health continues."

"Thank you, Li. It's been wonderful to see you too," Habika replied wistfully, and they stood that way for a long moment, silently, as though there was far more they both wished to express but could not in such mixed company. She extended her arms and hugged him, quickly, gingerly. When they separated he touched her cheek for the briefest of moments, then glanced at Shifu, then at the floor, then back to Meihui.

He bowed. "My Lady," he said, then bowed to Shifu, "Master," and finally to Tigress and Viper, "Um … ladies," he said. He gave one more awkward, general bow to the room, and finally took his leave. As soon as the door shut Shifu closed the distance between himself and Habika, slipping her arm through his. She leaned her head on his shoulder and squeezed his hand.

"Are you ready, little one?" he asked, trying to put the doctor's touch to her cheek out of his mind.

She swallowed. "Yes. Yes, I think so."

"एक दो तीन पेय," Tigress and Viper reminded her.

"एक दो तीन पेय," Habika repeated.

 **000**

The Emperor rested his arm on the back of Habika's chair, which he'd drawn close to his. He rested the tips of two long fingers on her shoulder.

Shifu, sitting on the other side of the Emperor, seethed. If there was anything the Emperor knew how to do it was press buttons. He'd seated Shifu and Habika on either side of him, and he kept leaning into Habika to speak to her, to periodically touch her arm or shoulder, to ask insistent and demeaning questions.

"How have you been, Meihui?" he asked.

"I have been well, Emperor Highness."

"We see that, We see that," he said. "It's such a pleasure to see you so bright-eyed. Master Shifu has been treating you well, We presume?"

"Very much so, Emperor Highness."

"And you are so very happy here at the Jade Palace, are you, Meihui?"

"I am, Emperor Highness."

"Is it not kind of Us to allow you to remain here though you are so greatly missed at court?"

"It is very kind, Emperor Highness."

"Are we not a magnanimous and generous Emperor?"

"The Emperor Highness is most giving," she replied, her voice flat and dead. To her credit she did not seem fearful, or even shy. Shifu would have attributed this to her shutting off emotionally had she not been meeting the Emperor's eyes. On the way to the dining room the four of them repeated Tigress's Hindi chant until just before the door. Was this some sort of Sastravidya magic Tigress had picked up in her travels? If so, it was effective; Habika was far calmer than Shifu anticipated.

It was actually a bit unfortunate. He'd predicted his need to keep Habika calm would keep him calm in turn. Without that the breakfast was turning into an exercise in restraint similar to the previous night's dinner, though it was an easier exercise to perform sober.

The Emperor turned to grin at Shifu. "The Venerable One has not touched his breakfast! Did the elixir the good doctor prepared fail to revive your appetite?"

"I am still full from last night, your Imperial Highness."

"A pity. Nevertheless We are so glad you had a change to meet Dr. Chang," the Emperor said with a smarmy grin. "It must have been edifying to meet one with whom you have so much in common."

Habika glanced at the Emperor. There were daggers in her look.

Lang, who sat to Shifu's right, chuckled. The Emperor chuckled back. Shifu glanced at Habika, who met his eyes and shook her head. He wished he understood what that shake of the head meant. It could heave meant one of two things. _The Emperor lies, nothing ever happened between the doctor and I,_ or _I wish the Emperor wouldn't bring up my past romances before you like this._

What _had_ happened between them?

Shifu dwelled on this a moment before shaking himself out of it. He realized that in all likelihood the Emperor sent the doctor by that morning to throw him, regardless of the actual facts of the doctor and Habika's shared history. It was more games and manipulations. Shifu could not afford to be distracted now.

"Ah, how rude of Us! Meihui, surely you remember General Lang?" the Emperor asked.

She nodded. "Yes. Though last we met he was _Captain_ Lang." She took a sip of her tea. Her voice was tense and loaded. "You have risen far in such a short time."

The white fox general smiled but did not reply.

"The General has proved himself a trusted confidante and true friend," the Emperor said, "but such a pretty little thing like the Lady Princess should not concern herself with such tedious subjects as military rank. Please, Meihui, it has been so long since We have heard your lovely erhu. Would you do Us the honor of playing?"

"Of course, Emperor Highness," Habika said as a servant brought her instrument.

As she played the Emperor ordered last night's games of Go and Xiangqi be brought to the table so that they might be finished. Every now and again he demanded Habika play a certain song, sometimes when she was in the middle of playing another he'd requested. When he seemed unsure of a move in Xianqqi he asked for rice wine, so as to "loosen his mind", and had a cup poured for everyone. In a lull between songs Habika threw hers back in one go.

The Emperor grinned. "We always did like that about the Lady Princess," he said. "She can hold her liquor in the most unladylike manner."

"Thank you, Emperor Highness."

He leaned over to her, conspiratorially, as though holding a secret conversation. "Are you quite sure you wish to remain here, with an old man whom you can drink under the table?"

She lifted her chin and looked the Emperor dead in the eye. "I don't need to drink him under the table so long as he fucks me on top of it, Emperor Highness."

Shifu nearly choked on his water.

"Ha! Aha!" the Emperor exclaimed, hitting the his knee. "Ah, Meihui, always so delightfully sharp of the tongue! Venerable One, do take good care that I don't begin to miss the Lady Princess's wit. I might want her back at court at any time," the Emperor said, laughing. "How do you do it, Meihui? The man doesn't even know any raunchy jokes."

"One does not require raunchy jokes should he have a suitably raunchy life, Emperor Highness."

The Emperor chortled. "Ha! Oh, do not make it so difficult to leave you here, Meihui! Lang, you see, this is how it's done. You must endeavor to be less boring, dear friend. Drink, drink."

Lang slid his cup to the Emperor. "And how much must I drink to match the lady's wit?" he asked.

"Waterfalls," the Emperor said merrily, pouring. "At least an entire cask of this valley's crap baijiu." The Emperor threw back his cup of rice wine, grinned, and idly ran a fingertip along the edge of Habika's ear. Shifu saw her face contort and a shudder run through her. "Is - is there something else his Highness might like to hear?" she asked, edging away.

"Ah yes, yes," he said, and used the offending hand to stroke his chin in thought. "How about 'Swan of Guangxi?"

"Certainly, your Highness," Habika said, and began to play. At first the notes came out squeaking and wrong -the Emperor's intimate touch had rattled her. He snickered loudly. A small electric ball of rage ignited in Shifu's chest at this. Habika swallowed, closed her eyes, steadied her hand, and the song returned to normal.

The Emperor turned in his seat and focused his attention on Shifu. A slow smile crossed his face. "Such hatred in your eyes is unbecoming," the Emperor whispered. "You must drink more." The Emperor reached for Shifu's wine cup and filled it to the brim. The casual way the Emperor referred to Shifu's hatred of him chilled Shifu to the bone. To have such a violent emotion so blithely disregarded was deeply unnerving. Shifu drank, but did not make further attempt to disguise his anger.

"We trust We still have your cooperation in what was agreed to last night, Venerable One?" the Emperor said, his voice low and secretive.

"Yes, Imperial Highness," Shifu said.

"Good. So long as We are assured of your loyalty to Us, and to China, you may keep your Princess, but with one stipulation: you may never - _ever -_ marry her. Keep her here and do as you like with her, but you shall never have her hand in marriage. Should such a bond occur all previous arrangements between you and Us are void, and the fingers which bear those rings will be in Our possession. Is that understood?"

Shifu's jaw twitched. "It is, Emperor Highness."

"Good. That aside We wish the two of you and long and prosperous life together." He smiled and raised his cup to Shifu's. "To the miracle of love."

Shifu forced himself to touch his glass to the Emperor's, and drank.

 **000**

After a few more rounds of Go and wine, and Habika accompanying the Emperor as he sung, the monarch seemed to finally grow bored enough to pronounce the breakfast over at two in the afternoon. "Have your Dragon Warrior prepare Us more of his splendid dumplings for the road, Venerable One," he said as the servants cleared the table. "It has been a rare experience to visit the Valley of Peace," he said as he rose unsteadily from the table.

"I am pleased it met with your approval, your Highness," Shifu said. "The Imperial Highness is welcome any time."

"Yes yes, of course I am," the Emperor said, then turned to Habika, lifting her chin with his index finger. Again, that shudder of revulsion. "Goodbye, little Meihui. I'm sure you will continue to offer the Venerable One all the _kindnesses_ you once offered me. Shall We send the Empress your regards?"

"The Lady Empress has them always," Habika replied nervously, and swallowed. "But … perhaps the Emperor, in his generosity and wisdom, would see fit to grant me one final act of his favor?"

Shifu turned, wide-eyed. What in the world was she doing?

The Emperor cocked his head, intrigued. "And what act would this be?"

She took a breath and held it for a split second before saying, "I wish to surrender my right of succession."

Both The Emperor and General Lang were visibly taken aback. The Emperor blinked at her - that startled animal look - before gradually turning to General Lang. After a moment the white fox slowly shook his head.

The Emperor turned back to Habika. "Your request is denied."

She nodded. "I trust, as always, in the Emperor's wisdom," she said, and bowed.

"As well you should, Lady Princess. Enjoy the life We are kind enough to grant you here in the Jade Palace." He turned to Shifu. "We _trust_ that should We be given a reason to summon you to court once more, it will be to pin a medal to the Venerable One's chest."

"I anticipate that happy day with great fervor," Shifu said with as little sarcasm as he could avoid summoning.

"Should you continue to serve the glory of the Empire that day will certainly come," the Emperor said happily. "Yes yes, such glorious days await Us! But now We must take Our leave of you, Venerable One. Thank you for your hospitality," he said, perfectly regal.

Shifu bowed. "Of course, Emperor Highness. May the Emperor Highness's travels from here be full of good fortune."

"Of course," the Emperor said. "Goodbye, Venerable One." He turned to leave, his long yellow robes making a sweeping circle on the floor. "Lang, to me," he said. "Call a litter to get Us down that ridiculous staircase."

"Right away, Emperor Highness," Lang said, then the door closed behind them, and they were gone.

Shifu gave a great sigh of relief. "Little one, are you - Little one?"

Habika smiled at the shut door, a deep, beaming smile of satisfaction.

"What is it?" Shifu asked.

She turned to him, her grin widening.

"I know now with certainty," she said. "My daughter is alive."

 **000**


	36. iron goddess tea

**chapter thirty six**

 **iron goddess tea**

After the Emperor and his entourage left the palace Shifu and Habika retreated to the sangha, where he made love to her with a fierce and greedy possessiveness that startled him afterward. Her beautiful dress was trailed up the stairs. Somehow one of the folding screens had been knocked over. His foot and leg were tangled up in his own robe, and he was clutching her thigh so hard it was certain to leave a bruise. He _growled_. She looked up at him, eyebrows raised, eyes wide and curious. He buried his face in her neck, feeling suddenly sheepish at his territorial aggression.

"I'm sorry," he said once he'd recovered. "I don't know what got into me."

She didn't reply, only wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him. Nevertheless he felt a pang of guilt. He'd wanted her so badly that he wasn't entirely sure she'd even been in the mood. She was very happy about Mahdi, of course, but he hadn't even stopped to consider that she might still be in shock from seeing Gan, being touched by him. As soon as the Emperor left his need was so sudden and intense he would have taken her right on the dining room table save for the servants cleaning the place. It had clouded his judgment entirely. He studied her for a moment. She didn't look upset. Thoughtful, but not upset.

"You … you wanted that as well, right? I'm sorry if I-"

"It wasn't the first thing on my mind," she admitted carefully, "but if I'd wanted to stop I would have let you know."

"Oh," Shifu said, relieved. "Good."

They lay quietly for a time, tangled in one another. Outside it began to rain. The leaves had started turning and soon it would be fall. That summer had been unnaturally cool, for which Shifu was thankful; the stress of the Emperor's visit would have been greatly compounded by the previous summer's heat. He listened to the drops against the window and drew Habika close.

"I'm sorry he put you through that," she said softly, after a while.

" _Me?_ " Shifu asked. "I'm sorry he came within three provinces of you, little one."

She shook her head. "He didn't ask me to go on a ridiculous mission. He didn't parade your past in front of me," she said ruefully. "No. I had no desire to see Gan ever again, but at the very least I know how to handle him. His cruelties are familiar to me. Not so for you."

She reached up to stroke his face. Shifu was briefly reminded of Dr. Chang touching her cheek. He winced.

"I'd forgotten about the mission," he said.

"What are you going to do?"

He shook his head. "I don't know. A lot can happen in a year."

"I'd agree, but now that Lang's been made General, I don't know what to think."

"Why is everyone so surprised by this Lang fellow?"

Habika sighed. "Do you remember how I told you of the group of conspirators who used to meet in my chambers after Mahdi was taken from me?' she asked. "They used to meet in my rooms because I was all but ignored by the court, remember?"

"Yes."

"Lang was one of them."

"Was he?"

She nodded. "Not just one of them, he was quite nearly the _leader_ of them. But that was back when he was Captain. From what I understood one of his primary objections to Gan's rule was that he had been passed up for promotions many times in favor of people who were more politically useful. He felt under-utilized, I suppose. Dreams of glory, and all that. But now he's a General, and the Emperor is waging this ridiculous war … whatever resistance there was against Gan in the Forbidden City may be dissolved now that Lang has what he wants." She reflected silently for a moment. "Though if that's the case it's odd that he hasn't done away with Dr. Chang."

"Why - why would he?" Shifu stuttered, the mention of the doctor rattling him.

She shook her head. "He wanted Li to poison Gan. Poison or otherwise kill. He even offered to make sure Gan was 'accidentally' injured while horseback riding so long as Li ensured the Emperor would die of infection. But Li has a wife and children and would never endanger himself so."

At the last sentence her voice took on a sad and wistful quality.

"Habika…." Shifu began, "were you…was he…?"

She shook her head. "I did …I did have feelings for him, but … no."

Shifu's throat fell into his stomach. "You …you did?"

She thought for a long moment before she spoke. "Yes. As much as I could while I was pregnant and ill and despairing. He was … he was more than a doctor. He was my friend. He was my constant companion. For months and months he was the only person I had conversations of any true depth with. He was smart and well spoken, and he showed me such sweetness and caring. I … how could I not feel for him…? But love…I don't know. I wasn't in any condition to know."

"Well, he was very much in love with you," Shifu said. And still is, he didn't say.

"I know," she said softly. "And I … " She paused a moment. Sighed. "In another life I would have married him. I would have married him happily."

"I … see," Shifu said. His insides twisted.

She looked up at him curiously. "Are you jealous?"

"No no, not at all," he said quickly.

"My love, I was thirty three when we met, did you think there'd never been another man in my life?"

"No no, of course not. That would be a silly thing to think. Totally silly."

"Especially since you just declared me quite _soundly_ yours to all and sundry," she said, gesturing to the sangha's bedroom.

Shifu blushed. "Ah, well. Yes. So I did."

"So you needn't worry. I'm bought and paid for."

He laughed and wrapped his arms around her. "Do I get my money back if the product is defective?"

" _Caveat emptor_ ," she said. "No refunds."

"Fair enough," he said. "I think I'll keep you."

She kissed him chastely on the cheek and they were silent a while, listening to the rain.

"Have … have there been a lot of men in your life?"

She smacked him lightly on the chest.

"I didn't mean it that way! I just meant … well, you know _my_ entire romantic history."

"All none of it."

"Exactly."

She sighed, smiled, and rolled her eyes. "No, Shifu, there haven't been many men in my past. There were far too many eyes on me at court to even try, and my adoptive family did everything they could to ensure I would be virginal and marriageable."

Shifu's eyes went wide in horror. "Gan … Gan wasn't your first, was he?"

"Oh no! No no. Thank heaven," she said.

"Glad to hear. Then I must assume your adoptive family's plans to keep you virginal and marriageable fell to ruin?"

She suppressed a smile. Badly. "You could say that."

"Who was he, then?"

"Oh no," She covered his eyes with her hands.

"Oho! Who, little one?"

She took her hands from her eyes and bit her lip. "I was a very bad princess," she said.

"Were you?" he asked, kissing her neck. "Were you a very bad princess?"

She nodded bashfully.

"Who was it?"

"MeiLan's erhu teacher," she whispered, "was a _very_ cute boy."

"Really now?" he asked indulgently.

"Mmhmm. Why do you suppose I took to it like I did?"

"Fascinating," he said softly, stroking her ear. "Tell me more."

 **000**

Weeks passed.

Shifu stayed curiously silent on the matter of the Emperor's mission. His students did not question him, merely grew sullen whenever it was brought up in conversation. It was far enough away to forget that it loomed like a death sentence over them all. Po often brought it up when he and Tigress shared her bed.

Lately they'd spent a lot of time simply lying together and talking, but never making love. He would kiss her body and stroke her face, tell her jokes, rub her back and feet till she was near comatose with pleasure … but when things progressed past a certain point found herself pushing him away despite her desire. That panic, the black hole, was too much to face on a nightly basis. It made her feel selfish and guilty, but Po took it in stride, happy to merely hold her until she fell asleep, which she always did. He was like a living narcotic.

"I don't think I can do it," he said to her one night. "I can't just sail to Japan and start killing innocent people. I don't care if the Emperor ordered us, I won't."

Tigress shook her head. "I won't either. But we'll be executed."

"I'd rather be executed than live with that."

She sighed.

"Has Shifu talked to you about this at all?"

"No," Tigress said ruefully. Father had been frustratingly silent on the issue. One evening Tigress could stand it no more. On a windy night she went to the sangha and knocked on the door.

"Master, please, come in," Habika said. "Would you like a cup of wine?"

Tigress smiled. "You drink too much, Habika," she scolded.

"'Too much' is subjective," the princess said, pouring a cup for herself. "Rice or grape?"

"Neither, thank you. Is my father here?"

"No, I believe he's meditating on his staff under the peach tree, because he wants to be blown off by a sudden gust and fall to his death."

"He's been meditating that way for forty years. He'll be fine."

"I know. I just worry."

"About everything. Which is why you drink."

"Touche," Habika said. "एक दो तीन पेय."

Tigress smiled. She had more and more trouble keeping a straight face the longer the Hindi phrase was used as a mantra between them. A few days after the Emperor left Shifu asked her, privately, what the mantra was. When he told her he'd assumed it was some sort of Indian magic Tigress laughed aloud.

"You want to know what it means?" Tigress said. "It means 'one, two, three, drink.'"

Shifu blinked. "One, two, three, drink?"

"It's for doing shots," she explained. "I needed to tell Habika _something_."

"Very clever," Shifu said, "but in all your years of training in kung fu, that was the best you had to offer your student?"

"Nothing in my kung fu training prepared me for what she was about to go through. I have no idea what it must be like to be forced to sit at a polite breakfast next to the man who - who …."

Tigress found the phrase difficult to say. The mere thought of it sickened and baffled her. It wasn't something she could easily understand. She was bigger and stronger and faster than the majority of people she interacted with, she'd never gone a day in her life without knowing that she could rip the hand off the arm of anyone who touched her in a way she didn't like. It must be dreadful to be so small and untrained, to know deep down that should anyone bigger wish it, they could inflict any manner of torture upon you. In the absence of giving the princess a physical way to defend herself, the best option Tigress could think of was to shore up Habika's mind and spirit.

"I did the best I could, under the circumstances," Tigress said. "And it worked."

"That it did," Shifu said, nodding. He patted her hand. "Well done."

"एक दो तीन पेय," Tigress said now to Habika. "You'll do well to remember that."

"I'll never forget," Habika said, raising her cup to Tigress.'

"You'll also do well to put that cup down and go to bed."

Habika made an unhappy grumble.

"Sixty sit-ups in the morning, and I know how much you like doing them with a hangover."

"Do you have any idea how much wine it takes to give me a hangover?"

Tigress crossed her arms.

"Fine, fine," Habika said, chuckling. "Off to bed with me, Master."

Tigress saluted. "See you in the morning. And don't toss that wine back as soon as I shut the door."

"I wouldn't dream of it," Habika said, smiling indulgently.

Tigress let herself out, waited outside the door for three seconds, then threw the door open again. Habika had the cup raised halfway to her lips, eyes wide as plates.

"You're like a little child!" Tigress said.

Habika placed the wine on the table and looked at the floor, flushing beet red. "I'm sorry Master," she said, chastened. "I… I - "

"I know," Tigress said, "you're thirty six and have been doing as you please your entire life. You don't like being told what to do, so you rebel in small ways. Yes?"

Habika fidgeted, looking everywhere but at Tigress. " … that's probably accurate, yes."

"You don't have to be sorry, you just have to realize it, and decide if it is something you wish to overcome. If you want me as your Master you must be willing to do as I say in all things, without question. I haven't seen that in you. You remain willful."

The princess crossed her arms. Nodded. Looked at the floor. "It's true. I'm not … I don't … I'm sorry."

"Habika … " Tigress began, unsure if what she was about to say next was prudent, "if you don't truly wish to be my student, we don't have to continue."

She looked up, alarmed.

"I won't be angry," Tigress said, sure that was what Habika assumed. "And I won't be insulted."

After a moment Habika gave a great sigh and pushed the door shut. "Please sit," she said, gesturing to the couch. "This isn't a conversation to be had in a windy doorway."

Tigress nodded and sat down.

"If you won't have any wine may I offer you something warm to drink?" Habika asked. "I just received a parcel of iron goddess tea yesterday. Absolutely stunning oolong, you must try some."

"I will, thank you," Tigress said.

As Habika prepared the tea Tigress found herself looking around the sangha. Tigress never had a house of her own, a home in this sense. All her life she'd been either austere or transient. She'd never lived somewhere entirely her own long enough to let the detritus of years pile into it. Not that she was likely to let that happen. She had no attachments to things, or even comfort. Her cot and meditation mat and scrolls in her rooms served her well - though, she thought ruefully, she had yet to get a seat for Po. Her living arrangements were a huge difference from this nest Habika crafted for herself and Father. Everywhere were cushions, throw blankets, books. Flowers. A big soft couch before a fireplace. Habika, left to her own devices, chose to live in a home designed around comfort and safety. Earlier, Tigress may have dismissed this as the trappings of an insecure or weak spirit. Since knowing the princess better she'd begin to think of it as, if not quite a strength, a valid difference, and one that had a place.

Habika placed a teacup before Tigress. It sat on a plate with a delicate little doily.

That place, Tigress thought, might not be in a kung fu school.

"Enjoy," Habika said.

"Thank you," Tigress said, and sipped at the tea. Her eyes widened. "This really is good tea."

"Isn't it? Strong. And almost … peppery, somehow."

Tigress nodded, looking down at the steaming cup. "I wouldn't know how to pick a good tea if one bit me on the foot," she admitted.

"I can teach you," Habika offered. "Good tea and good melons. There's nothing sadder than cutting into a crappy melon."

Tigress smiled. "You sound like Po."

"Po is a very wise panda."

"Yes," she replied. "Yes he certainly can be."

They were silent a moment, drinking. Habika crossed her legs and leaned into a pillow. Tigress caught a whiff of the osmanthus sitting in vase on the side table. Outside the wind howled, making the fire dance. She sighed, relaxed. The sangha was a place to care and be cared for. It was hypnotically cozy. Sweet. Comforting.

Like Po.

If Po could make a home for the two for them it would probably be a lot like this. This was the kind of place a person makes for the person they love. She often felt just this way when he held her. _Po is my sangha,_ Tigress realized. He was slowly constructing a happy place in her heart, full of soft and sweet and warm things.

 _So why don't I feel safe?_

Habika cleared her throat. "I, um … I thought I was making progress," she said.

Tigress snapped back to the present. "You are," she said. "When left to your own devices you take to scroll-learning quite well. You've made progress in applying things you read but not in obeyance to your Master. Not in the kind of self-discipline that is required of a kung fu student.

She sighed. "I know. And I'm sorry."

"It's not something you have to apologize for. If kung-fu is simply not in your nature, it's not in your nature. There's nothing wrong with that. It is what it is."

"I'd like to learn how to protect myself."

"Easily taught. One needn't be a formal student for that."

"If I stay a formal student, where does that training end?"

"End?" Tigress said, chuckling. "It doesn't _end_ , princess. It's a way of life."

"I think that may be the problem. I'm not interested in that way of life."

Tigress nodded. "You don't have to be," she said.

"I suppose I'm not a warrior, deep down."

"There are many kinds of warriors, Princess. Never discount yourself. From now on I'll teach you techniques for self defense only, but you won't be my student, and do not have to refer to me as Master. Nor will we have to train all day, as before. You can go back to your nocturnal hours, if you wish. We can have our lessons in the afternoons or evenings."

"I can start the erhu school again," the princess said, mostly to herself.

Tigress smiled. "You're free."

Habika nodded. "Thank you Mast - thank you Tigress," Habika said, and sighed. "I think this will be a better arrangement for us both."

Tigress nodded. "So do I."

"It's settled then. Good. Good!" Habika said. "So, that done, may I offer you some wine?"

Tigress smiled. "I'd like that."

 **000**

She shared a cup of wine with Habika and left the sangha feeling like a weight had been lifted from her chest. Mastering the princess was like trying to shove a rock-filled wagon up a hill and she was glad to be done with it. She would have expected to feel that she'd somehow failed -after all, Habika was her first formal student - but instead she felt the world was set to rights. If she took on a student who wasn't meant to be one, was it really a failure to release her? The princess came away knowing more about herself, and about kung-fu, and seemed relieved to be out from under her thumb. Tigress decided to chalk it up to a win.

That, however, did not settle the matter of the Emperor's mission.

She walked up the path to the peach tree, under which Shifu sat perched on his staff. His ear twitched back as he heard her approach.

"Hello Tigress," he said.

"Good evening Father."

He turned to look at her. Smiled sadly. "Is something troubling you, my little girl?"

Tigress smiled. Every time he called her that he sprinkled sugar on her heart. "Habika and I are no longer Master and Student," she said.

Shifu nodded. "I figured that would happen one way or another."

"I will still teach her self-defense but I am not her Master. She doesn't want to be a warrior, and I … I took her on for the wrong reasons."

Shifu raised an eyebrow. "What were those?"

Tigress went silent, thinking of a way to put it. _I wanted to give her a taste of your medicine_ was not the most tactful thing to say, though it was certainly the most accurate.

"You needn't tell me if you don't wish to," he said.

"The reasons were more about my feelings than her betterment," she finally said.

"I see," Shifu said. "Then you were wise to end it."

"Thank you."

They looked out over the mountains, and the soft lights of the village, like fireflies in a pond.

"That's not what brought you here," Shifu said.

"No. Father, what are we going to do about the Emperor's mission?"

Shifu closed his eyes and sighed. When he opened them they were deep and sad.

"I have been giving the matter a lot of thought." he said, "Over and over again, there is only one conclusion I come to. It is not a conclusion that I like or desire, but it is the only option that will save China, if not …if not me."

Tigress swallowed. "What conclusion is that, father?"

"We must go the way of the Sri-Teng school," Shifu said, his voice low. "We must assassinate the Emperor."

 **000**


	37. not the legend of you

**chapter 37**

 **not the legend of you**

The initial planning was carried out in secret, and only between Shifu and Tigress. He insisted - demanded - that Habika not be told. "She'll worry herself into an early grave," he said. "No. We'll just … go. I'll … I'll leave a letter." The look that crossed his face at this made Tigress want to beg him to reconsider, to just stop all this and let whatever happened happen. Seeing her father plan to leave his lover with a mere note as he marched off to sacrifice himself for China was wrenching to her soul. Tigress would, of course, do everything possible to keep him alive, but it was unlikely he would return from this mission and they both knew it. Especially since Shifu insisted on being the one to put the Emperor to the blade.

"I won't allow you or the others to put yourselves at that risk. The five of you will make sure I can get in, and after the thing is done I'll let the guards capture me so you can get out. If they have me, the … the murderer, they are unlikely to start looking for you or the princess before you're well on your way out of China."

"Father - "

"It's the only way, Tigress."

"It … it can't be," she said, her voice suddenly small. _I can't lose you_ , she wanted to say. _Not after I just got you_.

He patted her hand. "Don't forget your training," he said softly. "What must be done must be done, regardless of the love we bear. That is part of the burden of love." He sighed. "Nothing lasts forever, little girl."

They sat together on a rock in the Dragon Grotto, where Tigress had taken to visiting him every day to discuss the plot. It was a bright, if chilly, fall day. The merry and relaxing sounds of the waterfall were so divergent from her mood that it seemed to worsen it somehow. She sank to the ground, sighed, and put her head in her father's lap.

"What's this about?" he asked, but there was a smile in his voice.

"I never sat in your lap as a girl, and now I can't, so this is what you get."

He laughed. "Fair enough."

They sat that way for a long while, in familial silence. Shifu scratched her head affectionately, and she tried her best not to weep.

 **000**

The Harvest Festival came around once more.

"The flowers on your head are new and they look pretty and festive!" Crane said, pointing a wing as Viper and Habika rounded the corner in the bunkhouse. "Bam!"

Viper blinked. "What?"

"Remember last year?"

"No?"

"Last year you when asked me how your flowers looked and I made an idiot of myself?"

"No?"

"Well I didn't this year!" Crane said. "They look very nice."

"Thank you," Viper said, smiling.

He raised his wings in victory. "Go team Crane!" he said, then trotted happily back to his room.

Habika raised her eyes at Viper. "That was something."

The snake shook her head. "That wasn't anything."

Habika shrugged. She often wondered if Viper wasn't confusing Crane's obliviousness for disinterest, but she knew better than to say anything about it. Viper all but shut down whenever the topic of her ongoing unrequited affection for Crane was breached, so Habika did not breach it.

She reached up to adjust a small headdress into which she weaved chrysanthemums and blackberry lilies, accented with crisp peach tree leaves, which matched Viper's. Over time their friendship had grown into a celebration of all things indulgently girlish - dresses, jewelry, fashion, sweets, things that weren't interesting to anyone in the Jade Palace save them. That year they'd decided to coordinate their outfits for the Harvest Festival.

"This is so cheesy, I love it," Viper had said as they admired themselves in a mirror in Viper's room. Habika wore a beautiful hanfu in warm oranges and dusty violets, and found ribbons of the same color to wrap around Viper's length.

"We look like a dance team," Habika said.

Viper used the tip of her tail to snatch a powdered rice candy from a nearby box and popped it in her mouth. "Jade Palace cheer squad," she said, nodding approvingly.

Suddenly the door opened a crack, just enough for Po's thick black hand to slip through, palm up. Habika and Viper looked at it, then at each other.

"Can we help you, Po?" Viper asked.

"Candy," Po said. "Give."

"How did you know?" Habika marveled.

"I know that particular paper sound anywhere. Give."

Viper rolled her eyes and set a piece of candy in Po's palm, and the hand withdrew, sliding the door closed.

"Where'd you get candy?" they heard Mantis ask Po.

"There's candy?" Monkey asked.

"What's all this about candy?" Tigress called from downstairs.

Habika shook her head as Viper opened the door and pushed the open box into the hall, then closed it.

There ere steps down the creaking hall. "Little one, are you in here?" Shifu asked. "Po, have you seen -oh, candy!"

Viper leaned down and whispered in Habika's ear "Do you have that flask?"

Habika smiled and produced a delicate china flask from her embroidered sleeve, which was filled with sweet gamju dessert wine. Viper unscrewed it and took a swig.

"Candy," she whispered, and they chuckled.

"Do you guys have _wine_ in there?" Po asked.

"Nope!" Viper said. She turned to Habika. "This is why we should always get ready at your place."

"Noted."

"Who has wine?" Tigress asked.

Viper opened the door and beckoned her inside.

"Why does Tigress get to come in?" Crane.

"Girls only wine party!" Viper said, slamming the door shut.

"I thought you said you didn't have wine!" Po cried.

"There is some sexist shit happening in this here bunkhouse," Mantis said.

"Mantis, that sort of language is unbecoming of a warrior," Shifu scolded as he chewed on a piece of rice candy.

"Pot kettle black," Mantis retorted. "Get some baijiu into you and you're the biggest pottymouth alive. _Master."_

"Get that much baijiu into just about anyone and bad things will happen."

Viper handed the flask to Tigress, who unscrewed the top and tilted her head at the two of them. "Did you dress in matching outfits?"

"Yes and we look great," Viper huffed. "Just because you're too hardcore to be a girl doesn't mean we can't be girls."

A brief hurt look crossed Tigress's face. "I'm a _girl_! No one asked me if I wanted to dress in matching outfits."

"Because you don't," Viper said flatly.

"Of course I don't, but you could have asked."

"What's this about matching outfits?" Shifu asked.

Habika slid the door open to let him in, then closed it.

"Wait, now Shifu gets to go to the girls only wine party?" Mantis cried.

"You're damn right," Shifu said as Tigress handed him the flask. "You two look lovely!" he said, and kissed Habika on the cheek.

"If I'm smooth like Shifu do I get to go to the all girls wine party?" Monkey asked.

"You'll never be smooth like me, Monkey."

"Sick burn," Mantis said.

"Mantis, from what I can tell I'm at the all girls wine party and you're still out in the hall with Po and an empty box of candy."

"Fine, how do I get to the all girls wine party, Master?"

"First you have to have seen a girl naked," Viper said.

" _Ouch_ ," Po said.

"Wait wait wait, so, you're saying you three have all seen a girl naked?" Mantis said. "This just got a lot more interesting."

"In every argument Viper has with Mantis, it ends with Viper being a lesbian," Crane said.

Viper huffed and threw the door open. " _Myself_ , Mantis! I've seen _myself!_ "

"Ha!" Mantis said dashing past her and into the room. "In!"

"Very smooth, Mantis. Well done," Shifu said, handing him the flask.

Crane, Po, and Monkey piled inside.

"Raided!" Po said triumphantly.

"Go team Crane!" Crane cheered.

 **000**

After passing the flask around the eight of them strolled down to the Harvest Festival together, laughing and chatting. Father and Habika held hands. Tigress found herself wondering what it might be like to be that openly affectionate with Po, but their relationship -if that's what it even was - was unspokenly secret. Neither seemed overly eager to be out with it. Tigress had her reasons -her feelings were complicated things she didn't wish to justify or explain to anyone just yet - but she was surprised Po cooperated with this unspoken code of silence.

 _He must have his reasons too_ , Tigress figured. _Is he ashamed of me?_

His arm brushed hers. She looked up at him and he smiled.

 _That's probably not it_.

She watched her father with Habika, talking happily with herself and the others, and her heart sank. This would almost certainly be his last Harvest Festival. He had so little time, and no one knew but her. She felt angry for a moment - why had he burdened only her with this knowledge? When would he tell the rest of the team? It felt, at times, like more sadness than she could bear alone. She wanted to be able to talk about it with someone but could not, and it weighed on her.

And Habika! Why, the woman would throw herself from a cliff! Tigress ran the idea past Shifu that Viper should be commanded to stay behind, to take Habika out of China as soon as they departed on their mission to assassinate the Emperor. He was still considering it, but Tigress saw no other way. They could not trust the palace servants with a mission this delicate - no one could know.

Tigress's stomach twisted. The palace servants, even. Would the denizens of the Jade Palace would be left entirely in the dark, waking to find the Masters gone one day? What if the Forbidden City sent an army to raze the palace, or the Valley of Peace itself? Who would protect them?

"You okay?" Po asked quietly as they alighted from the staircase into the village.

"Yeah, I was just … thinking about some stuff."

"How about we think about grabbing some wine and having a fun night for once?" he ribbed her. "C'mon."

She smiled but it didn't touch her eyes. He wasn't wrong.

"Sorry," she said.

"For what?"

"That I'm always a bummer."

"It's okay. I love you."

Tigress turned to him, her eyes wide.

"Did I just say that out loud?" Po said, looking like a startled deer.

She nodded.

They stood there for a moment, staring at one another. The Harvest Festival seemed to fade into the background, the weight of their exchange pressing the celebration out of them.

"Do uh … do you want to go somewhere and talk?" Po asked uneasily.

She nodded, unable to speak.

"Um … let's go to my house," he said. "Dad's working the banquet."

He gingerly took her hand and leading the way. They weaved their way through the crowd then into Mr. Ping's restaurant. Po unlocked the door and took her upstairs to his room. "Wait," he said when they reached his door. "Have you ever been here before?"

She shook her head.

"Oh gods. Okay. Well this is gonna be awkward. Maybe not as awkward as saying what I just said out of nowhere but … yeah, wow. Crap. This is not my night." He sighed and pushed the door open, and Tigress stepped inside.

And smiled.

His room was filled to the brim with kung fu - posters, toy weapons, hand-drawn pictures and hand-carved figurines of the Furious Five. The walls were pocked with holes from throwing stars, a few of which were still lodged in them, and small dents at about the height of a child's fist. The walls were smudged with years of steam and grease from the shop below, and his bed, just a thin mattress on the floor, was unmade.

"Sorry," he said. "I'm a huge nerd."

"I know that," Tigress said.

And then she saw the wall at the foot of his bed.

Sketches, hundreds of them, and impressively skilled, of the Furious Five in various fighting poses, but upon further inspection she realized that most of the drawings were of her. She stepped in closer, tilted her head. They weren't all of her fighting, either. Some were of her as a girl alongside Nanny Goat, of her as a teenager at the market with Shifu, but mostly pictures of her as an adult - fighting, but also walking, or looking thoughtfully at something, or dancing, pinned between several lovingly detailed renderings of her face.

"I, uh … I liked to draw as a kid," Po said, sounding as though he wanted to sink into the wall and die.

Tigress took one last look at the wall of drawings and turned.

"You said you love me," she said.

"Yeah. I uh … I probably shouldn't have, but I did."

She swallowed. "Do you love _me_ or do you love this?" she asked, gesturing to the room.

Po blinked. "This?"

"This. _Her_ ," she said, pointing to a picture of herself punching a ghost army to pieces that was unmistakably hero-worshipping. "Do you love this Tigress, or do you love _this_ Tigress?"

Po's face fell. "Don't even," he said.

She raised her eyebrows. "Don't even what?"

"That's really unfair. Tigress, what do you think?"

She crossed her arms. "Maybe I don't know what to think."

"That's a load and you know it."

"Do I?" she asked, feeling riled.

"Look, I mean - I've always thought you were cool. And … and beautiful. And this picture, it's…." he gestured to the picture or her fighting the ghost army, "it's cool, it's you doing cool hero stuff, and there's like … there's a place in my heart for that version of you, but I never _loved_ it, and it's in the past. I mean I'd be lying if I said there isn't a nine year old kid inside me freaking out because _Master freakin' Tigress_ is my room, but it's not … that was before I knew you, and before I … before I loved you. _You_ , you. Not the legend of you. You, the person I've gotten to know. Just Tigress, _this_ Tigress, my … my girl." He looked at the floor. "If … if you are my girl. I, uh … I don't know if you think of me like that. But I guess now it's obvious how I feel."

Tigress gave a deep, long sigh and sank down to sit on his unmade bed.

"Crap," Po said, sound almost panicked. "Crap. Ok. Oh gods. Look, I mean, if you don't just tell me. Just … just drop the hammer, don't draw it out or - "

"Po…" Tigress said. "Sit."

He did as he was asked, the floor creaking under his weight.

She was silent for a few long moments, thinking. "It's not that I don't…feel that way," she began.

"Yes!" Po exclaimed, punching the air.

Tigress raised her eyebrows at him.

"I mean … sorry. You were saying?"

"I was saying that I … I'm scared. I think there's something wrong with me."

"Are you talking about that thing that happens whenever we …?"

She nodded.

Po considered this. "Can you tell me what happens?"

Tigress grimaced. "It's hard to put into words."

"Try?"

She sighed and grew thoughtful. "It's always when we … at the end," she said, "and you have your arms around me and it's peaceful, and I just …" she gestured helplessly at the air. "It's like I'm dying. Like it's just dark and I can't see or feel, and something _awful_ is happening but there's nothing I can do, I'm too small and weak to do anything."

"You said it's not anything I'm doing, right?"

She shook her head. "No no no. I don't think it has anything to do with you. It's like I'm … like I'm _remembering_ something."

"But you don't know what?"

She shook her head.

"Do you _want_ to know?"

She swallowed, and after a moment nodded. "I think … I think it's something I need to know."

"Okay. Well, then we can work on it."

"What do you mean?"

He leaned over to stroke her face, the gathered her up in his arms and kissed her.

 **000**

"Father," Tigress said the next morning. "I need to speak with you."

"Good morning Tigress," he said, inviting her into the sangha. "Join us for breakfast. Well, me, anyway. She's still passed out," he said, chuckling, gesturing to the loft, from which came a loud and unladylike snore. Shifu laughed and offered Tigress a seat at the table, pouring her a cup of tea.

The Palace routine started later than usual. When Po and Tigress crept back to the bunkhouse they fully expected to be the last to get there, but to their surprise everyone was still down at the festival, and would stumble back tipsily later on. The two of them sat in Tigress's room by the hearth, talking quietly and looking up at the moon. It struck Tigress that when she sat and gazed at the moon with a man, she ended up with that man. Given it had only happened twice - once with Abasi and once with Po - but she still considered it a pattern. She sidled up to Po and put his big arm over her shoulders. He held her close.

"You did really well," he said. "I think."

She nodded. Earlier they lay together in his childhood bed, the flutes and drums of the festival pounding away outside. His arms were secure as a vise around her, and whispered in her ear _I'm right here, I'm right here_ , as the blindness overtook her and she fell into the the void. She howled and cried and sank her claws into his back but he didn't let go. Something about that acted like a rope tying her to sanity, and for a few fleeting moments she hung suspended in that space, eyes open, able to perceive.

"Talk to me," he commanded, his weight crushing her, his voice more forceful than she'd ever heard it. It was a voice of pure authority, a Shifu-level timbre, and she responded in kind.

"It's so bright. It's bright and I … I'm on the ground. Lying in straw. It's so BRIGHT, it shouldn't be this … this bright … we're … we … I - "

"You and who? Tell me," Po ordered.

"Me and … and … _."_ in her mind's eye she rustled in the itching straw, wriggled out from beneath something heavy and cold, the light blaring in her eyes, and turned her head. She began screaming before it fully registered, before the vision before her became a thing with a shape, a name. An orange striped face.

Opened mouth.

Bloodied nose.

Two eyes, pointing different directions.

And the cleave between them, the head split in half, opened like a melon. Flies on the flesh inside.

So much despair and helplessness - nothing she could do - she ripped, she pulled -

Po freed her then, forcing her to sit up. "Tigress!" he yelled. "Tigress, stop!"

She snapped back to the present, back to Po's huge worried eyes. Her skin burned. She opened her her paws and found them full of orange fur - her own, which she'd pulled out of her sides. She was so shaken she could barely speak, anemic, the terror having left her hollow. She cried in Po's arms and he rocked her like a child and spoke to her quietly, soothingly. When they finally decided to go back to the Jade Palace she was almost tempted to ask him to carry her.

She lifted the tea to her mouth. "Father, I … I've had a vision," she said carefully. She'd decided this was how she would frame it. She was not ready to tell him about her relationship with Po. Besides, it wasn't the source of the vision that was important - as far as Shifu was concerned, anyhow - it was the content.

He raised his eyebrows. "Have you? Concerning what?"

"I believe I've begun remembering my life - my early life, before Bao Gu."

"Are they good memories?"

She shook her head, shuddering.

"I see," he said.

She took a sip of tea. "When you decided to adopt me, did they tell you anything about my past? Where I came from?"

"No. They claimed not to know. All they said was that you'd been transferred from another orphanage in the south because they were unable to deal with you. Usually they have some sort of paperwork, a record that explains the circumstances of each child, but in your case there was nothing." He face took on a skeptical expression. "A _curious_ nothing, I always thought."

"You think they were lying?"

"Something didn't feel right."

"You never asked after it?"

"I did, but they kept insisting ignorance. In any case, what did it matter? You were a good, clever, talented child who responded well to instruction," he said, smiling. "And now look at you, my lovely daughter."

She smiled sadly. "Thank you father. But these visions are … very disturbing. I must find out what happened to me. I need to go back to Bao Gu."

"Then go you shall," he said. "I'm proud of you for facing your fears this way, Tigress. You never did lack for bravery. Though it may be trying. Perhaps it would be wise to bring a friend along? Viper?"

"Po is coming with me."

"Po?"

She nodded. "He knows all about disturbing memories that come back unbidden."

"Ah. So he does," Shifu said. "It seems the two of you have struck up a new friendship since you returned from your travels. It is good to see."

 _You have no idea_ , Tigress thought, but she merely nodded.

Shifu sighed, then walked over to a closet, beckoning her to follow. "Well, my dear, if you are going to go uncover your past, now is as good a time as any to give you this. It's not quite done yet but it … it's for you." He opened the closet door and took out a long, carved wooden staff.

She took it in her hands, studying it. At the bottom was carved the imposing facade of Bao Gu, and on top of that, dominoes. After that was the Jade Palace, and a section for each major lesson she'd learned in Kung Fu. Eventually there was an image of a traveler on a road, into a sunset, and below that a broken heart. A lone figure on a stage, then in an exotic palace, then looking over her shoulder at a male figure in the distance. Finally it came back around to the Jade Palace, and she and Shifu sitting together under the peach tree, hand in hand.

"The rest is blank, for you to carve," he said. "Because I … I won't be here to carve it."

Tigress flinched. How easy it was to forget their plot in the midst of happiness, of tenderness.

"It's beautiful. I don't know what to say," she said. She dropped to her knees and hugged him.

"You needn't say anything. Just promise me you'll live well and long enough to carve many happy chapters into that staff."

She pressed him close, nodding, and looked again at the very bottom of the staff, the carving of Bao Gu. _Perhaps it is not the top I'll be be adding to_ , she thought as fear prickled at her, _but the bottom._

 **000**

 _Quick question, dear reader: In your esteemed opinion, what rating should this story bear? T or M?_


	38. her real and given name

**chapter thirty eight**

 **her real and given name**

Shifu woke in the middle of the night to see Habika sitting up in bed, looking out the window, deep in thought.

He rolled on his side and reached for her, running his hand up along her spine. "What is it?"

She sighed and lay down, snuggling up to him. He put his arms around her.

"I think of her all the time," she said. "She's out there, somewhere. What is she doing? Is she all right?"

Shifu kissed the top of her head.

"It's not enough just knowing she's alive. I want her here. With me."

He nodded, just listening. There was nothing he could do, not solution that could make this better. He'd asked Habika if she wished to look for Mahdi but she shook her head. "What good would that do? She could be literally anywhere - she might not even be in China. I'm sure she is very well hidden, and once Gan caught wind that we were searching for her - and he would - I have no idea what he might do to me, or you, or her. No. No good would come of searching, my warrior."

"What do you suppose she looks like now?' he asked, out of the entirely bizarre notion that he might keep an eye out, as though the Emperor's estranged daughter might happen to be hanging around the Vally of Peace.

Habika smiled. "Tall," she began. "Well, taller than me, but that's not saying much, is it? Sort of a wiry build, I'd suspect. She took after Gan that way. Thin but strong, stronger than she looked. Ears … slightly bigger than normal. Brown eyes. Pretty…" she said, her voice cracking. "Pretty face. I'm sorry." She wiped her eyes. "Last I saw her she was five. Her ninth birthday was a week before the Harvest Festival."

"You didn't mention it." Shifu realized she'd never mentioned Mahdi's birthday in the years they'd spent together.

She shook her head. "I keep it in my heart."

Shifu pulled the covers up over them both and curled warmly against her. He tried not to think how short lived the comfort she could take from him would be.

 _What am I doing, what am I doing?_ he cursed himself, and not for the first time. _How can I do this to her_? It was almost unimaginably cruel to leave her all alone, again. It was almost enough to tempt him to simply pack her and his students up and leave China all together, country be damned. War was war was war, what ever stopped war?

But no. _He_ had an chance to stop war, to save millions of lives in exchange for his own … and her heart.

She would understand. She knew and loved him. She would have to.

 _That is the nature of the vow I took. To put the duties of kung-fu before all other bonds._

At least he would get to kill the Emperor.

It was a terrible thing to take pleasure in killing, but he could hardly help it. The thought of watching the life flicker and die in the Son of Heaven's eyes was all that kept him going some days.

He sighed and inhaled the scent of her, kissing her shoulder. _In the meantime,_ he thought, _I will live for this._

 **000**

"Master Tigress! Welcome!" the headmaster of Bao Gu said, bowing. She was an older goose. "We are always honored by a visit from our most prestigious alumni!" She glanced back and forth between Po and Tigress. "Are … are you two here to adopt?"

Tigress smiled despite herself.

She and Po made the short journey to Bau Gu in companionable silence. There was something new, however. That evening in Po's room had solidified her feelings for him somehow, changed them. Anchored them. He'd held her safe over the broiling caldera of her own despair without flinching. He'd led and commanded her in a way that put to rest any doubts she might have had about his maturity, his inner strength. She found herself wanting him in a way that was no longer merely physical, or merely about comfort. She wanted him in a way that, on another day, she might answer the old goose's question with a "yes."

But today, she said no.

In the head office the goose sorted through scrolls, shaking her head. "I'm not seeing anything for you, my dear."

"There's nothing? No records? You're sure?"

The goose began to nod, but then stopped for a moment. "You were here when Grandma Chen was headmaster, weren't you?"

"Um," Tigress began, trying to recall. "I … I think so? It was a long time ago."

"Yes, I think you were." She said. Her eyebrows creased. "There is a possibility … excuse me for a moment," she said, and waddled out of the room.

When she left Po stepped to Tigress's side and put his arm around her briefly. "You all right?"

"Yes," she said, but she was merely numb, electric and unreal in her own skin.

The goose returned and gestured for the two of them to follow. "Come with me."

They followed her out into the halls of Bao Gu, which seemed warped and mutated to Tigress now that she was an adult. Spaces she remembered as big and lonely and imposing were now small and cramped. When they passed what had formerly been her room - her _cell_ \- she forced her eyes away.

"Grandma Chen was a well-intentioned woman," the goose said. "Her main goal was to get children into good homes no matter what, even if that involved some questionable things." They stopped before an old door which looked as though it hadn't been opened in ages. "If a child had a past she felt might keep them from being adopted, she often locked the scrolls away in here, then claimed they were missing or didn't exist. If your scroll is in here … I can't quite caution you against what you might discover. Whatever it is, it won't be good."

"I understand," Tigress said.

The goose nodded then unlocked the old door, which took a few tries. When she opened it a cloud of fine dust floated out. The closet was filled with supplies - brooms, lamps, cookware, sheets. The goose coughed as she moved aside a chair. Underneath it was a large hamper, which she opened to reveal about one hundred hastily piled scrolls. Tigress took Po's hand and squeezed as the goose began to search through them. After a few long moments she stopped, and pulled one out. When she looked up at Tigress her eyes were full of pity.

"I'm sorry," she said softly, handing Tigress the scroll.

Tigress nodded. "Thank you for your help."

"It's nothing. Please, use my office to read it in privacy, and take all the time you need. I will have some tea sent to you."

"Thank you," Tigress said, hollow, as the goose led them back to her office. Now again the halls seemed interminably long and vast and isolating. When they finally reached the goose's office she bowed and left them, sliding the screen door softly shut. She and Po stood in the middle of the room, looking at each other, Tigress's hand stiff around the scroll.

"You ready?"

"I don't know."

"Want me to open it?"

"No, I …I will."

But her hands refused to move.

"It's so bad they thought no one would ever want me," she whispered.

"Tigress," Po whispered. He cupped his hands around her face and kissed her. "I'll love you whatever's in there. I want you. Shifu wants you. Well all want you, and we're not gonna stop wanting you. Whatever it says, Tigress, we all love you, and we always will. Understand?" He put his arms around her and hugged her close. "If you can't open it yet it's okay. We don't have to do it now."

She swallowed. "No, it's … it's ok. Let's sit."

They sat side by side on the floor, pressed against one another, and Tigress shakily unrolled the scroll. The notes were written in quick hand, terse and brief.

 _Name: Ling, Xiu_

 _Age: About three(?)_

 _History: From a farm in southern province. Found in barn by neighbors. Only survivor of massacre of family, all bodies found in barn, dead from hatchet / axe wounds. House robbed of all valuables. Child suspected to be in barn for up to a week before discovery, w / bodies of family. Unknown how child survived. Neighbors reported child pinned under body of father, may have covered her in protection before death(?) Child found sick and malnourished with broken leg and ribs, skin infection due to child having pulled out most of her own fur._

 _Upon intake, child screams upon being moved or touched_

 _Child -_

Tigress could read no more.

She dropped the scroll, grappled for a nearby planter, and vomited.

 **000**

"By the gods," Shifu said, lowering the scroll. "That was you?"

Tigress sat on her bed dressed in a blue robe. She was ill, more ill than Shifu remembered her being since she was a little girl. When she and Po returned from Bao Gu she looked pale and stricken. Older. Now she wrapped the robe around herself, and on top of that her bedcovers, in a way that reminded Shifu of Habika back in the cave, constructing a cloth shell between herself and the world.

Po sat with her. He'd been nurse-maiding her since they'd returned, but sitting in the room with them now, something seemed off. Odd. Po sat very close to her and she did not seem perturbed by this. When they spoke they looked deeply into each other's eyes. Po touched her, even, on the shoulder and leg, _thigh_ once, and she didn't startle or flinch. Perhaps in her illness her guard was down? Yes, Shifu decided, that was surely it.

"What do you mean, that was me?" Tigress said, her voice hoarse.

"I mean I remember this. The family axed to death in the barn and the lone child they found. The species of the family was never mentioned, but the news caused a huge panic. They were a group of sickening bandits. Their main objective was robbery, but from their crimes it was obvious that they took pleasure in murder. Your home was the first that particular group hit, but it wasn't the last."

"They did this to others!?" Tigress said, her outrage sparking a coughing fit.

Shifu nodded. "Yes. They did. Three other farms until we finally caught up with them."

"Whoa whoa whoa," Po said. "We?"

He nodded. "Yes. Tai Lung and I were called upon to stop them. It was one of the last battles in which we fought side by side."

"They're dead?" Tigress asked urgently, and Shifu could hear a desperate dichotomy in that urgency. Half _if not I'll kill them myself_ and half _please please please don't let them hurt me again._

"Yes," Shifu replied, and stroked her face. "Yes my little girl, they're long dead. Father killed them."

Tigress made a strange sort of sound, made stranger for the hoarseness of her voice. It was something between laughter and weeping, or equal parts of both. She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around him.

"Of course you did, of course you did," she said.

He smiled and settled into the hug. "Got to use the Wuxi hold twice that day."

She laughed.

"No kidding?" said Po.

Shifu nodded. "Simultaneously, no less."

"That's possible?"

"If you sneak up behind two of them and manage to get them both by the pinkie it is."

"Dude!" Po said. "Nice!"

"It was, as you might say, pretty 'nice'," Shifu said.

Tigress laughed again, gave him one last squeeze, and released him. She wiped her eyes. "Thank you."

"You've nothing to thank me for, I was simply protecting the valley. You are the extraordinary one in this room, my daughter. I'm so proud of you. Of your bravery. Not every person has the courage to seek out a past this heavy with grief. You have done well." He took her hand. "And you will heal."

Po put his hand on her thigh. _Again_.

"She's the bravest person I know," he said, giving her a look Shifu knew all to well, because Habika gave it to him all the time. And Tigress just _smiled_ at him.

Shifu cleared his throat. They looked at him.

"What's … what's _this?_ " he asked, pointing between the two of them.

Po quickly removed his hand from Tigress's thigh. Tigress sighed, reached for Po's hand, took it firmly in hers, and turned to Shifu with eyes that bordered on defiant.

He felt his brain short out. His eye twitched.

Tigress and _Po?_ How in the world -? He'd have been less surprised if she'd announced a relationship with _Mantis_ , for crying out loud! Fat, silly, bumbling Po, and … and _Tigress?_

"You… you two? How .. for how long?" he choked.

"A few months now," Tigress said.

Po, eyes wide with terror, laughed nervously.

"Wait, _you two?_ " Shifu said again.

Tigress nodded.

"You and _him?_ "

"Yes, father. Me and him."

Shifu turned to Po, who flinched. "You're courting Tigress?"

Po looked like he wanted to fall through the floor. "Yes. Master."

Shifu stared at him. Po shrank back.

" _Him_?" he asked Tigress again.

"Hey!" Po protested.

"Hey _what?_ " Shifu asked Po, who startled for a moment before collecting himself, getting ready to argue his case.

"Stop being ridiculous! Both of you!" Tigress said, and exploded into a fit of hacking. At this Po moved his attention entirely from the threatening specter of Shifu to Tigress, so he could place a comforting hand on her back and retrieve a glass of water from the bedside table.

"You okay?" Po asked Tigress, handing her the glass of water.

She took it, sipped, and nodded.

Seeing this Shifu felt his outrage wither and die. Whatever picture Shifu had formed of the kind of man Tigress might end up with - some strapping young feline warrior, fiercely her equal - dissolved into a memory. That was not the man she needed, and all at once it was entirely clear why. Po may not have been her equal in fierceness, but he certainly was in heart. Any man his closed off, secretive daughter would choose to accompany her as she unrolled that scroll for the first time would have had to have earned a solid place in her heart, and who was Shifu to cast aspersion on something that rare?

Seeing her recovered Po turned to Shifu, and with an admirable amount of chutzpah, began, "Now listen, Tigress and I-"

Shifu held up his hand. "No. Po, it's all right. I … I understand. I'm sorry. I was just … surprised."

"Look, I love her," Po said, still primed for a fight.

"I can see that," Shifu said.

Po blinked, taken aback. "I … well … good. Because I do. Like. A _lot_."

"The same," Tigress said, jerking her head in Po's direction. Shifu almost laughed at the resigned casualness with which she said it, like it was nothing that she loved Po, like she was describing the weather.

"You look properly incredulous, Father," she said, and chuckled. "I'll explain more tomorrow, but I think I need some sleep."

"All right then," Shifu said. "I'm, ah … I'm happy for you two. Thrown for a loop, but … happy. I'll, ah … I'll leave you to say goodnight," he said, and let himself out, though he found himself lingering in the hall, something odd broiling away in his stomach.

Just … _Po?_

After a long moment the panda stepped outside Tigress's door and shut it gently behind him. When he turned Shifu was there.

"I'll have you know you're courting the daughter of a man who performed the Wuxi Hold on two men at once," Shifu said, jabbing his finger at Po. "You stay aware of that and we'll be just fine."

"Staying aware, Master," Po said.

"Congratulations to you both," Shifu said, and strolled out of the bunkhouse.

 **000**

Weeks passed, but Tigress never quite failed to be astonished that, at the end of the day, her name actually _was_ Xiu.

The name she'd given to Lata that winter night, years ago. The first name that had come to her, Xiu, which she bore in falsehood, was in actuality her real and and given name.

She played with it sometimes, in her mind, her mouth, her history. _This bedroom is Xiu's, Xiu lives here,_ she'd idly think. _Xiu is a Master of the Tigress Form of Hung Ga. Xiu grew up at the Jade Palace. Xiu went away to India, Xiu loves a panda named Po._

She even asked Po to call her Xiu, privately, just as an experiment. It never felt right. It had felt more right when she was using the name under false pretenses than when she used it honestly. She was Tigress now and forever, it seemed. She was also Xiu, but not - Xiu was someone who never was. She found it hard to picture whom she might have been had the bandits chosen some other house that night. She'd have grown up on a farm - peaches, she'd discovered, a fruit seemingly destined to hold an important place in her life - in a quiet village far from any Kung Fu school.

What would have become of her?

She tried to imagine herself - her Xiu-self - perhaps married, perhaps with cubs, on a peach farm of her own. But nothing more ever came of these imaginings. Her alternate life was incomprehensible to her. What was she without Shifu, the Jade Palace, kung fu? Someone, certainly, but not herself, or anyone she could even imagine herself being. Some woman, out on a farm, likely living in ignorance of the warrior within.

It seemed tragic to her.

"But maybe that Xiu would find my life here tragic," she said to Po one night.

"I can't imagine how."

She shrugged. "Who knows. Maybe I'd really come to love peach farming," she said, but started to chuckle before she even finished the sentence.

"Husband," Po pointed out. "Cubs."

She nodded. "Yes. There's that."

"But _Tigres_ s can have those things too."

She smiled. "Yes. There's also that," she said, creeping into his lap and putting her arms around his neck.

"Getting started already, are we?"

"I don't think it works that way," she said, and kissed him. She allowed herself to sink fully into what followed, which had become a blissful reality after she recovered from her illness and was able to process the contents of the scroll. Sometimes the unbidden horror still plagued her, but not often, and when it did she was able to bear it now that it had a name. But the rest of the time her lovemaking with Po became what it should have been all along, sweet and lovely and safe. She came away from it too exhausted and satisfied to give the horrors any attention. If they did show up she could bat them lazily away, like a kitten with a toy.

She'd often wondered why the awful memories had only shown up when she was with Po, and hadn't with Abasi. For a while this deeply concerned her, mostly because it seemed so inscrutable. The same actions and sensations took place, but what was it about Po in particular that summoned these deep remembrances?

One night as she lay curled against him, listening to his heavy sleeping breaths, it became clear to her.

It was this feeling -this feeling of safety and comfort, of being held safe in large protective arms - this was the last thing she'd felt before her birth home was brought to ruin. She must have been warm and secure and sleepy in her father's arms when the bandits invaded. She hadn't again felt that particular sensation until she gave herself to Po, so of course it roused the related memories. She was psychologically strong enough to keep them buried if he was merely giving her a hug or cuddling her, but after making love, when her defenses were down and she was vulnerable, that's when the horror struck. With Abasi, her defenses were never down, not even while making love - if what she did with Abasi was even deserving of that term. She hadn't gone down to the village to meet him that night, after all. She'd ended up in Po's arms, and now she knew why.

She curled against her panda's sleeping form. Soon she'd have to wake him so he could pretend to have been sleeping in his room. Neither of them were certain they were fooling anyone, but then again none of the others had commented or acted differently, so as far as they knew their relationship remained their secret. They knew it would out at some point, but neither were in a hurry. The secret of it made it all the sweeter.

"Po," she whispered, tapping his shoulder.

"Mrphff," he replied.

"You should get up."

"Mrff. Nope."

" _Po_ …"

"No," he said. He buried his face in her neck, then wrapped his arms around her and rolled till they lay on his other side. "Too early."

She chuckled, putting her hand on his cheek. "Fine then."

He took her hand from his cheek, kissed it, then put it back and snuggled her close. She tickled his nose. After a moment he yawned and stretched. "Okay okay, I'm going. Don't get too cold without me, m'lady." And he would kiss her and creep off towards his room, leaving Tigress to her morning stretches and meditation.

Weeks melted into months, fall into a blustery, snowy winter. Her evenings were spent giving Habika lessons in basic self-defense, which the princess took to well now that the burden of a lifetime's training were off her small shoulders. During the day Tigress would join the others under Shifu - there would never be an end to what she could learn from her father, after all - or she would practice her own self determined path, one she was building bit by bit from Kung Fu and the Indian martial art, Sastravidya. She'd never considered herself a creative person, but the styles seem to unite in her body and merge into something new, something different. Something entirely her own, that someday she would name, and someday she would teach. One evening, when she felt bold, she showed Shifu the new art she was creating.

"It's very interesting!" he said. "I think you really have something here."

"You do?"

He nodded. "I do. Ah, Tigress. You've grown so much."

And she had. She _had_. She felt it. When she took in a breath of the cold winter air, it finally reached the very bottoms of her lungs, as though she could finally breath into all of herself, Tigress now, Tigress then, all the way back to Xiu.

At night she threw her arms around Po, laughing, and kissed his lips. He'd carry her back to her room, but they didn't always make love. Some nights they talked, or just enjoyed a companionable silence, as she worked on the new carvings she'd chosen to add to the bottom of her staff; Shifu with artfully rendered bursts erupting from each hand. Below that a filigree of crossed axes, and a name written in a clumsy child's scrawl, the characters wide and innocent: _Xiu._

 **000**


	39. like a thief

**chapter 39**

 **like a thief**

"Shifu," she said. Her tone was startling. She stood by the door of the cabin wearing a thick, fluffy robe, her arms crossed, her eyes wide and worried and angry.

"What is it, little one?"

"If I ask you something will you answer me honestly?"

"Of course. Always."

She swallowed. Lifted her chin.

"Are you dying?"

Shifu blinked. "Am I … what?"

"Are. You. Dying?"

"No…?"

"Then why have you been acting this way!?" she burst.

"What way?"

"This - this way!" she said, gesturing to him, to herself, to the small cozy cottage. He'd rented it for them at a nearby resort built around hot springs, a popular winter destination for the more well-to-do of the valley. Snow was piled outside, but they had a private little hot spring to soak in and the cabin was delightfully intimate, just as he wanted. As the mission he and Tigress planned neared he'd wanted some time alone with Habika … some final time alone. As the date grew closer he grew more melancholy, and though he tried to keep it under wraps he knew he wanted this, a final bouquet of memories of just the two of them, of flowers and warmth and closeness and the smell of her skin. Something to pin close to his heart as he faced execution.

But she was no fool, and never had been.

"I'm not sure what you mean," Shifu said. "I thought you'd like this."

"I do! It's lovely! But it's strange!"

"How so?"

"You've been so - you've been acting like -" she gesticulated wildly, trying to find the words, "sad, and … and depressed, and … and you keep looking at me like you're never going to see me again and it's _creeping me out_."

He sighed. Had it been that obvious?

 _Think fast, old man_.

He put his arms around her and kissed her forehead, then took her hand and led her to the bed.

"Not in the mood," she said.

"I know. Just lie down with me and we'll talk."

She grumbled but acquiesced. He cuddled her and kissed her cheek and neck while his mind raced. He hated to lie to her but he knew the truth would only hurt her more.

"First of all, I am not dying," he finally said, nuzzling her ear. _I may as well be, but I'm not._

"Then what is it?"

He settled on a half truth. "I have been preoccupied, it's true. I'm worried about the Emperor's mission. It's been on my mind a lot these days, the closer it grows. To do such a thing is against every moral fiber in my being, but I have yet to see a way out of it. I'm not just worried for myself and my students, either. I'm worried for China. I don't see how this can end with anything but generations of war and the empire in ruin, even if we were to 'win'."

Habika studied him for a moment then sighed sadly.

 _She bought it_ , Shifu thought. Well, she would - nothing he said was actually false, after all.

"Well don't I feel selfish," she said quietly. "And here I was only worried about _you_ , and whether you would make it back."

A dagger twisted in Shifu's chest. He put his arms around her and held her close, placing his chin atop her head so she couldn't see his face, how tightly he closed his eyes.

"Don't worry about me, little one. Not now, not ever. I'll - " he began, but the words died in his throat.

"You'll what?"

 _I'll always make it back to you,_ he wanted to say, but he couldn't find it in himself to lie to her that blatantly. Whatever he said now she would remember when the time came, and he did not want to live in her memory as a liar. So he said the truest thing he knew.

"I'll always love you."

 **000**

Two weeks earlier he'd finally had Tigress summon the rest of the team to the Dragon Grotto so he could tell them the plan he and Tigress devised. In one month the masters would depart from the Jade Palace. Viper was to stay behind to accompany Habika out of China by the fastest means possible. It would also be her duty to leave Zeng with a scroll ordering all the staff to evacuate the Valley of Peace and abandon the Jade Palace, which the goose was not to open for a month. Shifu and Tigress figured it would take about that amount of time to go through with the plan.

A month.

A month for them to depart the palace, disguised, and make their way to the Forbidden City. Once there, they would have to obtain maps of the huge, heavily guarded compound. They would slip inside under cover of night. Once they were in, and the City mapped out, his students would leave the City, and China, as quickly as possible. Shifu alone would remain.

He would prefer the mission be silent. He wished he could find a way to slip into the Emperor's bedchamber, to quickly kill him as he slept, but he knew this was unlikely. From what Habika told him of the Emperor's bedchamber it was a room within a room within a room, and at all times very heavily guarded. Striking under the cover of silence and darkness was not an option. It would have to be when Gan was accessible - in the open.

From what he understood in the afternoons and early evenings the Emperor had audiences with his Lords about such things as land rights or border disputes. This, Shifu decided, would be the perfect time to strike. It would be easy to get into the receiving hall, as it was huge, designed to hold an entire royal entourage. The room would be crowded, making it simple to go unnoticed. He would wait until the inevitable boredom had set in, when the guards were almost nodding off, as Habika described. It would be almost laughably easy, in the end. He'd sprint - which he could do faster than anyone in the hall was capable of even seeing - and slit the Emperor's throat with a hand dagger. It would be over and done with before the guards could so much as react. Shifu would not run or try to save himself. He would let the guards capture him and do what they would, be it a trial, which he doubted, or a swift execution for the crime of murder.

Murder.

He refused to call it anything else, however good his intentions.

Shifu had killed plenty of people in his life, but always in the heat of battle, when there was no other option. He never _planned_ on killing anyone. For a true warrior this was the absolute last resort. Never in his life had he done anything like this - prearranged, premeditated, outright _murder_. That was, at the end of the day, what this was, and he could not find any benefit to his soul in pretending it wasn't. Murder was murder, no matter how much good would come of Gan's death, no matter how many lives saved. These things could be of comfort to Shifu when his head was on the inevitable block, but that did not make it any less of a grave mark on his soul, the price for which he fully expected to pay after death. Not that he knew what waited after death - but whatever awaited a murderer was not likely to be very good.

 _You'll have to vouch for me_ , _Master Oogway_ , he'd pray to the old tortoise, who'd remained frustratingly silent on this subject despite Shifu's pleas for guidance or a sign. _I don't understand it, Master -you'll appear to me when I'm confused about my love life, but not when all of China and my immortal soul are at stake? Your priorities are a mystery._

When Tigress and Shifu laid this plan out to the rest of the team in the Dragon Grotto, he watched their faces gradually fall as they realized he would not attempt to escape punishment, to run, to live.

"But…" Viper said, but then went quiet.

"Please, speak," he said.

"I…" she looked hesitant, but then a resolve came over her. "Far be it for me to keep you from throwing your _own_ life away, Master -"

Crane, Po, Mantis, and Monkey all made sounds of astonishment at Viper's insubordination.

"Quiet, let her speak," Shifu said. They went silent, their eyes wide.

"What you do with your own life is not for me to say, but you're killing the princess as well," Viper finished angrily.

"That is why I am sending you to be by her side. You two are close. You must be a friend to her."

"A friend won't do any good against that kind of grief. But I'm certain I can get the … the _husk_ that remains of her out of China with great efficiency."

Shifu closed his eyes as the truth of Viper's words twisted his guts. "Then that is all you are required to do."

Viper looked aghast. "How can you _do_ this to her?"

"Viper, you're forgetting your place," Tigress warned.

"My - my place?" Viper said. "He's leaving me to watch one of my best friends die of sadness, and you're talking about my _place_?"

"Did you miss the whole part about saving China?" Crane asked. "This is bigger than anyone's love life."

"You're the _last_ person who should talk about love," Viper snapped at Crane, who went wide-eyed with shock, and then with baffled hurt. Seeing this Viper relented, then seemed to become acutely aware of everyone's eyes on her. She glanced at Shifu, then at the ground, cowed.

"I'm - I'm sorry," she whispered. "I don't know what got into me. Master, I - I -"

She turned and bolted from the grotto. Tigress rose to go after her, but Shifu held up his hand.

"Let her go," Shifu said. "This will not be easy for any of us, and I have not made this choice without awareness of the consequences - _all_ of them. I wish there was another way as well, but there is not. The Emperor cannot be allowed to live to carry out this war. Everyone here understands that, and Viper will as well, in time. Yes?"

They nodded.

Shifu saluted. "You are dismissed."

Later he searched for Viper but she'd made herself scarce. The next day during training he took her aside, but he got nothing more from her than a stilted apology, which was not what he wanted. He wanted to truly talk to her, to justify the decisions he'd made, but Viper seemed so uncomfortable that he just let it go. Yet still, something about the rashness with which she'd reacted in the Dragon Grotto ate at him. It made him fear that she might be susceptible to more rash actions in the future. He periodically met with his students at the Dragon Grotto as a way of checking in with them about the mission. During these meetings Viper always remained quiet, her eyes flickering between anger, hurt, and concern. It worried him, but it would do no good to bring it up to her - after a student had shamed herself in such a way, the last thing she needed was to feel that her Master did not trust her. Besides, it was not as if her concerns weren't valid - it was this that made Shifu arrange for one last week away with Habika.

And aside from that spat, what a week it had been.

They'd seen no one but the occasional goose or rabbit who brought baskets of food to their cabin. The bedroom opened onto the private hot spring, where they spent many hours soaking and drinking wine and talking, with occasional forays into the bedroom. He did everything he could to keep the sadness at bay, trying to imprint her into his memory so firmly that he could summon her up like a salve against despair and pain - a salve he would need, especially if the Forbidden City saw fit to torture him before the execution. He would wince, trying not to let such thought interrupt the touch of her hands, but for him the week was inescapably haunted, and it was no surprise she'd picked up on it.

So it went for the next week. As Shifu's days at the Jade Palace dwindled he found himself lying to Habika in every way possible - with his feelings, his words, his body. It tore at him. The only respite from the lies was in writing the scroll Viper would give to her as explanation for his sudden disappearance, for being hustled out of China. The morning they were to leave he painted his reasons and feelings out in calligraphy that did them no justice. He rolled the parchment and handed it to Viper, who took it without looking at him.

The day was somber. His students halfheartedly playacted at training the in training hall, silently and without engagement. Shifu's mind was elsewhere, on practicalities -how much coin to take, what to pack - in lieu of thinking about how he would bear what he would do that night. How would he bear waiting till she was asleep to kiss her once last time and slip out of her life like a thief?

And to say nothing of his students - they would be forced out of China by his actions, away from the only home they knew. Mr. Ping, even, would be affected by this forever. The goose had no idea that in a month's time his son would show up in the middle of the night and drag him away from the Valley of Peace, from China, forever. "Dad's resilient, as long we end up somewhere they eat noodles he'll cope," Po said, but Shifu could not help but add that guilt to the pit in his chest.

But the worst - the worst of it - was that they would leave the Valley of Peace undefended.

It was not likely that the Forbidden City would vent its insult on the Valley of Peace, but it was not unheard of. Past Emperors had avenged themselves on the city of town of whatever Lord had dared to take action against him, were they unable to take such vengeance on the Lord himself.

 _But that is why I will remain - to be punished, to bear that vengeance_ , Shifu thought. _If they have the head of the Emperor's murderer they will be satisfied with that, and they will neither destroy the Valley of Peace nor search for the Five._

He watched his students for a moment, punching at the air, doing flips and kick drills.

He hoped, anyway.

It was his most fervent hope. All that made it bearable.

At the end of the day they sat outside the training hall in silence and watched the sun set into the snowy mountains. He felt Tigress's hand settle on his back. Mantis hopped onto his shoulder and sat, saying nothing. Po's fat finger touched his left hand, and the tip of Monkey's tail his right. Crane stood over him protectively, like a sheltering tree.

Shifu sighed and closed his eyes.

 _My children_ , he thought, _in everything but body_.

"I can't - " Viper said suddenly, shaking her head. "I just - can't -"

A sob escaped her and she slithered back into a training hall.

After a moment Tigress sighed and held him closer. He put his hand on hers. And it was like this, in this state of stillness, that Shifu first heard Zeng's furious flapping wings as he flew up from the village, and his panicked shout.

"Master Shifu!" Zeng called breathlessly. "The Emperor - The Emperor approaches!"

 **000**

The chaos was sudden but total.

"Why is he here?" Tigress asked as the staff hurriedly ushered them into their Imperial robes in the bunkhouse.

"Someone leaked," Shifu replied. It was the only explanation. Somehow their plan had gotten out. The Emperor had spies everywhere, surely. But no one was anywhere in hearing distance of their secret meetings in the Dragon Grotto. So who among them had leaked the information?

Tigress narrowed her eyes.

"Viper," she whispered. The servants has been unable to find the snake to ready her for the Imperial visit.

"Whoa! Whoa whoa whoa! Lay off her!" Po said. "Let's not be so hasty here, how do we know the Emperor isn't just here for more of my dumplings?"

Shifu smiled but it didn't touch his eyes. Viper objected violently to this plan, to a degree that she'd become unreasonable, and has been acting strangely since learning of it. He didn't want to believe she could be guilty of such a betrayal but it was the most logical conclusion. She'd made it clear that, to her, this plan meant nothing more than the deaths of two people she loved. If Viper was anything she was fiercely loyal to and protective of those she loved. It was, Shifu thought ruefully, one of her best qualities.

That said, Shifu was not one to cast blame without adequate proof. There was a possibility that Po was correct, after all. The Emperor was a strange man, a person of many whims, and may have returned to the Valley of Peace for literally any reason.

He hoped.

 _Please, let it be something trivial, like noodles or baijiu or more damned singing, and not …_

Not _what_?

What would the Emperor do if he knew that Shifu planned to assassinate him? Would he execute him? The five? Take Habika and burn the Valley?

Shifu's heart began to pound. Everything he'd hoped to head off was going to happen. Here. Tonight. The Emperor would have the Five killed. He'd make Shifu watch them die before doing the same to him, and then drag Habika back to his bed, and raze the Valley of Peace to the ground on the way out. He'd -

 _Stop._

But he'd -

 _Stop. It. You don't have the time for grim fantasies, you old fool!_

"Master Shifu!" Zeng called from around the corner. "They are at the staircase and asking for the Princess!"

"Then get her!" Shifu barked.

"I have her - your highness, you must get properly dressed!"

"Shifu, what's happening? Why is Gan here?" he heard Habika yelp as Zeng shoved her into the next room over.

"I don't know, little one," Shifu said. "You must remain calm."

"Remain _calm_? I -" The sudden sound of tearing fabric interrupted her. "Zeng!" she cried, and there was a loud slap.

"Ow! I'm sorry your highness, we have no time!"

"I can get undressed on my own, thank you!"

"Zeng!" Shifu said and charged into the room. Habika stood wide-eyed in her underthings, making a sad attempt to cover herself. Zeng, surprisingly all-business for a man who'd just been slapped by a princess who's clothes he'd just torn off, shoved a gown at her.

"Zeng, I will help her, thank you, now get out!" Shifu said. He pushed the apoplectic goose out of the room, but before he could shut the door Viper slithered in.

"I'll help too," she said.

"Where have you _been_?" Shifu hissed. "The servants were looking everywhere."

"I was … upset," Viper said as she helped Habika into her gown. "I'll explain later, Master."

 _Let's hope you live to apologize for what you've done,_ Shifu thought grimly, then kicked himself for the assumption.

"Hurry up!" Zeng cried. "They've been waiting, they're still waiting! We're keeping the _Emperor_ waiting!"

"I. KNOW. ZENG!" Shifu shouted back.

 **000**

In the end Crane carried Shifu and Habika down the staircase in his talons while the rest of them charged down on foot. Shifu reached out and took her hand as they descended from the palace.

"What could he possibly want?" Habika asked, but her face was drained of color.

"I was hoping you could tell me."

She shook her head. "I guess we'll find out."

He squeezed her hand. "Be brave, little one."

They landed with a stumble before the Imperial Carriage. Shifu took a second to straighten his robes before bowing, but he could tell from a mere cursory glance at the Emperor's contingent that something was deeply wrong. Last he'd seen them they looked tired, or bored, as one would expect of men who'd been marching for hours without event. Not now, however. They looked wide-eyed. Worried, even. In any case it was clear they were highly interested in whatever was about to happen.

Shifu glanced at Habika, who was taking stock of the same phenomenon. She glanced at him, looking as puzzled and frightened as he felt. Perhaps they knew they were about to see the Venerable Master Shifu killed for his murderous plot?

The carriage door opened. Shifu and Habika bowed lower.

"Your Royal Highness!" Shifu said to the ground. "We are honored by another visit in so short a time!"

When there was no answer, Shifu glanced up, and startled.

Before him stood not the Emperor, but a male peacock who wore the purple robes of the Emperor's staff.

"Please rise, my Lady," he said to Habika. His voice was rich and soft, his eyes heavy.

She titled her head. "Shou - Shou _shan_?" she asked, baffled. "What are you doing here?"

The peacock closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"The Emperor Gan is dead," he announced, his voice loud enough to echo. "Long live the Empress Meihui."

With that he bowed to her, and the entire royal contingent followed suit.

 **000**


	40. a great tower of flame

**chapter forty**

 **a great tower of flame**

"What -what do you mean, everyone is dead?" Habika choked.

The stately peacock had escorted a shocked Habika and Shifu into the imperial carriage, purportedly to explain himself and the situation. Unfortunately for Shifu the sight of the interior of the carriage only served to compound his numb bafflement. Not only had his dismal plans of months been effectively smited in five small minutes, and not only had his fiancee been somehow pronounced Empress of China in those selfsame five minutes, but he was sitting inside a carriage that was so big _it had a freaking staircase in it_.

It was not often that his internal dialogue adopted Po's young parlance. No, it took something like this, something that could only be properly described by "freaking". _There is a freaking staircase in here_ , Shifu thought. _This isn't a carriage, it's a house on wheels_. Said house on wheels was decorated in the finest of silks and jades, replete with pearled pillows and delicately scented incense. Even the aforementioned staircase was upholstered with an expertly woven silk runner. The carriage was so dripping with finery it was as though the Imperial fingers would dissolve if they came into contact with anything less than precious. On one wall hung an impressive collection of games, all in heavily jeweled boxes, and on another an equally impressive collection of bottled baijiu. It was so grand Shifu felt like he was contaminating the place with his common blood.

"I mean everyone is dead, Empress Highness," the peacock said.

"I'm not - I don't - what do you mean by _everyone_?" Habika said, looking more pale and drawn by the moment.

The peacock sighed. It was not a sigh of impatience, but of the pure heaviness of what he needed to impart. He took a deep, wavering breath, then closed his eyes, as though he was trying as hard as he could to keep composed.

"Shoushan …. ?"

"My … apologies," he said softly, haking his head. "Would the Lady enjoy some baijiu?"

"Yes, the lady would," Habika replied.

"And for the gentleman?"

"No thank you," Shifu said.

"Very well," Shoushan said, retrieving one of the jeweled bottles and a cup from the wall. He feathered hand hovered briefly over a second cup before falling.

"No, please. By all means join me," Habika said.

Shoushan nodded. "My Lady is most kind."

He poured two cups, quickly and with flourish. He wore many rings, which clinked together pleasingly.

"To -to the Empire," he said in that same wavering tone. Their glasses met, and they drank.

"Now … please," Habika said urged. "Tell me."

Shoushan nodded. "Everyone higher than you up the royal line," he said, and took a drink. "And many lower."

Both Habika and Shifu's jaws went slack.

"A Shen-style incendiary, it is suspected. By the time I left the City it was still being investigated, but suffice to say the royal banquet hall is … gone, my Lady. Simply … gone." He looked into his baijiu cup and closed his eyes. "Up in a great tower of flame, and everyone in it gone."

"The royal family was in the banquet hall?" Shifu asked.

"Yes," Shoushan replied. "For the celebration of Gan's thirtieth birthday. A week of grand feasts and entertainment. Everyone even dimly related to the Emperor and Empress was there."

"MeiLan?" Habika asked, horrified.

"Yes," Shoushan said. "Yes, my Lady. I am sorry."

"Oh god," Habika whispered, covering her eyes.

Shifu put his arm around her. "The _entire_ royal family?"

"Yes. Along with the Emperor's advisers, a large percentage of his military brass, and about two thirds of the palace … staff," Shoushan said, his calm composure breaking on that last word. "My sisters … were … singing. The Empress asked me to retrieve something from her rooms. I don't remember what, now. I … I heard the blast from her bedchamber. When I returned everything was … fire, and … and the _screaming_ … my sisters …." Shoushan's eyes went wide with what he saw in his mind's eye, a fifty mile stare Shifu had seen in soldiers recalling past atrocities. "Everything … _gone_."

Shifu suddenly recalled the three exquisite peahens who sang when the Emperor visited the Jade Palace. If the Emperor loved them enough to take them with him when he traveled, it was almost certain they would be singing for him at his birthday banquet.

"I believe I was fortunate enough to hear them sing. They were marvelous," Shifu said. "I am sorry for your loss, Shoushan."

The peacock briefly smiled at Shifu, but then cleared his blue throat. "I apologize for my personal indulgence. Allow me," he said, and poured more baijiu, as calm and stately as ever. "As it were, I am - _was_ \- the Empress MeiLan's personal head of service, and the highest member of either the Emperor and Empress's personal staff which survived. Thus -"

"Oh god," Habika said. "Dr. Chang?"

Shoushan lowered his eyes, and softly shook his head.

Habika winced and lowered her head into her hands.

Shifu held her tighter. "Who did this?" he demanded.

"The current theory is that it is an admirer of Lord Shen's, or at least an admirer of his purposes, seeing as the explosive was of Shen's design. Some suspect it was Lord Shen himself, back from the dead to live out his goal of ruling China."

"You keep saying the weapon was a Shen incendiary - did no one notice a cannon being rolled into the banquet hall?"

The peacock looked briefly insulted. "The Gongman armory was a bastion of greatness and experimentation before our house fell, Master Shifu. There were devices filled with black powder which could sink a warship if placed correctly, devices which could be hidden in a crate or trunk … or a sufficiently sized birthday gift, as I suspect. The Kung Fu Council took custody of the Shen palace when I was but a boy. I thought they had disposed of such things long ago." He took a drink. "It seems not."

"You were a part of the Shen house?"

"My family was, yes. My father was vizier to Lord and Lady Shen. When they died the Emperor Bao, the Emperor Gan's father, was so kind as to 'adopt' chosen members of their court and assign them the lowliest position possible as some counter insult to the Shen house. The Emperor Bao and Lord and Lady Shen were always somewhat at odds. Emperor Bao made my father Undersecretary of Sanitation - a man who had served as a royal vizier - and my sisters and I imperial staff when we came of age."

Shifu raised his eyebrows. "Are you sure _you_ didn't plant the incendiary?"

Shoushan gave him a sharp look. "Are you implying I would _murder_ my own _sisters_ , Master Shifu?"

"I - " Shifu stuttered. Even Habika looked aghast. "No, I - no. I'm sorry. I'm a jackass."

Habika laughed, loudly and despite herself.

Shoushan smiled slightly. "All is forgiven, Venerable One."

"Thank you. I, ah … perhaps I'll take that drink after all."

"As you wish," the peacock said, and retrieved a cup for Shifu. "As for the nature of the explosive, we shall have to wait until General Lang is recovered to obtain a better perspective on the perpetrator. _If_ General Lang recovers, that is."

"Lang lives?" Habika asked.

"Barely," Shoushan said. "When I left he was still unconscious and suffering the loss of an arm. He may have also been suffering the loss of his sanity - it was said that as they dragged him away from the scene he was _laughing_."

Habika glanced up at Shifu only briefly, but he read her meaning. He was certain that either Dr. Chang or the general had a hand in this, but now that seemed unlikely.

"It's certain the Emperor had a host of enemies," Shifu said.

"Yes," Shoushan said. " _Certainly_."

"To say nothing of my sister," Habika almost whispered.

"Your _sister_ -" Shoushan began, in a tone that implied whatever he said next would have been so unkind he had to restrain himself from saying it. "May I speak frankly, Empress Highness?"

Habika flinched. "I - yes. Of course."

"Thank you. Your sister was a troubled woman. The Emperor destroyed whatever good was in her … and there was good in her. I …tried, your highness."

Habika shut her eyes. Silent tears rolled down her cheeks. "I know," she whispered. "I remember. I did too."

"The Empress's hatreds and rivalries were many, but petty. Nothing that would result in this kind of violence. No, I am certain that MeiLan was but a victim in this … mass murder. Gan was the target, of that I am sure, but the guilty party must have a hatred for the entire Huli Jing dynasty, for he has ended it."

Shifu saw Habika's eyes dart quickly to the left and back again.

 _Not entirely._

"I regret that I was never in a position to relate to you my sincerest sympathies for the manner in which she treated you," Shoushan said, his voice soft and rich. "Now that I am yours, I shall seek to make amends."

"Now that you're mine?" Habika asked.

"I am the Empress's head of service, and you are Empress. As such, it is my solemn duty to present you with this," Shoushan said, retrieving and small jeweled box from his robes, which he placed on the table before Habika and opened. Inside was a hugely gaudy ring, a dragon carved from perfectly clear, blood red jade.

"No," Habika gasped. "No no no."

"What is it?" Shifu asked.

"The royal seal, handed down the dynasties from the Yellow Emperor himself," Shoushan said. "With it comes the authority of the Empire."

She shook her head wordlessly. She quivered, her eyes gone wide and terrified, as though the reality of what had happened only truly hit her on sight of the royal seal.

"I can't," she whispered, staring at the ring.

"My lady," Shoushan said softly, in a voice that could lull a demon to sleep, "you are the highest ranking royal that lives. Without a leader China will fall to chaos. Someone must set China back on her feet once more, and that duty has fallen to you. I understand that you are in shock and in grief and do not feel fit to rule- my Lady, that is a good thing."

"It is?" she asked.

"Yes. It is far past time China had a ruler who could feel."

Habika closed her eyes. "Shifu…" she said.

"Yes, little one?"

She opened her yellow eyes and looked desperately up into his blue ones.

 _What do I do?_

He put his hand on her cheek and kissed her forehead. Shoushan turned away out of respect.

"Little one," he said, wiping away her tears, "this has fallen to you."

"It's fallen to me by accident."

He smiled, kissed her cheek, and leaned in close.

" _There are no accidents."_

"Oh no," she whispered. "No no no."

He put his arms around her and pressed his lips to her forehead.

After a few long moments she sighed and turned towards Shoushan.

"God help me," she whispered, and took the seal.

 **000**


	41. stumbling over the royal We

**chapter forty one**

 **stumbling over the royal we**

"Yes. Yes, this will definitely be my spot," Tigress announced. She stretched and lay down atop thick beam near the ceiling of the carriage, which supported a ridiculously beautiful chandelier that cast rainbows over the interior. She rested her head on her paws and flicked her tail, peering down at everyone below.

Shifu smiled up at her. "You look very much in your element."

"Very 'tiger'," Po said.

Tigress smiled and gave a low growl.

Po's eyebrows raised in a way that indicated that he liked the sound of that growl, and Shifu felt suddenly awkward for having seen that small intimacy. He was glad that they'd found happiness together but he didn't need to be reminded of it in that way. He made a point of pretending they simply stopped existing once Tigress's bedroom door closed.

"They _are_?" Habika had asked, months ago when he told her about their relationship. "I'd have assumed a kung fu school had rules about that sort of thing."

"Some do, but Oogway never saw much point in delaying the inevitable. If you put a bunch of young warriors together in close quarters for years on end these kinds of relationships naturally develop. I just wasn't expecting it to develop between those two in particular."

"Stranger things have happened and will happen," Habika said.

She was not wrong.

Since the announcement in the carriage things had been hectic. Shoushan's goal was to get Habika back to the Forbidden City as soon as possible, which was a more complicated feat than it sounded, and not one she seemed at all ready for. The second she stepped from the carriage she was swarmed by servants that followed her every move, trying to see to her every need before she had it. One of those needs was for her belongings to be packed, and when they invaded the sangha like a colony of termites she finally lost her temper and banished them from the house. She dove, overwhelmed, into Shifu's protective arms. He made chamomile tea to settle her nerves, but it was not long until polite Shoushan knocked at the door to ask when Her Highness might be ready to depart for the City. Behind him stood the servants in rank and file, waiting to be let back in to finish packing.

"Might I have a last night in my own home?" Habika asked.

"The Empress Highness may have anything she wishes," Shoushan replied, bowing, but his slightly arch tone indicated otherwise.

"Is there a reason we must leave so quickly?" Habika asked.

"The Empress's desires are paramount above all other matters," he said, in a manner that made it clear they really weren't.

"Shoushan, I'm not MeiLan! Please speak freely! Also please come in, you needn't hover in the doorway."

The peacock bowed again. "I thank you, Empress Highness, for your-"

"Stop! Stop with the formality, please!"

"I-" Shoushan said. He blinked, looking a bit lost. "…Okay."

"Thank you," Habika said and gestured to the couch. "Have a seat."

Shoushan swept over to the couch - the way he moved, with his long train of blue and green feathers, could only be described as _sweeping_ \- and took a cautious seat. Habika set a cup of tea before him and began to pour.

"No! No no no!" Shoushan protested. " _You_ are the Empress, you cannot pour _my_ tea, it's -

"I thought the Empress's desires are paramount about all other matters."

"They are, but -"

"Than the Empress desires to pour the tea."

Shoushan gave an exasperated sound. "I do thank you, My Lady, but should you do such things in the Forbidden City you will not be taken seriously."

"And you wonder why I'm not eager to leave," she replied grimly.

"Why _are_ you in such a hurry?" Shifu asked. "I'm sure the contingent is tired and wouldn't mind a few day's rest."

"I'm afraid there is no time to waste, Master Shifu. The Forbidden City is shut until the Empress arrives, no one in or out. No communication, not even letters. It would not be prudent for the news of the royal family's demise to spread before another monarch is firmly in place. When the news does break the provinces will fall to chaos as they vie for their new nobility. We do not need that conflict reaching the Forbidden City - if anything the City needs to be where those conflicts end, and cannot be if the throne is empty. Beijing is replete with Mongolian spies - god forbid word gets back to those barbarians and they decide a China with no leader is a China made ready for invasion. All this considered there is still a limit to how long we can keep such devastation secret. We must make haste."

Shifu nodded. "I see. Little one - " He turned to Habika and stopped when he saw her expression. She had drawn her knees up to her chest, eyes wide. "What is it?"

"I'm going to have to actually _rule China_ ," she said softly. "What happens when provinces _do_ come to me to resolve disputes? What if the Mongols _do_ invade? I don't know the first thing about … about ruling anything."

"There's advisers for that, little one. And generals."

Shoushan cleared his throat. "Not … not anymore, I'm afraid."

" _Shit_ ," Habika whispered.

"Goodness," Shoushan said. "Lady Empress, we will do our best to provide you with whatever counsel you require, but in the meantime we must prepare to leave. The servants can pack your things."

"I noticed."

"Is there anything else you'll be needing that we should make ready?"

"Yes," Shifu said. "Me."

Shoushan nodded. "Shall I have your belongings packed, Master?"

"I'd rather you didn't have your people rifling through my things, if it's all the same to you."

"Very well."

"The Five will be accompanying us as well. I doubt whomever tried so hard to eliminate the entire royal family will stop there. The Empress will need protection."

"As you wish. There is a contingent of soldiers at her disposal as well, Master."

Shifu made a sarcastic sound that indicated what he thought of _that_.

Habika cocked her head at Shoushan. "Don't I remember an Imperial kung fu school?"

Shifu laughed. "Yes. And do you know what Emperor Gan said about them? 'Someone needs to train the acrobats.' Ha! Only truly funny thing that bastard said." He glanced up at Shoushan. "Apologies."

The peacock raised en eyebrow. "You'll get no argument from me on that front, Master."

"If the situation really is as dire as you say, we will leave first thing in the morning," Habika said, "but I want a last night in my home."

Shoushan nodded. "Very well, my lady. We are at your disposal."

"Thank you Shoushan," she replied, and managed a smile. "You may go."

The peacock stood, bowed, and took his leave. As soon as the door shut Habika crawled across the couch to Shifu and curled up in his lap, sliding her arms around his neck and burying her face in his shoulder like a frightened child. He put his arms around her and rocked her gently.

"Oh, little one," he whispered, putting his chin atop her head. Suddenly a sensation of relief passed through him so profound he nearly laughed. This morning he'd resigned himself to leave her forever, to face his death at the hands of the Imperial guard, and now - now this! He shook his head in wonder, held her tighter and kissed the top of her head.

"Shifu..?" she asked.

"Yes?"

"What the hell just happened?"

He considered this. "A _lot_."

"Yes." She took her hands from around his neck to look at the royal seal, which was so large she had to wear it on two fingers. "It's too big for me," she said, and laughed. "It's - it - look!"

"I see," Shifu said.

"This won't do," she said, and laughed again.

"The Empire is clearly doomed."

She nodded. "Yes. It is. Oh gods Shifu, it is, how did this - how am I - Shifu, _what happened_? How could this - who did it? Is he still out there?" She gasped, her hand fluttering to her chest. "Shifu, _what if he knows about Mahdi_? What if he's after her right now?"

Shifu considered this. "How many people knew about her?"

"As far as I know, only Gan and Dr. Chang. Gan may have told his advisers, but they're all gone now. I do know her existence was of the utmost secrecy."

"Than it is unlikely the killer knows of her."

"But we have no way to be sure."

"No, we do not. But little one, there is very little to be done about it. In the future it will be very important that you do not spend your energy worrying about that which you cannot change, especially when it will be in your power to change so much."

She swallowed, then looked down at the seal on her hand, and began to laugh.

"What it is?"

"I- just … " she took a breath and tried to calm down, but she was unsuccessful and began laughing harder. "I- I can't -!" she lay back on the couch and covered her hands with her eyes in laughter. She took a deep breath and clutched her stomach, then all at once the laughter collapsed into tears. "How can this be real? I can't _rule China_ , I - " she said. "How in the world - oh gods, _MeiLan_ , I always hoped she would heal once day, I don't - and Li! Oh, _Li_!" She burst into tears.

Shifu scooped her up and took her upstairs to their bed. Thy did not make love - it would be a long while until they did again - but he simply held her and let her sob and laugh and whimper, knowing that whatever else changed he would remain at her side, a rock for her in all things, for as long as he remained in this world.

 _Is it wrong to thank the murderer of so many for a gift he surely never intended_? Shifu wondered as he stroked Habika's face. _I don't think I care. Thank you, you bloodthirsy madman, but may fate see that your deeds one day catch up with you._

She finally exhausted herself and fell asleep. He covered her and gave her a kiss, then went downstairs and helped himself to a glass of grape wine. Just as he raised the cup to his lips there was a knock at the door. When he opened it Po and the Five stood before him, eyes wide as plates.

"Master, what the _hell_ is going _on_?" Mantis asked.

Shifu glanced up at the loft and put his finger to his lips, then joined them outside, shutting the door behind him. To his surprise the servants and Shoushan still stood there in rank and file, awaiting the Empress's orders.

"Are you kidding me?" Shifu asked Shoushan. "Take a _break_!"

Shoushan appeared to jerk awake. "We must be ever ready for - "

"The Empress is asleep and I advise you -all of you- do likewise!"

Shoushan tilted his head at Shifu, eyeing him critically.

"What?' Shifu asked.

"Do you have leave to speak for the Empress?"

"I should think so!"

"I -"

"Shoushan, as the Empress's consort and master of the Jade Palace I insist you and your staff go get some rest. We have a long journey ahead of us tomorrow. I promise should she have need of you I will fetch you myself."

"Who will provide for her in the morning?"

"Provide for her-?"

"Who will bring her meal and dress her?"

"She's thirty six!" Shifu said, aghast. "Look, just- just go! Go to sleep!" He looked around Shoushan at the staff. "Go to sleep!" he ordered. "My students and I must speak privately, so go! All of you! Shoo!"

"As you wish," Shoushan said. He clapped his hands and the servants scattered save two soldiers in full armor, bearing crossbows.

"You too!" Shifu said.

"With all due respect I am afraid I must take exception to that, Master," Shoushan said with a polite bow. "The Empress must be defended at all times."

Crane turned. "Mr. Peacock sir, you're looking at seven kung fu masters, she won't get much better defended than that."

"I -" Shoushan looked up at Crane. He looked Crane up and down then paused, as though he'd lost his train of thought.

"You what?" Crane asked.

"I … didn't realize _you_ were one of the masters," he said, titling his head almost coquettishly.

Crane seemed puzzled. "Oh. Well I know I don't look like much, but - "

"Oh no! No no no, you look like - a, ah, very … tall, _capable_ master," Shoushan said, clearing his throat, "as - um -as I'm sure you _all_ are, however I must insist the guards remain. One thousand apologies, but I'm afraid I cannot relent on this, Master Crane, graceful and stunning though you may be."

Shifu, Po, and the five all exchanged a look. Shoushan's eyed widened and he looked like he wanted to die.

"Ex -excuse me, I am … fatigued," he choked.

"Then you had best get some sleep," Shifu said. "The guards may remain."

"Ah! Thank you Master Shifu, and … assorted Masters," Shoushan said, bowing. "I will see you in the morning. Pleasant night." With that he turned and hurriedly left.

"Wow. That peacock's all yours, Crane," Mantis said as soon as Shoushan was out of earshot.

"He's - what?" Crane asked.

Viper gave an exasperated groan.

"Wait, _what?_ "

"Enough!" Shifu said. "We have some serious business to discuss - and keep your voices _down_."

 **000**

They took shifts guarding the carriage on the month-long trip to the Forbidden City. They'd developed a system where one or two of them walked alongside it at all times, senses sharp, even among the phalanx of crossbow bearing guards. After a while the Five and the guards got to know one another by name due to Po's natural gregariousness. When they stopped for breaks Po and Monkey and Tigress would engage in some target practice with the soldiers. Even Mantis gave it a go, and hit the bullseye - painted on a pocked wooden tray hung from a branch - twelve times in a row.

"Not bad!" Shifu said, his legs wobbly from the constant motion of the carriage. "Perhaps I was wrong in steering you away from weapons combat."

"No, you were right, Master. I may have good aim but it's not exactly practical for me to carry a crossbow around," Mantis said. The crossbow had been placed on a boulder so Mantis could practice with it. "No crossbows, swords, whips, or daggers for me. Nope. I depend on _this_ and this only," he said, pointing to himself

"I bet you're deadly with a sewing needle," Po said.

"I am! I will give you such a poke!"

"You could take an eye out with a sewing needle," Shifu considered.

"I can take an eye out with these," Mantis said, holding up his claws.

"Did I teach you that?" Shifu asked.

"Ages ago," Mantis said.

"Hm! Have you ever used it?"

"Nope! Hope I never have to." He shuddered. "Icky warm eyeballs, no thank you. All of you warm blooded creatures with your warm goopy parts. Ugh."

"Generally the warmer and goopier the part, the more vulnerable it is," Shifu instructed.

"And that, children, is why we wear clothes," Po said, shutting one eye as he aimed at the wooden target.

The carriage door opened. A servant quickly placed some wooden steps before the door and Habika stepped down, yawning.

"What does the Empress Highness desire?" the servant asked, his head nearly touching the ground.

"I'm - We're - fine, thank you, just some fresh air," she said, stumbling over the royal 'We'.

Shifu smiled. "Good morning little one. Did you sleep well?" he asked, knowing full well she hadn't slept well this or any other night since she'd been pronounced Empress. She tossed and turned and whimpered and sweat. He often woke to see her looking out the narrow window of the carriage bedloft, which was where the staircase that had so amazed him led. It was a space built to sleep Huli Jing foxes, which made it more than big enough for the both of them. Nevertheless the first few nights Shifu insisted on sleeping downstairs.

"Please stay with me," Habika begged him.

"With my students just a curtain away?" he asked, gesturing to the doorway. All that separated them from lower section of the carriage was green silk curtain and the staircase. "It's not appropriate."

"Your students know we've shared a bed for two years now, I don't understand why you can't sleep up here."

"Little one, I just…" he couldn't put into words why exactly it made him uncomfortable, as she wasn't wrong, but something about his students being so near, perhaps making assumptions about what might be going on in the loft, made his stomach churn with offended propriety. He tried to sleep in a little nest of pillows downstairs but by the end of the night he always ended up in the loft one way or another, either by her puppy-eyed urging or his inability to sleep without her ear in his face. He finally gave up on being proper when he accidentally woke Crane at 3am while heading up the stairs, and in response to Shifu's guilt-ridden look Crane assured him that "Seriously Master, no one cares where you sleep."

"Just pick a floor and stick with it, Father," Tigress said sleepily from her perch on the support beam.

"See?" Habika said, halfway down the stairs to meet him.

"All right, all right," Shifu muttered, and grabbed his little duffel bag.

After that he lived and slept in the loft with his fiancee but lovemaking was off the list, and not only because of the total lack of a sound barrier. She seemed to have totally lost interest in sex, or even food. She spent the majority of her time holed up in the loft, mind wrought with doom-ridden imaginings about what awaited her at the Forbidden City and the murderous psychopath who was surely after her daughter at that very moment. Shifu tried his best to distract her but her ability to worry herself into a useless heap was almost more than he could cope with. Meditation worked sometimes, when she had the patience to settle into it, as did energy work, but after a while Shifu began to feel that his presence was doing more harm that good. His pressure to stop her worrying was not helping to actually stop her worrying, and without being free to distract her with physical affection - which _had_ worked in the past - he was at something of a loss.

It was during one of Habika's finely wrought sessions of near panic that Shoushan called to the stairs, for the umpteenth time, "Empress Highness, if I may, please do let me know when it would be a good time to decide on the fabrics for your ceremonial gowns."

Shoushan had been after her about this for a few days, and Shifu kept brushing him off on her behalf, waiting until she was calmer, until he'd _fixed_ her, but on this particular day he had no more ideas.

"I'm sending him up," he said to Habika.

"All right," Habika said.

"And I'm going out to get some air," he said, trying not to let his frustration show.

She gave him an apologetic look. "I'm sorry."

He sighed, cupped her face in his hand, and pecked her on the lips. "Its all right, little one. I just need to stretch my legs."

"Then go stretch them, my warrior. I'll be fine."

"You're sure?"

"Yes. Go."

The peacock stood at the base of the stairs with a stack of shining fabrics slung over his wing, his head tilted up expectantly.

"She's all yours," Shifu said to him.

"Thank you, Master," Shoushan said and bowed.

"Viper!" he heard Habika call out the narrow loft window. "We're doing the fabrics now, want to join in?"

" _Do_ I!?" Viper said from outside the carriage. He heard Habika yelp and a loud thud of impact, and to his surprise Viper slithered partway down the stairs, around Shoushan. She'd somehow leaped and flipped herself through the loft window.

"Tigress take over my shift, we're having girl time!" she demanded

Tigress looked down from the support beam, where she was relaxing with a book. "What if I told you that I'm also a girl?"

"Oh please do join us, Master Tigress," Shoushan said. "I should like to see you in something other than that drab vest."

"Drab?" Tigress asked, wide eyed.

"Not drab, just … look at you, my dear, you could wear _anything_ and look a vision, but might I tempt you into options other than red and black?" Shoushan held the fabrics out to Tigress, an alluring rainbow of color.

"Come be a girl with us!" Viper said excitedly.

"Will I fit up there?" Tigress asked.

"You'll manage!" Habika called.

Tigress shrugged. "All right then. Fabrics it is. Monkey, take my shift, will you? Apparently it's girl time."

"Shoushan isn't a girl," Monkey protested.

Shoushan turned and faced Monkey with a regal flourish. "My dear Master Monkey, I am no girl. I am a _woman_."

"Truer words never said, darling!" Habika called.

And that was the beginning of the mysterious phenomenon of daily 'girl time' with Shoushan in the carriage loft. Every afternoon, and sometimes into the evenings, the four of them met in the lofted bedroom. Purportedly they discussed fabrics and headpieces, but more often than not these meetings involved one or more bottles of baijiu, boxed candies, whispers, and hysterical laughter. Shifu, Po, Mantis, Crane, and Monkey often sat in the lower part of the carriage utterly mystified at the goings-on above.

"How does he _do_ it?' Crane asked.

"Do what?" Shifu asked, looking up from his book.

"Shoushan is a master of talking to women," Crane said. "Listen to them laughing."

"So he is," Shifu said, and it gladdened him. The daily get-togethers had gone a long way towards distracting Habika from her worries and had allowed Shifu some rest, and even some crossbow practice of his own.

"I mean if you put me in a tiny room with three women all the laughing you'd hear would be at my expense," Crane said.

"Put you in a room with four men and all the laughing is still at your expense," Mantis pointed out.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, Mantis," Crane sighed.

One evening Crane finally managed to ask Shoushan about his supernatural facility with women. Over time the peacock spent more and more time in the carriage with the eight of them, talking and telling stories, playing music. He was clearly there as a companion to Habika - as he had been to her sister before before her -so he was rarely in the carriage alone with the men, but on this day Tigress was in the loft trying on a new vest Shoushan had sewn for her. Despite his very obvious proclivities - proclivities which had yet failed to dawn on Crane - Tigress insisted the Shoushan leave the loft while she changed. The peacock rolled his eyes as he descended the staircase into the main cabin.

"Hey Shoushan," Crane said.

"Why _hello_ Master Crane," Shoushan replied, smiling as he bowed. "How are you this evening?"

"I'm well! You?"

"Getting better every minute."

"Want to sit and have a drink with us?" Crane asked, gesturing to himself, Shifu, and Mantis.

"More than _anything_ ," Shoushan said, and turned to the wall of baijiu. "Which shall we try?"

"Oh, don't bother yourself, I'll get it. Please sit," Crane said, gesturing to the seat next to him.

"Oh!" Shoushan said, looking delighted. "Don't mind if I do. And I suggest the thirty year reserve. Top left, taupe bottle."

"Taupe…?" Crane asked.

"The one that looks like it's made of clay," Shoushan said, beaming.

Crane retrieved the bottle and poured cups for the four of them. After they toasted, he turned to Shoushan and said, "Listen - I'm pouring you a drink with a bit of an ulterior motive. There's something I've been meaning to ask you."

Shoushan's eyes went wide. " _Is_ there, Master Crane?"

Mantis snickered. Shoushan shot him a dirty look.

Crane leaned conspiratorially into Shoushan, his voice low, and asked, "I was wondering how it is that you're so good with women?"

Shoushan smiled enigmatically and sipped his baijiu. "In what sense?"

"I mean you can sit up there with Tigress and Viper and Habika and just talk and keep them laughing for hours. How do you do it? I'm an utter failure with women, you gotta help me."

"Oh, bless your dear heart," Shoushan said, chuckling, placing his hand to his chest. "Master Crane, I am good at talking to women because talking to women is my profession."

Crane blinked. "What?"

"My purpose is to tend to the Empress's every need, and what Empresses need more often than not is entertainment."

"Oh!" Crane said, considering this. "Wait, do you mean … _every_ need?" he whispered. "Like … _every_ every need?"

"Good god no," Shoushan said, shuddering. "Perish the very thought."

Mantis snickered again.

"Can I _help_ you, Master Mantis?" Shoushan asked pointedly.

"No no, help _him_ ," Mantis replied, gesturing to Crane. "He's the one who needs help."

"So he is," Shoushan said. "Master Crane, when one is talking to ladies, it helps when one wants nothing from them. When one has no expectations, as I don't, one can simply regard the lady as a person, and not as an _end goal_."

"Truth," Mantis said.

"And you don't have expectations of them because they're your job?" Crane said.

Mantis put his head in his claws.

"Shoushan! Come look!" Viper called from the loft.

"Sure," Shoushan said, rising fom his seat. " _That's_ why. Thank you for the drink, Master Crane, Masters." He bowed and headed up the stairs. When he reached the top he exclaimed "Oh! It's even better than I envisioned! Ah but nothing could look bad on my _marvelous_ Tigress!"

Crane shook his head. "No expectations…? How can a guy spend that much time with women without … expectations? What am I missing?"

"What _aren't_ you missing?' Mantis said.

 **000**

Nights were a different story. It was cold, so cold not even the relatively close quarters of the carriage did not kept it out. As the month went by the taking of shifts grew more and more erratic until the entirety of the royal party - the Five, Po, Shifu, Habika, and Shoushan -spent their evenings together on the bottom floor of the carriage, talking and eating and passing a bottle of baijiu in the candlelight. It was at these times that Tigress and Po would suddenly decide they would take the empty watch, in a manner that was so conspicuous that Shifu nearly rolled his eyes. To his surprise no one else seemed to catch on, even when Po and Tigress vanished from their snowy surroundings for forty five minutes at a time. Their romance was, Shifu supposed, as big an impossibility to their teammates as it had been to him. And with no real threat of danger on the entire trip - not even a hint - no one minded when they gave up their 'shift' after a couple hours, looking flushed and refreshed.

Night brought on a different mood, different conversations, subjects borne of cold and melancholy. Habika and Shoushan would talk at length about her deceased sister. Neither was sure what specific thing Gan had done to snuff out her soul, only that it was so effective that she resisted all efforts to kindle it up again, and that it happened very quickly.

"It was almost as if she were affected by a drug," Shoushan said, "but I've no idea what sort of potion it could have been. Ah, I wish I had known her the way you knew her, before she came to the Forbidden City. I saw glimpses of that person, but only glimpses. The Emperor took me from my sisters and lashed me to MeiLan's side only after he'd begun dismantling her."

"What do you mean, took you from your sisters?" Habika asked, sipping baijiu.

Shoushan sighed. "My sisters and I first came to court as singers. We loved to sing, we were classically trained. I fully intended to enter the Beijing opera. It was my fondest dream. The Emperor heard that our father had these children with miraculous voices and bade us sing for him. We did, of course. To be asked was a great honor. We did not anticipate that Gan would love my sisters' voices so much he would demand to keep them at court. Me, however, he forbade to sing again again, and made me MeiLan's head of staff as a way of ensuring this - that I never joined the opera, that my voice was never heard."

"Why?"

Shoushan swallowed. "Jealousy," he almost whispered. "His voice would never equal mine. He demanded I teach him, and I tried, but he physically _could not_ sound as I do - you will notice I have an extraordinarily long throat even for a peacock, and what we avian singers call a _high and sonorous_ beak - notice the arch near my nostrils? These are inborn traits, inherited gifts. He could never sound as I do, so I had to be silenced. He gave me to MeiLan because she fawned over me, over my _beauty,_ like one would a doll. She did always treat me favorably so long as I kept her and her ladies in pretty clothes and funny stories."

"I remember," Habika said. "I had no idea you sang."

"No one at court did."

"Well then! My first official duty as -" she stumbled, "as - Empress - shall be to lift Gan's ban on your voice," Habika said. "In my Palace you are as free to sing as you are to breathe, Shoushan. Yes? Let's toast to this." She held her cup to Shoushan's, and Shifu smiled. He was glad to see Habika embrace her new role, even if only in small ways such as this. She tended to shy from it far too much for Shifu's comfort.

"I thank you, Empress Highness," Shoushan said, his voice barely audible, touching his glass to hers. In the dim candlelight Shifu almost thought he saw the peacock blink back tears. Crane tilted his head and gave Shoushan a brief, companionable one -winged hug, which sent the stunned peacock into a fit of nervous laughter.

"Aw, Crane, you're so sweet," Viper said.

"Isn't he _just_?" Shoushan replied. "He'll make some girl very lucky one day."

"Ha! Aha!" Crane said. "Tell that to Viper, will you? She's says I'm, and I quote, 'the last one who should talk about love'!"

Viper went at once wide-eyed and small, constructing her body into a tight coil. "You remember that?" she asked softly.

For a moment Shifu was thrown - what in the world were they referring to? -but then he remembered their meeting in the Dragon Grotto, when Viper had snapped at Crane after objecting to Shifu's plan - a plan about which he'd sworn the five to absolute secrecy once Habika was named Empress. "If anything so much as a _singular word_ gets back to her about what we almost did, I will be collecting heads, is that clear?" he hissed at them outside the sangha the night before they departed for the Forbidden City.

"Crane…I'm sorry. I was really upset when I said that," Viper whispered.

"It was way harsh," Crane chided. "I mean I know I'm a loser in the dating department, but _ouch_."

"No you're not!" Viper protested.

"Come on, yes I am. Have you seen my harem anywhere?"

"You need a whole harem to be good at dating?" Tigress asked from the rafters.

"News to me. I'm happy with my one girl," Po said.

"And what one girl is this?" Mantis said.

Po paused, glancing up at Tigress. "I meant my, uh … theoretical one girl."

"Otherwise known as your one _hand_ ," Mantis scoffed.

Everyone gasped.

"Brutal," Monkey said approvingly.

"At least I have hands!" Po said. "You don't have a girlfriend _or_ hands, so you just have to be a tiny green jerk to people because you can't even touch your own junk."

"Savage," Monkey said.

"I touch my own junk plenty, thank you!" Mantis protested.

"Oh you even admit it!" Po said angrily. "You talk a big game but where's _your_ harem, Mantis?"

"I - " Mantis started.

"Yeah, nowhere, that's what I thought," Po said. "Jerk."

"Hit a nerve, did I? When is you and your hand's anniversary? I'll buy you two a chaise lounge!"

"Stop this nonsense," Shifu said softly, warningly, and the cabin fell silent. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Habika swoon, just a bit. She got like that when he asserted his authority over them - they were powerful warriors to her, but persnickety children to him, and something about that melted her.

"Um. Anyway," Viper said. "I'm sorry for what I said, Crane. I was angry, and not even at you. I don't actually feel that way about you at all. I think - I've always thought - maybe the girls in the Valley of Peace just aren't woman enough to appreciate you."

Crane's smiled "Wow. Really?"

Viper nodded shyly.

"Thanks! All is forgiven, buddy."

Viper flinched and looked at the floor.

"Buddy?" Shoushan gasped. "Did you call Master Viper _buddy_?"

Crane blinked. "Yeah…? She's my buddy. Teammate. You know."

Shoushan's eyes went wide. "A woman of _that_ caliber is no man's _buddy_."

"Oh!" Viper said, blushing and covering her mouth.

"Well she's _my_ buddy," Crane said.

"And you wonder why she's upset with you?"

"Shousan -" Viper said urgently.

"Buddies get into arguments all the time, it's okay," Crane said.

Shoushan looked aghast.

"When was this argument?" Habika asked.

Suddenly all eyes were on Shifu.

"Viper and Crane had a spat during training a few weeks back," Shifu said smoothly.

"Love comes up during training?" Habika puzzled.

"Everything comes up. Training can bring out the worst in you!" Viper said quickly. "Once I called Tigress a mannish striped bitch!"

Tigress almost spat out her baijiu. "I remember that!" she said, laughing. "Why are you so _mean_ , Viper?"

"I have to be mean, I'm the only girl!"

Tigress laughed harder.

"This is what I deal with," Shifu said, chuckling.

"Yes, I grew up with three sisters," Shoushan said. "You have my deepest sympathies, Master Shifu. A toast."

"I'll drink to that," Po said, and they did.

 **000**

"Empress, the City is in view!" Shoushan called merrily the next day. Habika and Shifu looked out the slim bedloft window, and so it was. They'd just rounded the top of a mountain and were now headed down the opposite side. The walls and towers of the Forbidden City clearly visible across a long snow-covered valley. Her eyes went wide with terror and she sank into the corner. A sour, tingling anger rose up in him.

"Habika," Shifu found himself saying, suddenly and sternly, as though she was a student, "it is time for you to stop this."

"Stop what?"

"You are Empress now and it's time you began acting like one, not like some shrinking cowardly _girl._ "

" _What_?"

"I can no longer nurse you along. You are Empress. Act like it!"

"But Gan - "

"Gan is dead!" he cried. "And so is every other person inside the City walls who ever harmed you! You've nothing to be afraid of! I've had enough, little one!"

Downstairs he heard Shoushan hurriedly escort Tigress, Po, and Mantis out of the carriage and shut the door firmly behind them.

"I'M not afraid of being harmed!" she cried back. "I"m afraid of _being_ the one who harms!"

"What do you mean?"

She shook her head and looked at her hands. "The Forbidden City turns everyone within to monsters. I'm afraid of what I may turn into."

"Nonsense! The Forbidden City is yours now, you make the rules within it, and no one will turn to a monster or anything else unless you say so! I've been watching you eat yourself alive this entire month. No more! Habika, you have not been given more than you can handle, the universe does not work that way!"

"Easy for you to say how the universe works! The entirety of China wasn't just thrust in _your_ lap! No one killed _your_ entire family! There's no madman who might be after _your_ daughter at this very moment!"

"And I suppose you think worrying endlessly about it will keep her safe? It won't, and it's beyond tiresome, little one. You are standing in your own way. You must move forward."

She crossed her arms. "Well I'm sorry to _bore_ you, Venerable One."

"I'll accept your apology once you've shown me you're ready to act in a manner befitting a woman of your station!"

"I'll thank you not to tell me how to act!"

"I have to! No one else will! You're about to have more hangers-on and sycophants than you'll know what to do with, it's best someone tells you the truth about your behavior!"

She threw her hands up. "And you wonder why I'm frightened of being poisoned?"

"I -what….? Now you're worried about poison? You'll have food tasters, Habika."

"I don't mean poisoned by _food_ , I mean poisoned mentally - in my heart -poisoned by power."

"I won't let that happen."

"Oh? How do you propose to keep it from happening? I'm not your student, Shifu! I'm not under your control. You think you can keep my heart from turning black?"

"I _know_ I can keep your heart from turning black."

"Ah! There! See? You always assume you have some sort of all-encompassing power over me! Well guess what, you _don't_ ," she said, poking him hard in the sternum.

"Don't do that," he said warningly.

"I'll do as I like," she growled, poking him again.

He caught her wrist in his hand. "I told you to stop."

" _I'll do as I like!_ " she cried, "Be it poke you in the chest or worry about my daughter."

"Mahdi does not need a coward for a mother, she needs an Empress," Shifu leaned, whispering, pulling her towards him by the wrist. "If you keep worrying yourself into a _pathetic heap_ you'll never be of any use of her, and she's better off wherever Gan hid her."

Her eyes widened in outrage. She made to slap him with her other hand, which he also caught.

"Let me go!" she said, trying to wrench her wrists free. He held them fast. "Let me _go_!" she insisted, twisting her arms behind her back until their bodies almost met. He gripped her wrists harder and she winced. "Shifu! I _order you_ to let me go!"

"What was that?"

"I ORDER YOU to let me go!"

" _Who_ orders me?" he said, his face inches from hers.

"The Empress!"

" _WHO_?"

"The _Empress!_ The _Empress_ orders you!"

"Good!" he growled, and pressed his mouth to hers. They made love again, for the first time in weeks, and with a passionate fury. Shifu was certain they were overheard, which was ... what it was. He could learn to look his students in the eye again.

"My warrior," Habika whispered, her face buried in his neck.

"We're all here for you, little one. You're not alone. _You can do this_."

She did not look convinced. But she closed her eyes and rested her forehead against his. "If you're with me I can do anything."

"We're all with you, Empress. All of China is with you. And you will rule it well."

 **000**


End file.
